thank God

may times, we cannot see God's help soon enough.. me too. but after some pondering, i realise how much God has answered or even more. sometimes, the things may even caught you by surprise and even test your faith and behavior.

i was very worried for (my tution student) when i was teachin him A level maths C. i was so worried for him and i often prayed to God that "God will please help (my tution student) , even in granting him good grades, so that i may not fail as a tuition teacher.. " i am so scared that i will fail my responsibilty. the night after his maths paper, he called me and sounds so demoralised, upset and lost.. losing sight of a decent results for his A levels. and i say, i will pray for him...

then! he got AAAA, A2!!! i must say he's quite smart. and i was quite erm.. erm.. well.. u know.. whne you realise that AAAAAAssssss are everywhere.. and i actually fall short of one A.. guess it's God's plan to humble me ba...

now, when i think back, i realise!!! isn't this God's help in helping me to fulfil my responsibilty??!!! how insensitive am i... "qing chu yu lan" is good ba. haha..

---

i prayed hard before i set off to design the programme booklet for an upcoming concert. i was quite worried, somehow pple whom i worked with dun really agree with my sense of 'beauty' and 'fonts' selection.. in the end, i came up with 3 designs.. the first one is almost my effort for the whole design (aka, orignal), which i have the least confidence in it. the 2nd one is a easy copy.. the 3rd one is another easy transpose..

in the end, the first one is well received.. from the comments, it seems to be genuine commment. Thank God! this give me sense of joy and confidence to 'indulge' further in this hobby of mine...

--

all the above, happen during the week... and it's only now, that i realise... =)
Praise the Lord. and may He continue to be by my side.

happy birthday to weixiong and DnD

came back from sheares hall DnD.. erm... and that's my table photo.. it's not hard to spot me right? haha..

and i look very bad in many photos.. sigh. but nvm ~ ...

actually, i was in a huge delimna, cos weixiong "birthday dinner" is today.. caught in between.. got pretty inexperience with the planning and stuffs.. sigh..

still.. 50 dollars has been paid, after thinking for looong time, DnD is still where i ended up at. =)

holiday

i am thinking about hols now.. when the exams are not over..

so many things to do, when there's apparent a looong period of time.

still thinking should i join rag.. it's a dream to be the float designer.. well.. being passive, normally i will not sign up for it.. but now that jungkiat kathy do look for me... should provide a better reason to join .. the things holding me back: i need to work during hols so that i can stay next sem, if join rag, will stay hall during hols = more money.

nvm.... if i dun do rag, i will still work on my long overdue dreamerize.com

now going out for lunch, alone.. it's surprising how many pple dun eat lunch in hall... they either munch in the room, or skipped it.. or sleep thru it. normally i am one of them, but nt today..

tonight is DnD, which is just a nice name for a normal dinner. crap... dun have camera, have to rely on the rest liao~

NOW, i have 3 tutorials lagging... okie.. if i pay real attention later maybe can reduce it to 2. ya.. time to go.

rag 0506

wasn't involved.. but did participate..

lamentation

Most of you who knows me must have heard and gotten used to my lamentation. if you are not, and you dun want to listen to my self-pity again, please leave..

i haven't been production, instead, i have been indulging in my non productive activities like sleeping and stoning and what have you... Staying in hall ought to give me chances to learn more things and learn a trade or two. but i guess i haven't found my area of capability. been doing things which i have been doing and things i tot i can do. but in the end, i seemed to be uncapable of things that i thought i can.

the production is over. well.. it's a relief to many, but i feel that i din't get the best out of the whole process. i dun feel as good as yesterday. i felt that i haven't delivered my best, if i can have my best. when i looked around at the people who are very involved, i wish i am as tired as them.. but yet, i am not willing to put in the effort. in short, i discovered a big flaw in my personality - the desire to gain things without putting in effort.

i think that's a disgusting trait to have... but, what can you do now? i mean, i find this big inertia to change myself. been relying on people too much and too often. argh! maybe the ability to rely on others is a great thing i can do? nah...

recalling.. i think my most productive days are those days when i work on my dreamweaver, fireworks, photoshop, those days when i can coop myself in the room for days just to doodle with the computer screen..

i really dun know where do i stand now..

Artist: K-Ci & JoJo Lyrics
Song: Through Heaven's Eyes Lyrics
A single thread in a tapestry
though its color brightly shines
can never see its purpose
in the pattern of the grand design
and the stone that sits up on the very top
of the mountain's mighty face
does it think that it's more important
than the stones that forms the base
So how can you see what your life is worth
or where your value lies
ohhhh, you can never see through the eyes of man
you must look at your life
look at your life through heaven's eyes
lai-la-lai...through heaven's eyes(2X)
A lake of gold in the desert sand
is less than a cool fresh spring
and to one lost sheep, a shepard boy
is greater than the richest king
should a man lose everything he owns
has he truly lost his worth
or is it the beginning
of a new and brighter birth
So how do you measure the worth of a man
in wealth or strength or size
in how much he gained or how much he gave
the answer will come to ya
to look at his life through heaven's eyes
lai-la-lai...through heaven's eyes(2X)
and that's why we share all we have with you
though there's little to be found
when all you've got is nothing
there's lots to go around
No life can escape being blown about
by the winds of change and chance
and though you never know all the steps
you must learn to join the dance
you must learn to join the dance
lai-la-lai...through heaven's eyes(repeat until fade)

i wonder, if i can do what i am called to do if i found out what am i supposed to do? what if one day i realise that it is the best for me to be someone i have tried to avoid for long? what if?

sheares production 0506.. Funny Money

yeap.. the production is currently going on.. i was praying hard that i can deliver the sound cues on time. and thank God that i have actually done it.

but i feel guity, cos the immediate response i made after the final cue is.. "yeah.." guess we all forget God too readily... it's only when we are in need of His favour then we turn to him again. sigh..

now i am pleading Him again, for the next show.. to go off well, for tmr is the real show, with all the vips and sponsors.

http://www.sheares.nus.sg/sp/

johari window

http://kevan.org/johari?name=blurdreamer

kinda contemplating if i should put this link up... well.. i know there are people reading this blog.. hmm.. okok.. so, please do spend a min with this? thanks.. if you dun leave ur name, it's okay..~

black sheep spoils this world

my friend joelson is hospitalised due to his back.

before this, he was having problems with his drills already.. when sent to MO, the MO finds no fault using the X-ray and even threaten to charge him with malingering. but he was "gracious" to give him a chance.

before going to SGH, he has involuntary jerking with his body muscle. he went to CGH AnE and was discharged. the doctor ask him to stop shaking his body like that.

now, he is finally getting medical attention.

the thing i want to say is...
1. MO out there, please.. you are only human. dun be too sure of your diagnosis. the self-righteous me wish that MO who wanted to charge my friend to get investigated, tho that is quite impossible to happen. but God is gracious and hence, well... i wish that that MO will learn.

2. not all people with Green IC, report to govt hospitals or clinic to CHAOKENG!!!!

of cos, i know there are. but not all..

what can we do? this world is imperfect, ever since Adam eat that stupid fruit. if you find it true that this world is imperfect... the Good News is that the perfect world will come one day and we will have a part in it, if you believe in the Lord Jesus Christ~

bad maths test

i am really so demoralized by the easy yet made a lot of mistakes maths midterm(when i say a lot, it's a lot!! liek 6 out of 12)

really... dun know where is my expected end... but... nope.. trying to do something to perk myself up.. hope a verse in front of my desk will perk me up... next test on sat.. pple reading, please pray for me..

photo spree

a day in sentosa with my family... it's a rare feat to go out together nowadays.. but thank God for the CNY break that we can go to sentosa before sending me back to sheares.. =) thinkwe haven got a family photo for long.. have to find time to do it.. and find a camera too>~ =)

a nice chilling out session in the afternoon at harry's bar at esplanade. when there's no costomers other than me, jingwen and wei yee. =) thanks to wei yee we can get at 50% off the bill. wow.~ cos she's working there. =) we ordered the drinks, a main course each, with hot wings and erm.. the house special sandwiches.. i had my fill.. and the bill turns out to be 36 bucks ... quite affordable right? 12 each for a place like harry's bar. =) and i had my fill! haha..

3 pictures to show the profile of my room.. the billboard with the impt notices and calendar.. also pinned up nice graphics which i like or i have done. haha.. and a table of stationery.. yeap~. all yellow.. haha


i really like my phone.. it's a normal k700 and it has what almost every other phone has - a camera. gues i just like to take down snippets of things in my everyday life. and i really should archive them, for those are memories....

suddenly realise that i am very sentimental, however, only sentimental to feelings. what i should improve is to make more effort to keep and maintain the feelings i have for people. i really try harder. may be i am often not at home, tonight, i just have the urge to look around the room and peek into the drawers to look at the little 'treasures' i have. lo and behold, there's so many things which i kept since pri/sec/jc days.. most of them are little gifts from people. but, sadly, some of them i dun even remember who gave it to me... .. dun worry, it's just some.. while the rest, i remembered, and when i picked up the little cloth peg/ keychain.. i wasshould thinking... "what are they doing now? do they even remember giving this to me? " okok.. no matter what.. cont to live my resolution.. to be a happier person..

oh talking bout resolution.. i have run for this month.. okok.. i promised to run at least once a month. so i will run another timeto make up for january. haha. =) hope to increase my freq of exercise. =)

无题

每逢佳节倍思亲。过农历新年，周围的朋友都有老朋友聚会。而我呢？今年似乎没有什么聚会。是因为朋友都在忙吗？还是我没有努力的约他们出来？“大家都在忙”是一个似乎很合理的借口， 但是每次我说出这个借口的时候，都有一点的内疚，因为我也知道其中原因也包括了我没有好好的维系我的朋友。

我曾说：“朋友不需要天天见面，只要经常想起彼此，一碰面就可以滔滔不绝的长叹天下事，一切如故。” 可是，现在的我，还真的想找个人，可以常常相伴。。。

。。。

我不可以忘了我为自己许下的愿望：我要成为一个乐观开朗的人，要常常记得我那在主里无穷的喜悦，也好让我能把喜悦带给别人。“

===
FCM的时候Charmaine问我是否每天都那么的开朗开心。=P 我当然说不是。但他的问题让我发觉我在新朋友当中总是显得乐天派些。希望我能找到其中原因，然后把那开心的元素放大，实现我变得乐天派的愿望。

geyao concert

anyone interested please get tix from me.~ supposed to be the emcee. haha.. hope dun flop

=)

today is a good day

fellow shomerim,

Today is a nice day for me because i am reminded by the Lord that, HE is with me. i was about to leave my room for a lecture at 330pm, just as i was about to wear my shoes, i realised that i haven read a passage of devotion for the day... (normally i take about 30 mins to reach Engineering faculty), but still, i stepped back into the room to read.. and thank God that i am encouraged.. so much that i can still remember what the punchline. ("can you remember what you have done for QT today?" that's the question Pastor Ronny challenged us at FCM)

the impt thing is, i wasn't last for lect.. the Bus came once i reach the bus stop, the traffic is clear, and i have time for a plate of chicken rice.. you may think that it's just normal to have clear traffic at 3pm.. but but but.. i still believe it has to do with the hands of God.

lect and then lect and we has a class dinner. 11 of us turned up 5 gals and 6 guys.. it's our first class dinner (in fact it's like a self-intro session after months being in the same class.. !!!).. the situation is awkward, and since i initiated the dinner and ask them out.. i am trying so hard to crack unfunnie jokes.. it gets especially embarassing when we are choosing seats during dinner..

the turning point comes after i have prayed for God's help when i was saying grace for the food for myself. and i think we had a good time of laughter. it comes naturally, maybe you will say, but, i tell myself, it's God helping me.

i left at 830pm to rush back hostel for a 830pm reshearsal.. in the end, i think i still make it in time cos the rest are later than me.. haha. (again, you may think that's human nature, but i shan't discredit God for that again)

all in all, i just hope that all these thougths can help me to be more cheery.. now, in school and days to come.

=) smile! it goes a long way.. haha.. =)

journalism! since when..

You scored as Journalism. You are an aspiring journalist, and you should major in journalism! Like me, you are passionate about writing and expressing yourself, and you want the world to understand your beliefs through writing. Journalism 100% Philosophy 83% Sociology 75% Theater 75% Mathematics 67% Dance 67% Art 67% Chemistry 67% Anthropology 67% Linguistics 67% Engineering 58% English 42% Psychology 33% Biology 33% What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3) created with QuizFarm.com

最近还好

如果撇开将来的责任，以后的担忧， 后来的债务，我最近很好。

一人的生活，有着自己的小房间，读一些刊物，圣经解读，在网上游览别人写的网上日子。哲学的我享受这种寻觅真理的旅程。可是人生不免需要为神与人负责。所以我不可以颓废，要开始用工读书。也要想想该怎么让爱我疼我的人感受到爱。说的不是别人，而是我自己的父母。

前天，回家的时候，发现弟弟一人躲在房里，妈妈跟姑姑等诉说自己的两个儿子和她没有沟通。本想化解弟弟和妈妈之间的？？？。 可是交谈中，感受到妈妈有点，少了母亲的骄傲。言语中都是“是我错啦？你们都不跟我说，也是我错。”
心里很内疚。明明我很敬爱的母亲，为什么那么的不满意我们之间的关系。老实说，搬进宿舍后还真更加能够感受到她是那么得疼我。回家时的嘘寒问暖，还不是准备食物让我带回宿舍。点点滴滴，我都深深的记在心里。可是，没想到我的淡淡无语会让她....

我和弟弟的性格，多少也是妈妈的作风所硕造。现在不理想的地方，如果怪罪于她，她又不高兴。这事，真难。

Narnia

managed to watch King Kong and Narnia, on the same recent Wednesday. it's just enjoyable to have movie marathon..

decided to catch King Kong cos i heard that it's a good show.. and realised that i have time for Narnia and i wouldnt want to give this Chronicles a miss.

in the end? i think Narnia appeals to me more, maybe becos of the underlying meaning.

---

i have read another person bloggin about how he especially noticed about the Lion walking to his death and how sad it is when his mane is being shaved. but to me, this is not something that strikes me.

it's the depravity of man portrayed thru edmond that strikes me. how often we are like edmond, thinking that the white witch can really offer us to be a king in this world, and she will be able to offer us our desires such as turkish candies... in order to please the white witch, we gave up our families. in actual fact, our real kingship is in the real Narnia, the one that is in Spring and not cold winter. but we, humanly, failed to see the true home prepared for us in the heaven above.

winter depicts well the world we are in. it's fun seemingly, with the white snow and beautiful ice caps and what have you.. but, we din't realise winter is actually lifeless and without warmth, unlike Spring..

so, let us remind ourselves, to fight the battle like Peter and be on the Lord's side. for victory is ours when we called on His name.

--

there are parts where by the story is different from the Bible. of cos, i dun expect it to be totally like the Bible, because none can be 100% Bible except for the Bible itself. the story is just an inspirational story.

in the story, the White Witch delights in the death of the Lion; but in real life, Satan is trying to stop the death of Jesus, even to the extent of offering him the earthly kingdom if He would not go to the cross.


--

for those who have not heard the Gospel before and have watched Narnia:

did you see how much agony the Lion went thru in order to pay for Edmond's betrayal? are you moved by his act, to give up his life to save the betrayer?

actually, in life, we are like edmond, betraying our Creator and turn to White Witch (Satan) thinking that she can provide our delights e.g. turkish delights~ but when the white witch showed her true ugly intention which is to perish us (just as Satan desiring us to perish in hell), we turn to the lion for help. but the truth is, if you are willing to go to the lion, he will save you. If you today are willing to go the Jesus Christ, He will save you too. think ye, today, which side are you on?

only child?

You Are Likely an Only Child

At your darkest moments, you feel frustrated. At work and school, you do best when you're organizing. When you love someone, you tend to worry about them. In friendship, you are emotional and sympathetic. Your ideal careers are: radio announcer, finance, teaching, ministry, and management. You will leave your mark on the world with organizational leadership, maybe as the author of self-help books.

The Birth Order Predictor

handwriting test

What does your handwriting say about YOU?

The results of your analysis say:

You plan ahead, and are interested in beauty, design, outward appearance, and symmetry. [true]
You are a person who thinks before acting, intelligent and thorough.[quite true, but not sure if that's really intelligent]
You are negative, fearful, resistant, doubtful, and/or selfish. [true]
You are a talkative person, maybe even a busybody! [true]
You enjoy life in your own way and do not depend on the opinions of others. [false, i think i care too much bout how pple think]

what do you see?

what are you seeing in the picture? look carefully..........

























do you see dolphins? haha.. it shows how not childlike you are.

i wish i were of some help

new year.. glad to see honghao and bohao to be able to come for christmas eve and new year eve service, best of all, able to attend church service the next day. guess i am quite concerned about them.. why? dun know... guess they reminds me of my day when i was in sec 3/4.. and i really dun wish to see any more pple falling away from the race.. instead of saying that i wish i can encourage them, i guess it's more often that i am encouraged by them..

sometimes, i wonder what can i do? wanted to ask them out for outings but in the end we ended up feeling empty during outings.. wish to have bible study with them.. but tot i cant do that.

often, i wonder what can i do that is useful.. but i guess i have to remind myself once again with the fact: God looks at the heart when i serve and not the area of service. and more importantly, truly, shouldn't be careful and worrying over many things when i am serving. yesh.. may this be in my mind..

---

one day if i can talk to hh and bh's mom anonymously: "hey.. do you understand that your children are all grown up.. they have a mind of their own.. and you have to face this sooner or later. that they will one day choose to love or like someone / somethings that you dun. are you going to choose their girlfriends and wives next time? or are you expecting them to following what you are believing, even when they have a mind of their own.. .. "

--

a.ket says that she read my blog recently. .. the last time she read it , i gues was the time when i commented bout jeshua breaking the glass ball at u.john's house.. this time, i make mentioned about jeshua not being exactly happy on the christmas eve night due to the stayover at jaslyn's place..

--

there's so little that one person can do.. but i should have the faith that God can work wonders thru things that i am not confident about.. sometimes, i will use my human understanding and comment in my heart that the speaker aren't speaking well and not capturing the audience. how can the message get across?? little did i realise that God's Word's effectiveness is independant of the speaker. when it's being expounded, it will work in the hearts of people... when i tot it's not applying and effective in myheart, it will work in another person's heart. !!!