5 hours of msn chat

longest chat ever. with darrell. cannot believe it. what's the fuel for the chat? God.

No Nick Name says:
Why must god keep insisting that we believe that he exists without showing himself?
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
make it far.
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
gues syou will be great
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
wow.
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
ya
No Nick Name says:
Why did you bring this up?
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
so, erm, i guess i am just too ignorant to prove to you.
No Nick Name says:
I'm trying to understand your religion better.
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
yesh.
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
i understand that.
No Nick Name says:
It irks me to find out that you cannot accept others as they are.
No Nick Name says:
It irks me to find out that you condemn non-believers.
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
i dun condemn them.
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
if you talkin bout my friend
No Nick Name says:
And it also irks me to find out that although you do this, you believe that your God gives freedom of choice.
No Nick Name says:
No.
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
it's just a guideline
No Nick Name says:
Your bible says so.
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
for me to choose my life partner
No Nick Name says:
You call non-believers unrighteous.
No Nick Name says:
You call them the darkness.
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
okie
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
okie
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
agreed
No Nick Name says:
How do you still stay faithful in this religion?
No Nick Name says:
How can you have so many conflicts?
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
faith is the word
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
of cos, i cannot open my heart to show you my faith
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
but that's the reason.
No Nick Name says:
With so many conflicts in God's word, you can still have faith?
~dee~ "ernest! ~ rest if you must, but dun u quit~ says:
because, to me, there's no conflict
No Nick Name says:
Not that I want to sound like a devil's advocate...


just some part of it. *sweat*.. but truely, i must say that Bible proclaims it all:

Hebrews 11:6
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

to all NSF and NSman

will you fight for your country? will you? if it's fear that stops you, will love for your family cause you to fight.

if you think there's no pt defending small Singapore, do you think our small Singapore is exisiting?

2 years of NS. that's just your contribution to society. it may be a waste in watever you are thinking but , that's about it. in turn, we get 2 years of rest, stop and think and move on. not saying that we must be selfless, but let's be less selfish.

phy test later.

yes, my phy test is coming soon. ~ i am worried, so i will go and pray harder later.

but this is not bout my physics test. was doing blog roaming and this time i took a look at klement's blog. seems that he's writing last words before leaving for uK. if i am not wrong, imperial also.

just feel like writing bout eugene. gonna missed him for a year cos he's going to uk also. 2nd friend in the group to go overseas. he's been such a long friend, since sec one. will always remember the days when we go to his house on fridays. the nights when he called me just to hold on to the phone until wee hours before he start talking. about the nights we talked about what secondary school friends will talk about. the times when we studies for O levels together. at his house. the swim as incentive after some studying. the many days spent at his house. the times when we will talk to no. 12 busstop to go home. the days when we were in diff jc and yet still in contact.

dun think he will have problems coping with studying overseas. think that's so like him. but i am sure, i hope, that during one of the days overseas, he will have a thought of all the things and companionship we have, together as friends, in singapore.

it's not long before he flies. it's just next friday midnight.

God is still on the throne

Have the ones that once walked on the highway
Gone back, and you seem all alone?
Keep your eyes on the prize, for the home in the skies;
God is still on the throne.

God is still on the throne,
And He will remember His own;
Tho’ trials may press us and burdens distress us,
He never will leave us alone;
God is still on the throne,
He never forsaketh His own;
His promise is true, He will not forget you,
God is still on the throne.

with the sermon by rev willy on sunday and the hymn sung at pm on tuesday. just cause me to stop and think again, of the road i have tread and all the people who have come and go. yvonne, baoting, aldred... now is lk, xiuyi, hongjie.

am i His own?

2 upon 6

"I guess you might be having some difficulties. Do you want to organise a time to see me?" Dr Adrain LEE~ ...

ernest, pls dun quit.

huilian's birthday

it's huilian's birthday today. and i went to her birthday chalet. =) it has been 9 years since i have attended her last birthday cele. yesh, the previous was during the time when we were 11 years old. time flies when each and every one of us step into adulthood.

yifei asked me over the msn about life. he says he so blur and lost about life. as in where will it leads to. what's the purpose of living anyway.
"the sole purpose of man is to live for God and to glory him"
"huh? live to glorify others??" is his reply.
it's not the first time talking to him about GOD but there's nth i can do to cause him to believe, except to pray for him..

back to huilian. her mom asked bout my girlfriend and i say dun have. "why? be too picky.. blah blah" wow.. i am 21 and she's sayin this to me. and i asked huilian bout her bf.. she showed me who is he and said, "why you dun action earlier! i tink my mom dun like him." |||
start to talk about that pri sch outing when someone mentioned to me, asking me to consider her.. but i totally ignored that conversation that time. cos i dun think that can be true lah. well. it's quite unlikely. do i feel as if i miss something? i dun think so lah. cos she's not a christian. so she's not for me. i put a tract in her present. if she accept my invitation to church then say lor.

--

finishing the race well. to be honest, i am often discouraged by shomerim attendance. i feel so alone at times. but i guess to me, there's no turning back. i 'backslide' but i know i cannot deny the fact of God. wish that the rest will come back and not be one of the reprobate. and i hope i will not turn my back against Him. it's not easy.

--

wanting to render my service to whereever but i kinda think that i have this CMI behavior. argh~ i fail my choir audition!! wat duh!!! i just want to join an activity! JUST ONE! sigh.

dinner with family

went to fei cui la mien at scotts on saturday, after the combined meeting with calvary tengah. erm.. it's a annual thing for me now on, trying to give them (my mom and bro) a treat since their birthday is in september. yeap..

nice time eating and enjoying the food. it feels good to order like no body's busines..

happy birthday mom and edmund.~

argh!!

argh.. so worried now!! i am having this primary 4 syndrone.. cos i have this exact feeling in pri 4. about what's ahead is so disgusting..

i failed the choir audition!!! wah lau!! i can sing.. just that i cannot sing at times. sigh.. well. i should have tried harder. it's just that day something, erm.. i am i am worse that day. i am normally only bad. not that bad. sigh..

physics online assignmetn results out. i got 8.8 upon 10 for the 1st one. 11.8/13 for the 2nd. am i doing alright?? NOPE!!!! the mean is 9! and 12!.. what the heck.. ernest.. time to study.but will study help??

there goes my Chem online test also. there goes my 2.5 %

okie,i know i sound disgusting here but i really think i shouldn't be so heck care and graduate without trying hard.

good bye buaya week

i have my 750 essay to do but well, let's blog when i have the urge. and of cos i must thank my buaya who is now rushing her 1000 word essay for our sake. =) you are the best meiqiang~

if you dun know what's buaya week. it's just a fun week making everyone happy. i hope everyone has their fair share. and for me, i have definitely enjoyed all the things done for me=) i guess this kind of thing is pay it forward. yeap.. pay it foward.

sunday when i reach hall. actions has started. =) so nice.

in the middle of the night, wheni go out for toilet break, it's on my door knob. "have a break, have a kit kat." indeed.

major project. sweetest gift. =) cannot believe it. i should have done more for cindy (my buayee) sigh..

sweets coming from the sky.. coming down on a string outside my window.=)

day of revelation =)

and the gift from cindy=)

--

and she actually found my blog. wow. well, it's not really difficult to guess but it takes effort. hmm.. so, can i still blog bout hall from now on? haha.. of cos yes, only those who bothers will read and i wonder who will. haha=)

--

now the pessimistic side arise. hmm.. okie. nvm. i just wish to have someone to stand beside comfortably during the next rooftop meeting. yeah.

learn to express myself or hide myself

i appear to be unfriendly. maybe i am unfriendly, so start to learn how to hide my unfriendliness.

i dun mean to raise or exclaim

输得起吗？

难以逃避,生活中有着许多输赢.

当别人不经意的省略你,你是输了自己还是输给别人?

cap

cap, that's what everyone is trying to maintain. for me, it something to strvie for but i dun know what to set myself for. it's really challenging. not only in engin, but in nus. it's about the number of As you have. it's not how good are you. but are you better cos the rest are all good. sigh.

talking to zhenhong, since he's in year 2, gives me some aspect from a year 2 biz student, ex-vj vs person's point of view. he's not the mean and mode of the population but well, maybe it's an unbiased estimate for the general population.

jeff says something today. "that's about staying in hostel, it will affect your study". my instant thought is, so is your study everything? his view is from another view. guess being both a hostelite and yet studying is possible. maybe. yesh.. let's try. first of all, start to study. haah

higher maths

age does not matter. but it hurts

it has always been the case but you realise it more and more when you are grown up and you are working. it's not the seniority but the maturity. that goes for a christian faith and it goes for other things as well.

your junior very probably be better than you. and you realise that a 21 year old person can be doing his honours when you are a freshie. a year 2 is 1 year younger and more handsome and more zai than you. so. at this pt of time, i wish and hope that the following will comfort whosoever and help him.

Ecc2:26 For God giveth to a man that is good in his sight wisdom, and knowledge, and joy: but to the sinner he giveth travail, to gather and to heap up, that he may give to him that is good before God. This also is vanity and vexation of spirit.

friday night.

start of buaya week. it's a super scaled Secret Pal game. but it's better cos it's one week. hmm.

let's do some update first. erm.. random thoughts:
1. xuanjie is smart. or at least he's weird enough to understand me.
2. zhenhong is fun, if can will hang out with him more.
3. i need to look friendly. a task to work on.
4. tutorials are running late. need to start
5. hols coming, time to study.
6. room is dusty, cleaning up tonight.
7. pple in my class are just smart, i need to study.
8. realise i am too judgemental, that's my unfriendly part.
9. i am too not pro active, should be bubbly and asking pple to work together with me.
10. liwei is not joining campus crusade already, he says that he cannot cope.
11. was talking to christopher, wee kuok, and their friends. it's a whole friendster connection world. but sad to say, i am not in the link. but still, had fun talking.
12. talking to chris makes me how long have i not talk to my sec 2 pple. where have and how have they been?

kathleen, angela, cheryl, yvonne, yanhan, yashi, yiling, yuanwang, huiteng, weixiong, weiming, calvin, andrew, huishi, eugene, jie'an, baoting, weiliang, gina, miaorong, elaine, jingwen, yu rui, janice, adeline

so long ago and i am not making effort to maintain the friendship, if there's one.

--start to write some pseudo thesis--

男人不坏女人不爱。不只一个朋友对我说：“我喜欢男孩坏坏的。” 刘德华德格的歌《笨小孩》也是这么写着的。我想是世人都有一点”无法自拔“吧。自太初，在伊甸的时候，亚当就很犯贱地选择吃禁果。我想大家都有伤害自己的倾向。往往身在其中，都无法察觉。所以好男人有人要吗？新好男人听起来不错，可是往往女生把他们当好朋友看待。

十个男人9个色。真的吗？也是吧。可是也会有友善的男人常常跟女生交谈纯粹是因为他们友善。为什么我总觉得女生总把过于友善的男生已有"色“眼光以待呢?

--okie.. forget it. i am just trying too hard. let's save up energy to write my critique which is due on friday!

updates

i wish to write something more in depth than rambling. in fact, i have leave this blogger page on for days before i really start writing. hmm.. guess at the times when i have the most to write, i am too tired. but let's record down what am i feeling now so that hopefully, days later, i will realise that situation has improved.

"very long time never see you" jingyang
"hey! long time no see!" karan,
"eh.. where have you been har?" xuanjie

within 15 min on monday dinner, 3 pple said that to me. guess i have been quite a phantom in hall recently. in fact, i tot i have quite a fanthom in church already. so, it's a situation where both ends not reached. wat am i tryin to do? gaining recognition in hall? what for? but the thing is, i am very willing to join in the fun and rowdiness in the middle of the night but well, all the fun are in level 6. ask me to go up? difficult, where am i supposed to lie on? or hang around?

this is really troubling me: i cannot do my tutorials!! i think i have been perceived as a mugger but the fact is, most of the time i am staring into the questions and unable to do them! i just can't go about the equations. while trying to solve my physics, i neglected my fin accounting (which i better practice until it's at the back of my hand.) sigh..

hall activities? there's no lack of activities to join, what i wish and pray for now are the people in the activities. often, it's not the thing that we do but the thing that we do with. (hmm... guess i must try to find pple to study wiht me, but who?"

in some ways, it may be God having a hand in the activities i am joining. jingwen ask me to be the secretary for tech crew. 1 down. CMB ask me to be their Pub IC. 2 down. Shyuan ask me to be in Sheares Production Sound. 3 down. more than enough,i think. will complete it with something like choir or accapella (if they want me ) haha..

so? if anyone is reading, please pray that i can do my tutorials. the inabilities is killing me. hols in 1 week time, which means mugging must start to pick up from now on and start mugging for that 1 week (i mean 4-day) holidays.

dy/dx (blogging) = 0

pple are not bloggin as much liao. seriously... i guess weixiong's reason is pretty valid for me too. many times when something significant happen to blog, another thing supercede the situation and when things are overtaken by event, why blog?

after reading his recent blog, make me realise that i may be in the same plight as him. joining hall activities or any activities is really bothering me. if you think i am trying not to join? you are wrong. i wish to join a lot of things yet with many stumbling blocks attached. i wish to sing but i know i can't. i wish to play but i know i cannot too. ya.. guess it boils down to abiblities. committees sound like something very ernest to join.. but is it true? can i be active in planning and getting around getting things done? and right now, tryin to design block t-shirt and fcm flyers. so i need photoshop, urgent!...

wat's the thing bout joining activities? nope, not to stay.. but to feel like i am involved. i dun wish to sit down and watch the world pass by. guess fcm is an avenue.. but then again, is it true? i feel bad for not being present in hall too. i am pleasing too many pple. i know that. but i am seeing God's guidance in the light of all these, thru pple's testimonies and things that come along the way. yes, He will guide me.

---

weilun said this when we were in lecture. he's sitting on my left and micheal was on my right.

he said: since Sandwich Theorem (yesh, there's really such thing), g(x)<= f(x) <= h(x), and lim g(x) | x->a = and lim h(x) | x->a = L.

So, weilun, who was sitting beside me, is capable, and micheal sitting on my right is capable too, by sandwich theorem, ernest sitting in the middle is capable as well. HAHA..

--

jeff, bernard and myself.
weilun, micheal, mingkeong and myself.
present lecture cliques. hall? ermm.. in the midst of finding.

--

at times when i checked my blur stats and realise that it's not zero, i felt that i am heard. thanks all who are hearing me.

vjc 01S46

::far away from the main crowd again.. tho efforts been made to move closer..

long time ago, i thought i was a class person... like to have a class. that's why i like dhssec2h so much. later.. in year 1 jc, i guess i am more or less bout the same. jc2 start to withdraw a bit.. now in uni.. i have a class too.. haha.. dun know what kind of friendship will be forged this time.

still.. have to thank jevon for organising a class outing on 28th aug. he's going to france.. quite cool hor. it seemed to be greener on the other side but yesh.. still telling myself that God is good to me.

miracle change

i need it.. soon, i will take my bath and finsih my tutorial early and start my Friday with a bubbly ernest. yeah.. (Proverbs 18:24: A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.) start to step our of my self fulfilling prophecy.. start to get happening. make a choice. this is the day.=)

relying on God.

i really thank God for my A levels results.. the As are really so erm.. unimaginable. it must be Him. but also because that i really believe that the As comes from God, i have little faith and truly think that my results and abilities cannot match up to my classmates..

but wait.. that's very wrong.. if i know that God is so good to me and will be with me.. why do i even doubt my ability to complete and do well enough??

Romans 8:31 What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?

taiwan trip sending off

acutally, i should be grateful to the Lord, for giving me so many friends. and the following are the pple who came to send me off before my Ex Highnoon in taiwan. =) yeap, finally gotten the photos from lime.. =)




in all things, thank God

my room..

that's my room...

..i ask myself, what will i be?

ernest: i still feel very sian about myself. for not knowing what i want in hall.. involvement for just a place to stay..

ernest: well.. in the end, my half-heartedness cause me not gettig it i guess..

ernest: i am glad, at the same time, wondering what's next for me..

finally settling down..i hope says:
i understand wat u feel

finally settling down..i hope says:
i am prob feelin the same thing, rrealli

deprived of bloggin..

ernest: http://msncheck.41m.com change your msn nick... anyway, it's reallie surprising to know who have deleted me!! says:
i still feel very sian about myself. for not knowing what i want in hall.. involvement for just a place to stay..
ernest: http://msncheck.41m.com change your msn nick... anyway, it's reallie surprising to know who have deleted me!! says:
well.. in the end, my half-heartedness cause me not gettig it i guess..
ernest: http://msncheck.41m.com change your msn nick... anyway, it's reallie surprising to know who have deleted me!! says:
i am glad, at the same time, wondering what's next for me..
finally settling down..i hope says:
i understand wat u feel
finally settling down..i hope says:
i am prob feelin the same thing, rrealli

good and bad things so far..

which do you prefer? to ask someone for a date but being turned down? or being declined gently? or accepted your invite quite not enthusiatically? well.. asking someone out has been quite a difficult thing for me.. tho it's for standard stuffs and nth more than platonic is involved but kinda sad when you realise that you cannot get a date. anyway, asked faith and erm.. yeap got it.. in the 3rd manner.

which do you prefer? during a mass truth session, when the girls are asked about the most cute/yandao blah freshie guys... you name isn't called? your name is called out as the majority (which means it's a template decided by them to save the trouble to saying the truth.. )? clement is the choice for the seniors.. he's really quite enthu, funky and humourous.. so.. would you like to be called out as the template for juniors? i dun know..

initiation was fun.. with all the gross stuffs and water and ice.. guess i am just deprived of such experience in sec sch.. cos i din't join those kind of cca. =) right at this moment, they are playing touch rugby and soccer in the mpsh.. which obviously i find it difficult to join..

the following is the list of things "complained".. not becos i am not satisfied with God's arrangement for me but a list to note so that next time (hopefully soon enough) i can know and realise His ways are indeed higher and His plan is the best..

my room is at level 4 (ground floor) and it;s along the corridor which everyone from block E (not my block, my block is block D) will walk pass.. so, when i practice the open-door policy, i cannot help it but being irritated by the passing by block E-kers.. so, dun open door, appear to be anti..

hmm.. actually, not much to write about complainings.. let me share some testimony..

kent ridge is my first choice and i got shears .. now, feedback tells me that kentridge has more politics and the points are not transparent. and also, same level of activity in kentridge will earn half the points as compared to shears (according to eunice)

i am in block D (which has no chem engin pple, pple whom i know like zeming, joel, leonard eunice are all not in this block). then i realise that this block is a cultural block (not very sports type.. so, i guess i am more comfy in this block as compared to other blocks..

no friends in sheares from the start.. but now.. i guess, erm.. i am being trained to make friends. tho i think i have made any, but i know God will bring some to me (cos i've prayed bout it)

chem engin is siong.. not only the workload but the competition.. the whole year 1 are limited to take 20 MC in this sem.. but somehow, chem engin pple can take 25.! so... almost all took 6 modules this sem.. almost.. and of cos i followed suit. hah..

actually, i just wish to have more companions, friends, and of cos, ability to study well enough.. =)

why can't i be more firm!!!!!!!

gabriel says take 6 is right.. then i want to take 6
when i see pple have 4 day week, i also want to have 4 day week..
when i see weilun taking 5, i advise him take 6..
senior class advise 6, i try to bid for my 6th..
when i am bidding, i din't monitor.. trying to leave it for God to decide.
when i din't get the module, i take it as God's will..
but now weilun has his 6th module and i start to gabra-ah..
jeff taking 5? bernard dun know what..
so,?? am i supposed to take 6 or 5?? i think i am quite slack this sem.. wat shux.. slack also cannot, siong also cannot.. wat am i doing??

take special term lah.. wat the..

the joy and confidence...

i was playing sepak takraw with gabriel, mark, william/julian (dun know what's his name), zhihan (he's good), lip hon, matthew..

well, my legs were tired, not from playing but from standing around being a vase.. yesh.. typical ernest in a sports game and wonder why did i join them in the first place.. i guess i am tryin hard to try playing.. the problem with most pple is that they dun even try.. okie.. i am referring to myself.. i dun even try to play sports..

i dun want and dun wish to present a super low confidence ernest in this blog but i just cant feel confident about things.. and about myself.. that's wrong.. there's smth that gives me joy and confidence cos the Lord is with me.

Romans 8:31 What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?

there's should be nth to fear when God is with me.. isn't it?

confidence

anyway, i have a problem.. well.. i always say that..

but i guess i just cannot appear to be confident enough.. as a result, not suitable to do the thigns that i like best.. influencing pple. and i am always so not confident that i cannot perform till the end..

well. that me i guess.

nus, sheares hall

here's an update about myself after reading lingqin's. erm.. i know going back to school is quite normal to many but definitely not to me for i go back to school with a lot of uncertainties, questions and blurness.. haha..

i am taking 5 modules this sem. (cos i dun dare to try 6 on my first attempt and too many uncertainties.. ) tho i wish to take 6 modules, i dun know which is the 6th module i should be taking.. have to spend more time praying before making decision..

1. EG1413
2. MA1505
3. PC1431
4. FN1001
5. GEM????

okie.. shant talk in language unknnown haaha. (1 Cor 14.. hehehe) they are critical thinkning and writing (ENglish) maths (i am worried for my maths sux now.. hh and bh can testify for that) and physics (!! ) Chemical perspective of our atmosphere, and Financial Accounting.! (wow.. it's my personal choice.. so i better like it.. =)

realise that time is really not enough.. and i seriously need to think about what are my invariable meetings and priorities.. mon night class, tue pm, or fri fcm? i really dun know if i can go for all 3.. okie.. actually fri fcm is out cos my lesson ends at 8 that day.. maybe will go after 8.. so.. what about cca? i dun know.. pple are talking about resume and doing the most in nus cos you wun have that chance next time.. talking having exciting experience with productions and all.. so.. what do i want/? make a difference? or to be different? playing sports in hall? how sports can i play maN?? nth.. ! so join committees? was helping with rag (float making) and i realise i kinda get pretty useless at times.. wish i am a designer, but i dun seem to be doing well.. so? dun know.. pretty sad to remain amatuerish all the while.. drama? skin is holding me back.. in fact, i guess i am inactive most of the time with skin as my convenient excuse .. talking bout sports and stuffs..

so.. what am i worrying bout? erm.. i hope that i know what's for me and what do i really want in uni.. exciting hostel life, how involved should i be in the hostel? good grades? know friends? i dun know.. you know.. i feel very guilty whenever i feel lost or sad or not cheery or become worrisome.. cos i should be a happy guy whose trust is in the Lord, who has created heaven and earth.. why should i worry!! When i can drill that fact into me and stop worrying..???

so.. school is starting this coming monday.. wow.. how exciting.. oh ya.. my mon ends at 9.. i mean 9 am. so.. hhaahha. wonder if it's good or bad..

may God help me and help us to know His will for us.. =)

bidding...

okie.. got a lot of problems including dun know what modules to take.. it's about managerial economics or my gem (chemical atmosphere)...

why am i so concerned? becos i can only take one science gem.. i am treasuring it.!! i dun wish to rush into it.. where as i can take more biz modules next time since i am going to minor in ba.. ya.. so.. dun know lah..

now, i hope that i can bid the gem with ONE point.. have to monitor to make sure it's one point... if not i wun not be willing to drop and try for my managerial econs with will be open for bidding only in the next round..

so.. it's bout ONE point..

weiliang was saying.. we are so concerned to bid with ONE point.. so.. just one point.. !

diff pple diff styles

i guess i have to argue about it and pen it down (which is typical of type A).

yes, often type A is referred to the not street-smart, full of brain-knowledge and unable to cut corners at appropriate times. was in the van with amos and nick and they were talking about how this type of pple can't make good officers in army or have weird inappropriate handling techniques.

so what's their arguement? often type P are the one who can arrive at the final stage, skipping the intermediate steps (which deemed unnecessary to them) and achieving the same end-product. a far-fetch example and typical illustration: on the way back from marina in bp's car, ty (a typical type P), as usual, not wearing seatbelt, but hurried to put on one when a QX appear from behind.

end-result: not caught by QX. (achieved)
intermediate steps: wearing seatbelt (not done)

apparently, it's a well-done action, complimented by the alertness (typical of type P) and tactical actions (demostrated by type P), and the end result is still attained. but so what? yes, the intermediate steps aren't impt and can be skipped but is it true? and it can only be proven untrue when it's all too late.

so, what's going on in army? losing of equipments.. SAF1206? is that a bad choice and rigid manner to solve the loss? or G219, eliminating the cost burdened by the poor soldier but taxing the overall accounting dept and qm? being-people oriented may use G219, and hence, solving issues with human techniques, but imposing SAF1206 doesn't mean that it's not right.. there's so called responsibilty instilling process involved. okay.. this is still not a good example. but the idea is.. watever methods of solving, it's not about Can make it or Cannot make it.. it's just different.

leaving for hostel

will be checking in tonight.. that cause me to skip the first day of orientation. well. i hope i will not miss too much.

you know. in a sense, i feel that i have become stronger in the Lord. many 'solo' decisions i have made (skipping ice-breaking for orientation cos it's on Sun), leaving it to God when it comes to friends and companions and boldly staying into hostel when there's none i know in sheares. have this comfort that my Lord, God will take care of me. maybe thigns will turn out bad and awful but due to this worry prompt me to pray harder. and yes, i covet for prayers from friends now.

great reminder from amos, that is to believe..

where am i heading to?

我很在意自己是否一直的作为都是一厢情愿的。我们的小报刊就要出版了.这时,据说,我们的共同杰作,所以应该,可以,动员上下参与制作.这么说来,如果有个制作,从头到尾都不被考虑需要全体的贡献,那...会是某些人的一厢情愿吗? 可能有些人会说我想太多，不过，曾发生过的是让我无法不怀疑自己的存在/认可. 如果再一次发生争议性的事件,在我未能辩解说明之前,是否会有人主动地站在我的立场相呢?

one more task

one more to go. .. . W.A.T.C.H..

acutally .. 1.5 to go.. cos alan's is half-done.

actually, 2 more to go.. cos need to prepare tabernaclebpc.com.. ya.. completing.. haha

5 people you meet in heaven.

finished reading the book yesterday. and yes.. this will add on to my list of completed things before the start of my NUS term. set myself to read it before the end of my hols so that i can move on to Da Vinci Code.. but i guess i have to postpone my Da Vinci until much later. =)

dun find this book as edifying as the previous one (tuesday with Morie).. but have the following to share.

in the book, God appear quite a few times, mainly appearing as a Being in control in His own time allow the things to happen for some reason or another. So, this author has this idea of God and supreme Being... but as it is with a lot of other pple, the characteristics of God in the book is humanized and not reveled by God Himself. there's a revelation from God Himself thru the Bible, wun you believe?

the book is still overall quite simply written with adequate engaging factors (finding out who are the 5 pple).. but the ending is surprising more inspiring than the content. it finishes wiht a good note, somehow. =)

checked in to sheares.. it's a small place. =) thank lime and mee2 for accompanying me.. i guess i will be much less entertained without them..

giving myself in to questions again

i am feeling very guilty. and i am not happy with the following yet unable to get myself out of the situation.

i think i am asking too much from others about me. too self-centred. i wish there's more that pple can see in me. vain glory and vanity in action.

sometimes i just dun understand (okie, i understand but cannot accept). why do people like pple who are a little bad. like jokes that are a little dirty. like to pass remarks that are a bit cynical. hanging out with pple conversing with witty quotes (sarcastic quotes to be exact). more often than not, it's the choleric type of pple which gets things. like hitler and pol pot. but why>? arent they considered to be bad pple and yet they can have influence. FJ. really FJ.

opinions shared are always more valuable than hidden thoughts. even when the thoughts are worthy ideas.

felt envious when pple shared bout the "henious" and yet exciting things they do as friends, with their gang/clique. 君子之交淡如水. that's what i will use to delude myself. (Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; 1Cor 13:8)

friends, playing impt role in our lives. but they come and go. can i identify anyone coming in my direction? (Proverbs 18:24: A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.)

talking to josiah

after talking to him, i realised that we are sharing similar trouble. it's thru God's restraining love that i am still in church. it's my bro that is keeping me in church. how ironical.

doubts about us being able to be tennis players.. maybe it's not the game for us in the very first place. had that struggle. shared with one one person so far.. cannot bring myself to talk bout it..

schooling soon

school will start next week. i was having great relucntance to give up my holidays (which has been on for months). I guess i am still reluctant. however, thank God for preparing me to get into the mood of school.

being busy with a few tasks to complete, i have to start working seriously and no more long sleeping hours and slacking. indeed, word is still ordained by God and is the right thing for us to do. and i am going to be a student, pray that i can be a good one too.

A visit to nus with shuhui helps me a lot. i was lamenting about the mathematical modules that i am going to take, and i thought i will be happier to take some arts subjects which are interesting and facinating. looking thru the books that shuhui borrowed, interested as i, yet i realise i can't bring myself to finish reading. i think i can read them up as leisure but not studying for tests. visiting the hostel gives me excitment . now, i am keen to have a stay in the west part of singapore. I even have thoughts bout meeting jiannan during his nights out or even to have shomerim meetings in hostel or nus. shuping offered to lend me her small fridge and i gladly accepted. maybe i will bring my guitar along erm.. will be nice to have something to play with. =) haha.. now, i feel like i am moving house.

tho i am quite sure that my hostel stay is not going to be long due to financial reasons.. i hope i will enjoy and make full use of my stay there..

now, i just hope to finish all my "assignments" and start school right!

oh ya.. wenyong is in chem engin too. guess i have some kind of affinity with him afterall. =)

about dixon

"ernest arh.. can i dun go to church? "

"it's up to you.. "

"but i dun go church but we stil be friends?"

"it has been Christ which enables me to befirend you all along. not that i dun like you, jsut that, you should know that it's bout God..."

"ya.. but dun feel like it.. but you still be my friend?"


i think many times, tangible friend is still more impt than God to many pple.. i think often, sometimes, i am like that too.. well.. waht to feel bout dixon? erm.. i really dun know.. have i delivered the wrong message to him? or have i not done my best for Him?

cute baby.

yeap.. very cute right..! how i wish to play with him more often. haha.. so adorable. =)

things to do

church web.. going to be done
sg-anime - done
dreameize... postponed indefinitly
alan's - doing..
watch - doing..

apply easilink card
apply notebook loan and place order
quite job (done)

prepare for matric.. bidding..

argh.~

no time

21st - check in
23rd - move in
24th - orientation, but i am not going (it's a sunday!)
25th - orientation till 30th July (i am not going for that sunday too.!)
feeling quite sian and unhappy when they are all taking Sunday to be orientation day. erm.. jsut dun like it.

then 1st Aug - O-week (again!)
8th Aug - start sch.

in the end.. ? no time. think i better pray for more time. it's starts tonight.

1. alan's web
2. church's web
3. my web
4. shomerim newsletter layout
oh.. have i become a designer or smth/? haha..
5. start packing and revising..

no time, better start today.

back from cambodia

back from a mission trip from Cambodia.. had a great time there seein the lives of cambodia. more importantly, thank God for His precious lessons in cambodia.. i know He's speaking to me personally thru all the happenings.

have a lot of qns and struggles in my heart, even till now.. but i am still not drowning.. i pray that i will be a better swimmer soon..

photos not ready.. eager to post too..


the following is my blog in shomerim blog..
::Wednesday, July 13, 2005::
:: God is so good! ::

thank God for bringing us back safely and blessin us with so many things.. good weather, safety, fellowship and many spiritual lessons! He's so good to us.

but something that i must testify is that men can only do so much. truely, nine of us went with the intentions to bring clothes, joy and little happiness to them, to bring the Gospel to them, teaching them God's word. but, somehow, i felt that whatever we are doing are still so minimal but yet God is good, and He used little men like us to bless His work and people. when u hear bout the progess of God's ministry in the little rural villages away from the cities and the many people who gave their life to the preaching of Gospel, and that thru twists and turns (able to rent cheap places/ buy cheap places, able to get the right venue, the response of the people) that the churches grows and develop, you know that God is truly almighty!.. God is so good, to all His people.

the people have little material, but God gave them hope in heaven and 'deliver' them from the temptation of the worlds. He's so good. when missionaries were often faced with diff (disturbance from villagers, volatile congregations etc), but God gave them strength. the villages, seemingly to be out of reach (very rural), but God send the Gospel to them..

i cant pen down His goodness but i felt it. He's really so good.

it has further reineforce in my heart how true and real and almighty inifinite our God is. i tell myself that i cannot ever leave this true God.

Praise the Lord, our God.~

long time no see chalet

back from the chalet, weiliang's chalet. still remember those days when there's a chalet to join (or you call it chap tzi kar) each year during holidays. it's the chalets which allows me to know this bunch of erm.. hard-to-catogorize friend.. and thru surprising attempts, with only a few meetups a year for the past 7 years.., i am still having fun with them tat the chalet.. thank God.

talked bout Christianity n God in the chalet with jy and wl. erm.. it seems that Romans 1:19-25 is very true. (of cos it's true. it's the word of God). what's so true about it? wl and Jy both believe that there's a higher Being. but then again, it's another thing to tell them who is the one and only true God.

19　 神 的 事 情 、 人 所 能 知 道 的 、 原 顯 明 在 人 心 裡 ． 因 為 　 神 已 經 給 他 們 顯 明 。

20自 從 造 天 地 以 來 、 　 神 的 永 能 和 神 性 是 明 明 可 知 的 、 雖 是 眼 不 能 見 、 但 藉 著 所 造 之 物 、 就 可 以 曉 得 、 叫 人 無 可 推 諉 ．

21因 為 他 們 雖 然 知 道 　 神 、 卻 不 當 作 　 神 榮 耀 他 、 也 不 感 謝 他 ． 他 們 的 思 念 變 為 虛 妄 、 無 知 的 心 就 昏 暗 了 ．

22自 稱 為 聰 明 、 反 成 了 愚 拙 、

23將 不 能 朽 壞 之 　 神 的 榮 耀 、 變 為 偶 像 、 彷 彿 必 朽 壞 的 人 、 和 飛 禽 走 獸 昆 蟲 的 樣 式 。

24所 以 　 神 任 憑 他 們 、 逞 著 心 裡 的 情 慾 行 污 穢 的 事 、 以 致 彼 此 玷 辱 自 己 的 身 體 。

25他 們 將 　 神 的 真 實 變 為 虛 謊 、 去 敬 拜 事 奉 受 造 之 物 、 不 敬 奉 那 造 物 的 主 ． 主 乃 是 可 稱 頌 的 、 直 到 永 遠 。

jy says that she's confused, too many versions of bible and protestants and pple who aren't behaving as christians blah.. yeap. and she says, da vinci code says smth which put her to thougths.. the Bible is written by man afterall. BUT, jy: the Bible has stood the test of time, not becos we can preserve it, but God is preserving it." just one more sentence: if you are willing to read da vinci code cos it's a good book and allowing it to influence your thinking.. why are you not opening yourself to another book (the bible?) by denying or having little appetite for the Bible is already another proof that the Bible is true. Man by own deprave nature will not seek God by himself..

visit the night safari.. it's my first visit and i guess i have enjoyed myelsf. and in fact, i am so proud to be Singaporean, to know that we have world class zoo and night safari. felt the pride when tourists are enjoying themselves. felt the need to wave and be friendly cos they are tourists.. hehe=) and enjoy the close encounter with bats.! hehe. =) it's the closest you can get to a bat.. hhaa.. =)

still waiting for the photos to be uploaded by weiliang so that i can save them into my own album. hhaa. =)

and thanks to weiliang, that i have my first real driving on the roads ! hehe. previous drove around ponggol but it's a short ride.. =) but this time!!>...

my house to costa sands pasir ris (chalet)
chalet to pasir ris mrt to take mrt to work
chalet to telok kurau to send jy home.. and back to chalet
then to 445 coffeeshop for supper and back to chalet
and drove home this morning!! haha..

been on TPE and PIE.. yeah!!

and did parking, for erm.. 3 or 4 times? exciting!!! tho it's quite not very good but, hey.! it's my first few attempts. =) and 3 pt turn in the lanes of telok kurau..

wow.. just feel cool to drive.. and really thank God for the opportunity to have weiliang so willingly entrusting the steering wheel to me. =) tot it's quite a daring stunt for him~ haha..

got to prepare for tuition and cambodia liao. =) going to cambodia for mission trip to help with the villages churches. =) flying off tmr and will be back on wed (the day when weixiong and all will be touching down as well)

the God be the glory.

happy birthday huiying.. and jiwei

it's a erm.. SurRpriSe bdae celebration for hwing prepared by his bf (roy.. ) erm.. as usual, happy to see them again.. =) turning up and sayin Hi~ and catchin up.. =)

huawei says," moral of story? dun get gf who are turning 21, cos you have to plan for their 21st bdae cele.. haha. "

hui yi

朦胧的眼里是泪
泪含的身影是谁

relief teaching...

slept at 4 and woke up at 730.. nope, not a grumpy morning.
cos i received a call from mrs chua to relief teach for the day..
i am just exhilarated. =)

it has been my dream to be a relief teacher.. erm.. just fun.. ahha.. but alhtough it's quite diff at times, to command and to even talk.. i think i have lost my voice slightly..

4 periods of PE and 4 periods of FEL (Foundation english lesson) yes.. i taught 2 classes of em3 students.. diff to get attention but i am pleased with myself.. well... it's my first try.. i realised, they are bunch of likeable kids.. some of them.. =) shant elaborate much.. but i want to jot down the gladness i have.. to be able to talk to students, and to have students greeting me.. and some students (from the previous excursion trip) to call me from afar "ernest!! wat u doin here.. "

well.. 1 boy cried in my PE lesson cos the other boy punched him.
1 girl cried in my p6 class! cos of erm.. girls quarrels..
1 boy almost cried cos he fell down.! from my p5 class..

haha. =)

took 2 periods of PE with p3.. so... games.. dog and bone.. haha.. =) cos i played that in pri sch too..

think will be glad, to have a few more rounds of teachings.. =)

when i was walkin out, "are you going to teach us english again tmr?" "no.." "huh? why...?" =)

when i was out, a p5 student,
"are you our PE teacher?"
"huh?you from 5B? i din teach 5b today.. i taught 5C."
"but tmr? are u our pe teacher tmr?"
"no.."

=) well.. not that they like me, but i am just happy to, erm.. engaged in conversations with children.. =)

thoughts

"it is hard to let go of the Past if you have not learnt from the past.. as soon as you learn, and let go, you improve the present.."

it seemed to have cast some light to my thoughts and sadness.. but, it's still not easy to do..

today, so chatted with some pple on msn.. suddenly realised that i dun like pple who enforce their apparent understanding on thigns and insert comments when it's just opinions.. i dun like imposing people.. yeah.. guess i jus found out.. but then again.. am i one of them? erm.. i think i have been tryin to be courteous and modest in askin favours.. but have i changed? yeap.. a bit. i think i have caught the disease of having erm.. so called green eyes. i longed for the relationship and closeness whereby things can be taken for granted.. but i have failed to be firmed on what i have believed last time --"farmilarity breeds contempt"..

think i have been refraining myself from blogging randomly for a period of time.. but heck it.. shall con't to write my senseless thoughts even before i move this blog..

today's prayer mtg's sharing by uj is very good.. i felt it.. felt God's constant remainder to ask me to be fervent in Him and not to be the tares, the evil figs, the unprepared virgins.. i think tues' prayer mtg sharing are all very appropriate for me.. it's short and sufficient.. like a daily devotion with a radio help.. often push me to deep thoughts and ponder..

in a daze today.. thinkin bout things which i can't pt to them.. acutally i can lah.. but not going to count them.. it's all erm.. senseless tings.. thinkin that i am alwyas at the wrong place, at the wrong time, wnating the wrong things from wrong pple.. school is starting, and will i be having a group of freinds in school?? will i be involed in nus?/ can i? i can bear to distant myself from shomerim?? but in the first place, many shomerims are distancing themselves.. and am i even close enough to anyone? trying to.. i guess?/ xiuyi, having friends and valuing them above many.. nth wrong to have friends, but i guess one day she will find that secular friends can not provide for her spiritual needs... i guess that is what i am thinkin bout.. find pple edifying and keepin in the faith.. but realli ?/ am i lookin for such pple? or am i more bout fun and people/?

i am not breakin down.. i am jus havin a lot of thoughts, just that they are penned down in words and they are written in this haphazard manner..

anyway, nick commented that the twins are exceptionally stress for sch kids. sec school should be fun and enjoyable.. but somehow, i can and i always think that it's very normal for the twins to be like that.. maybe somewhat my sec sch experience are similar..

thinkin back, ..
filled with revolutions, with mr yue trying to pit against mr kiw's pt of view.. and the whole thing bout prefects moving in two directions (baisheng in the firm stand of doing things right. and some pple doing things rightfully.. ) caught in between many projects in sec 1 (having 1 project for each subject.. !) especially enjoyed the history project (requiring us to collect data and surverys and fieldtrip in sec 1.. fun=)~!! each hols are filled to the max, one week of prefects camp, one week of orientation, one week for pri sch leaders' camp, one week for NACLI? youth challenge? or OBS . blah.. numerous chalets and outings and performances to attend to ... 12 gold medals from the cca groups.. throughout the year attending the gold medalist concerts.. yeap,.. thinkin back, it;'s fun to attend concerts.. and my friends are up there.. and towards the last years.. school trying to shape , i mean to re-shape their values.. to compete with top schools.. duh.. so competitive and commericial. mr yue trying to change the values of the school, blah blah.. power to the students.. and in the end? he left dunman and be the principal for chung cheng.. felt that dhs became a sacrifice for his acoomplishment.. but well. well.. that's not true.. cos no one can say what is right?? to change or not to change.. perception is different..

and yes.. so, i think have been 'stressed' with projects.. results, streams, programmes and catogory.. watever, but i guess the stress are there not as stress but part of the programme.. all will survive.. it's just erm.. part of the spices for us to look back and will realise that the spices acutally don't hurt and maybe we din't even remember the taste of the spices.. but will instead, be content and satisfied with the marvelous dishes we have eaten..

back to what do i want?/ erm.. i want to know what's ahead of me.. but i know i can't, so i hope to be submissive and be comforted and can be comforted by the fact that , i can be in His will.. and He will take care of me.. not easy.. struggling..

God ans prayers

just when i tot God is closing doors for me to apply for hostel (i dun have the passowrd and the OSA Nus is not responding to me.. etc. ) just when i tot it's not His will for me to stay in hostel, i received a letter from NUS to apply for grants and scholarships.. erm.. more imptly, the application number and password is there.~!

well. . wat i am going to do is not to rush into application.. will pray hard tonight... and see how tmr.. =)

thank God.

eca...

went to cafe cartel.. with bp, ty, joyce and jaslyn and meijie amos ed... but i sat with caleb, shuhui amos and ed..

it's as usual, that amos is doin the talkin and sharing his opinions and stuffs in army.. know that he's not having an easy time.. it;s not easy to work in a large organisation.. there can nv be fair treatment and they can never really properly judge and grade ur performance.. there's no projects even if there is, the achievements and gradings are very subjective... yeap.. tough life..

actually, watever he's sayin, i concurr and i think i am often sharing the same thoughts but the thing is, often i will question myself first.. then i will think bout wat's wrong.. to me, it seems that i am the one, the problem.. which is very often true also lah.. i mean, most of the time when you want to blame someone or comment on something, there is surely something that you arne't right or perfect as well.

school starting soon, and i am not lookin forward to it... why.. !

night cycling.

::group photo:: not very nice cos the camera, hha.. got a bit of prob.. haha

yeap, had fun cyclying from 10 pm 24Jun to 4am 25 Jun. yeap.. nice time cycling.. it's nice when you are not bothered by the wheels but the things around.. the people around and the companions you have. it's also a time tothink bout a lot of things, some of them are indeed things which i may be thinkin too much into it..

the trip can be more fun, if filled with more laughters and identity. but it's no doubt a nice trip with the good weather (thank God). and of cos the good turn out.. 30 pple =)

and honghao and bohao, tim and titus came to camp over my place.. tim din even sleep (just playing his game on ed's com and leave at 615!, alone cos titus refuse to wake up.. haah.. hong and bohao left at 730? around there.. to hitch a ride from beepheng.. =) nice night.. =)



::group 5 of the team:: why am i standing so far away from the rest? and i actually tot that i was too close to the person beside me.. is this reflecting my subconsciousness?

guo qu, hai shi zian zai

"看着他们长大，我却没有觉得自己老了，反而又跟他们一同再经历成长的过程，找回逝去或从来没有拥有过的时光。好像重新多活一次。" -- 某人的blog.

读了之后，我才了解自己的心态与想法。我想我也差不多。我似乎很缺乏成长，也没有什么过程可讲的。我似乎是一个人慢慢的长大的。所以现在很喜欢与他们一同再经历成长的过程，找回逝去或从来没有拥有过的时光。给自己机会重新多活一次。

可是,有一个故事却提醒我."如果你认为错过了过去,更应该把我现在." 我很像珍惜现在,可是却觉得无助,不知道如何不错过现在. 也许因为没有过去,所以和现在的朋友格格不入. 或也许是因为现在没有能力与别人得到共识,导致我错以为我是另类的,被排斥的.

我懂我再写什么吗?

sat night

::saturday nite with the guys..::

couldn't and forgot to take pic with weiming.. paiseh..

it is supposed to be a mahjong at my house, ahaha. and thank God that now weiming etc arent seriously keen bout it already. that's good.. save my trouble of erm.. trying to compromise a bit here and there and stumbling others and myself. haha. =)

but it's a nice time hanging out with them.. so many years liao.. not easy.. soon, we will be in our diff ways.. (melbourne, london, bukit timah, boon lay, clementi.. )

well well well.. wat to say? i dun know.. =)

thank God for His ways

Romans 12:9-11
9Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good.

10Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;

11Not slothful in business; fervent in spirit; serving the Lord;

Oh, how much should i praise the Lord for His Word and instruction. never had i ever sat down and resolve issues in this hearty manner. to know that it's Lord's will for us to be loving and in honour, preferring one another and hence sitting together to share our thoughts is such a wise thing to do. surely we ought to follow the Bible's instruction, and not to allow any little leaven to remain within us. feel so good after being able to tell them what i am thinkin.

i think so far, i am th eonly one keeping thoughts from them.. maybe that's why the problem.. i admit that there's a prob or unhappiness cos i felt that i am being pointed at for being low eq due to all the happenings.. but well.. for that, the prob lies on me, cos if i am really bothered, then i am trying to hard to please men. yeap.. it;s my fault..

felt really great... cos i am largely dampen by the thought that i might not be able to behave as per normal anymore.. i mean.. who knows what they have to think bout me.. will be very hurt to know that all the friendship is being shaken and affected. well, at least i am very comfortable to move on and know that we are still brethrens, working and doing things all for the Lord. yeap... i felt sad cos i dun wish to lose the bonds, but i know .. if i try, they are still there..

jun camp 05

strolling down the beach during short sieta time, running on the soft sands and talking to friends along the way.

thank God for the camp. and i pray that all of us will remain and friends, with memories sweet... recounting in when the saints gather home. or if, the Lord tarries, years down the road, recounting the bonds we have.

o, how i realli covet for that...

chuang wai xia qi yi zhen yu

零隆大雨。很久以前伟雄作剪报的时候对于这“新词”所做的解释是，形容雨势很大。哈哈。想当年。。。

窗外现在正下着零隆大雨。其实也没什么希奇的，只不过今天刚从church camp回来。心里有许多的抉择，有太多的东西不想再想，但即使不想，仍然逃不了。我想一切都是一种启示，指引我走我应该走的路。应该是 神的回应，让我知道我的定位。

今天应该睡一整天吧。也真该是时候找他们来一聚了。从我生日那天至今还未能与他们联系。。

应该是时候了。不让我想挽回不了了。

if eq is more impt than answering to God, then, i wonder why. i dun mean it and i think it's just a few hard ways to get my prayers answered.

some things are never meant to be.. . at the end, the question still persists, persists about whether the company does matter or we can really focus on Christ. often, i am such a men-pleaser, and when i realise that i feel sucky. when i tried, and when i think that i am trying to please God, things turn bad and i feel bad as well. it's all bout me.. about me not true, maybe.

and i think this blog should moved. and it's urgent.

learning process

i lost my yellow notebook, the one which i took down messages for all the sundays, shomerim, tuesday prayer mtg and all! argh..

i intend to read thru the book and share them during the camp. too late. maybe God is asking me to start afresh...

feel quite unsure bout this camp. i think i am too ill informed. dun even feel like running the programme. felt that i am quite a puppet and i dun like it but can't be help. felt that i can be something else but welll it's set.

nevermind, i know the ultimate puppeteer behind all sceneS is God. okay.. rest my heart and allow myself to be lead. how can i know how? but i must do it. many of us, including me, have been praying for the camp and i know God will bless it for His name sake or for His purpose. all will be well... in His time and purpose.

while writing, i am still trying very hard... tryin hard to forget the things i am dwelling on and focus on camp.

cycling..

lime says that she's lacked of exercise(que fa yun dong), hence suggesting to go for a cycling trip. you might asked, doesn't she play tennis often? haha.. apparently, tengyan's balls are quite reckless and hence endanger her just-recovered eyes..

yeap, and my bro is having fun with his friends, so his bike is avail for me to use.. but sigh.. as you know, he is so much taller, so have to adjust his seat. then, forgot to tightened the screw before setting off, resulting in a flimsy seat. had a hard to cycling a bike without a seat (cos i really quite noob in cycling anyway)..

fortunately nick came to my rescue. he changed bike with me.. =)

oh ya.. back to my journey to the east.. after metres of cycling we reached pasir ris park.. climbed the web (the infamous spider web), and chat and talk and fellowship.. =)

a night in sentosa

i think i have blogged too much in shomerimblog.. maybe i should start to record things in my own blog.. maybe those shomerim activities are jsut me.. ? not sure..

On the 9th June 2005:

First of all, congrats to Daniel for passing out from BMT. haha... and he, trying to celebrate, as well as to catch some fun, had this bbq@sentosa.


::yeap.. it's bbq time and that's honghao setting up the fire. a prelude to our June Camp Campfire Night..


::walking to the southernmost point of CONTINENTAL asia.. ..::
nice spot to look at the waves and talk and fellowship...

==

a night with the ya ya twins, trying to do their o level add maths and i cannot do quite a no of them! die lah.. going uni liao.. how?? ! felt that it's really a time of change recently. i guess all of them are growing up.. ya.. all of them.. my bro, the twins, even pple like ty, jiannan and nick are growing.. or changing.. and i am still here, resisting to change.

cool google

cool picture.. =) i wish i can draw like that.. =)

reading blogs

enjoy reading blogs. allows me to think that i am not alone.

enjoy stumbling into blogs. there may be things i am interested in.

but i am very glad when pple invite me to their personal blog. feel that i have gained a friend.

today

my day starts with breakfast with the kidz.. jeshua javan baoyan rachel esther. i am so glad that i asked to bring jeshua and javan, if not i would have been left alone on my own. haha.. the girls are so secretive and "sisters".. in other words --closed up. and now rachel and baoyan are like best friends of all..

and there's this big hussle and commotion trying to plan the cleaning duties cos ra wants to be with baoyan. children.. haha.. well, i can understand, i am stil half a child and i can remember the times when i was young.

but overall, like the feeling of doting children.. if they allow me too of cos.. =) esther is so diff to know.. she's like sometimes child-like and chatty and sometimes giving you that face only a rude adult will give you.. dun know take her as child or adult.. fan bai yan! argh..




--
then it's about church in the afternoon. felt stirred during the message. not really about the message content but about myself.. erm.. really felt that there's too much pride taken for the things that i am doing.. and i seemed to be doing them for vain glory and getting attention for myself.. ya.. i know i am wrong.. and i am seriously tryin to deal with my pride. may all glory be unto Him, the Great and Almighty One.

after chuch, felt quite restless, dun know what's next.. felt quite lost. dun know why.. and saw desmond, feeling that i am feeling the same way as him. there can be more friendship forged in the church. yes, as i was saying, i ought to remember Him to be my best Friend at all times but i think a close brethren is impt too.. well.. if He thinks and know that i really need one, i trust that He will give.

church camp is next week!! there's so much to finish and accomplish before then.. argh!!. must spend more time with God.

and shomerim, yah.. it's 22 people in the group today!! felt so happy to see that the the circle is big.. look at the pic! it's only taken from one angle so cannot see the full attendance but notice the big circle. heehee. truly, how i wish that the Lord will find us faithful.

Went to liangkiang's grandpa's wake. again, it's a test for him.. to be firm and not to participate with the rites and rituals.. i felt so bad cos i din't stay firm when i was in sec 1/2 when my grandma died. it's a testing and i failed it then..

i am so encouraged and feel erm.. happy for him. ya.. honghao actually willingly gave up to go for spec course to attend church camp. will i be like him in the same situation? at least i know, if i were in sec 3, i am not as zealous to live for my Lord. but i know i must catch up now and make up for the lost years of nominal christians. !

happy birthday roy~

dearest royston...

Happy 21st BirThday! friendz always!!~..





yeap.. tho we have diff lives and friends, and different route in life, i never fail to feel that you are my best friend each time we met. thanks for being a friend and happy birthday>~

ernest

---

yeap.. roy's bdae party at tamp safra ktv lounge. it's a party indeed where there's KTV in the hall and pool table (tho i din't play) and free flow of drinks, alcohol and non-alcohol. it's a total diff bdae cele from mine.. but of cos the cost is high. haha..

//and i stop and think, will i prefer his or mine. i think i will keep mine. his 21st birthday is so adult, with ktv and all, and that is something that i am not very keen to have.. adulthood? nope i am not celebrating adulthood, i am celebrating cos it's worth being happy.

and the group of friends? he has relatives (which i have excluded) and friends from army, jc, cca, sec sch and of cos pri school.. so nice to see him partying with his army friends/platoon mates, they are really a bunch of crazy guys boozing away.. and also with him, his friends.. i can feel that they are a close bunch of friends.. i guess, to me, he's another type of friend, a type of friend whom i will always remember to be my best friend from primary school. it's the ties that binds and the memories that holds. that loong time after, we will still take each other as friends more than acquaintance..

//then i stop to think again, thinking that it will be so nice if i had, erm.. maybe table tennis teammates or army camp mates to party with. people whom i have spent great deal of time going thru exciting events together... but i know i shouldn't think this way.. i thank God for giving me the friends that i have now.. no matter how distant they may seem to be, they are still my friends..

i may not have a party with lotsa yum-seng but i have a bbq with help from so many friends and shomerim celebrating with me. yesh.. counting my blessing..

excluding my relatives is smth which doesn't hurt me but i think it's quite a loss to my parents. i think it's really their joy to announce that their son is 21 already. yeap..

saw shevon, she's all grown up. just like my bro. feel so old. haha.

think that my bdae bbq is God-given. until the very last week i have not settle all my food and help came from tengyan and beepheng. and when i tot i have little friends to invite, i have shomerim and church to celebrate with me. thinking back, i really feel the sweetness from God.

and when i was envying roy having good and close friends around, i felt guitly again. cos i actually allow to forget my Friend, Lord Jesus, who has been with me all the time. i am so vulnerable to remember only physical tangible objects.

wanfen felt so at home over there, for she knows almost one person from each table.. from all over the places.. haha. and me? well.. i have small social circle. heeh. also stop to ponder what is the ernest that i want to be.. the one who says hi and bye to lots of people or the quiet, introvert me.. ? need to think bout and make a decision before uni aagain..

21 years old.. what's next?

sentosa overnight trip

Sentosa Overnight Stay

some teacher from tnps was sick and couldn't make it for the trip n hence bee pheng ask me if i want to 'stand in' for her.. of cos i wnat to.. ! it sounds fun.

it's a pri school learning journey at sentosa's underwater world. reach there at bout 5 and there will be a trainer to present some facts etc.. about sharks.

then, they proceed to the underwaterworld for tour and facts learning followed by quiz. at night, we will stay in the underwaterworld, sleeping in the tunnel. =) cool sia.. it's like sleeping in a room full of aquariams and fish tank. i choose the spot beside a big tank! haha. quite cool!..

then the next day.. it's dolphin intereaction.. but i fell asleep during the show cos i was chatting with beepheng till bout 3! haha.. nice talk.. talkin bout church, people, children, keith and all.. fun.. haha..

and yes.. followed byt the touch the dolphin segment, which i think it's the best of all. took a picture.. will post as soon as i gotten the picture.. hehe. =)

nice time at sentosa!!

it's a nice trip, like an excursion.. and nice to see keith playing.. he's so adorable.. haha!. .

21st birthday!~

Thank God for His provisions and that i can have my 21st bdae and its celebration.

the whole photo album


::the children, u.john and me.. ::

::dhssech 2h'98 friends~::

::shomerim!!~::

::my family::

::vjc 01S46 friends::

::dieppe barracks friends::

::jiapei, weiliang, jingyu~::

and yes.. i passed my driving.. finally! +=) thank God.

going out with dixon

went out with him yesterday. and today too, cos he met ms to at plaza sing and i was there..

i think some time ago, he asked me out too, when he just got his first job. he was behaving the same way.. being extremely outspoken and outgoing, trying to know almost everyone on the street.. but this time, it seemed to be differenet.. with his eyes and expression and the extremist content.. he's not the same..

tryin very hard to talk to him.. esp about God. but i dun think it works.. only God can help him..

i want an optical mouse.. this mouse is 8years old alerady.

then, i will need more usb port/.

i want to have burner.. but dun know for what.. wnat to buy mini compo, but realise ti's all bout mp3. so.. ?/

basically.. they are wants.

dinner 050505

yeap.. had dinner with them who enlisted on the same day as me on our very last day of national service. hmm. it's really a nice dinner with them with the usual as what yue-en quoted, witty conversation.. yeap.. bout puns and jokes.. suaning and niao-ing.. haha. ~

the dinner starts late cos i was late.. cos i left camp (went back to talk and collect pink ic) late.. ahah.

listening to them and their brief accounts of what they were doing and what they are doing.. erm.. think i should write them down..

alvin, doing eh.. was it mass com? or changed? forgot
matt, going overseas to .. eh.. can't remember but to be a doctor..

“Some years down the road, we shall all meet at the same place and same time....
at Matthew’s clinic to take MC” ~ Alvin Cai.

“And I thought you were going to say something touching” ~ Xue Zhao Sheng

“And don’t forget to bring your children along” ~ Chong Yue-En (When Alvin said what he said, I was thinking this is so “AC/RI/SJI” etc)

“Will it be Matthew Jackson Chen’s clinic?” ~ Alvin Cai (Matthew is planning to going into pediatrics)

"Yes. Neverland Clinic" ~ Matthew

yeapp.. a doctor to be, benefiting nsfs next time. haha..

but somthign bout matt's study overseas.. it's a step of faith cos he dun have enough money.

and situ and matt started this business to do freelanching web design and designing stuffs.. yeap.. cool venture. impressed.

maki was quiet, as usual.. haha. he's going to eh.. japan for uni study.. i think.

listening to their conversations, i think most of us have done a great deal in army and not slacking away.. this project and that.. stand in for him and her and etc. so, why will some pple slack and some pple con't to be exploited? guess it's pride (disgusting fellow).. yeap.. take pride in the work we do..



dinner ended with a dedication at fountain of wealth. (which the deejay read out instead of flashing.. )
from: CPL(NS) and 3SG(NS)
to: all NSFs
message: Ord lor!!!!!




photo album for the night

Wish List:: updated

after re-arranging!!! hahha..=)

things that i need and will buy eventually before uni:

1. mp3 player (i need a media storage when i go uni)
2. sweater (a nice lookin one to wear in cold lecture theatre and church camp)
3. clock (a yellow one, i need one in my room) (hmm.. think ya ya twins getting it.. haha. =) erm.. ya.. )
4. yellow set of stationery (ya.. files, small stapler, paperclips, post it flags and all.. haha)
5. clotheS.. for uni. well.. i can have as many as poss. haha. (so far, thanks a.ket for it in advance. haha)

the rest are luxury items:
1. watch (erm.. think lime getting for me.. ahha.. a bit paiseh but thanks!! hehe)
2. sony ericson phone earpiece (i lost mine!!!) i found it. haha.
3. a bag for uni? maybe lah.. (erm.. i think someone getting for me too.. hhaha. =)
4. handsfree phone to use in room.
5. belt <>
6. sunday black shoes <>

wishlist

after serious thoughts.

1. mp3 player (i need a media storage when i go uni)
2. sweater (a nice lookin one to wear in cold lecture theatre and church camp)
3. clock (a yellow one, i need one in my room)
4. yellow set of stationery (ya.. files, small stapler, paperclips, post it flags and all.. haha)
5. clothes.. for uni.
6. handsfree phone to use in room.

the rest are luxury items:
1. watch
2. sony ericson phone earpiece (i lost mine!!!)
3. a bag for uni? maybe lah..

June Camp 05:: youth camp!!

Want to know what's it all about? come and hear.. !

holidays. =)

yeap.. still having my holiday.. and by right i should be updating my blog more often than ever.. =)

went out with the ya ya twins, together with shuhui and lingqin.. erm.. why the outing? haha. just trying to befriend and get together esp when they are away from us for so long. hm.. din't see zion caleb etc asking me out last time.. =(

i am constantly knowing and noting that they are 6 years younger then me and caleb is 6 years older.. well.. but till date, they are like bout same mental age as me.. i am too underdeveloped or they are welldeveloped.. haha.. good and bad.. ? hehe..

lunch at 3 and then walk and then dinner at 7.. and go home. orignally wanted to go thru the 4 minor prophets with them briefly.. tot it's good to spend time with God's Word but din't .. . hm.. dun know why also.. tot it might be too mian qiang.. dun know lah..

as usual bringing them to jiwei's store.. hoping that jiwei's store can get more costomers and also that my friends can get better deal than the rest.. haha. what am i trying to do? pleasing both sides or one? ... dun know lah..

birthday celebration.. not yet done anything significant.. hm.. should i start to think bout my bdae presents? bohao is asking me if i want this if i want that.. ?? !~.// feel weird telling them that i like this (cos i am scared that i will regret my choice) haha.. evil me.. leaving an option to blame someone if i dun like the gift.. but i really dun want soft toys.. too duh liao..

what i wnat?

erm.. a clock? yellow colour..
erm.. T-shirts? or clothes? for university!! haha.. must be youngster type! dun want pple to think i uncle again.. =(
the rest? eh.. anything liao lor.. mp3player watch.. earphones .. if i have mp3player.. yellow pref.. cards. . sweater! (that kind which is warm and not like windbreaker. ) need to get lenses aslo.. but that's my own expenditure maybe..

think office getting me clothes laio.. sigh.. it's such a funnie thing to ask for gifts...

end of blog.

ECA today.

yeapp.. went out to pasar malam today with shuhui, shuping, meijie, tengyan, lingqin, daniel..

think that conservations shoudl be recorded.. =)

talking bout back slided brethren.. erm.. i think i felt helpless in many ways..
heard about the many pple who visited liangkiang.. i realised that when i tot i wanted, and actually have planned to visit him, but i did not. erm.. just think that i should have done it. i should have shown more concerns to pple around. this does not restrict to the churhc.. i am thinkin bout my friends outside too. no wonder my ciricle of friends dwindle.. cosi am not making enough effort..

anyway, i think liangkiang knows what's going now and he's strugllilng with his thoughts too. just as i am, somehow, i think i , as well as many, understand what is he going thru.. i have backslided too.. and now i am resolved (God knows how long).. but yes.. hope he will be back soon.

with xiuyi.. i really hope that she will call me back or reply sms.. sigh.. felt so, unable.

honghao and bohao.. they are facing parental objections and hence not coming.. yes.. con't to pray for them. i really thought that they have been brave and of good courage. and i esp will like to give them all the support that i can. (maybe cos i see myself in them.. ) this burden to provide help and support and to encourage and commend them for what they have done so far. hm.. sms them more frequently..

something i learnt from mee mee, that is to be generous with your sms and words.. yes.. that's what i have learnt from the shomerim pple visiting liangkinag too..

oh yes.. humility!! message from this sunday's message. yes.. i msut con't to strive.. till then can i be happy with myself and other.!!! may the Lord, my God be the person i am lookin up to. and not to strive for vain attentions and glory.

tuesday with morie.

been reading the book for the past few days.. going to finish it soon. yes.. it's a nice book giving you insights about life from a dying person. he says words which sounds like pearls of wisdom. mainly tellin us that earning money is not the most impt thing but the pple that you are having, and the time invested in people will be evidently more 'profitable' than money. it's your wife who will be with you at your deathbed and take care of you when you are sick. it's the vists from friends that he treasures. till he's going to die, he can still be optismistic about his illness and con't trying to be useful, by trying to talk to pple and give pple advice. but then, each time when he mentioned about what's the real and impt thing in life, i start to wonder if he's saying is correct. i mean.. he's dying but not dead. how can he be sure that the philosophy he's holding is correct even after death?

this book is one of the best-selling books. i guess maybe they think that the words of the dying person is worth listening to. they know that it's a true account for there's such a person called morie. but then again... what if hundred years down the road, will they still be interested and take the converstaions recorded in the book as beneficial? wil lthey think that it's a book purely fictional and the character is also a fiction? we have the Bible today, which gives us the true account of the true person who came to this earth 2000 years ago. not only that he says things and teaches many lessons about life before his pending death, he rose again and gave more lessons and warning to us concering our whereabouts after our deaths. why wun we believe in the account?

nvm.. but well.. it's a true account and that's why many have believed then. even then, as well as now, we are still givin the faith to believe.. i wish to world will believe.. and come to know that there's this God. and not other types of gods..

for those who believes in science and truly believes that this world is formed from nothing.. you believe in your experients and text books etc.. generations of years down the road, will they still believe that watever written in our textbooks? will they ever thing that it's a conspiracy to standardize all the textbooks in the world to tell us the there's a water-cycle etc.. if they can.. why woundn'twe believe the accoutns our forefathers wrote for us in the bible, that we may believe and know

well.. i dun know..

i ask my mother... what will i be?

when i was a little a boy, i asked my mother what will i be? will i be handsome? will i be rich? this's what she said to me...

what ever will be, will be.

---

back in dhs we spend time learning how to be leaders and even to understand pple. yeap for a period of time i tot that there are indeed different type of leaders around and i belong to this type and he belongs to that. and we have different kind of pple around us and hence we motivate and 'lure' them differently..

ideally, i will be the one who works with the rest, and use subtle words, to let opinions and suggestions be carried out (even if that's not my success formula), and to blend in with the team, gently leading them to the direction required. to accept the burden and shoulder the blame for the rest of the team to grow and learn, to experience and to understand. that i will still be in background, be that insignificant helm, small and out of sight, yet contributing to the journey.
or so i thought.

somehow i think those are just rubbish. cos it seems that human beings are just creatures that only respond to choleric approach. and they will rather run with the choleric into the deep waters than to float with the gentle flow to the harbour. felt that being insertive is the only ways to get heard. felt so unfulfilling.
---

i have this prob. that is to covet for all the stages of life. wish to be a kid that the kids will look up to. to be an adult that is taken care of. i crave over the situation pple are in which i have experienced it when i was much younger than they are. i have this problem of being attention seeking. bad bad bad.

---

i have this problem of stagnant knowledge.. and i need to acquire more to keep myself entertained. argh!!!

--

i have a prob, which is having too many problems.

bdae

let me try to remind myself.. and pray that tho i am celebrating my bdae soon, that I should still decrease and He should increase. that what i am doing is pleasing to Him. to check my heart, reminding myself that this is just for remberances/ties/kins sake and not for me to boast.

pray for wisdom to be discerning and level-minded as i proceed with the planning.

ord

have to announce..

ORD lor..

so much about writting memoirs.. haha.. laze is catching up with me..
bad boy.

holiday

yeah.. having holiday.. erm.. enjoying it. enjoy planning and doing all the things that come to mind each day. =)

invited shuhui, beepheng, shuping, meijie, lingqin to my place for the taiwan cup noodles supper. =) take a longer time to invite tengyan, and haha.. quite funnie.. as if he's not wanted. hahah..

---

think i have this real bad habit. that i am an attention seeker. i wish to be the norm and the centre everytime. heard tengyan sharing bout his experience with the chinese from heilongjiang etc.. erm.. i was thinking that it's a nice experience for him (so nice). but i forgotten that all the things that he's doing are things that i was doing in sec 3. ya.. it's like erm.. those are things which i have done it so long ago. sigh.. what am i thinkin..

---

tmr.. erm.. driving lesson.

Taiwan Trip Photos

Taiwan Trip, erm.. i mean Exercise photos. =)

back to Singapore

i am back to Singapore for 2 days.. erm.. start to face the reality of spending money in taiwan.. and yes.. i have to get my things back in place which includes the web pages that i have promised pple.

jiwei started this shop at plaza sing opposite dbs bank. it's g-mask.. nope it's not a comsmetic mask but a phone laminating thingie.. finally he's doing something that is not about arcade and machines. haah.. but it seems that it's hard on him.. to deal with the cost and salaries to his employees.. yes.. his employees..

been reading tuesday with morrie (in chinese, cos i bought it in taiwan) haha.. it's a nice book but i kinda dread to con't it.. erm.. the content strikes me and cause me to think about the way i ought to live my life.

i tot i have found my focus.. but i was wrong.. i have this wide screen lens in my eyes which cause to me to set my thoughts on every little thigns that pple have..

edwin ong (discom) told me about his friend who is the ACC for erm.. 4 SIR.. and describe him as someone who is indispensable in his unit. his life and workload is like hell.. i almost tot that i will wnat to be like him.. cos i think it's nice to be capable of such..

but then again, when i see pple have easy life in unit slacking, i will think that i wouldn't mind that kind of life..

wat am i driving at? i hav little idea of what i can and want to be.

spending my time in church. yah.. in fact, after one month in taiwan, i told myself that i will miss all my sabbaths and shomerims.. but on the other hand, felt like spreading my time to all my associates and friends.. ya.. what do i wnat/ i dun know..

acutally, i know.. but i am not following them.. and i switch my directions often.

i am now eager to download the photos into the com and upload them into the net and maybe dedicate a website to my trip hee.. okie. that will come after alan's and (hong+bo)haos' web.

day 26

wow!! next week today i will be in singapore for 2 days liao!! wonder what will i do once i reach singapore. who will i first meet up with.. who will first notice my arrival. or who will realise my departure in the first place.. haha..

27th - flying off at 2050hrs
28th - 0050hrs, reached singapore. (of cos no work on that day) (must remember to go for medical appt and take a whole lot of medicince before i ORD)
29th - off
30th - saturday
1st - sunday (finally)
2nd - mon, off
3rd - tue, off
4th - wed, off
5th - go back office.. (and spend money.. )

where the offs come from.. well.. 30 days in taiwan, 3 days isn't too much right?

day 25

today is a super bad day for me.. dun know why.. think that i am being such a xiao ren and failure..

fred says that i am talking in an agitated manner.. guess i am, when i am talking to some pple. okie.. maybe i am in the wrong.. but well, i dun quite like the idea that he says i am talkin differently cos i am 3sg.. argh.. okie.. i need a mirror.. for reflection. most prob i will be disgusted by myself and plunge into a deeper trough..

now i dun dare to return back to office, cos darrell emailed to tell me that the printer he bought based on my recommendation is not parallel port enabled!! .. shucks lor.. i DID check and that OCS lady double checked and confirmed some more! what went wrong?? i really dun know.. but i really no face to go back and face him.. argh.

things are getting quite incredible..

by right, i am supposed to write about my 'excursion' today.. to manzhou, to haikou, to kuanshan, chuhuo and so one.. and talk bout their lek dao shuan blah.. talk bout my long trip which make my face turned black (so much so that ms to says that i am tanned).. but i am not in the mood to do so.. i feel that.. good things are coming to an end.

what am i doing? haha. argh.. what am i thinking.. my heart is in a whirlpool now.. too much to think about.. and yet i dun seemed to be capable of thoughts, deep thoughts.

day 24

today.. erm.. okie lah..

there's something about me that i cannot stand it myself.. i like to have what pple have.. reallie.. it's super bad and disgusting.. i wish to have everything.. with to get to know all the pple around and wish to be friends with many pple.. it's like grabbing many things in one hand..

of cos, some judgemental thoughts set in.. felt that vina isn't very erm.. forthcoming and it seems that he's workin in a 'i think i am busy' manner. yes.. i know store is not easy to handle but i dun see him being very busy.. as in, he has time to slack also... he has time to nap at times when things are not very busy.. dun know lah.. it's me being judgemental.. fred seems very gum with him.. boozing with him most of the time when he drinks.. on the other hand, ravi seems nicer, erm.. less complaints and just trying to finish his job .. yea..

my previous driver's car broke down.. hence, we changed the driver (the driver is tagged to the vehicle) .. this new driver is quite okie.. but since it's the last week liao.. guess will not get to know him well.. hope to touch on the Gospel before i leave this place... this is my 3rd driver liao.. sigh.. nv get to knwo them well enough before changing..

yesterday a roc soldier walked out of the cookhouse and he saluted me~ hah.. i was like, turn left turn right, who is behind me.. haha.. heard of such cases but nv thought it will really happen, and to me.

it is better to have a good friend than to have someone who listens to you.. erm.. it's better to have good companion.. what am i trying to say.. well well.. just hoping for better and more depths in relatioships with pple around..

and i am going back to singapore sooN!.. in fact, it's next week.. exercise is going to cut on the 24th..

when you ahve gotten used to the norms in taiwan, it's the feelings and thoughts rather than experience that you will liek to jot down.. there's so many things that i wish i can remember and bring them back to singapore..~

day 16

i have this problem.. that is to feel comfortable when everyone gets comfortable with everybody.. low esteem.. and having probs making good friends..

things get worse when the guys start to talk about girls and stuffs plus etc.. feel like withdrawing from them but yet that's the topic, for them and almost the one and only topic.. dun know lah.

get to know few pple, mostly frm discom.. erm.. well.. not in depth but impressions made.

timothy. english speaking, capabilitis fully exploited in saf. and he feels not good about it. will like to be an offr (of cos). laments bout saf and he's gettig out soon anyway..

edwin, vs, nyj. one year my junior.. erm. have this cheerful friendly look

terrence, big built, walking around with the nicotine gum in his mouth most of the time.. give me that xiao1 sa3 seh.. hha.a. oh yes.. he's one of the pple i have sent for bmt recourse..

qin yixi, very positive and ren lao ren yuan.. always smiling in midst of his work.. impressive. hehe..

shawn, dhs junior, talked to him only during army..

boh, think his behavior isn't very acceptable in the generally standards of his colleagues.. and when i saw him, i felt that i am almost like him.. i guess i am just too self-cautious.. argh..

i think i should lie down.. and blend into the background.. yet i cannot do that most of the time.. felt that i am doing the rest a disservice if i am resting or having a good job scope.. argh.. what am i thinkin.. i shouldn't be concerned bout anything here.. just spend my days..

saw baisheng today at renshou.. ta xiang yu gu zhi, bu yi le hu.. and not forgetting andy to on kin, whomi met days ago too.. it's a small world after all..

day 12

sigh.. i think i spoilt jos' mp3.. argh.. hope it's manufacture fault.. dun know lah.. hope it;s the battery.. no matter what.. it's damn paiseh, even the process of making up to him is quite paiseh..

learning to do things not-the-office way here.. erm.. it;s quite diff.. i really think i am not doing well in stuffs like coordinating men going here there. but stil, i need to learn..

see how lah

day 10

it's a few days before CGO came and the main troops will be coming on the 11th.. so.. it';s our supossedly 2nd last nights out...

it has been more than one week and i think i start to feel and judge pple around.. of cos it is bad but well. after some time, we tend to have some opinions about pple around..

bkz, erm.. dun know him well.. but that time heard from wo jeery askin the rest of them who is the one who cannot stand him the most blah.. hm... wonder what does that mean..

of cos, will still like to remember wilfred for being a companion. nice to ahve him around. n jiaye and vincent. ! have been walkin with them for the past 3 nights out.. haha.. not bad.. quite nice to have them around to walk talk and eat...

but yesterday night out is a bit down.. erm.. why/?? cos i have made a calculation about the money that i am going to need in kaoshiung and kept withholding myself from buying anything that catches my eye, cos i am reminding myself that kaoshiung is the place to buy, not in this small town!! but later, when i see that the signal, supply etc pple bought so many things, i felt erm.. so sad.. thinking that i might have missed out some deals or nice stuffs..

sigh.. i know my problem. it's coveteousness!! it's really deadly.. i want to have what they have bought! that's so evil of me..

missed QT yesterday again.. yes it is becos of night out.. lights out liao .. well. have to catch up tonight..

V, erm.. he seemed to have known the ropes in qm dept and acting like a ag.CQ . haha. erm. i think we all like to be entrusted with responsibilities.. but the prob in NS is that i have to constantly remind myself that there are more capable pple around but not working (cos they are withholding... ) those who are working are those with the willingness to work, or the vulnerability of being used. ??

Lord's Day1

glad to spend more time with Him although it is a working day here.. indeed, the sabbath is made for man and we need it... it's really quite bad to have 7-working-day week.

since it's a sunday, they let us have nights off again. this time we went to heng chun zhen. erm.. if ken ting is a pasar malam night hangout, then heng chun zhen is like tampines 201 (bigger version of it)

spend more money again.. ermm.. this time on postcards stamps and a book. well.. really hve to restrain myself from spending too much!.. hve to spend during r and r.

day 6

blogged in shomerim.


today is Lord's Day.. but will talk bout it later.. let me recap about day 6...

yesterday was a day of sleep. yeah.. can i can really sleep, of cos i am not so pig.. i spend time reading the book nick lend to me - a bird's eye of of the Bible. hehe.. making good progress reading...

haven't been making a log of things and facts regardin taiwan.. let me try to do it fast..

1. they dun have sewage pipes, and all their waste goes to a sewage pond (hua fen chi).. and after some time they will engage a truck to suck out the stuffs.. haha.. you can see the brown stuff going thru the pipe.. hehe..

2. the onions here are big! haha.. anyway, the ah bing ge here have to help with the harvest cos the lao bai xin will kang yi if they dun do so.. cos their trainings are very noisy, helping to harvest is to compensate them. and yes.. why the onions so big? cos the wind here is very strong! the stem of the onions are blown off, leaving most of the nutrients in the underground stem (bulb) etc.. blah..
and why the wind so stong, cos it;s hot now!! it's near summer and the place is so hilly, the difference in pressure is great and so on.. haha.. (jos, go and mindmap hor!!~)

3. the soldiers here are somehow modelled after the americans.. they salute their sergeants.. so, they always salute us when we go into some of the camps (other than heng chun) .. haha. but most of us dun return the salute (think it's weird) but i think they think we are rude.. hmm.. not sure..

4. when we went to ken ting, they warned us that we must buy if we bargain! if not they will gang up and ostracise us.. haha.~

5. 4 ban = 1 pai, 4 pai= 1 lian, 4 lian = 1 ying, 4 ying = 1 lv, 4 lv = 1 shuai...

finished up my QT lag.. have and will try to spend more time wiht the Lord today.. i hope..

day 5

blogged to shomerim....

yeah.. thx nicole! haha.. and to xy, erm.. i also long time nv play pool liao!! sigh..

ya.. i have to moisturize my skin a lot. in fact it's already quite dry and flaky. pls pray for me. the air is dry here..

also, i have stomachache everyday, got wind in my stomach everyday day.. argh.. dun know why..

anyway, yesterday i have first night out! went to ken ting at 0830 and yeah.. bought some things already.hehe.. guess whose present have i gotten ? haha.. spend bout 100NT on food (trying to restrain myself to save money for the last few days). ate zha4 xian1 nai3, shan1 zhu1 rou4, stinky tofu (the not very stink type, not very good), ostrich satay (ex!) and ya.. something like that..

haha.. i cannot recap wat happen in the day time for day 5 cos the night overwhelmed the rest. haha.. reach camp quite late.. so QT missed, for the first time here, hopefully there's isn't much more to come.

Sunday here is a working day.. we are operating 24/7. so... guess i have to keep the Lord's Day in another way.. sigh..

have fun pple.. see you all in 3 weeks' time!