ops room again

yes.. ops room again, and my next ops room duty is on the 4th Dec. and! it's with 1WO Kalai! wah lau!~

doing duty with a newbie 2LT, who came back from disruption. hm.. well, leaving him alone with his work. not going to volunteer myself unless he requested for it. =)

he's quite okay lah. . speak like a potato but also speak like a china chinese.. then, i realised, it's becos he spent 8 years in UK. and also becos he got a china girlfriend. ~ hmm.. so, effectively bilingual siah~

and that eugene from QM Br, is on SOL again, by lta fabian again. and he's now in the ops room again, talking to the DO as well, and interacting with him. he's quite a weird guy.

recently, have been rather judgemental. in fact, sometimes, i actually thank God for letting me be someone normal (at least i think i am). Thanks God for his kind bestowments upon me. but then again, whenever i feel this way, i feel like a pharisee. argh.. oh no. i ought to come humbly before Him to ask Him to forgive me, a sinner. yes..

church camp is this coming monday. and my work in office are still not done!! argh. feeling very worried. how how how? hope kenneth can take charge and do things well. =) maybe tmr will work a while in the office.

anyway, leonard is not going to be my understudy. GS Br kept him. so, LEE BING CAI aka Ryan is now in my office, and goign to be my understudy, most likely`

no matter what, i must make sure that once after my leave, i will come back and straighten my accounts, and prepare my handover. ~ yeah'

feeling busy and worried for next week, seriously! God help me.

calvin's bdae

20th nov: calvin birthday
china black
3rd time clubbing
1st: zouk with jevin
2nd: nus biz bash
3rd: read above.

feelings: okay lah. guess wun be clubbing in the near future
drink: fruit punch. feel damn expensive and redundant
time: 0930 - 0400hrs
reach home: 0530hrs

next time maybe go to pub, not club. but a pub wish sells cheaper fruit juice. hah~

still, glad to see calvin enjoying himself. well, it's his BIRTHDAY! and he's now 20. wow....

time passes by.. soon.. and faster..

weixiong has this ORD countdown. i also have. but din't put in in this page.
http://www.geocities.com/blurdreamer

yeah~

haven't been blogging.. well. as usual, let's back track..

yesterday had a supper with daniel, till quite late into the morning. not sure if it's right but, well, it's an opportunity to know another person better. as previously thought, i really think i can understand what he is thinking. reallie. i had that kind of feeling that these are the ways things should be and how come no one is doing it. and i am the only one thinking this way, okay, nvm, let's dun join the mainstream. actually, i think i know that the mainstream also knows wat's going on but there's no need/difficult/thye dun bother to change back to the so called correct way. it's absolutely abstract and all the ideas are very subjective.

also, he trigger my thoughts, some thoughts that i tried to keep and maintain previously but have failed. yes, i really agree that i have talking too much. too eager to say things and share knowledge. too prideful to say i dun know. hm.. ought to review~

leonard leo.darrell wee. one of them will be my understudy. i dun know why but i am also very worried to have understudy. it means the long and difficult process to tidy up my stuffs and write all the SOPs and the meticulous stocktaking to ensure proper handing over. well, i guess i will set a date to officially hand over and henceforce slack/be a project clerk~ haha. pray for God's help in having a good handover. it's not my wish to be a bad upperstudy. i want to be a nice upperstudy.

jia'en talked something about the striving / battling with sin. yes.. it's indeed a diff life walking with Jesus yet sinning along the way. if i dun sin, i feel uncomforatble. if i sin, i feel ultimatly regretful and guilty. it's really a battle with sin every day and my personal walk with God. dun know how to illustrate the idea to francis..

francis,
Jesus Christ has died for ALL our sins. if He hasn't why should He come in the first place. To say that man can actually pay for part of their sins thru purgatory, it's saying that we are playing a part in getting our sins forgiven. NO, we have no part in our salvation but thru God's grace.

if you say, wat bout the sins that we commited after receiving Christ? we too, have a Judgement day. the great white throne judgement. heard of it? christians will be judged according to our life on earth as a pilgrim and His servants. but salvation is there.

dominic says that if Christian faith is so easy, why should you all follow the strict catholic faith? exactly! why you rather believe in something that is more difficlut to do? and why do you choose to believe somethign that is logical to men. God is an infinite Being and He has this salvation plan for us. why must we twist it to make it more convincing to ourselves? it's is def more logical and easier for pple to believe that we can pay for our sins, by doing some penance, or going thru some good works in atonement. but, if such, how diff is God's way of salvation from the rest of the world.

and be very sure that Christian walk is never easy. truely converted Christians will not want to have the plans the sin, and plan to repent at a later stage. if that's the case, only God knows if the person is saved. it's nv an easy road. we are all trying to be more Christlike and to live for Him everyday.

just one day, read the Bible. and try to re-understand the wordings.

(believe it or not, but my heart aches.. )

if only..

.. everyone thinks positively of himself
.. everyone thinks positively of others
.. everyone thinks positively of comments
.. everyone thinks positively of situation
.. everyone thinks positively of explanations
.. everyone thinks positively of intentions
.. everyone thinks positively of tone
.. everyone thinks positively of words
.. everyone thinks positive.

ops room

yes.. ops room duty again~ since it's a public hol, will make up my off on wed.

i tot only honghao will feel kong xu cos it's hols but somehow... today, i feel likewise.

something is missing.. should be reading God's Word.. but i aren't.

things just often dun happen the way we think it should.. and life is so often apparently unfair..

i am tired and yet cant sleep. wish to plan things but aren't energetic to do so..

something is wrong

sunday~

let's go backwards narrating my thoughts.

had eca again. this is is at airport, and with the ladies too. basically threee groups of people, the ladies, the youths and the children. jianjun actually leave the children's table and sat in front of me. haha.. he says that the rest of them are on a diff freq with him. actually i think it's true. in fact, it's the same case for baoyan. but the diff is that jianjun is not seeking to be belonged. he's fine to be himself. or maybe it's just plainly, he's grown up. i told him that he can join shomerim starting from next year. =) actually maybe it's not a bad idea afterall. haha.

meanwhile, had a disscussion with a.mee regarding the camp booklet. erm.. out of some reasons i start to talk to her in a very formal tone. . . erm.. dun know why actually. "are you upset regarding anything? " she asked. erm. the ans is of cos NO. okay.. let me try to reason with myself.

1. it's definitely that i am unhappy with the commments witht the campbooklet. there's absolute no reason for that to happen. her job is to proof read.. if i have done the disastrous circling in camp regarding the letters written by them in camp, why will i be upset with her comments. ? actually, a lot of her comments coincide with me. just that i haven't or din't change them as i was trying to complete the soft copy. it's more tedious to edit and proof read the soft copy, cos the monitor is very glaring and publisher isn't exactly very proofreading friendly.

2. so, why? erm.. erm.. it's just a lost of idea regarding in wat aspect and manner should i converse with a.mee lor.. and she's often so sensitive, so, erm.. not sure if my too casual tone and speech will invoke any comments. well, i guess the too formal tone also isnt' right.

3. actually, this is also somethign i am trying to work out. the tone and the manner i should talk to shuping isaac and the rest of the adults. cos i really dun consider myself young anymore (though i wish i were)..

okay.. back in church after service was the christmas item practice. erm.. disastrous. i am just not musical i guess. actually i still dun know where my forte lies.. well. will practice lah.. i am sure it can be done..~ haha..

then it was the guitar com. erm.. we learnt the church theme song. sigh.. diff song to learn. it's not the first time comtemplating the idea of quitting guitar com. i believe service and be in many forms and forms which God has arranged for you. maybe music is just one area i shouldn't dabble with.. ~ welll review that end of year.. meanwhile, anyone who reads this, just read for info~

church service.. it's Pr Kian Sing who speaked today. "be watchful" erm.. beginning part is quite boring and mono. but the later part it gets more personl and evoking. i think that is what a sermon should be like. it is to speak with passion and feelings. if not, it's going to be a lesson and not a sermon. sadly to say, and also ashamed to say, one reason i left berean then was becos i dun find him engaging. it start to get very mono with him. i was the bad guy, cos i din't give him chance to learn. he was learning then i guess and i wasn't giving him the patience and grace i will like the others to give me. (argh.. so ashamed now)

des and liangkiang left for dinner themselves. erm... guess they have a friendship traced way back...

tengyan joined us for eca today.. erm.. surprising~ finally. but he's also quite impressive for being so determined and perservering in his plans and financial control.
walked home with him from bus 27 busstop.. talked along the way... erm.. thank God that he's quite a chatter. =)

joelson finally heeded someone's advice to stop working and to concentrate with his studies. thank God that a.lili and u.john have influence over him. actually i have tried to persuade him on the same matters too.. but i guess he filtered my words and input. most people says that he needs help and guidance. actually wat he's doing is just being very diff from the rest. is that wrong? he is holding to some personal and different 'doctrines' and 'etiquettes". how should approach? in the first place, is majority the correct way to behave in the frist place. he always tell people that, he's capable to handle his situation. he always wish to appear to be self-sufficent and independant. always givng me the smile as if he's thinking "heehe.. really appreciate your words but i am have my thoughts which aren't worse than your advice. anyway, thank you for telling me still. hehe..."

anyway, in the airport, tengyan was sayin that if i wait with lingqin, i can take the tpt home and also have to chance to meet my prospective relatives. |||! duh..~ he better joking, if not, my assessment of his 'wisdom' is going down. hahah~

d r e a m e r i z e .c o m

d r e a m e r i z e .c o m
when will it be done~? sigh...

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small jc outing

i dun expect 2 b e
most impt person in
UR lyf. Dats 2 much
2 ask 4. wat wld make
MI hapi is tt 1 dae if
eva U hear MY name,
U'll smile & sae,
"ah..Tt's MY fren"

like this sms frm weilun. erm.. why? just think it's very real a appropriate and it's also what i will like to say to all my friends. it will be really nice that some years down the road when you talk about me, you will say, "my friend ernest ... " it will be very sad if it's "my classmate/my schoolmate etc ernest ... ." dun you think so? =)

anyway, met up yuwei, weilun, huawei for dinner at pastamania at parkway. it's so nice to meet up with friends when no one is late. =) though we appear at different timings and loiter at diff places, upon a sms, all of us gather within short time.
"has anyone reached?" --my sms to them..
then, wahwei walking from the shops opp mph..
then, yuwei walking out from mph..
soon after, weilun came down the escalator.

erm.. i just have a good feeling bout this, it's so.. erm.. gathering.

anyway, it's dinner at pastamania and 9 rounds of pool. same(?) old conversation over the dinner table and same(?) old jokes.

all in all, nice dinner after so long.. and the next time to meet? well.. give it a few months bah~

dinner with chenxi

chenxi had a dinner gathering at billy bombers today and caleb invited me to join them. well, i should have hasitated but i din't and straighway made plans in my heart to join them.

who turned up? xiangxuan and rachel, weiming, lily, mark and peiqi, edmund, caleb, zion. honestly, i do actually think i am out of place. fortunately caleb swop the seats such that i am in between caleb's table and mark's table. hence, i 'in' their conversation. caleb did a good job trying to make me feel comfortable. he's good. tks.

xiangxuan rachel edmund - only get to talk to them often in chriswell...
weiming - nv got to know him better. in fact, i dun knwo what's he doing and where is her now.
lily - yes, i still remember her very well, she's the one to tell me about pre-mil etc.. and she gave me a bdae present when i was in berean (kiansing's time). wah..
zion - erm.. he's chatty, known him, and esp time when berean (kiansing's time) is trying to set up the youth fellowship group.
mark and peiqi, erm.. only talk to them a few times lor. really very mo sheng. but, well, they are friendly.. hehe. =)

after dinner, we went to pasir ris park to climb the spider web. erm.. it's actully my first time climbing to the top. hahhah~! maybe if i am combat, will experience more? erm.. but okok, be happy with your situation now ernest, you are very fortuante.!

had lotsa fun, while trying to mingle with them. . .

and at the end of the day, this thing strikes me: i dun have friends whom i grown up with. not chenxi, i din't commit myself then. shomerim? sorry, i am already 19+ when i join them. weiming etc> erm.. well in a sense, but i cannot remember the growing up phase with them. the phase of self-discovery, and character molding.

other than eugene who i talked to a lot in sec sch, i grew up erm... with? dun know who....

Claymarble's Blog

Weixiong starts to blog liao.. .

ops room duty

yes.. as a routine, need to blog..

actually, i learnt something today. erm.. i should say, i have understand the learning today.

to have respect from people, you must first respect them.

also,
to have respect from your subordinates, you should respect your superiors first.

erm..

okay, main thing is: i have to remember that God has placed leaders to govern us according to His Will. and we should listen to them and give them due respect.

insincerity

i think i sux. i tot i will remember but i din't. sigh

anyway, happy belated birthday wahwei.

clean

just watch the movie clean by maggie cheung. well, it's a movie where even if i tell you the plot, you will still watch if you want to. it's not about the story, it's just the cinematography, the style and acting skills of maggie and so on. in fact, it's a boring movie to some as , ironically, there's aren't a clean beginning and ending to the story.

i think the story is bout:

emily wang (played by maggie), was a artiste but was being put down by the media and hence losing her fame. her husband (though not offically married) was a musician. emily had been waiting for him to produce good music for her to perform but he had reached the bottle-neck. both of their careers were at jeopardy and they turned to drugs. one fine night, emily's husband, lee, after taking the drugs bought by emily, died. emily was caught and imprisoned for drug adiction, and was locked up for 6 mths. Jay(their son) was taken care by lee's parents.

... blah, kinda tiring and boring to narrate the story. all in all, emily tried hard to clean herself from her past lifestyle. she tried hard to quit her addiction and to start afresh. she tried to rebuilt her life , career and her position in jay's heart as a mother.

i think maggie cheung acted well. and she's good, to be able to speak english, french, canto fluently (i assume). cool.. wish i can do the same.~

Fabian's Wedding

First of all, well wishes to Mr and Mrs Fabian Tan. May their entrance into matrimonial covenant be a blessed and fruitful one. =)

met up with nigel and ms to to go to the church together. actually, they din't know that i am meetin them until i call them up in the morning. well, shows how insignificant am i? sigh.. who ask me to be the only nsf in blk 8 going. feel quite out of place also. thank God that logpa, edmund, eddie was there. well the whole qm pl is there too..

reach the place quite early. anyway, it's a catholic church. nice scantuary, with the nice scupltures around(as usual for them) and the erm.. the deco.

it's also a military wedding. the sword bearers (e.g. hann lin, mto aaron , ivan du, richard, etc..) it's really quite shuai and impressive to be in no.1 with their swords. guess that's why there's this certain element attractive for officers. well, the selection process and the criteria by human beings is very erm.. apparent. (okay.. stop my blabbering)

then, comes the little girls dancing ballet, path-ing the way for the ring bearer (which is this cute little boy, hahaa.) he accompanied by the ban niang. a few times he stopped and was somehow overwhelmed by the attention given to him. then the ban niang had to nudge him a little to get him con't walking.

and after that, the bride walked down the isle, slowly, with her father. it's really a very touching moment. =)

finally, she reached fabian and they hold hands and sat in the 2 seats in front. the service then began, with hymns, scripture readings etc.. then come the exchange of vows.

" Yes, I will. "

Then, it's the exchange of the rings,.. " .. this ring signifies my love and fidelity, by the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.."

then the priest pronounced them husband and wife. "can i kiss her now?" ask fabian to his father-in-law. =)

------

after that was the signing of the marriage cert etc.. and is the eucharist. it's quite an eye opener to see how is it being carried out. beside me was WO Mabel explaining to ms to the difference between catholic and chirstian. and she said something very similar to francis.

Chirstians/Protestants are basically people who dun like the teachings of the Church and break off. For example the ANGLICAN Church is initiated by the King of England because he wished to remarry and this is not allowed by the catholic faith. well, i know of such thing. but how come they dun talk bout the beliefs and practices which are not and no longer according to the Word of God. the many traditions and rituals are what the protestants are protesting about. wat the protestants are doing is to purify the church, to stand up for the correct doctrines as indicated in the Bible, where indicates no purgatory, no penence etc.. . well.. shant go into this...

anyway, the church wedding ends Mr and Mrs Fabian Tan walking down the isle together. halfway, the sword bearers refuse to let them pass until Fabian carried Angeline in his arms. =) and well, he did and .... =)

after that is the lunch at somewhere at habourfront..
---

actually, it's really sweet.. . .

singapore idol judges

i think positioning does matter. the first person to give an honest comment is good, the 2nd person to second that opinion is nice. but to have the third person to talk bout the same thing is yucky.

well.. i think i am definitely not the first to criticise douglas o. so, i am as yucky as he is.

actually, it's also largely attributed to his lack speciality in judging, i guess.
dick lee is a musician, he assess in terms of voice, music etc..
florence assesses the image, style, feel
ken assesses the market-power of the singer.. so somewat..
and douglas.. erm.. i dun know. not sure yet. you can tell me.

condolences to amos and beepheng

amos' grandma passed away yesterday. and amos is booking out today. as much as he wishes to be around at the wake, he also dun wish to participate in the rituals. it is a testing. and i am so sad and shameful to say that i have failed last time.

beepheng says she will 'zhao' amos. so nice to have a elder sis or bro. but i am the elder, when can i ever be close enough to my bro.. and to 'zhao' him.

realise that i have little patience with people, similarly, i see and foresee pple to have little patience with me. i am such a bad person.

francis is now at his guardrest, wilfred in tekong, ken was mc for past 2 days. in the end, the person i talk to the most is the nsman.. in fact, he's good, he is able to maintain neutrality of the subject well..

on the other hand, i need to improve. i guess and deduce that whenever we talk bout Creation, Science and God, i tend to appear to be very agitated. well.. wondering if i was, but i tot i was composed and subjective enough. maybe it's not only when we are discussing bout God, it happens whenever i engage in a discussion. i am always in an aggressive mode(or so i seem to be). i need to show the composure that i wish to portray.

i kinda understand why power and authority is important to pple. it's the thing other than money to keep someone satisfied. i feel good when i can have the decision and say regarding things. and it feels good to arrow pple and reap the products. but this is definitely not good. i will not want to keep this going. argh.

meek. blessed are those who are meek, for they shall inherit the earth this is the new thing that i aim for. yes, i wish to be meek. it seems to be the best quality i need so far. to be meek~

friends... . they come and go.

prayer meeting in camp

nic invited me for a prayer meeting in camp, with lta barry, joshua, mervyn. well, i hesitated upon the invite as i know there bound to be people who will be praying in tongues, in spirit and feeling. but, in the end, decided to attend the meeting with them.

 

i was right, immediately, barry pray in tongues, and later when mervyn came, he spoke in another 'dialect' of tongues. well,we did not get into a discussion regarding tongues, i just briefing state my stand.

 

anyway, wanted to talk bout the sharing... barry (the one who spearheaded this prayer mtg) was talkin bout his burden bout the camp. he felt the purpose for God to place him in this camp. so, he prayed about it during lunch, alone in the training shed, with cries and passion. in the end he said he felt uplifted, and God answered his prayers, so much so that the aura in his office also changed. according to him, he can feel that very presense of the Holy Spirit in the whole office.

 

mervyn shared bout his practice back in JC where he will prayed at HDB void deck alone and feel so uplifted with the Spirit after the prayer. and how he crave for that now, that he's lookin for a place in camp to pray during lunch.

 

the thing is, let aside the issue about tongues and charismatism etc, they are indeed prayerful!. not sure of the motivation behind, or the pushing factor for them, but tot we should be, if not more, at least as prayful?

 

i was quite put to shame about the little burden i have for the unsaved souls in my office. there was this time where i spend hours for days explaining to them creation, about things to come and Jesus. i tot it was difficult and slowly stop talking bout it since they stop asking me as well. and that time, i set a resolution that when i give the Pink IC to ORD personnel, i should give them a tract as well! but, sad and shameful to say, i did not. i have only 3 mths more to do this. hope i will have the courage and diligence to do so..

 

anyway, just want to say, all of us should do our part for Christ. let us, who have the priviledge to worship in a fundamental church, also be passionate bout the lost souls.

 

just thoughts to share....

on leave:: 191004

hope i can settle outstanding issues today. i hope. not sure if i can.. sian..

going to tekong on thurs but wahwei in sittest. sian.. then how? dun know to visit who leh. it seems i have little friends.

101 1st degree friend in friendster. haha. like real~!

blog terminated

"..signing off here..bye bloggie..."

another blog terminated.