At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning disabled children,the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:
"When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does
is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other
children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is
the natural order of things in my son?"
The audience was stilled by the query.
The father continued. "I believe that, when a child like Shay, physically and mentally handicapped comes into the world, an pportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes, in the way other people treat that child."
Then he told the following story:
Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew
were playing baseball. Shay asked, "Do you think they'll let me play?"
Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like
Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were
allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and
some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.
Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked if Shay
could play, not expecting much. The boy looked around for guidance and
said, "We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I
guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning."
Shay struggled over to the team's bench put on a team shirt with a broad smile and his Father had a small tear in his eye and warmth in his heart. The boys saw the father's joy at his son being accepted. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.
At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat.
Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.
However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing the
other team putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least be able to make contact. The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.
The game would now be over, but the pitcher picked up the soft grounder
and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would
have been out and that would have been the end of the game.
Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the head of the first
baseman, out of reach of all team mates. Everyone from the stands and
both teams started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!" Never in his life had Shay ever run that far but made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.
Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second!"
Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and
struggling to make it to second base. By the time Shay rounded towards
second base, the right fielder had the ball, the smallest guy on their
team, who had a chance to be the hero for his team for the first time.
He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he
understood the pitcher's intentions and he too intentionally threw the
ball high and far over the third-baseman's head. Shay ran toward third
base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.
All were screaming, "Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay"
Shay reached third base, the opposing shortstop ran to help him and
turned him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third!
Shay, run to third" As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams and
those watching were on their feet were screaming, "Shay, run home! Shay
ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit
the "grand slam" and won the game for his team.
That day, said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face,
the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity
into this world.
Shay didn't make it to another summer and died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making his Father so happy and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!
A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats it's least fortunate amongst them.
---
在适当的时候读适当的文章，有时会眼眶红红的。这应该不是我第一次读这则电邮，可是这一次的心境也不知怎么的，竟感动得。。。 感动的不是人间的温暖，而是那小孩的坚强。我想，如果是我的话，当别人把球拍递给我的时候，我也不敢握拍。
老实说，在我/我们希望自己能强一点，成绩好一点，人缘加一点的时候，我们干设想如果我们不健全的可能吗？
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Sunday, March 19, 2006
think twice before you blog
i really like calvin and hobbs comics... maybe i feel much like calvin. sometimes i feel that no one in the world is like me or even likes me. as much as being childlike is much precious but the world i am in exalt tact, political correctness, the ability to justify oneself.
indeed, do we think twice before we talk? will those who think before talking be appreciated? in fact, will thinking before talking help if the person listening dun think before understanding your or dun think before replying.
sometimes, knowledge are redundant, for knowledge without concurrence is useless. confucius is supposed to be wise and be exalted in the days of Han and there after.. but so what? by then he's dead.
but i know there's one thing we can find comfort. that is our God above do give us precious knowledge that is true in all ages and even during times when everyone doubt you, He will give you the faith to believe that He is still true and the knowledge of Him will still hold.
every one that exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted. -- luke 18:14b
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
胡思乱想
曾经我对bernard说:"...其实,在hall没有什么朋友跟我来往.. "
他回答说:"没有朋友跟你来往我不怎么相信, 但说如果没有什么朋友让你觉得觉得click,那还比较可信." 这不是思考明年是否应该继续住在宿舍的时候. 可是最近逢人都会问一下所积的cca points, 讨论明年应该选那一间房, 假期要不要参加这个或那个团体/委员会等.这些也难免影响了我的情绪. 住或与否, 一切以后再说吧.
---
有一次看见宣捷由周华建的精选cd，以为我会非常喜欢里头的好歌与老歌。回想当年小六的时候在建明的家K那一首“其实不想走”。以前我们认为会成为我们的不朽名曲，现在重听却只觉得曲调平凡。不只这首。以前和roy and yiwei 尝尝唱的“最近比较烦“ 和双天至尊的主题曲都是当时彼此认为将会使我们的主题曲。。。。
也许有一天无意听见会感触良多。也许，希望。
---
他回答说:"没有朋友跟你来往我不怎么相信, 但说如果没有什么朋友让你觉得觉得click,那还比较可信." 这不是思考明年是否应该继续住在宿舍的时候. 可是最近逢人都会问一下所积的cca points, 讨论明年应该选那一间房, 假期要不要参加这个或那个团体/委员会等.这些也难免影响了我的情绪. 住或与否, 一切以后再说吧.
---
有一次看见宣捷由周华建的精选cd，以为我会非常喜欢里头的好歌与老歌。回想当年小六的时候在建明的家K那一首“其实不想走”。以前我们认为会成为我们的不朽名曲，现在重听却只觉得曲调平凡。不只这首。以前和roy and yiwei 尝尝唱的“最近比较烦“ 和双天至尊的主题曲都是当时彼此认为将会使我们的主题曲。。。。
也许有一天无意听见会感触良多。也许，希望。
---
Sunday, March 12, 2006
totally philosophical
i am totally philosophical today. once, someone said this to me, "ernest, you do think and i am worried. because either you will cling strong to God or you will depart one day... "
doubts assail, and often we wonder if we are still on the strait and narrow road. it was easy to keep to the strait road when you haven gotten on the highway. however the times comes you are walking on the strait road with the broad way just beside you... it's difficult.
when you realise that the narrow road has so few companions, you wonder if you are leading to 'destruction' alone.. it is again difficult when you see people leaving path you are taking, and worse still, the companions you have along this small path seemed to be in another world.
sometimes i wonder, if i am switching paths too often. somehow, unable to lay roots into the ground that i tread on. through the years, being quiet and introvert, concealing behind a veil, somehow has not allowed me to be comfortable with a zone. yesh, i think it's a mistake made. i have change my playground too often. seeking consolences in new group every too often. leaving a group when it gets too comfortably close or when i 'think and feel' that that group is too impregnable. from an outsider perspective, i really term it as a loser mentality.
---
went to pasar malam and nowadays, there's always a person sitting at the table telling pple about fortune telling using a mic. things like if your forefinger is longer than your ring finger, you are what what what... and many will crowd around. it's like listening to gospel truth. why? why do they easily , or me even, easily drawn to such teaching?
sometimes, deejays will console their callers with wise quotations from the books of ancient wisdom e.g. sun tze bing fa, buddha says and pple listen as tho they are precious pearls of wisdom. but i wonder if bible quotes are used to console pple over the radio, uproar will occur.. maybe.
it's all foretold, that His Name is despised by people... sadly.
---
there's a five year challenge by u.john.. in five years' time, will you still find yourself in church. by God's grace i am in the 3rd year.. will i made it?
---
this entry is so grey... i felt it too.. feeling it right at this moment.
if there's one thing i wish to be right now, is to be able to play hard and work harder.
doubts assail, and often we wonder if we are still on the strait and narrow road. it was easy to keep to the strait road when you haven gotten on the highway. however the times comes you are walking on the strait road with the broad way just beside you... it's difficult.
when you realise that the narrow road has so few companions, you wonder if you are leading to 'destruction' alone.. it is again difficult when you see people leaving path you are taking, and worse still, the companions you have along this small path seemed to be in another world.
sometimes i wonder, if i am switching paths too often. somehow, unable to lay roots into the ground that i tread on. through the years, being quiet and introvert, concealing behind a veil, somehow has not allowed me to be comfortable with a zone. yesh, i think it's a mistake made. i have change my playground too often. seeking consolences in new group every too often. leaving a group when it gets too comfortably close or when i 'think and feel' that that group is too impregnable. from an outsider perspective, i really term it as a loser mentality.
---
went to pasar malam and nowadays, there's always a person sitting at the table telling pple about fortune telling using a mic. things like if your forefinger is longer than your ring finger, you are what what what... and many will crowd around. it's like listening to gospel truth. why? why do they easily , or me even, easily drawn to such teaching?
sometimes, deejays will console their callers with wise quotations from the books of ancient wisdom e.g. sun tze bing fa, buddha says and pple listen as tho they are precious pearls of wisdom. but i wonder if bible quotes are used to console pple over the radio, uproar will occur.. maybe.
it's all foretold, that His Name is despised by people... sadly.
---
there's a five year challenge by u.john.. in five years' time, will you still find yourself in church. by God's grace i am in the 3rd year.. will i made it?
---
this entry is so grey... i felt it too.. feeling it right at this moment.
if there's one thing i wish to be right now, is to be able to play hard and work harder.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
upset got over
i am so easily upset. cannot imagine i am affected by something that is not concerning me. i tot i was just an on-looker but after talking to the person involved, i am being brought into the picture by myself.
i regret, for being so politically correct in choosing my words and not being a blatant blabber of my thoughts. or maybe i have shown myself taking a stand right from the start. however, i do think that the stand i take is right, but will i or should i defend it with all my self-righteousness thinking that my entitled thoughts are true?
blog made, to seal up this impression that i have at this moment. one day, when i look back at my entry and realise i dun know what am i talking about, i have succeed in forgetting my opinions.
i regret, for being so politically correct in choosing my words and not being a blatant blabber of my thoughts. or maybe i have shown myself taking a stand right from the start. however, i do think that the stand i take is right, but will i or should i defend it with all my self-righteousness thinking that my entitled thoughts are true?
blog made, to seal up this impression that i have at this moment. one day, when i look back at my entry and realise i dun know what am i talking about, i have succeed in forgetting my opinions.
world is not perfect, at all
man are so imperfect. rev willy always says that church is supposed to be a picture of heaven on earth. but there's a lot to go before Christ purified the Church at the end.
Reverends quarrel over the Word. churches having misunderstanding. someone, all these will or have disillusioned others. me too. at times, i find it weird for socially smart people to be raised up and human wisdom to be accepted. at times, i also find myself so wicked and why am i still in a church. but all these just points to the fact that there's still a long way to go before we can see for ourselves what is perfection.
i am encouraged, that all the disputes between churches etc are already been told and advised in the bible. that we would rather suffer for Christ's sake.
"Why do ye not rather take wrong? why do ye not rather suffer yourselves to be defrauded? Nay, ye do wrong, and defraud, and that your brethren. " 1 Cor 6:7-8
Reverends quarrel over the Word. churches having misunderstanding. someone, all these will or have disillusioned others. me too. at times, i find it weird for socially smart people to be raised up and human wisdom to be accepted. at times, i also find myself so wicked and why am i still in a church. but all these just points to the fact that there's still a long way to go before we can see for ourselves what is perfection.
i am encouraged, that all the disputes between churches etc are already been told and advised in the bible. that we would rather suffer for Christ's sake.
"Why do ye not rather take wrong? why do ye not rather suffer yourselves to be defrauded? Nay, ye do wrong, and defraud, and that your brethren. " 1 Cor 6:7-8
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
definition is not good
#include
int()
{
int friends, friend, me, love;
double love, happiness;
if (me==friend && love=>10000)
{friends++;
happiness++;
}
printf("if everyone in my life are kept as friends, i will be a friend too.. IF. )
return o;
int()
{
int friends, friend, me, love;
double love, happiness;
if (me==friend && love=>10000)
{friends++;
happiness++;
}
printf("if everyone in my life are kept as friends, i will be a friend too.. IF. )
return o;
Monday, March 06, 2006
a pic with xinhui
yeah.. sheares hall DnD, and Shi Xinhui is there. =) quite paiseh to ask to take pic with her.. heheh..
found a blog
http://tanning-in-ur-sunray.blogspot.com/
that's by jeff.. my ex campmate, my present course mate.
reading his blog makes me realise how different am i from him. the attitude within.. i guess often times, i am closing my doors to too many people. i am. but that doesn't mean that i wouldn't like them to come in..
i remember book of proverbs tells me that.. "a man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother."
how much have i fall short of this verse!!!!!!!.. it's really such a shame...
---
e.g. i was thinking of looking at the entries about me in his blog.. i type ernest and found none.... of cos i feel erm.. excluded.. nv did i realise and recall that.. i was known as 'ernie' to him. shows how much have i paid attention.. no wonder i haven't been getting to know him better..
that's by jeff.. my ex campmate, my present course mate.
reading his blog makes me realise how different am i from him. the attitude within.. i guess often times, i am closing my doors to too many people. i am. but that doesn't mean that i wouldn't like them to come in..
i remember book of proverbs tells me that.. "a man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother."
how much have i fall short of this verse!!!!!!!.. it's really such a shame...
---
e.g. i was thinking of looking at the entries about me in his blog.. i type ernest and found none.... of cos i feel erm.. excluded.. nv did i realise and recall that.. i was known as 'ernie' to him. shows how much have i paid attention.. no wonder i haven't been getting to know him better..
watch only if you dun wish to eat meat anymore
if you want to go on a veggie diet from now on... watch this.. if not, please dun....!
http://www.meat.org/?c=1208NANmym
http://www.meat.org/?c=1208NANmym
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Saturday, March 04, 2006
thank God
may times, we cannot see God's help soon enough.. me too. but after some pondering, i realise how much God has answered or even more. sometimes, the things may even caught you by surprise and even test your faith and behavior.
i was very worried for (my tution student) when i was teachin him A level maths C. i was so worried for him and i often prayed to God that "God will please help (my tution student) , even in granting him good grades, so that i may not fail as a tuition teacher.. " i am so scared that i will fail my responsibilty. the night after his maths paper, he called me and sounds so demoralised, upset and lost.. losing sight of a decent results for his A levels. and i say, i will pray for him...
then! he got AAAA, A2!!! i must say he's quite smart. and i was quite erm.. erm.. well.. u know.. whne you realise that AAAAAAssssss are everywhere.. and i actually fall short of one A.. guess it's God's plan to humble me ba...
now, when i think back, i realise!!! isn't this God's help in helping me to fulfil my responsibilty??!!! how insensitive am i... "qing chu yu lan" is good ba. haha..
---
i prayed hard before i set off to design the programme booklet for an upcoming concert. i was quite worried, somehow pple whom i worked with dun really agree with my sense of 'beauty' and 'fonts' selection.. in the end, i came up with 3 designs.. the first one is almost my effort for the whole design (aka, orignal), which i have the least confidence in it. the 2nd one is a easy copy.. the 3rd one is another easy transpose..
in the end, the first one is well received.. from the comments, it seems to be genuine commment. Thank God! this give me sense of joy and confidence to 'indulge' further in this hobby of mine...
--
all the above, happen during the week... and it's only now, that i realise... =)
Praise the Lord. and may He continue to be by my side.
i was very worried for (my tution student) when i was teachin him A level maths C. i was so worried for him and i often prayed to God that "God will please help (my tution student) , even in granting him good grades, so that i may not fail as a tuition teacher.. " i am so scared that i will fail my responsibilty. the night after his maths paper, he called me and sounds so demoralised, upset and lost.. losing sight of a decent results for his A levels. and i say, i will pray for him...
then! he got AAAA, A2!!! i must say he's quite smart. and i was quite erm.. erm.. well.. u know.. whne you realise that AAAAAAssssss are everywhere.. and i actually fall short of one A.. guess it's God's plan to humble me ba...
now, when i think back, i realise!!! isn't this God's help in helping me to fulfil my responsibilty??!!! how insensitive am i... "qing chu yu lan" is good ba. haha..
---
i prayed hard before i set off to design the programme booklet for an upcoming concert. i was quite worried, somehow pple whom i worked with dun really agree with my sense of 'beauty' and 'fonts' selection.. in the end, i came up with 3 designs.. the first one is almost my effort for the whole design (aka, orignal), which i have the least confidence in it. the 2nd one is a easy copy.. the 3rd one is another easy transpose..
in the end, the first one is well received.. from the comments, it seems to be genuine commment. Thank God! this give me sense of joy and confidence to 'indulge' further in this hobby of mine...
--
all the above, happen during the week... and it's only now, that i realise... =)
Praise the Lord. and may He continue to be by my side.
happy birthday to weixiong and DnD
came back from sheares hall DnD.. erm... and that's my table photo.. it's not hard to spot me right? haha..and i look very bad in many photos.. sigh. but nvm ~ ...
actually, i was in a huge delimna, cos weixiong "birthday dinner" is today.. caught in between.. got pretty inexperience with the planning and stuffs.. sigh..
still.. 50 dollars has been paid, after thinking for looong time, DnD is still where i ended up at. =)
Friday, March 03, 2006
holiday
i am thinking about hols now.. when the exams are not over..
so many things to do, when there's apparent a looong period of time.
still thinking should i join rag.. it's a dream to be the float designer.. well.. being passive, normally i will not sign up for it.. but now that jungkiat kathy do look for me... should provide a better reason to join .. the things holding me back: i need to work during hols so that i can stay next sem, if join rag, will stay hall during hols = more money.
nvm.... if i dun do rag, i will still work on my long overdue dreamerize.com
now going out for lunch, alone.. it's surprising how many pple dun eat lunch in hall... they either munch in the room, or skipped it.. or sleep thru it. normally i am one of them, but nt today..
tonight is DnD, which is just a nice name for a normal dinner. crap... dun have camera, have to rely on the rest liao~
NOW, i have 3 tutorials lagging... okie.. if i pay real attention later maybe can reduce it to 2. ya.. time to go.
so many things to do, when there's apparent a looong period of time.
still thinking should i join rag.. it's a dream to be the float designer.. well.. being passive, normally i will not sign up for it.. but now that jungkiat kathy do look for me... should provide a better reason to join .. the things holding me back: i need to work during hols so that i can stay next sem, if join rag, will stay hall during hols = more money.
nvm.... if i dun do rag, i will still work on my long overdue dreamerize.com
now going out for lunch, alone.. it's surprising how many pple dun eat lunch in hall... they either munch in the room, or skipped it.. or sleep thru it. normally i am one of them, but nt today..
tonight is DnD, which is just a nice name for a normal dinner. crap... dun have camera, have to rely on the rest liao~
NOW, i have 3 tutorials lagging... okie.. if i pay real attention later maybe can reduce it to 2. ya.. time to go.
Monday, February 27, 2006
Sunday, February 26, 2006
lamentation
Most of you who knows me must have heard and gotten used to my lamentation. if you are not, and you dun want to listen to my self-pity again, please leave..
i haven't been production, instead, i have been indulging in my non productive activities like sleeping and stoning and what have you... Staying in hall ought to give me chances to learn more things and learn a trade or two. but i guess i haven't found my area of capability. been doing things which i have been doing and things i tot i can do. but in the end, i seemed to be uncapable of things that i thought i can.
the production is over. well.. it's a relief to many, but i feel that i din't get the best out of the whole process. i dun feel as good as yesterday. i felt that i haven't delivered my best, if i can have my best. when i looked around at the people who are very involved, i wish i am as tired as them.. but yet, i am not willing to put in the effort. in short, i discovered a big flaw in my personality - the desire to gain things without putting in effort.
i think that's a disgusting trait to have... but, what can you do now? i mean, i find this big inertia to change myself. been relying on people too much and too often. argh! maybe the ability to rely on others is a great thing i can do? nah...
recalling.. i think my most productive days are those days when i work on my dreamweaver, fireworks, photoshop, those days when i can coop myself in the room for days just to doodle with the computer screen..
i really dun know where do i stand now..
Artist: K-Ci & JoJo Lyrics
Song: Through Heaven's Eyes Lyrics
A single thread in a tapestry
though its color brightly shines
can never see its purpose
in the pattern of the grand design
and the stone that sits up on the very top
of the mountain's mighty face
does it think that it's more important
than the stones that forms the base
So how can you see what your life is worth
or where your value lies
ohhhh, you can never see through the eyes of man
you must look at your life
look at your life through heaven's eyes
lai-la-lai...through heaven's eyes(2X)
A lake of gold in the desert sand
is less than a cool fresh spring
and to one lost sheep, a shepard boy
is greater than the richest king
should a man lose everything he owns
has he truly lost his worth
or is it the beginning
of a new and brighter birth
So how do you measure the worth of a man
in wealth or strength or size
in how much he gained or how much he gave
the answer will come to ya
to look at his life through heaven's eyes
lai-la-lai...through heaven's eyes(2X)
and that's why we share all we have with you
though there's little to be found
when all you've got is nothing
there's lots to go around
No life can escape being blown about
by the winds of change and chance
and though you never know all the steps
you must learn to join the dance
you must learn to join the dance
lai-la-lai...through heaven's eyes(repeat until fade)
i wonder, if i can do what i am called to do if i found out what am i supposed to do? what if one day i realise that it is the best for me to be someone i have tried to avoid for long? what if?
i haven't been production, instead, i have been indulging in my non productive activities like sleeping and stoning and what have you... Staying in hall ought to give me chances to learn more things and learn a trade or two. but i guess i haven't found my area of capability. been doing things which i have been doing and things i tot i can do. but in the end, i seemed to be uncapable of things that i thought i can.
the production is over. well.. it's a relief to many, but i feel that i din't get the best out of the whole process. i dun feel as good as yesterday. i felt that i haven't delivered my best, if i can have my best. when i looked around at the people who are very involved, i wish i am as tired as them.. but yet, i am not willing to put in the effort. in short, i discovered a big flaw in my personality - the desire to gain things without putting in effort.
i think that's a disgusting trait to have... but, what can you do now? i mean, i find this big inertia to change myself. been relying on people too much and too often. argh! maybe the ability to rely on others is a great thing i can do? nah...
recalling.. i think my most productive days are those days when i work on my dreamweaver, fireworks, photoshop, those days when i can coop myself in the room for days just to doodle with the computer screen..
i really dun know where do i stand now..
Artist: K-Ci & JoJo Lyrics
Song: Through Heaven's Eyes Lyrics
A single thread in a tapestry
though its color brightly shines
can never see its purpose
in the pattern of the grand design
and the stone that sits up on the very top
of the mountain's mighty face
does it think that it's more important
than the stones that forms the base
So how can you see what your life is worth
or where your value lies
ohhhh, you can never see through the eyes of man
you must look at your life
look at your life through heaven's eyes
lai-la-lai...through heaven's eyes(2X)
A lake of gold in the desert sand
is less than a cool fresh spring
and to one lost sheep, a shepard boy
is greater than the richest king
should a man lose everything he owns
has he truly lost his worth
or is it the beginning
of a new and brighter birth
So how do you measure the worth of a man
in wealth or strength or size
in how much he gained or how much he gave
the answer will come to ya
to look at his life through heaven's eyes
lai-la-lai...through heaven's eyes(2X)
and that's why we share all we have with you
though there's little to be found
when all you've got is nothing
there's lots to go around
No life can escape being blown about
by the winds of change and chance
and though you never know all the steps
you must learn to join the dance
you must learn to join the dance
lai-la-lai...through heaven's eyes(repeat until fade)
i wonder, if i can do what i am called to do if i found out what am i supposed to do? what if one day i realise that it is the best for me to be someone i have tried to avoid for long? what if?
Saturday, February 25, 2006
sheares production 0506.. Funny Money
yeap.. the production is currently going on.. i was praying hard that i can deliver the sound cues on time. and thank God that i have actually done it.
but i feel guity, cos the immediate response i made after the final cue is.. "yeah.." guess we all forget God too readily... it's only when we are in need of His favour then we turn to him again. sigh..
now i am pleading Him again, for the next show.. to go off well, for tmr is the real show, with all the vips and sponsors.
http://www.sheares.nus.sg/sp/
but i feel guity, cos the immediate response i made after the final cue is.. "yeah.." guess we all forget God too readily... it's only when we are in need of His favour then we turn to him again. sigh..
now i am pleading Him again, for the next show.. to go off well, for tmr is the real show, with all the vips and sponsors.
http://www.sheares.nus.sg/sp/
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
johari window
http://kevan.org/johari?name=blurdreamer
kinda contemplating if i should put this link up... well.. i know there are people reading this blog.. hmm.. okok.. so, please do spend a min with this? thanks.. if you dun leave ur name, it's okay..~
kinda contemplating if i should put this link up... well.. i know there are people reading this blog.. hmm.. okok.. so, please do spend a min with this? thanks.. if you dun leave ur name, it's okay..~
Sunday, February 19, 2006
black sheep spoils this world
my friend joelson is hospitalised due to his back.
before this, he was having problems with his drills already.. when sent to MO, the MO finds no fault using the X-ray and even threaten to charge him with malingering. but he was "gracious" to give him a chance.
before going to SGH, he has involuntary jerking with his body muscle. he went to CGH AnE and was discharged. the doctor ask him to stop shaking his body like that.
now, he is finally getting medical attention.
the thing i want to say is...
1. MO out there, please.. you are only human. dun be too sure of your diagnosis. the self-righteous me wish that MO who wanted to charge my friend to get investigated, tho that is quite impossible to happen. but God is gracious and hence, well... i wish that that MO will learn.
2. not all people with Green IC, report to govt hospitals or clinic to CHAOKENG!!!!
of cos, i know there are. but not all..
what can we do? this world is imperfect, ever since Adam eat that stupid fruit. if you find it true that this world is imperfect... the Good News is that the perfect world will come one day and we will have a part in it, if you believe in the Lord Jesus Christ~
before this, he was having problems with his drills already.. when sent to MO, the MO finds no fault using the X-ray and even threaten to charge him with malingering. but he was "gracious" to give him a chance.
before going to SGH, he has involuntary jerking with his body muscle. he went to CGH AnE and was discharged. the doctor ask him to stop shaking his body like that.
now, he is finally getting medical attention.
the thing i want to say is...
1. MO out there, please.. you are only human. dun be too sure of your diagnosis. the self-righteous me wish that MO who wanted to charge my friend to get investigated, tho that is quite impossible to happen. but God is gracious and hence, well... i wish that that MO will learn.
2. not all people with Green IC, report to govt hospitals or clinic to CHAOKENG!!!!
of cos, i know there are. but not all..
what can we do? this world is imperfect, ever since Adam eat that stupid fruit. if you find it true that this world is imperfect... the Good News is that the perfect world will come one day and we will have a part in it, if you believe in the Lord Jesus Christ~
Friday, February 17, 2006
bad maths test
i am really so demoralized by the easy yet made a lot of mistakes maths midterm(when i say a lot, it's a lot!! liek 6 out of 12)
really... dun know where is my expected end... but... nope.. trying to do something to perk myself up.. hope a verse in front of my desk will perk me up... next test on sat.. pple reading, please pray for me..
really... dun know where is my expected end... but... nope.. trying to do something to perk myself up.. hope a verse in front of my desk will perk me up... next test on sat.. pple reading, please pray for me..
Sunday, February 12, 2006
photo spree
a day in sentosa with my family... it's a rare feat to go out together nowadays.. but thank God for the CNY break that we can go to sentosa before sending me back to sheares.. =) thinkwe haven got a family photo for long.. have to find time to do it.. and find a camera too>~ =)a nice chilling out session in the afternoon at harry's bar at esplanade. when there's no costomers other than me, jingwen and wei yee. =) thanks to wei yee we can get at 50% off the bill. wow.~ cos she's working there. =) we ordered the drinks, a main course each, with hot wings and erm.. the house special sandwiches.. i had my fill.. and the bill turns out to be 36 bucks ... quite affordable right? 12 each for a place like harry's bar. =) and i had my fill! haha..
3 pictures to show the profile of my room.. the billboard with the impt notices and calendar.. also pinned up nice graphics which i like or i have done. haha.. and a table of stationery.. yeap~. all yellow.. haha
i really like my phone.. it's a normal k700 and it has what almost every other phone has - a camera. gues i just like to take down snippets of things in my everyday life. and i really should archive them, for those are memories....
suddenly realise that i am very sentimental, however, only sentimental to feelings. what i should improve is to make more effort to keep and maintain the feelings i have for people. i really try harder. may be i am often not at home, tonight, i just have the urge to look around the room and peek into the drawers to look at the little 'treasures' i have. lo and behold, there's so many things which i kept since pri/sec/jc days.. most of them are little gifts from people. but, sadly, some of them i dun even remember who gave it to me... .. dun worry, it's just some.. while the rest, i remembered, and when i picked up the little cloth peg/ keychain.. i wasshould thinking... "what are they doing now? do they even remember giving this to me? " okok.. no matter what.. cont to live my resolution.. to be a happier person..
oh talking bout resolution.. i have run for this month.. okok.. i promised to run at least once a month. so i will run another timeto make up for january. haha. =) hope to increase my freq of exercise. =)
Sunday, February 05, 2006
无题
每逢佳节倍思亲。过农历新年，周围的朋友都有老朋友聚会。而我呢？今年似乎没有什么聚会。是因为朋友都在忙吗？还是我没有努力的约他们出来？“大家都在忙”是一个似乎很合理的借口， 但是每次我说出这个借口的时候，都有一点的内疚，因为我也知道其中原因也包括了我没有好好的维系我的朋友。
我曾说：“朋友不需要天天见面，只要经常想起彼此，一碰面就可以滔滔不绝的长叹天下事，一切如故。” 可是，现在的我，还真的想找个人，可以常常相伴。。。
。。。
我不可以忘了我为自己许下的愿望：我要成为一个乐观开朗的人，要常常记得我那在主里无穷的喜悦，也好让我能把喜悦带给别人。“
===
FCM的时候Charmaine问我是否每天都那么的开朗开心。=P 我当然说不是。但他的问题让我发觉我在新朋友当中总是显得乐天派些。希望我能找到其中原因，然后把那开心的元素放大，实现我变得乐天派的愿望。
我曾说：“朋友不需要天天见面，只要经常想起彼此，一碰面就可以滔滔不绝的长叹天下事，一切如故。” 可是，现在的我，还真的想找个人，可以常常相伴。。。
。。。
我不可以忘了我为自己许下的愿望：我要成为一个乐观开朗的人，要常常记得我那在主里无穷的喜悦，也好让我能把喜悦带给别人。“
===
FCM的时候Charmaine问我是否每天都那么的开朗开心。=P 我当然说不是。但他的问题让我发觉我在新朋友当中总是显得乐天派些。希望我能找到其中原因，然后把那开心的元素放大，实现我变得乐天派的愿望。
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
geyao concert
anyone interested please get tix from me.~ supposed to be the emcee. haha.. hope dun flop
=)
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
today is a good day
fellow shomerim,
Today is a nice day for me because i am reminded by the Lord that, HE is with me. i was about to leave my room for a lecture at 330pm, just as i was about to wear my shoes, i realised that i haven read a passage of devotion for the day... (normally i take about 30 mins to reach Engineering faculty), but still, i stepped back into the room to read.. and thank God that i am encouraged.. so much that i can still remember what the punchline. ("can you remember what you have done for QT today?" that's the question Pastor Ronny challenged us at FCM)
the impt thing is, i wasn't last for lect.. the Bus came once i reach the bus stop, the traffic is clear, and i have time for a plate of chicken rice.. you may think that it's just normal to have clear traffic at 3pm.. but but but.. i still believe it has to do with the hands of God.
lect and then lect and we has a class dinner. 11 of us turned up 5 gals and 6 guys.. it's our first class dinner (in fact it's like a self-intro session after months being in the same class.. !!!).. the situation is awkward, and since i initiated the dinner and ask them out.. i am trying so hard to crack unfunnie jokes.. it gets especially embarassing when we are choosing seats during dinner..
the turning point comes after i have prayed for God's help when i was saying grace for the food for myself. and i think we had a good time of laughter. it comes naturally, maybe you will say, but, i tell myself, it's God helping me.
i left at 830pm to rush back hostel for a 830pm reshearsal.. in the end, i think i still make it in time cos the rest are later than me.. haha. (again, you may think that's human nature, but i shan't discredit God for that again)
all in all, i just hope that all these thougths can help me to be more cheery.. now, in school and days to come.
=) smile! it goes a long way.. haha.. =)
Monday, January 23, 2006
journalism! since when..
You scored as Journalism. You are an aspiring journalist, and you should major in journalism! Like me, you are passionate about writing and expressing yourself, and you want the world to understand your beliefs through writing.
What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3) created with QuizFarm.com |
Thursday, January 19, 2006
最近还好
如果撇开将来的责任，以后的担忧， 后来的债务，我最近很好。
一人的生活，有着自己的小房间，读一些刊物，圣经解读，在网上游览别人写的网上日子。哲学的我享受这种寻觅真理的旅程。可是人生不免需要为神与人负责。所以我不可以颓废，要开始用工读书。也要想想该怎么让爱我疼我的人感受到爱。说的不是别人，而是我自己的父母。
前天，回家的时候，发现弟弟一人躲在房里，妈妈跟姑姑等诉说自己的两个儿子和她没有沟通。本想化解弟弟和妈妈之间的？？？。 可是交谈中，感受到妈妈有点，少了母亲的骄傲。言语中都是“是我错啦？你们都不跟我说，也是我错。”
心里很内疚。明明我很敬爱的母亲，为什么那么的不满意我们之间的关系。老实说，搬进宿舍后还真更加能够感受到她是那么得疼我。回家时的嘘寒问暖，还不是准备食物让我带回宿舍。点点滴滴，我都深深的记在心里。可是，没想到我的淡淡无语会让她....
我和弟弟的性格，多少也是妈妈的作风所硕造。现在不理想的地方，如果怪罪于她，她又不高兴。这事，真难。
一人的生活，有着自己的小房间，读一些刊物，圣经解读，在网上游览别人写的网上日子。哲学的我享受这种寻觅真理的旅程。可是人生不免需要为神与人负责。所以我不可以颓废，要开始用工读书。也要想想该怎么让爱我疼我的人感受到爱。说的不是别人，而是我自己的父母。
前天，回家的时候，发现弟弟一人躲在房里，妈妈跟姑姑等诉说自己的两个儿子和她没有沟通。本想化解弟弟和妈妈之间的？？？。 可是交谈中，感受到妈妈有点，少了母亲的骄傲。言语中都是“是我错啦？你们都不跟我说，也是我错。”
心里很内疚。明明我很敬爱的母亲，为什么那么的不满意我们之间的关系。老实说，搬进宿舍后还真更加能够感受到她是那么得疼我。回家时的嘘寒问暖，还不是准备食物让我带回宿舍。点点滴滴，我都深深的记在心里。可是，没想到我的淡淡无语会让她....
我和弟弟的性格，多少也是妈妈的作风所硕造。现在不理想的地方，如果怪罪于她，她又不高兴。这事，真难。
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Narnia
managed to watch King Kong and Narnia, on the same recent Wednesday. it's just enjoyable to have movie marathon..
decided to catch King Kong cos i heard that it's a good show.. and realised that i have time for Narnia and i wouldnt want to give this Chronicles a miss.
in the end? i think Narnia appeals to me more, maybe becos of the underlying meaning.
---
i have read another person bloggin about how he especially noticed about the Lion walking to his death and how sad it is when his mane is being shaved. but to me, this is not something that strikes me.
it's the depravity of man portrayed thru edmond that strikes me. how often we are like edmond, thinking that the white witch can really offer us to be a king in this world, and she will be able to offer us our desires such as turkish candies... in order to please the white witch, we gave up our families. in actual fact, our real kingship is in the real Narnia, the one that is in Spring and not cold winter. but we, humanly, failed to see the true home prepared for us in the heaven above.
winter depicts well the world we are in. it's fun seemingly, with the white snow and beautiful ice caps and what have you.. but, we din't realise winter is actually lifeless and without warmth, unlike Spring..
so, let us remind ourselves, to fight the battle like Peter and be on the Lord's side. for victory is ours when we called on His name.
--
there are parts where by the story is different from the Bible. of cos, i dun expect it to be totally like the Bible, because none can be 100% Bible except for the Bible itself. the story is just an inspirational story.
in the story, the White Witch delights in the death of the Lion; but in real life, Satan is trying to stop the death of Jesus, even to the extent of offering him the earthly kingdom if He would not go to the cross.
--
for those who have not heard the Gospel before and have watched Narnia:
did you see how much agony the Lion went thru in order to pay for Edmond's betrayal? are you moved by his act, to give up his life to save the betrayer?
actually, in life, we are like edmond, betraying our Creator and turn to White Witch (Satan) thinking that she can provide our delights e.g. turkish delights~ but when the white witch showed her true ugly intention which is to perish us (just as Satan desiring us to perish in hell), we turn to the lion for help. but the truth is, if you are willing to go to the lion, he will save you. If you today are willing to go the Jesus Christ, He will save you too. think ye, today, which side are you on?
decided to catch King Kong cos i heard that it's a good show.. and realised that i have time for Narnia and i wouldnt want to give this Chronicles a miss.
in the end? i think Narnia appeals to me more, maybe becos of the underlying meaning.
---
i have read another person bloggin about how he especially noticed about the Lion walking to his death and how sad it is when his mane is being shaved. but to me, this is not something that strikes me.
it's the depravity of man portrayed thru edmond that strikes me. how often we are like edmond, thinking that the white witch can really offer us to be a king in this world, and she will be able to offer us our desires such as turkish candies... in order to please the white witch, we gave up our families. in actual fact, our real kingship is in the real Narnia, the one that is in Spring and not cold winter. but we, humanly, failed to see the true home prepared for us in the heaven above.
winter depicts well the world we are in. it's fun seemingly, with the white snow and beautiful ice caps and what have you.. but, we din't realise winter is actually lifeless and without warmth, unlike Spring..
so, let us remind ourselves, to fight the battle like Peter and be on the Lord's side. for victory is ours when we called on His name.
--
there are parts where by the story is different from the Bible. of cos, i dun expect it to be totally like the Bible, because none can be 100% Bible except for the Bible itself. the story is just an inspirational story.
in the story, the White Witch delights in the death of the Lion; but in real life, Satan is trying to stop the death of Jesus, even to the extent of offering him the earthly kingdom if He would not go to the cross.
--
for those who have not heard the Gospel before and have watched Narnia:
did you see how much agony the Lion went thru in order to pay for Edmond's betrayal? are you moved by his act, to give up his life to save the betrayer?
actually, in life, we are like edmond, betraying our Creator and turn to White Witch (Satan) thinking that she can provide our delights e.g. turkish delights~ but when the white witch showed her true ugly intention which is to perish us (just as Satan desiring us to perish in hell), we turn to the lion for help. but the truth is, if you are willing to go to the lion, he will save you. If you today are willing to go the Jesus Christ, He will save you too. think ye, today, which side are you on?
Thursday, January 05, 2006
only child?
| You Are Likely an Only Child |
 At your darkest moments, you feel frustrated. At work and school, you do best when you're organizing. When you love someone, you tend to worry about them. In friendship, you are emotional and sympathetic. Your ideal careers are: radio announcer, finance, teaching, ministry, and management. You will leave your mark on the world with organizational leadership, maybe as the author of self-help books. |
handwriting test
What does your handwriting say about YOU?
The results of your analysis say:
You plan ahead, and are interested in beauty, design, outward appearance, and symmetry. [true]
You are a person who thinks before acting, intelligent and thorough.[quite true, but not sure if that's really intelligent]
You are negative, fearful, resistant, doubtful, and/or selfish. [true]
You are a talkative person, maybe even a busybody! [true]
You enjoy life in your own way and do not depend on the opinions of others. [false, i think i care too much bout how pple think]
Monday, January 02, 2006
what do you see?
what are you seeing in the picture? look carefully..........
do you see dolphins? haha.. it shows how not childlike you are.
i wish i were of some help
new year.. glad to see honghao and bohao to be able to come for christmas eve and new year eve service, best of all, able to attend church service the next day. guess i am quite concerned about them.. why? dun know... guess they reminds me of my day when i was in sec 3/4.. and i really dun wish to see any more pple falling away from the race.. instead of saying that i wish i can encourage them, i guess it's more often that i am encouraged by them..
sometimes, i wonder what can i do? wanted to ask them out for outings but in the end we ended up feeling empty during outings.. wish to have bible study with them.. but tot i cant do that.
often, i wonder what can i do that is useful.. but i guess i have to remind myself once again with the fact: God looks at the heart when i serve and not the area of service. and more importantly, truly, shouldn't be careful and worrying over many things when i am serving. yesh.. may this be in my mind..
---
one day if i can talk to hh and bh's mom anonymously: "hey.. do you understand that your children are all grown up.. they have a mind of their own.. and you have to face this sooner or later. that they will one day choose to love or like someone / somethings that you dun. are you going to choose their girlfriends and wives next time? or are you expecting them to following what you are believing, even when they have a mind of their own.. .. "
--
a.ket says that she read my blog recently. .. the last time she read it , i gues was the time when i commented bout jeshua breaking the glass ball at u.john's house.. this time, i make mentioned about jeshua not being exactly happy on the christmas eve night due to the stayover at jaslyn's place..
--
there's so little that one person can do.. but i should have the faith that God can work wonders thru things that i am not confident about.. sometimes, i will use my human understanding and comment in my heart that the speaker aren't speaking well and not capturing the audience. how can the message get across?? little did i realise that God's Word's effectiveness is independant of the speaker. when it's being expounded, it will work in the hearts of people... when i tot it's not applying and effective in myheart, it will work in another person's heart. !!!
sometimes, i wonder what can i do? wanted to ask them out for outings but in the end we ended up feeling empty during outings.. wish to have bible study with them.. but tot i cant do that.
often, i wonder what can i do that is useful.. but i guess i have to remind myself once again with the fact: God looks at the heart when i serve and not the area of service. and more importantly, truly, shouldn't be careful and worrying over many things when i am serving. yesh.. may this be in my mind..
---
one day if i can talk to hh and bh's mom anonymously: "hey.. do you understand that your children are all grown up.. they have a mind of their own.. and you have to face this sooner or later. that they will one day choose to love or like someone / somethings that you dun. are you going to choose their girlfriends and wives next time? or are you expecting them to following what you are believing, even when they have a mind of their own.. .. "
--
a.ket says that she read my blog recently. .. the last time she read it , i gues was the time when i commented bout jeshua breaking the glass ball at u.john's house.. this time, i make mentioned about jeshua not being exactly happy on the christmas eve night due to the stayover at jaslyn's place..
--
there's so little that one person can do.. but i should have the faith that God can work wonders thru things that i am not confident about.. sometimes, i will use my human understanding and comment in my heart that the speaker aren't speaking well and not capturing the audience. how can the message get across?? little did i realise that God's Word's effectiveness is independant of the speaker. when it's being expounded, it will work in the hearts of people... when i tot it's not applying and effective in myheart, it will work in another person's heart. !!!
Monday, December 26, 2005
random thoughts
我也许注定不成气候。一生中午一长处。本来我自己以为每有长处就是我的优点，因为我虽不精，但我可以广，可以对许多事物都少有知识。可是我似乎已停止吸收新知识，成天讲的都是老生常谈，陈闻旧事。如今我停滞不前，心里一点喜悦也没有。为什么？？ 也许是因为我不曾在任何事，人，处逗留太久吧。总是在椅子没坐热就离开。我已打算明年离开guitar com。为什么？我想是因为我仍然在找自己。是不是因为我没给自己学吉他的机会？还是我天性懒散？我最不希望知道是我没什么天分，“六艺”全都不行。 sigh...
jeshua 今天因为去jaslyn的家的希望几乎破灭而闷闷不乐，但后来希望有出现的时候，仍然不高兴，我问他为什么，他说，"i dun know what i am thinking and feeling, just feel not happy."
boon how 在圣诞卡写着："dun worry about you being childish". 我读了,不知道该怎么想.一方面,证明我还能有童真,另一方面,我在向,我是否超龄了呢?明年我就会教little ark, 我是否能胜任? 我有能力于权力教rachel , esther 等等的大孩子吗?? 我是否应该从tabertots 开始呢?? 回想一下为什么我当初选择little ark... 记得了,是因为我认为他们分班后会需要更多的老师.. hmm.. 对. 我想因该不会出错..
jeshua 今天因为去jaslyn的家的希望几乎破灭而闷闷不乐，但后来希望有出现的时候，仍然不高兴，我问他为什么，他说，"i dun know what i am thinking and feeling, just feel not happy."
boon how 在圣诞卡写着："dun worry about you being childish". 我读了,不知道该怎么想.一方面,证明我还能有童真,另一方面,我在向,我是否超龄了呢?明年我就会教little ark, 我是否能胜任? 我有能力于权力教rachel , esther 等等的大孩子吗?? 我是否应该从tabertots 开始呢?? 回想一下为什么我当初选择little ark... 记得了,是因为我认为他们分班后会需要更多的老师.. hmm.. 对. 我想因该不会出错..
Saturday, December 24, 2005
christmas eve
at home waiting little ark teachers to come over for meeting. after which, the church will come for christmas eve service (1st stop of the day). i know God has been so gracious to me. if i have to list:
He gave me friends when i was alone.
gave me a place to worship Him when i was in NS.
gave me time to think and serve in church even when i am not capable.
gave me kind parents, willing to welcome my church friends, attend my brother's baptism and open up our house for christmas when they are not christians.
gave me the freedom to handle my studies.
gave me enough to spend
when i tot i was alone in hall, God gave christian friends as my neighbours to talk at times, when i tot i have no activities to join, gave Jingwen to open up doors for me.
what more can i say? if tmr comes and all things are taken away from me, may i learn to cont to trust in Him.
the time has come that i cannot produce good school results.. wat else can i do? i am still searching.
deep down in my heart, i know what God's approval and disapproval of the things that i can may will do.. it all goes down to me and my obedience.
----
it's christmas. do you know what does Christmas mean? let me tell you.
有一件礼物
你收到没有
眼睛看不到
你心会知道
这一件礼物
心门外等候
是为了你准备别人不能收
亲爱的朋友
你是否想到
马槽的婴孩
是为你而来
亲爱的朋友
你是否了解
最好的礼物是人子主耶稣
He gave me friends when i was alone.
gave me a place to worship Him when i was in NS.
gave me time to think and serve in church even when i am not capable.
gave me kind parents, willing to welcome my church friends, attend my brother's baptism and open up our house for christmas when they are not christians.
gave me the freedom to handle my studies.
gave me enough to spend
when i tot i was alone in hall, God gave christian friends as my neighbours to talk at times, when i tot i have no activities to join, gave Jingwen to open up doors for me.
what more can i say? if tmr comes and all things are taken away from me, may i learn to cont to trust in Him.
the time has come that i cannot produce good school results.. wat else can i do? i am still searching.
deep down in my heart, i know what God's approval and disapproval of the things that i can may will do.. it all goes down to me and my obedience.
----
it's christmas. do you know what does Christmas mean? let me tell you.
有一件礼物
你收到没有
眼睛看不到
你心会知道
这一件礼物
心门外等候
是为了你准备别人不能收
亲爱的朋友
你是否想到
马槽的婴孩
是为你而来
亲爱的朋友
你是否了解
最好的礼物是人子主耶稣
Thursday, December 22, 2005
funnie..
My dear Jaggit, I am in a well here and hope u are in a well there too. I am writing this letter slowly cause i know u cannot read fast. We dont live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper the most accidents happen twenty miles from home, so we moved twenty miles. I wont be able to send the address as the last person who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so that they wouldnt have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address plate here so that our address will remain the same. This place is really nice, it even has a washing machine, situated right above the toilet. Im not too sure it works well. Last week i put in three shirts, pulled the chain and havent seen them since. The weather here is not too bad. it only rained twice. The first time it rained for three days and the second time it rained for four days.The coat you wanted me to send you, your aunt said that it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons... so we cut them off and put them in the pocket. Your father has a new job,he has 500 men under him. He cuts grass at a cemetery. By the way, I took yr sister Bahhu to our clubs poolside. The manager is Badmash. He told her that her two piece swimming suit was not allowed in his club.We were confused as to which piece we should remove.Your sister had a baby this morning, i havent found out if it is a girl or a boy so, I dont know if your an aunt or an uncle. By the way, your uncle, jetinder fell in the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them of bravely and drowned. We cremated him and burned him for three days.Now its the end of the year, your best friend Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fufil his father's last wishes.His father wished to be burried under the sea when he died and your friend died in the process of digging the grave. There is not much more news this time, NOTHING MUCH has happened. This year, your uncle, dad and best freind died. Nothing much though.
Love, mom
Ps: i was about to send you some money but by the time i realised,i had already sealed off this letter.
Love, mom
Ps: i was about to send you some money but by the time i realised,i had already sealed off this letter.
Sunday, December 18, 2005
scarily true
i dun like this quote, esp when i realise that i find it to be true to much extent. it's especially true in an imperfect world we have..
"violence can solve everything. if it can't, it means you are not violent enough"
often, people who get their way are loud, the rest drowned in their voices. people who are getting attention are big (in actions, movement and comments) but people enjoy such dramatic acts.
okie.. i am critical. how??
"violence can solve everything. if it can't, it means you are not violent enough"
often, people who get their way are loud, the rest drowned in their voices. people who are getting attention are big (in actions, movement and comments) but people enjoy such dramatic acts.
okie.. i am critical. how??
kemaman mission trip
back from mission trip. what touches me this time is Pr Joshua Koo.. being able to trust in the Lord and continue to work for Him when he doesn't even have a congregation to have a sunday service. the christmas gospel rally started off with only a few youths. while i was so worried that that will be the whole crowd, i prayed to God and asked Him to bring more pple to the rally. meanwhile, the wife moved the primary school children in the midst from the scantuary to the side room, fearing that there will not be enough seats for the adults. O what great faith she has. N.B. it has been raining heavily for the past 24 hours. in singapore, we will most probably expect no one to step out of house with this kind of weather. so, the point is taken, that we just have to work for the Lord, and not for men. only when we keep our eyes on the Lord that we can continue to do what we are called to do.
so, am i keeping my eyes on the Lord only? i think not. i am too distracted with too many eyes around me. when i was interpreting for uj, whenever i start to feel that people are looking at me, i will say a silent prayer and ask the Lord to help me to focus on Him only. it works! however, men are so depraved. even when we know that one way or method is better than the other, we wil still stray from the only right path that is good for us. i just can't keep myself from noticing others.
recently, i have been too critical, which is making me very unhappy. i am unhappy with a critical me, at the same time, unhappy with people around me, about the things they do and think. why am i putting myself in such misery?
A guy is always too emotion-free and oblivious bout others, which hurts me.
B guy is always too sure of himself which irritates me
C guy is always too full of himself which bothers me.
D guy is always too talking and not doing much and it puzzles me.
are you having such kind of thoughts? i am eliminating, trying to. may God helps me.
so, am i keeping my eyes on the Lord only? i think not. i am too distracted with too many eyes around me. when i was interpreting for uj, whenever i start to feel that people are looking at me, i will say a silent prayer and ask the Lord to help me to focus on Him only. it works! however, men are so depraved. even when we know that one way or method is better than the other, we wil still stray from the only right path that is good for us. i just can't keep myself from noticing others.
recently, i have been too critical, which is making me very unhappy. i am unhappy with a critical me, at the same time, unhappy with people around me, about the things they do and think. why am i putting myself in such misery?
A guy is always too emotion-free and oblivious bout others, which hurts me.
B guy is always too sure of himself which irritates me
C guy is always too full of himself which bothers me.
D guy is always too talking and not doing much and it puzzles me.
are you having such kind of thoughts? i am eliminating, trying to. may God helps me.
Friday, December 09, 2005
getting philosophical
once in a while, as usual, i will revisit this topic again, that is why am i blogging. the original intention of blogging like a columnist is not attained cos i am too personal with person and myself - i talked about myself more than any thing. haha.. but i guess i will still continue, to make sure i can recollect my thoughts next time.
just watched 前线追踪 . it's about taxi drivers loitering around the town waiting for "on call". for that 4 dollars, tourists are having a bad impressions of singapore for they can't get a cab for 30 to 50 min. and of cos singaporeans suffered as they are forced to call cab. however, somehow, i jus think that the big bad guys are not the taxi drivers (they are just trying to survive, "survive" is the key word. i really think that they are just earning just enough. ) so who is the big bad guy? of cos it's the taxi companies, they are charging too too much for the rental. anyone who knows economics will know that this the price /cost will eventually be transferred to the consumers when the demand elasticity is low.
hence, of cos the drivers cannot afford to take the cost upon themselves and hence they will naturally choose a place whereby the demand is inelastic (city). economics explained it all. who benefited? the taxi companies!!
i am so disgusted.
anyway, just came back from church camp. quite relaxing this time. =)
just watched 前线追踪 . it's about taxi drivers loitering around the town waiting for "on call". for that 4 dollars, tourists are having a bad impressions of singapore for they can't get a cab for 30 to 50 min. and of cos singaporeans suffered as they are forced to call cab. however, somehow, i jus think that the big bad guys are not the taxi drivers (they are just trying to survive, "survive" is the key word. i really think that they are just earning just enough. ) so who is the big bad guy? of cos it's the taxi companies, they are charging too too much for the rental. anyone who knows economics will know that this the price /cost will eventually be transferred to the consumers when the demand elasticity is low.
hence, of cos the drivers cannot afford to take the cost upon themselves and hence they will naturally choose a place whereby the demand is inelastic (city). economics explained it all. who benefited? the taxi companies!!
i am so disgusted.
anyway, just came back from church camp. quite relaxing this time. =)
Monday, November 28, 2005
After Sem Review
it's not an easy road. it's not an easy choice from the start.
i set off trying to tell myself that if God can bring me to it, He can bring me thru it. Indeed, by His grace, i have endured the semester.
it all started with hall or no hall, when i realised that i am the only one in sheares. at the same time, realised that royston, weixiong, yuwei are in KR. but i stayed, in sheares. i remember clearly that i have prayed regarding this matter and say that i will accept watever comes. since, it's by His choice that i got Sheares, so be it. i waited to see if there's a place for me in sheares.
due to my personality, i guess it's difficult for me to step forward and be outgoing. somehow, it has to do with the innate ability and erm.. confidence level. but nevertheless, God brought to me liwei, ivan along the way, to give me someone to turn to in times of need. not forgetting neighbours like wei wei who is there to spur me on. when i joined vcf as and when, i found zhihan to be having same doctrinal stands with me=) that's so cool.! it may not be what i have thought or wanted it to be, but still, i have pulled thru.
somehow, thanks to Jingwen, i got my committments easily - SP, tech crew and CMB. guess i am a bit reliant on him but well.. no choice ba. ~
modules gotten, quite smoothly except for managerial econs. cost me a lot of pts.. but it has brought me friends and opportunities to work with bernard, jeff, syeh li, binh, ravel, boon how, ngoc..
thru CTW, i know wee kwok and christopher...
thru my core subjects.. got to know lip chong, andy, ben, junta, here and there a bit of pple. supposed to be class rep, but i guess me quite slack .haha. !~ so paiseh
thru fna, got to know bernard better..
not forgetting weilun, micheal, mk in GEK 1535...
in short, thank God that i have friends somehow.
finished my last paper today. have i done well? nope, definitely. not becos i ahve taken 6 mod. it's jsut that, i cannot study. dun have the heart to study. why!!~ i dun know why, but i have to face the music somehow when the results are out. sigh. i can only pray, harder.
talking bout praying, i must admit that i have been weak in my walk with God. often times, i forsake Him and go my own ways, blindly, stubornly. i know i am wrong many times, but i just can't turn back, over and over again. keep telling myself that He has given me many wakeup calls but just refuse to heed. have to change if not my next sem is not getting any better.
holidays starting, so, i guess i have to enjoy before the results are out. =)
i set off trying to tell myself that if God can bring me to it, He can bring me thru it. Indeed, by His grace, i have endured the semester.
it all started with hall or no hall, when i realised that i am the only one in sheares. at the same time, realised that royston, weixiong, yuwei are in KR. but i stayed, in sheares. i remember clearly that i have prayed regarding this matter and say that i will accept watever comes. since, it's by His choice that i got Sheares, so be it. i waited to see if there's a place for me in sheares.
due to my personality, i guess it's difficult for me to step forward and be outgoing. somehow, it has to do with the innate ability and erm.. confidence level. but nevertheless, God brought to me liwei, ivan along the way, to give me someone to turn to in times of need. not forgetting neighbours like wei wei who is there to spur me on. when i joined vcf as and when, i found zhihan to be having same doctrinal stands with me=) that's so cool.! it may not be what i have thought or wanted it to be, but still, i have pulled thru.
somehow, thanks to Jingwen, i got my committments easily - SP, tech crew and CMB. guess i am a bit reliant on him but well.. no choice ba. ~
modules gotten, quite smoothly except for managerial econs. cost me a lot of pts.. but it has brought me friends and opportunities to work with bernard, jeff, syeh li, binh, ravel, boon how, ngoc..
thru CTW, i know wee kwok and christopher...
thru my core subjects.. got to know lip chong, andy, ben, junta, here and there a bit of pple. supposed to be class rep, but i guess me quite slack .haha. !~ so paiseh
thru fna, got to know bernard better..
not forgetting weilun, micheal, mk in GEK 1535...
in short, thank God that i have friends somehow.
finished my last paper today. have i done well? nope, definitely. not becos i ahve taken 6 mod. it's jsut that, i cannot study. dun have the heart to study. why!!~ i dun know why, but i have to face the music somehow when the results are out. sigh. i can only pray, harder.
talking bout praying, i must admit that i have been weak in my walk with God. often times, i forsake Him and go my own ways, blindly, stubornly. i know i am wrong many times, but i just can't turn back, over and over again. keep telling myself that He has given me many wakeup calls but just refuse to heed. have to change if not my next sem is not getting any better.
holidays starting, so, i guess i have to enjoy before the results are out. =)
Friday, November 25, 2005
xiangying's birthday
as usual, i cannot help it. but somehow, i am the furthest guy from the rest of the group..
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
活在过去
我有一个大缺点--活在过去。
常常在生活中不时地想起以前，想起过去，因而沉醉在别无他人的一个自闭空间。也许从前太美，也许是现在有点不堪。怎么有着总想发呢？我也很想知道。
很久以前，曾经在考试的时候写了这么一段：
小孩有着天真烂漫的梦；成年人有的是实际的梦；老年人有的是踏实保守的梦；唯有青年有着大胆，又不缺实际性，伟大而不失可能性的梦。我们总有一天会登上我们心灵的最高峰，对这世界的大人说：“我们的未来不是梦！”
常常在生活中不时地想起以前，想起过去，因而沉醉在别无他人的一个自闭空间。也许从前太美，也许是现在有点不堪。怎么有着总想发呢？我也很想知道。
很久以前，曾经在考试的时候写了这么一段：
小孩有着天真烂漫的梦；成年人有的是实际的梦；老年人有的是踏实保守的梦；唯有青年有着大胆，又不缺实际性，伟大而不失可能性的梦。我们总有一天会登上我们心灵的最高峰，对这世界的大人说：“我们的未来不是梦！”
Friday, November 18, 2005
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
http://notyourusualshit.blogspot.com/
a true-blooded blogger. totally differenet from what i am doing.. ~ ~
---
can't help it but to murmur and mumble some same boring complaints to myself.: why am i so insecure, unwilling to face up to reality and at the same time, unwilling to accept defeat ! well.. some things not meant for you means that God think they aren't suitable for you. yeah.. accept it.!
a true-blooded blogger. totally differenet from what i am doing.. ~ ~
---
can't help it but to murmur and mumble some same boring complaints to myself.: why am i so insecure, unwilling to face up to reality and at the same time, unwilling to accept defeat ! well.. some things not meant for you means that God think they aren't suitable for you. yeah.. accept it.!
Sunday, November 13, 2005
十年后
刚读完了一篇十年后我可能会写一篇博客。 （岔开话题一些，我觉得博客这翻译真有意思，几乎给了博客一个新的意思与赞美。）
回到话题，我说我又读了一关于人来人往的事故。不是说在街上人来人往，而是的生命的旅途中，总会有人来有人走。有人取代一些人。通常，如果少见面，是不是就会疏远? 可是我现在在大学还真的没有什么新的知心朋友.所以,我很在乎我现有的朋友.你们知道你们是谁吗?
曾经有另一个朋友很喜欢这首歌, 不知道他是否依旧. . .
就算相见无期在某个夜里
你会想起我我也会想起你
默契永存你我心底情缘系千里
窗外景物飞逝
机缘轻触匆匆来匆匆去
且行且珍惜
<<且行且珍惜>> 张信哲
回到话题，我说我又读了一关于人来人往的事故。不是说在街上人来人往，而是的生命的旅途中，总会有人来有人走。有人取代一些人。通常，如果少见面，是不是就会疏远? 可是我现在在大学还真的没有什么新的知心朋友.所以,我很在乎我现有的朋友.你们知道你们是谁吗?
曾经有另一个朋友很喜欢这首歌, 不知道他是否依旧. . .
就算相见无期在某个夜里
你会想起我我也会想起你
默契永存你我心底情缘系千里
窗外景物飞逝
机缘轻触匆匆来匆匆去
且行且珍惜
<<且行且珍惜>> 张信哲
Thursday, November 10, 2005
dun want to live on the moon
Well I like to visit the moon
On a rocket ship high in the air
Yes I like to visit the moon
But I dun think I like to live there
Though I like to look down at the earth from above
I will miss all the places and the people I love
So although I might like it for one afternoon
I dun like to live on the moon
I like to travel under the sea
I could meet all the fish everywhere
Yes I travel under the sea
But I dun think I like to live there
I might stay for a day there if I have my wish
But that’s not much to do when all your friends are fish
And the oyster and clam or a whale family
So I dun want to live in the sea
I will like to visit the jungle to hear the lion roar
Go back in time and meet the dinosaurs
There’re so many strange places I like to be
But none of them I gonna live
So if I should visit the moon,
I will dance on the moon be a lamb
I will make a wish on a star
And I will wish I’m home once again
Though I like to look down at the earth from above
I will miss all the places and the people I love
So although I may go I’ll be coming home soon
Cos I dun want to live on the moon.
No I dun want to live on the moon.
On a rocket ship high in the air
Yes I like to visit the moon
But I dun think I like to live there
Though I like to look down at the earth from above
I will miss all the places and the people I love
So although I might like it for one afternoon
I dun like to live on the moon
I like to travel under the sea
I could meet all the fish everywhere
Yes I travel under the sea
But I dun think I like to live there
I might stay for a day there if I have my wish
But that’s not much to do when all your friends are fish
And the oyster and clam or a whale family
So I dun want to live in the sea
I will like to visit the jungle to hear the lion roar
Go back in time and meet the dinosaurs
There’re so many strange places I like to be
But none of them I gonna live
So if I should visit the moon,
I will dance on the moon be a lamb
I will make a wish on a star
And I will wish I’m home once again
Though I like to look down at the earth from above
I will miss all the places and the people I love
So although I may go I’ll be coming home soon
Cos I dun want to live on the moon.
No I dun want to live on the moon.
Thursday, November 03, 2005
retiring teachers
"the school bid farewell to three Dunman High teachers. Thank you Mr Kiw Sin Wa, Miss Wong Sew Heong and Miss Goh Sock Hwa." dhs website.
out of the two teachers mentioned, 2 of them were my sec 4 teachers. it's a shame to me but i dun remember ms wong until after reading her farewell summary. how ungrateful am i. but i guess, that's the pain a teacher have to bear - the toil of teaching with no repay at times.
will i want to be a teacher? i tot i will like to be one. but, in today's context, if i were to be a teacher, will i be the type of teacher of my own choice?
anyway, i must thank Mr Kiw, for giving me insights about things. Ms Wong for giving me my physics grade in O levels haha..
how long has it been since i graduate from dunman? 5 years.. yesh. 5 years.
out of the two teachers mentioned, 2 of them were my sec 4 teachers. it's a shame to me but i dun remember ms wong until after reading her farewell summary. how ungrateful am i. but i guess, that's the pain a teacher have to bear - the toil of teaching with no repay at times.
will i want to be a teacher? i tot i will like to be one. but, in today's context, if i were to be a teacher, will i be the type of teacher of my own choice?
anyway, i must thank Mr Kiw, for giving me insights about things. Ms Wong for giving me my physics grade in O levels haha..
how long has it been since i graduate from dunman? 5 years.. yesh. 5 years.
Sunday, October 30, 2005
抉择
人类是充满智慧的一群 虽然智慧的定义有待争论
小时候 人生的哲理有妈妈灌输 “长大有什么好呢？” 她说。 “长大后就有许多的烦恼。” 也就因为如此，我学着慢慢的长大。人与人之间的关系我学着一赤子之心以待。
中学时候，学校所灌输的哲理牵制着我。“先天下之忧而忧，后天下之乐而乐” 看《射雕》知道何谓 “侠之大者”。
可是当你的理念和周围的人格格不入，你是否还能持之以恒？
大学，从前是思想家聚集之处？ PhD = Doctor of Philosophy! 是个笑话吗？
小时候 人生的哲理有妈妈灌输 “长大有什么好呢？” 她说。 “长大后就有许多的烦恼。” 也就因为如此，我学着慢慢的长大。人与人之间的关系我学着一赤子之心以待。
中学时候，学校所灌输的哲理牵制着我。“先天下之忧而忧，后天下之乐而乐” 看《射雕》知道何谓 “侠之大者”。
可是当你的理念和周围的人格格不入，你是否还能持之以恒？
大学，从前是思想家聚集之处？ PhD = Doctor of Philosophy! 是个笑话吗？
Friday, October 28, 2005
3 types of pple
today went to furama hotel with tech crew to help cmb put up this erm.. dinner performance thing. basically, they eat we sing. haha. anyone listens? erm.. i bet there are, those who are bored with talking. =) no lah.. but i guess cmb pple can sing well.
anyway, a sad thing to comment on. a phenomenon that i dun like and in a state of denial.
there are basically 3 types of pple in this world.
1. those who look like they are good. like to talk and make pple work.
2. those who work busily, bustling in and out. if you ask them to stop working, they feel quite erm.. useless. so they are good workers, at the same time, helping a group of pple and motivate them together.
3. those who dun wish to motivate pple, just wish to work, just wish to work when it's necessary. some think they are working smart. some think that they are doing sufficient.
of all, this world is paying group 1 the most and the best and they have the best outlook. so, in schools they try to nature leaders. do they nature group 1 or group 2?
so how? i felt so out of the group. a group 2 who is a group 1 wannabe but in actually he's actually grp 3 in pple's eye.
jus crapping.
anyway, a sad thing to comment on. a phenomenon that i dun like and in a state of denial.
there are basically 3 types of pple in this world.
1. those who look like they are good. like to talk and make pple work.
2. those who work busily, bustling in and out. if you ask them to stop working, they feel quite erm.. useless. so they are good workers, at the same time, helping a group of pple and motivate them together.
3. those who dun wish to motivate pple, just wish to work, just wish to work when it's necessary. some think they are working smart. some think that they are doing sufficient.
of all, this world is paying group 1 the most and the best and they have the best outlook. so, in schools they try to nature leaders. do they nature group 1 or group 2?
so how? i felt so out of the group. a group 2 who is a group 1 wannabe but in actually he's actually grp 3 in pple's eye.
jus crapping.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
if i can hear feelings and thoughts
if i can hear thoughts, will i find similar feelings and thinking as mine?
when you are thinking, "will he/she feel bored with my conversation?", will he be saying "i hope he's not seeing thru me that i'm bad with conversations."
that's idealistic. but, often, i felt not.
if you realise that there's cliques forming, are you excluded or are you self excluding? it's bad to have using the following examples but i tot of yulin in PA last time. she's so enthu but we have often subtly excluded her existence. there's this time when we were walking out of VJ to parkway and she went to collect her bike to park at the busstop. when we reach the busstop, we hope on the bus forgetting her. we asked ourselves, whose fault is it? we cannot give an answer.
what happen when you are not part of the 4-seater car?
acutally things are going well, just that they are not going the way i tot it will be. oh, how can i see God's plan. He's giving me more time to work and more time to study. He's providing for me and yet i am escaping from His provision. it's always like that for men -- fan jian.
when you are thinking, "will he/she feel bored with my conversation?", will he be saying "i hope he's not seeing thru me that i'm bad with conversations."
that's idealistic. but, often, i felt not.
if you realise that there's cliques forming, are you excluded or are you self excluding? it's bad to have using the following examples but i tot of yulin in PA last time. she's so enthu but we have often subtly excluded her existence. there's this time when we were walking out of VJ to parkway and she went to collect her bike to park at the busstop. when we reach the busstop, we hope on the bus forgetting her. we asked ourselves, whose fault is it? we cannot give an answer.
what happen when you are not part of the 4-seater car?
acutally things are going well, just that they are not going the way i tot it will be. oh, how can i see God's plan. He's giving me more time to work and more time to study. He's providing for me and yet i am escaping from His provision. it's always like that for men -- fan jian.
Monday, October 10, 2005
eugene send off
yeap. from 6 to 5 and now to 4. =) 1 in ntu, 1 in biz, 1 in sci and 1 in engin. haha. wat a mix. ~
see you next year eugene
my table
my working desk in hall. i know i haven't been posting blogs. haha. i kinda really miss those days. well, this is the time to test my faith, to put God first in the midst of study. but also cannot neglect studies cos need to honour God thru studies. argh. been busy with hall stuffs, some of the stuffs i am the ic so cannot no show. things will get better i think. need to study real hard. need to get into that studying mode. it's very tough for me. please pray for me..
you guys have any updates??
honghao going to india right?? tell us about it and update us okie.! you are leaving in less than a month's time right?/ take care
Friday, October 07, 2005
a quote from someone
"I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
Thursday, October 06, 2005
not talking sense
a common phenomenon of not talking sense will result in pple not talkin to you and hence less opportunity to learn to talk entertainingly~
result? suffer consequence or change. how to change? if dun know then just accept. ? argh
weeks later, not companion, tampines will i be next.
result? suffer consequence or change. how to change? if dun know then just accept. ? argh
weeks later, not companion, tampines will i be next.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
yuwei's bdae
if you think i am wasting time blogging. i think it's worth it all when i look back years later.
--
yuwei's bdae. on children's day. a chance to meet up with weilun yuwei huawei jiwei huiying. in fact, weilun is in my course! huawei in my faculty; yuwei beside my hall. but this is different. becuase this is friends gathering. and not meeting classmates in school. this is my 1st bdae this month, and 2 more to go.
yesh, i think i am seriously enjoying myself. short lessons, little homework and erm.. nice place to sleep everynight. if i switched off about things in school, life is a bed of roses.
and tonight, i am at home. things are kind of different at home compared to last time. somehow, i think my mom is concerned about me. well, i mean, it's obvious. my dad bought chicken essense for me to bring to hostel; my mom bought ba kwa and even seaweed. the fridge is stock with my favourite cheese singles. i just cant help but smile to myself.
so, i should work hard. if not for me, at least for my parents.
it's not almost like the olden days when parents slog and save up every single cents for children's university but it is not far off. the same love is there - wanting to give the best for their children.
if our earthly parents so love their children, what good thing will my heavenly Father withhold from me. yesh.. !!! must remember.!!
--
--
yuwei's bdae. on children's day. a chance to meet up with weilun yuwei huawei jiwei huiying. in fact, weilun is in my course! huawei in my faculty; yuwei beside my hall. but this is different. becuase this is friends gathering. and not meeting classmates in school. this is my 1st bdae this month, and 2 more to go.
yesh, i think i am seriously enjoying myself. short lessons, little homework and erm.. nice place to sleep everynight. if i switched off about things in school, life is a bed of roses.
and tonight, i am at home. things are kind of different at home compared to last time. somehow, i think my mom is concerned about me. well, i mean, it's obvious. my dad bought chicken essense for me to bring to hostel; my mom bought ba kwa and even seaweed. the fridge is stock with my favourite cheese singles. i just cant help but smile to myself.
so, i should work hard. if not for me, at least for my parents.
it's not almost like the olden days when parents slog and save up every single cents for children's university but it is not far off. the same love is there - wanting to give the best for their children.
if our earthly parents so love their children, what good thing will my heavenly Father withhold from me. yesh.. !!! must remember.!!
--
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
i need a clique
i feel sad because
i stand with a different group of pple each time we have rooftop meetings.
i hangout with chris etc after i have ctw/phy lab; weilun when i have GEK lect, jeff and bern when i have biz mod. i dun find pple and meet them after lessons. there's no one i can safely call for nothing much. somehow, i think i know pple, but i dun befriend them enough. maybe i'm just asking too much.
anyway, today after the maths test, i kinda miss yuwei, huawei, weilun. or maybe not. i nv found a comfortable company to discuss tests. erm.. well, but i remember feeling much better walking out of common tests with them.
anyway, i will move on, and i know God will have His purpose for the things. i just need to get right with God again.
i stand with a different group of pple each time we have rooftop meetings.
i hangout with chris etc after i have ctw/phy lab; weilun when i have GEK lect, jeff and bern when i have biz mod. i dun find pple and meet them after lessons. there's no one i can safely call for nothing much. somehow, i think i know pple, but i dun befriend them enough. maybe i'm just asking too much.
anyway, today after the maths test, i kinda miss yuwei, huawei, weilun. or maybe not. i nv found a comfortable company to discuss tests. erm.. well, but i remember feeling much better walking out of common tests with them.
anyway, i will move on, and i know God will have His purpose for the things. i just need to get right with God again.
finishing a (chirstian) run
i have a (christian) run today round nus campus. for those who knows nus, it's the A2 route. from sheares hall (home) down the slope easily with adequate energy but doubting if i can complete the run. then i pass by biz block. i can run a longer distance (achieve more for the Lord) by taking a loop from it. giving myself the posibility, i ran in. pass by yusoff hall and i have come to the uphill slope outside central library. expecting this (expecting trials), i put some effort into it and ran it. there are pple around (the world for me to witness to) and hence i try not to look too pathetic. by then, i had kinda slowed down and ivan (shomerim) who was running with me told me that, jog if you must, but dun walk.. (rest if you must but dun you quit).
ups and downs literally (figuratively), we came to NUH and soon outside NUS (unfarmiliar grounds) and ivan said turn left which led us to sciece park 1. we nearly lost our way, but we din't give up. looking at signs (listening to His voice), we found out way and we are on our way back to sheares (Home). i really tot i couldn;t make it anymore, but i know i must. there's 3 ways: run back, walk and reach much later, fell and go to hospital and then eventually back to hall again. i have to finish the run, and i know the energy and ability is there.
when things go wrong, i know why. i really know why, cos i am aware of my walk with God. but the defiant me refuse to obey. with much falls and failures, i will go back to Him, with my wounds and strips. today is a good day to repent and go back to the Lord. this is the day.
ups and downs literally (figuratively), we came to NUH and soon outside NUS (unfarmiliar grounds) and ivan said turn left which led us to sciece park 1. we nearly lost our way, but we din't give up. looking at signs (listening to His voice), we found out way and we are on our way back to sheares (Home). i really tot i couldn;t make it anymore, but i know i must. there's 3 ways: run back, walk and reach much later, fell and go to hospital and then eventually back to hall again. i have to finish the run, and i know the energy and ability is there.
when things go wrong, i know why. i really know why, cos i am aware of my walk with God. but the defiant me refuse to obey. with much falls and failures, i will go back to Him, with my wounds and strips. today is a good day to repent and go back to the Lord. this is the day.
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Saturday, September 24, 2005
5 hours of msn chat
longest chat ever. with darrell. cannot believe it. what's the fuel for the chat? God.
No Nick Name says:
Why must god keep insisting that we believe that he exists without showing himself?
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
make it far.
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
gues syou will be great
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
wow.
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
ya
No Nick Name says:
Why did you bring this up?
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
so, erm, i guess i am just too ignorant to prove to you.
No Nick Name says:
I'm trying to understand your religion better.
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
yesh.
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
i understand that.
No Nick Name says:
It irks me to find out that you cannot accept others as they are.
No Nick Name says:
It irks me to find out that you condemn non-believers.
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
i dun condemn them.
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
if you talkin bout my friend
No Nick Name says:
And it also irks me to find out that although you do this, you believe that your God gives freedom of choice.
No Nick Name says:
No.
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
it's just a guideline
No Nick Name says:
Your bible says so.
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
for me to choose my life partner
No Nick Name says:
You call non-believers unrighteous.
No Nick Name says:
You call them the darkness.
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
okie
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
okie
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
agreed
No Nick Name says:
How do you still stay faithful in this religion?
No Nick Name says:
How can you have so many conflicts?
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
faith is the word
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
of cos, i cannot open my heart to show you my faith
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
but that's the reason.
No Nick Name says:
With so many conflicts in God's word, you can still have faith?
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
because, to me, there's no conflict
No Nick Name says:
Not that I want to sound like a devil's advocate...
just some part of it. *sweat*.. but truely, i must say that Bible proclaims it all:
Hebrews 11:6
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.
No Nick Name says:
Why must god keep insisting that we believe that he exists without showing himself?
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
make it far.
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
gues syou will be great
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
wow.
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
ya
No Nick Name says:
Why did you bring this up?
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
so, erm, i guess i am just too ignorant to prove to you.
No Nick Name says:
I'm trying to understand your religion better.
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
yesh.
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
i understand that.
No Nick Name says:
It irks me to find out that you cannot accept others as they are.
No Nick Name says:
It irks me to find out that you condemn non-believers.
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
i dun condemn them.
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
if you talkin bout my friend
No Nick Name says:
And it also irks me to find out that although you do this, you believe that your God gives freedom of choice.
No Nick Name says:
No.
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
it's just a guideline
No Nick Name says:
Your bible says so.
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
for me to choose my life partner
No Nick Name says:
You call non-believers unrighteous.
No Nick Name says:
You call them the darkness.
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
okie
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
okie
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
agreed
No Nick Name says:
How do you still stay faithful in this religion?
No Nick Name says:
How can you have so many conflicts?
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
faith is the word
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
of cos, i cannot open my heart to show you my faith
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
but that's the reason.
No Nick Name says:
With so many conflicts in God's word, you can still have faith?
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
because, to me, there's no conflict
No Nick Name says:
Not that I want to sound like a devil's advocate...
just some part of it. *sweat*.. but truely, i must say that Bible proclaims it all:
Hebrews 11:6
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.
to all NSF and NSman
will you fight for your country? will you? if it's fear that stops you, will love for your family cause you to fight.
if you think there's no pt defending small Singapore, do you think our small Singapore is exisiting?
2 years of NS. that's just your contribution to society. it may be a waste in watever you are thinking but , that's about it. in turn, we get 2 years of rest, stop and think and move on. not saying that we must be selfless, but let's be less selfish.
if you think there's no pt defending small Singapore, do you think our small Singapore is exisiting?
2 years of NS. that's just your contribution to society. it may be a waste in watever you are thinking but , that's about it. in turn, we get 2 years of rest, stop and think and move on. not saying that we must be selfless, but let's be less selfish.
Friday, September 23, 2005
phy test later.
yes, my phy test is coming soon. ~ i am worried, so i will go and pray harder later.
but this is not bout my physics test. was doing blog roaming and this time i took a look at klement's blog. seems that he's writing last words before leaving for uK. if i am not wrong, imperial also.
just feel like writing bout eugene. gonna missed him for a year cos he's going to uk also. 2nd friend in the group to go overseas. he's been such a long friend, since sec one. will always remember the days when we go to his house on fridays. the nights when he called me just to hold on to the phone until wee hours before he start talking. about the nights we talked about what secondary school friends will talk about. the times when we studies for O levels together. at his house. the swim as incentive after some studying. the many days spent at his house. the times when we will talk to no. 12 busstop to go home. the days when we were in diff jc and yet still in contact.
dun think he will have problems coping with studying overseas. think that's so like him. but i am sure, i hope, that during one of the days overseas, he will have a thought of all the things and companionship we have, together as friends, in singapore.
it's not long before he flies. it's just next friday midnight.
but this is not bout my physics test. was doing blog roaming and this time i took a look at klement's blog. seems that he's writing last words before leaving for uK. if i am not wrong, imperial also.
just feel like writing bout eugene. gonna missed him for a year cos he's going to uk also. 2nd friend in the group to go overseas. he's been such a long friend, since sec one. will always remember the days when we go to his house on fridays. the nights when he called me just to hold on to the phone until wee hours before he start talking. about the nights we talked about what secondary school friends will talk about. the times when we studies for O levels together. at his house. the swim as incentive after some studying. the many days spent at his house. the times when we will talk to no. 12 busstop to go home. the days when we were in diff jc and yet still in contact.
dun think he will have problems coping with studying overseas. think that's so like him. but i am sure, i hope, that during one of the days overseas, he will have a thought of all the things and companionship we have, together as friends, in singapore.
it's not long before he flies. it's just next friday midnight.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
God is still on the throne
Have the ones that once walked on the highway
Gone back, and you seem all alone?
Keep your eyes on the prize, for the home in the skies;
God is still on the throne.
God is still on the throne,
And He will remember His own;
Tho’ trials may press us and burdens distress us,
He never will leave us alone;
God is still on the throne,
He never forsaketh His own;
His promise is true, He will not forget you,
God is still on the throne.
with the sermon by rev willy on sunday and the hymn sung at pm on tuesday. just cause me to stop and think again, of the road i have tread and all the people who have come and go. yvonne, baoting, aldred... now is lk, xiuyi, hongjie.
am i His own?
Gone back, and you seem all alone?
Keep your eyes on the prize, for the home in the skies;
God is still on the throne.
God is still on the throne,
And He will remember His own;
Tho’ trials may press us and burdens distress us,
He never will leave us alone;
God is still on the throne,
He never forsaketh His own;
His promise is true, He will not forget you,
God is still on the throne.
with the sermon by rev willy on sunday and the hymn sung at pm on tuesday. just cause me to stop and think again, of the road i have tread and all the people who have come and go. yvonne, baoting, aldred... now is lk, xiuyi, hongjie.
am i His own?
Monday, September 19, 2005
2 upon 6
"I guess you might be having some difficulties. Do you want to organise a time to see me?" Dr Adrain LEE~ ...
ernest, pls dun quit.
ernest, pls dun quit.
huilian's birthday
it's huilian's birthday today. and i went to her birthday chalet. =) it has been 9 years since i have attended her last birthday cele. yesh, the previous was during the time when we were 11 years old. time flies when each and every one of us step into adulthood.
yifei asked me over the msn about life. he says he so blur and lost about life. as in where will it leads to. what's the purpose of living anyway.
"the sole purpose of man is to live for God and to glory him"
"huh? live to glorify others??" is his reply.
it's not the first time talking to him about GOD but there's nth i can do to cause him to believe, except to pray for him..
back to huilian. her mom asked bout my girlfriend and i say dun have. "why? be too picky.. blah blah" wow.. i am 21 and she's sayin this to me. and i asked huilian bout her bf.. she showed me who is he and said, "why you dun action earlier! i tink my mom dun like him." |||
start to talk about that pri sch outing when someone mentioned to me, asking me to consider her.. but i totally ignored that conversation that time. cos i dun think that can be true lah. well. it's quite unlikely. do i feel as if i miss something? i dun think so lah. cos she's not a christian. so she's not for me. i put a tract in her present. if she accept my invitation to church then say lor.
--
finishing the race well. to be honest, i am often discouraged by shomerim attendance. i feel so alone at times. but i guess to me, there's no turning back. i 'backslide' but i know i cannot deny the fact of God. wish that the rest will come back and not be one of the reprobate. and i hope i will not turn my back against Him. it's not easy.
--
wanting to render my service to whereever but i kinda think that i have this CMI behavior. argh~ i fail my choir audition!! wat duh!!! i just want to join an activity! JUST ONE! sigh.
yifei asked me over the msn about life. he says he so blur and lost about life. as in where will it leads to. what's the purpose of living anyway.
"the sole purpose of man is to live for God and to glory him"
"huh? live to glorify others??" is his reply.
it's not the first time talking to him about GOD but there's nth i can do to cause him to believe, except to pray for him..
back to huilian. her mom asked bout my girlfriend and i say dun have. "why? be too picky.. blah blah" wow.. i am 21 and she's sayin this to me. and i asked huilian bout her bf.. she showed me who is he and said, "why you dun action earlier! i tink my mom dun like him." |||
start to talk about that pri sch outing when someone mentioned to me, asking me to consider her.. but i totally ignored that conversation that time. cos i dun think that can be true lah. well. it's quite unlikely. do i feel as if i miss something? i dun think so lah. cos she's not a christian. so she's not for me. i put a tract in her present. if she accept my invitation to church then say lor.
--
finishing the race well. to be honest, i am often discouraged by shomerim attendance. i feel so alone at times. but i guess to me, there's no turning back. i 'backslide' but i know i cannot deny the fact of God. wish that the rest will come back and not be one of the reprobate. and i hope i will not turn my back against Him. it's not easy.
--
wanting to render my service to whereever but i kinda think that i have this CMI behavior. argh~ i fail my choir audition!! wat duh!!! i just want to join an activity! JUST ONE! sigh.
dinner with family
went to fei cui la mien at scotts on saturday, after the combined meeting with calvary tengah. erm.. it's a annual thing for me now on, trying to give them (my mom and bro) a treat since their birthday is in september. yeap..
nice time eating and enjoying the food. it feels good to order like no body's busines..
happy birthday mom and edmund.~
nice time eating and enjoying the food. it feels good to order like no body's busines..
happy birthday mom and edmund.~
argh!!
argh.. so worried now!! i am having this primary 4 syndrone.. cos i have this exact feeling in pri 4. about what's ahead is so disgusting..
i failed the choir audition!!! wah lau!! i can sing.. just that i cannot sing at times. sigh.. well. i should have tried harder. it's just that day something, erm.. i am i am worse that day. i am normally only bad. not that bad. sigh..
physics online assignmetn results out. i got 8.8 upon 10 for the 1st one. 11.8/13 for the 2nd. am i doing alright?? NOPE!!!! the mean is 9! and 12!.. what the heck.. ernest.. time to study.but will study help??
there goes my Chem online test also. there goes my 2.5 %
okie,i know i sound disgusting here but i really think i shouldn't be so heck care and graduate without trying hard.
i failed the choir audition!!! wah lau!! i can sing.. just that i cannot sing at times. sigh.. well. i should have tried harder. it's just that day something, erm.. i am i am worse that day. i am normally only bad. not that bad. sigh..
physics online assignmetn results out. i got 8.8 upon 10 for the 1st one. 11.8/13 for the 2nd. am i doing alright?? NOPE!!!! the mean is 9! and 12!.. what the heck.. ernest.. time to study.but will study help??
there goes my Chem online test also. there goes my 2.5 %
okie,i know i sound disgusting here but i really think i shouldn't be so heck care and graduate without trying hard.
Friday, September 16, 2005
good bye buaya week
i have my 750 essay to do but well, let's blog when i have the urge. and of cos i must thank my buaya who is now rushing her 1000 word essay for our sake. =) you are the best meiqiang~
if you dun know what's buaya week. it's just a fun week making everyone happy. i hope everyone has their fair share. and for me, i have definitely enjoyed all the things done for me=) i guess this kind of thing is pay it forward. yeap.. pay it foward.
sunday when i reach hall. actions has started. =) so nice.
in the middle of the night, wheni go out for toilet break, it's on my door knob. "have a break, have a kit kat." indeed.
major project. sweetest gift. =) cannot believe it. i should have done more for cindy (my buayee) sigh..
sweets coming from the sky.. coming down on a string outside my window.=)
day of revelation =)
and the gift from cindy=)
--
and she actually found my blog. wow. well, it's not really difficult to guess but it takes effort. hmm.. so, can i still blog bout hall from now on? haha.. of cos yes, only those who bothers will read and i wonder who will. haha=)
--
now the pessimistic side arise. hmm.. okie. nvm. i just wish to have someone to stand beside comfortably during the next rooftop meeting. yeah.
if you dun know what's buaya week. it's just a fun week making everyone happy. i hope everyone has their fair share. and for me, i have definitely enjoyed all the things done for me=) i guess this kind of thing is pay it forward. yeap.. pay it foward.
sunday when i reach hall. actions has started. =) so nice.
in the middle of the night, wheni go out for toilet break, it's on my door knob. "have a break, have a kit kat." indeed.
major project. sweetest gift. =) cannot believe it. i should have done more for cindy (my buayee) sigh..
sweets coming from the sky.. coming down on a string outside my window.=)
day of revelation =)
and the gift from cindy=)
--
and she actually found my blog. wow. well, it's not really difficult to guess but it takes effort. hmm.. so, can i still blog bout hall from now on? haha.. of cos yes, only those who bothers will read and i wonder who will. haha=)
--
now the pessimistic side arise. hmm.. okie. nvm. i just wish to have someone to stand beside comfortably during the next rooftop meeting. yeah.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
learn to express myself or hide myself
i appear to be unfriendly. maybe i am unfriendly, so start to learn how to hide my unfriendliness.
i dun mean to raise or exclaim
i dun mean to raise or exclaim
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
cap
cap, that's what everyone is trying to maintain. for me, it something to strvie for but i dun know what to set myself for. it's really challenging. not only in engin, but in nus. it's about the number of As you have. it's not how good are you. but are you better cos the rest are all good. sigh.
talking to zhenhong, since he's in year 2, gives me some aspect from a year 2 biz student, ex-vj vs person's point of view. he's not the mean and mode of the population but well, maybe it's an unbiased estimate for the general population.
jeff says something today. "that's about staying in hostel, it will affect your study". my instant thought is, so is your study everything? his view is from another view. guess being both a hostelite and yet studying is possible. maybe. yesh.. let's try. first of all, start to study. haah
talking to zhenhong, since he's in year 2, gives me some aspect from a year 2 biz student, ex-vj vs person's point of view. he's not the mean and mode of the population but well, maybe it's an unbiased estimate for the general population.
jeff says something today. "that's about staying in hostel, it will affect your study". my instant thought is, so is your study everything? his view is from another view. guess being both a hostelite and yet studying is possible. maybe. yesh.. let's try. first of all, start to study. haah
Monday, September 12, 2005
age does not matter. but it hurts
it has always been the case but you realise it more and more when you are grown up and you are working. it's not the seniority but the maturity. that goes for a christian faith and it goes for other things as well.
your junior very probably be better than you. and you realise that a 21 year old person can be doing his honours when you are a freshie. a year 2 is 1 year younger and more handsome and more zai than you. so. at this pt of time, i wish and hope that the following will comfort whosoever and help him.
Ecc2:26 For God giveth to a man that is good in his sight wisdom, and knowledge, and joy: but to the sinner he giveth travail, to gather and to heap up, that he may give to him that is good before God. This also is vanity and vexation of spirit.
your junior very probably be better than you. and you realise that a 21 year old person can be doing his honours when you are a freshie. a year 2 is 1 year younger and more handsome and more zai than you. so. at this pt of time, i wish and hope that the following will comfort whosoever and help him.
Ecc2:26 For God giveth to a man that is good in his sight wisdom, and knowledge, and joy: but to the sinner he giveth travail, to gather and to heap up, that he may give to him that is good before God. This also is vanity and vexation of spirit.
Friday, September 09, 2005
friday night.
start of buaya week. it's a super scaled Secret Pal game. but it's better cos it's one week. hmm.
let's do some update first. erm.. random thoughts:
1. xuanjie is smart. or at least he's weird enough to understand me.
2. zhenhong is fun, if can will hang out with him more.
3. i need to look friendly. a task to work on.
4. tutorials are running late. need to start
5. hols coming, time to study.
6. room is dusty, cleaning up tonight.
7. pple in my class are just smart, i need to study.
8. realise i am too judgemental, that's my unfriendly part.
9. i am too not pro active, should be bubbly and asking pple to work together with me.
10. liwei is not joining campus crusade already, he says that he cannot cope.
11. was talking to christopher, wee kuok, and their friends. it's a whole friendster connection world. but sad to say, i am not in the link. but still, had fun talking.
12. talking to chris makes me how long have i not talk to my sec 2 pple. where have and how have they been?
kathleen, angela, cheryl, yvonne, yanhan, yashi, yiling, yuanwang, huiteng, weixiong, weiming, calvin, andrew, huishi, eugene, jie'an, baoting, weiliang, gina, miaorong, elaine, jingwen, yu rui, janice, adeline
so long ago and i am not making effort to maintain the friendship, if there's one.
--start to write some pseudo thesis--
男人不坏女人不爱。不只一个朋友对我说：“我喜欢男孩坏坏的。” 刘德华德格的歌《笨小孩》也是这么写着的。我想是世人都有一点”无法自拔“吧。自太初，在伊甸的时候，亚当就很犯贱地选择吃禁果。我想大家都有伤害自己的倾向。往往身在其中，都无法察觉。所以好男人有人要吗？新好男人听起来不错，可是往往女生把他们当好朋友看待。
十个男人9个色。真的吗？也是吧。可是也会有友善的男人常常跟女生交谈纯粹是因为他们友善。为什么我总觉得女生总把过于友善的男生已有"色“眼光以待呢?
--okie.. forget it. i am just trying too hard. let's save up energy to write my critique which is due on friday!
let's do some update first. erm.. random thoughts:
1. xuanjie is smart. or at least he's weird enough to understand me.
2. zhenhong is fun, if can will hang out with him more.
3. i need to look friendly. a task to work on.
4. tutorials are running late. need to start
5. hols coming, time to study.
6. room is dusty, cleaning up tonight.
7. pple in my class are just smart, i need to study.
8. realise i am too judgemental, that's my unfriendly part.
9. i am too not pro active, should be bubbly and asking pple to work together with me.
10. liwei is not joining campus crusade already, he says that he cannot cope.
11. was talking to christopher, wee kuok, and their friends. it's a whole friendster connection world. but sad to say, i am not in the link. but still, had fun talking.
12. talking to chris makes me how long have i not talk to my sec 2 pple. where have and how have they been?
kathleen, angela, cheryl, yvonne, yanhan, yashi, yiling, yuanwang, huiteng, weixiong, weiming, calvin, andrew, huishi, eugene, jie'an, baoting, weiliang, gina, miaorong, elaine, jingwen, yu rui, janice, adeline
so long ago and i am not making effort to maintain the friendship, if there's one.
--start to write some pseudo thesis--
男人不坏女人不爱。不只一个朋友对我说：“我喜欢男孩坏坏的。” 刘德华德格的歌《笨小孩》也是这么写着的。我想是世人都有一点”无法自拔“吧。自太初，在伊甸的时候，亚当就很犯贱地选择吃禁果。我想大家都有伤害自己的倾向。往往身在其中，都无法察觉。所以好男人有人要吗？新好男人听起来不错，可是往往女生把他们当好朋友看待。
十个男人9个色。真的吗？也是吧。可是也会有友善的男人常常跟女生交谈纯粹是因为他们友善。为什么我总觉得女生总把过于友善的男生已有"色“眼光以待呢?
--okie.. forget it. i am just trying too hard. let's save up energy to write my critique which is due on friday!
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
updates
i wish to write something more in depth than rambling. in fact, i have leave this blogger page on for days before i really start writing. hmm.. guess at the times when i have the most to write, i am too tired. but let's record down what am i feeling now so that hopefully, days later, i will realise that situation has improved.
"very long time never see you" jingyang
"hey! long time no see!" karan,
"eh.. where have you been har?" xuanjie
within 15 min on monday dinner, 3 pple said that to me. guess i have been quite a phantom in hall recently. in fact, i tot i have quite a fanthom in church already. so, it's a situation where both ends not reached. wat am i tryin to do? gaining recognition in hall? what for? but the thing is, i am very willing to join in the fun and rowdiness in the middle of the night but well, all the fun are in level 6. ask me to go up? difficult, where am i supposed to lie on? or hang around?
this is really troubling me: i cannot do my tutorials!! i think i have been perceived as a mugger but the fact is, most of the time i am staring into the questions and unable to do them! i just can't go about the equations. while trying to solve my physics, i neglected my fin accounting (which i better practice until it's at the back of my hand.) sigh..
hall activities? there's no lack of activities to join, what i wish and pray for now are the people in the activities. often, it's not the thing that we do but the thing that we do with. (hmm... guess i must try to find pple to study wiht me, but who?"
in some ways, it may be God having a hand in the activities i am joining. jingwen ask me to be the secretary for tech crew. 1 down. CMB ask me to be their Pub IC. 2 down. Shyuan ask me to be in Sheares Production Sound. 3 down. more than enough,i think. will complete it with something like choir or accapella (if they want me ) haha..
so? if anyone is reading, please pray that i can do my tutorials. the inabilities is killing me. hols in 1 week time, which means mugging must start to pick up from now on and start mugging for that 1 week (i mean 4-day) holidays.
"very long time never see you" jingyang
"hey! long time no see!" karan,
"eh.. where have you been har?" xuanjie
within 15 min on monday dinner, 3 pple said that to me. guess i have been quite a phantom in hall recently. in fact, i tot i have quite a fanthom in church already. so, it's a situation where both ends not reached. wat am i tryin to do? gaining recognition in hall? what for? but the thing is, i am very willing to join in the fun and rowdiness in the middle of the night but well, all the fun are in level 6. ask me to go up? difficult, where am i supposed to lie on? or hang around?
this is really troubling me: i cannot do my tutorials!! i think i have been perceived as a mugger but the fact is, most of the time i am staring into the questions and unable to do them! i just can't go about the equations. while trying to solve my physics, i neglected my fin accounting (which i better practice until it's at the back of my hand.) sigh..
hall activities? there's no lack of activities to join, what i wish and pray for now are the people in the activities. often, it's not the thing that we do but the thing that we do with. (hmm... guess i must try to find pple to study wiht me, but who?"
in some ways, it may be God having a hand in the activities i am joining. jingwen ask me to be the secretary for tech crew. 1 down. CMB ask me to be their Pub IC. 2 down. Shyuan ask me to be in Sheares Production Sound. 3 down. more than enough,i think. will complete it with something like choir or accapella (if they want me ) haha..
so? if anyone is reading, please pray that i can do my tutorials. the inabilities is killing me. hols in 1 week time, which means mugging must start to pick up from now on and start mugging for that 1 week (i mean 4-day) holidays.
Friday, September 02, 2005
dy/dx (blogging) = 0
pple are not bloggin as much liao. seriously... i guess weixiong's reason is pretty valid for me too. many times when something significant happen to blog, another thing supercede the situation and when things are overtaken by event, why blog?
after reading his recent blog, make me realise that i may be in the same plight as him. joining hall activities or any activities is really bothering me. if you think i am trying not to join? you are wrong. i wish to join a lot of things yet with many stumbling blocks attached. i wish to sing but i know i can't. i wish to play but i know i cannot too. ya.. guess it boils down to abiblities. committees sound like something very ernest to join.. but is it true? can i be active in planning and getting around getting things done? and right now, tryin to design block t-shirt and fcm flyers. so i need photoshop, urgent!...
wat's the thing bout joining activities? nope, not to stay.. but to feel like i am involved. i dun wish to sit down and watch the world pass by. guess fcm is an avenue.. but then again, is it true? i feel bad for not being present in hall too. i am pleasing too many pple. i know that. but i am seeing God's guidance in the light of all these, thru pple's testimonies and things that come along the way. yes, He will guide me.
---
weilun said this when we were in lecture. he's sitting on my left and micheal was on my right.
he said: since Sandwich Theorem (yesh, there's really such thing), g(x)<= f(x) <= h(x), and lim g(x) | x->a = and lim h(x) | x->a = L.
So, weilun, who was sitting beside me, is capable, and micheal sitting on my right is capable too, by sandwich theorem, ernest sitting in the middle is capable as well. HAHA..
--
jeff, bernard and myself.
weilun, micheal, mingkeong and myself.
present lecture cliques. hall? ermm.. in the midst of finding.
--
at times when i checked my blur stats and realise that it's not zero, i felt that i am heard. thanks all who are hearing me.
after reading his recent blog, make me realise that i may be in the same plight as him. joining hall activities or any activities is really bothering me. if you think i am trying not to join? you are wrong. i wish to join a lot of things yet with many stumbling blocks attached. i wish to sing but i know i can't. i wish to play but i know i cannot too. ya.. guess it boils down to abiblities. committees sound like something very ernest to join.. but is it true? can i be active in planning and getting around getting things done? and right now, tryin to design block t-shirt and fcm flyers. so i need photoshop, urgent!...
wat's the thing bout joining activities? nope, not to stay.. but to feel like i am involved. i dun wish to sit down and watch the world pass by. guess fcm is an avenue.. but then again, is it true? i feel bad for not being present in hall too. i am pleasing too many pple. i know that. but i am seeing God's guidance in the light of all these, thru pple's testimonies and things that come along the way. yes, He will guide me.
---
weilun said this when we were in lecture. he's sitting on my left and micheal was on my right.
he said: since Sandwich Theorem (yesh, there's really such thing), g(x)<= f(x) <= h(x), and lim g(x) | x->a = and lim h(x) | x->a = L.
So, weilun, who was sitting beside me, is capable, and micheal sitting on my right is capable too, by sandwich theorem, ernest sitting in the middle is capable as well. HAHA..
--
jeff, bernard and myself.
weilun, micheal, mingkeong and myself.
present lecture cliques. hall? ermm.. in the midst of finding.
--
at times when i checked my blur stats and realise that it's not zero, i felt that i am heard. thanks all who are hearing me.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
vjc 01S46
::far away from the main crowd again.. tho efforts been made to move closer..
long time ago, i thought i was a class person... like to have a class. that's why i like dhssec2h so much. later.. in year 1 jc, i guess i am more or less bout the same. jc2 start to withdraw a bit.. now in uni.. i have a class too.. haha.. dun know what kind of friendship will be forged this time.
still.. have to thank jevon for organising a class outing on 28th aug. he's going to france.. quite cool hor. it seemed to be greener on the other side but yesh.. still telling myself that God is good to me.
Saturday, August 27, 2005
miracle change
i need it.. soon, i will take my bath and finsih my tutorial early and start my Friday with a bubbly ernest. yeah.. (Proverbs 18:24: A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.) start to step our of my self fulfilling prophecy.. start to get happening. make a choice. this is the day.=)
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
relying on God.
i really thank God for my A levels results.. the As are really so erm.. unimaginable. it must be Him. but also because that i really believe that the As comes from God, i have little faith and truly think that my results and abilities cannot match up to my classmates..
but wait.. that's very wrong.. if i know that God is so good to me and will be with me.. why do i even doubt my ability to complete and do well enough??
Romans 8:31 What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?
but wait.. that's very wrong.. if i know that God is so good to me and will be with me.. why do i even doubt my ability to complete and do well enough??
Romans 8:31 What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?
Sunday, August 21, 2005
taiwan trip sending off
acutally, i should be grateful to the Lord, for giving me so many friends. and the following are the pple who came to send me off before my Ex Highnoon in taiwan. =) yeap, finally gotten the photos from lime.. =)
in all things, thank God
in all things, thank God
Friday, August 19, 2005
Thursday, August 18, 2005
..i ask myself, what will i be?
ernest: i still feel very sian about myself. for not knowing what i want in hall.. involvement for just a place to stay..
ernest: well.. in the end, my half-heartedness cause me not gettig it i guess..
ernest: i am glad, at the same time, wondering what's next for me..
finally settling down..i hope says:
i understand wat u feel
finally settling down..i hope says:
i am prob feelin the same thing, rrealli
ernest: well.. in the end, my half-heartedness cause me not gettig it i guess..
ernest: i am glad, at the same time, wondering what's next for me..
i understand wat u feel
i am prob feelin the same thing, rrealli
deprived of bloggin..
ernest: http://msncheck.41m.com change your msn nick... anyway, it's reallie surprising to know who have deleted me!! says:
i still feel very sian about myself. for not knowing what i want in hall.. involvement for just a place to stay..
ernest: http://msncheck.41m.com change your msn nick... anyway, it's reallie surprising to know who have deleted me!! says:
well.. in the end, my half-heartedness cause me not gettig it i guess..
ernest: http://msncheck.41m.com change your msn nick... anyway, it's reallie surprising to know who have deleted me!! says:
i am glad, at the same time, wondering what's next for me..
finally settling down..i hope says:
i understand wat u feel
finally settling down..i hope says:
i am prob feelin the same thing, rrealli
i still feel very sian about myself. for not knowing what i want in hall.. involvement for just a place to stay..
ernest: http://msncheck.41m.com change your msn nick... anyway, it's reallie surprising to know who have deleted me!! says:
well.. in the end, my half-heartedness cause me not gettig it i guess..
ernest: http://msncheck.41m.com change your msn nick... anyway, it's reallie surprising to know who have deleted me!! says:
i am glad, at the same time, wondering what's next for me..
i understand wat u feel
i am prob feelin the same thing, rrealli
Friday, August 12, 2005
good and bad things so far..
which do you prefer? to ask someone for a date but being turned down? or being declined gently? or accepted your invite quite not enthusiatically? well.. asking someone out has been quite a difficult thing for me.. tho it's for standard stuffs and nth more than platonic is involved but kinda sad when you realise that you cannot get a date. anyway, asked faith and erm.. yeap got it.. in the 3rd manner.
which do you prefer? during a mass truth session, when the girls are asked about the most cute/yandao blah freshie guys... you name isn't called? your name is called out as the majority (which means it's a template decided by them to save the trouble to saying the truth.. )? clement is the choice for the seniors.. he's really quite enthu, funky and humourous.. so.. would you like to be called out as the template for juniors? i dun know..
initiation was fun.. with all the gross stuffs and water and ice.. guess i am just deprived of such experience in sec sch.. cos i din't join those kind of cca. =) right at this moment, they are playing touch rugby and soccer in the mpsh.. which obviously i find it difficult to join..
the following is the list of things "complained".. not becos i am not satisfied with God's arrangement for me but a list to note so that next time (hopefully soon enough) i can know and realise His ways are indeed higher and His plan is the best..
my room is at level 4 (ground floor) and it;s along the corridor which everyone from block E (not my block, my block is block D) will walk pass.. so, when i practice the open-door policy, i cannot help it but being irritated by the passing by block E-kers.. so, dun open door, appear to be anti..
hmm.. actually, not much to write about complainings.. let me share some testimony..
kent ridge is my first choice and i got shears .. now, feedback tells me that kentridge has more politics and the points are not transparent. and also, same level of activity in kentridge will earn half the points as compared to shears (according to eunice)
i am in block D (which has no chem engin pple, pple whom i know like zeming, joel, leonard eunice are all not in this block). then i realise that this block is a cultural block (not very sports type.. so, i guess i am more comfy in this block as compared to other blocks..
no friends in sheares from the start.. but now.. i guess, erm.. i am being trained to make friends. tho i think i have made any, but i know God will bring some to me (cos i've prayed bout it)
chem engin is siong.. not only the workload but the competition.. the whole year 1 are limited to take 20 MC in this sem.. but somehow, chem engin pple can take 25.! so... almost all took 6 modules this sem.. almost.. and of cos i followed suit. hah..
actually, i just wish to have more companions, friends, and of cos, ability to study well enough.. =)
which do you prefer? during a mass truth session, when the girls are asked about the most cute/yandao blah freshie guys... you name isn't called? your name is called out as the majority (which means it's a template decided by them to save the trouble to saying the truth.. )? clement is the choice for the seniors.. he's really quite enthu, funky and humourous.. so.. would you like to be called out as the template for juniors? i dun know..
initiation was fun.. with all the gross stuffs and water and ice.. guess i am just deprived of such experience in sec sch.. cos i din't join those kind of cca. =) right at this moment, they are playing touch rugby and soccer in the mpsh.. which obviously i find it difficult to join..
the following is the list of things "complained".. not becos i am not satisfied with God's arrangement for me but a list to note so that next time (hopefully soon enough) i can know and realise His ways are indeed higher and His plan is the best..
my room is at level 4 (ground floor) and it;s along the corridor which everyone from block E (not my block, my block is block D) will walk pass.. so, when i practice the open-door policy, i cannot help it but being irritated by the passing by block E-kers.. so, dun open door, appear to be anti..
hmm.. actually, not much to write about complainings.. let me share some testimony..
kent ridge is my first choice and i got shears .. now, feedback tells me that kentridge has more politics and the points are not transparent. and also, same level of activity in kentridge will earn half the points as compared to shears (according to eunice)
i am in block D (which has no chem engin pple, pple whom i know like zeming, joel, leonard eunice are all not in this block). then i realise that this block is a cultural block (not very sports type.. so, i guess i am more comfy in this block as compared to other blocks..
no friends in sheares from the start.. but now.. i guess, erm.. i am being trained to make friends. tho i think i have made any, but i know God will bring some to me (cos i've prayed bout it)
chem engin is siong.. not only the workload but the competition.. the whole year 1 are limited to take 20 MC in this sem.. but somehow, chem engin pple can take 25.! so... almost all took 6 modules this sem.. almost.. and of cos i followed suit. hah..
actually, i just wish to have more companions, friends, and of cos, ability to study well enough.. =)
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
why can't i be more firm!!!!!!!
gabriel says take 6 is right.. then i want to take 6
when i see pple have 4 day week, i also want to have 4 day week..
when i see weilun taking 5, i advise him take 6..
senior class advise 6, i try to bid for my 6th..
when i am bidding, i din't monitor.. trying to leave it for God to decide.
when i din't get the module, i take it as God's will..
but now weilun has his 6th module and i start to gabra-ah..
jeff taking 5? bernard dun know what..
so,?? am i supposed to take 6 or 5?? i think i am quite slack this sem.. wat shux.. slack also cannot, siong also cannot.. wat am i doing??
take special term lah.. wat the..
when i see pple have 4 day week, i also want to have 4 day week..
when i see weilun taking 5, i advise him take 6..
senior class advise 6, i try to bid for my 6th..
when i am bidding, i din't monitor.. trying to leave it for God to decide.
when i din't get the module, i take it as God's will..
but now weilun has his 6th module and i start to gabra-ah..
jeff taking 5? bernard dun know what..
so,?? am i supposed to take 6 or 5?? i think i am quite slack this sem.. wat shux.. slack also cannot, siong also cannot.. wat am i doing??
take special term lah.. wat the..
Monday, August 08, 2005
the joy and confidence...
i was playing sepak takraw with gabriel, mark, william/julian (dun know what's his name), zhihan (he's good), lip hon, matthew..
well, my legs were tired, not from playing but from standing around being a vase.. yesh.. typical ernest in a sports game and wonder why did i join them in the first place.. i guess i am tryin hard to try playing.. the problem with most pple is that they dun even try.. okie.. i am referring to myself.. i dun even try to play sports..
i dun want and dun wish to present a super low confidence ernest in this blog but i just cant feel confident about things.. and about myself.. that's wrong.. there's smth that gives me joy and confidence cos the Lord is with me.
Romans 8:31 What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?
there's should be nth to fear when God is with me.. isn't it?
well, my legs were tired, not from playing but from standing around being a vase.. yesh.. typical ernest in a sports game and wonder why did i join them in the first place.. i guess i am tryin hard to try playing.. the problem with most pple is that they dun even try.. okie.. i am referring to myself.. i dun even try to play sports..
i dun want and dun wish to present a super low confidence ernest in this blog but i just cant feel confident about things.. and about myself.. that's wrong.. there's smth that gives me joy and confidence cos the Lord is with me.
Romans 8:31 What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?
there's should be nth to fear when God is with me.. isn't it?
Friday, August 05, 2005
confidence
anyway, i have a problem.. well.. i always say that..
but i guess i just cannot appear to be confident enough.. as a result, not suitable to do the thigns that i like best.. influencing pple. and i am always so not confident that i cannot perform till the end..
well. that me i guess.
but i guess i just cannot appear to be confident enough.. as a result, not suitable to do the thigns that i like best.. influencing pple. and i am always so not confident that i cannot perform till the end..
well. that me i guess.
nus, sheares hall
here's an update about myself after reading lingqin's. erm.. i know going back to school is quite normal to many but definitely not to me for i go back to school with a lot of uncertainties, questions and blurness.. haha..
i am taking 5 modules this sem. (cos i dun dare to try 6 on my first attempt and too many uncertainties.. ) tho i wish to take 6 modules, i dun know which is the 6th module i should be taking.. have to spend more time praying before making decision..
1. EG1413
2. MA1505
3. PC1431
4. FN1001
5. GEM????
okie.. shant talk in language unknnown haaha. (1 Cor 14.. hehehe) they are critical thinkning and writing (ENglish) maths (i am worried for my maths sux now.. hh and bh can testify for that) and physics (!! ) Chemical perspective of our atmosphere, and Financial Accounting.! (wow.. it's my personal choice.. so i better like it.. =)
realise that time is really not enough.. and i seriously need to think about what are my invariable meetings and priorities.. mon night class, tue pm, or fri fcm? i really dun know if i can go for all 3.. okie.. actually fri fcm is out cos my lesson ends at 8 that day.. maybe will go after 8.. so.. what about cca? i dun know.. pple are talking about resume and doing the most in nus cos you wun have that chance next time.. talking having exciting experience with productions and all.. so.. what do i want/? make a difference? or to be different? playing sports in hall? how sports can i play maN?? nth.. ! so join committees? was helping with rag (float making) and i realise i kinda get pretty useless at times.. wish i am a designer, but i dun seem to be doing well.. so? dun know.. pretty sad to remain amatuerish all the while.. drama? skin is holding me back.. in fact, i guess i am inactive most of the time with skin as my convenient excuse .. talking bout sports and stuffs..
so.. what am i worrying bout? erm.. i hope that i know what's for me and what do i really want in uni.. exciting hostel life, how involved should i be in the hostel? good grades? know friends? i dun know.. you know.. i feel very guilty whenever i feel lost or sad or not cheery or become worrisome.. cos i should be a happy guy whose trust is in the Lord, who has created heaven and earth.. why should i worry!! When i can drill that fact into me and stop worrying..???
so.. school is starting this coming monday.. wow.. how exciting.. oh ya.. my mon ends at 9.. i mean 9 am. so.. hhaahha. wonder if it's good or bad..
may God help me and help us to know His will for us.. =)
i am taking 5 modules this sem. (cos i dun dare to try 6 on my first attempt and too many uncertainties.. ) tho i wish to take 6 modules, i dun know which is the 6th module i should be taking.. have to spend more time praying before making decision..
1. EG1413
2. MA1505
3. PC1431
4. FN1001
5. GEM????
okie.. shant talk in language unknnown haaha. (1 Cor 14.. hehehe) they are critical thinkning and writing (ENglish) maths (i am worried for my maths sux now.. hh and bh can testify for that) and physics (!! ) Chemical perspective of our atmosphere, and Financial Accounting.! (wow.. it's my personal choice.. so i better like it.. =)
realise that time is really not enough.. and i seriously need to think about what are my invariable meetings and priorities.. mon night class, tue pm, or fri fcm? i really dun know if i can go for all 3.. okie.. actually fri fcm is out cos my lesson ends at 8 that day.. maybe will go after 8.. so.. what about cca? i dun know.. pple are talking about resume and doing the most in nus cos you wun have that chance next time.. talking having exciting experience with productions and all.. so.. what do i want/? make a difference? or to be different? playing sports in hall? how sports can i play maN?? nth.. ! so join committees? was helping with rag (float making) and i realise i kinda get pretty useless at times.. wish i am a designer, but i dun seem to be doing well.. so? dun know.. pretty sad to remain amatuerish all the while.. drama? skin is holding me back.. in fact, i guess i am inactive most of the time with skin as my convenient excuse .. talking bout sports and stuffs..
so.. what am i worrying bout? erm.. i hope that i know what's for me and what do i really want in uni.. exciting hostel life, how involved should i be in the hostel? good grades? know friends? i dun know.. you know.. i feel very guilty whenever i feel lost or sad or not cheery or become worrisome.. cos i should be a happy guy whose trust is in the Lord, who has created heaven and earth.. why should i worry!! When i can drill that fact into me and stop worrying..???
so.. school is starting this coming monday.. wow.. how exciting.. oh ya.. my mon ends at 9.. i mean 9 am. so.. hhaahha. wonder if it's good or bad..
may God help me and help us to know His will for us.. =)
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
bidding...
okie.. got a lot of problems including dun know what modules to take.. it's about managerial economics or my gem (chemical atmosphere)...
why am i so concerned? becos i can only take one science gem.. i am treasuring it.!! i dun wish to rush into it.. where as i can take more biz modules next time since i am going to minor in ba.. ya.. so.. dun know lah..
now, i hope that i can bid the gem with ONE point.. have to monitor to make sure it's one point... if not i wun not be willing to drop and try for my managerial econs with will be open for bidding only in the next round..
so.. it's bout ONE point..
weiliang was saying.. we are so concerned to bid with ONE point.. so.. just one point.. !
why am i so concerned? becos i can only take one science gem.. i am treasuring it.!! i dun wish to rush into it.. where as i can take more biz modules next time since i am going to minor in ba.. ya.. so.. dun know lah..
now, i hope that i can bid the gem with ONE point.. have to monitor to make sure it's one point... if not i wun not be willing to drop and try for my managerial econs with will be open for bidding only in the next round..
so.. it's bout ONE point..
weiliang was saying.. we are so concerned to bid with ONE point.. so.. just one point.. !
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