Friday, September 29, 2006

信 :: it's my middle name

凡 你 们 祷 告 祈 求 的 , 无 论 是 甚 么 , 只 要 信 是 得 着 的 , 就 必 得 着 。

我想很明显的, 我越来越不仰望 神. 每日的祷告, 没有确实的信. 今天, 我忽然想在这方面积极的努力. 从今天,开始观察,记录我所到到高的东西, 并且列出,好让大家(尤其是我) 知道, 信是能移山倒海的.

Monday, September 25, 2006

staying in hall still

currently, no doubt that time in hall has taken a part of me..
let me review what i set off to do in hall... to find a purpose in hall..
i guess.. i am not there...

unknowingly i am in sham tech crew and sp. but i kinda wanna give up sham.. dun know why.. need more incentive to work for sham..

friends, i guess plays a part. and that's also the next reason i am trying to acquire for me to stay on. the reason is not valid yet.. and yeah.. still finding..

it's the personality thing. i just cant get out of my box.

anyway.. i always dislike people whom i find them starkling similar to me. esp when i find that their behaviors are those that i hate most and yet i knwo i am behaving like them.. and i found a person whom i kinda dun like cos he is too much like me. or should i say, i am speaking and behaving like him which i dun like!!!

time to break free.

mid term break. ! jia you

Monday, September 11, 2006

just like to blog

just feel like writing something on my blog.. it's like.. erm.. i want to find some wall to talk to and here it is.. my blog..

a few things that i am trying to decide has been decided. vbs is on. erm.. guess it's a combination of factor.. like elder william, it's doign something that is for Him. to be committed. i have a cause to commit to. i guess this is right.

been thinking bout money matters.. guess i have to resort to erm.. the not very nice way.. to tide over for the time being.

my tests hasn't been good. i dun find the quesiton difficult. i know.. it's laziness. it's really quite easy.. sigh.. it's a combination of factors.. the lousy lab experience and i just feel that the whole results be it lab report and tests.. it just shux.. i want to get out of the cycle.

that's my last line. i have 7 more weekly tests to go and i cannot afford to flop in any one of them anymore. no more 2nd chance.

time to loook upon Him..
when i want to slack, tell meself, i cannot, for this is my duty to study
when i want to give up, tell myself, i cannot be failing cos He is my help
when i want to run away, tell myself, this is the path He has brought me thus far.

try harder!

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

1 Peter 5:7 (King James Version)

7Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.


. test on this thurs

. test every monday morning

. able to do tutorial

. ability to spend time with family

. easily be a friendly person and people being a friend to me.

Monday, September 04, 2006

of comms and ability

it's time of the near when the people all around are trying to secure people do production, chairmanship and all...

i was at first thinking of organising vbs.. but later, i kinda feel it weird to do so cos my heart attitude is erm.. i dun know if i am right to organise it. if i cannot even organise camps, why can i do vbs? somehow, i think i am not a good person to work with.

sndcc has been to a close.. thinking about myself, i guess i am not a good person to work with too. as usual it's my expression. in the end, my counterpart finds it hard to relate to me or maybe he dint even try to lah.. but the fact is, it shows that i am not an encouraging co-worker whom pple will find to talk to.

but yingying tries to find me for smb. according to her is becos of IT skills. i wonder how much am i over-rated.

tris asked me if i am interested in production. he's trying to find a producer. if he's going to be a producer, he says that he's confident in me to be one of his managing pple personnel. i wonder, how true.

cos back to sndcc, i nv get to convince pple. i dint get to push yip to do the lift upgrading project cos i tot it's too hard on him. i dint get to paint a nice colourful with shading banner cos they just simply dun believe that i can work with colours. or i just cant push them to higher standards. even my balloons decor was highly worried and doubted by paulene. yip was easily and conveniently saying that the number of balloons i have was not enough. it's not easy to do. and things like that.

sk was trying to find pple to chair flag. can see that he thinks ivan is of a calibre to do so.. he asked me bout it too but i guess he's not pinning much hope on me. =) pros and cons. it could be that i have rejected very plainly or i am just a side and peripheral.

back to vbs. in the sight of the Lord, it's when you think you are of nobody, then you are somebody to God. the humble spirit is necessary. i rethink bout my experience with the past few church stuffs. i am involved, as a convenient manpower i would think. that shouldn't be a wrong thing. why should i care about how pple see as long as i am willing to be of use to God. but the number of people in church, and the pool of people working together has kinda marginalised the type of things i am doing. just as chairing a com in hall, being the coordinator for vbs to me, the first and foremost impt thing is the people who will straightway support you and join you in the team.

when sndcc has ended... is there going to be a new comn to join? should i? oh ya.. sham radio, i forgot. i am supposed to be in it. okie.. i shall stay with it.

talking bout sham radio, i start o feel lousy bout my publicity. recent comns have kinda demolish my ideals about publicity. or maybe i should venture out for newer fields. maybe. so what's next? where does my abilities lies?

Saturday, September 02, 2006

时候时机

电视剧里常常说,不是任何人的错,错只错在时间。在我自怜说自己为何没有像今年这般新生一样,有那么多好玩,好(第4声)玩 的一群人 的时候。我也许要看看周围和我一样的人。

在我很想和其他人浑成一团的时候,我发现,我也不是很努力的把allan当成是自己这一届的朋友。下一步怎么走, 我就看下一群然我自然融入的那一群吧。

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

how people do things

i rem during rag, when jk was shouting like crazy over the time and duration and the nubmer of people in the box.. i heard some people commenting over the mad cry and shouting. to some, it's a lack of composure, to others may be a means to get impt things done. who is to judge? whose opinions matter most? i think we all know the answer.. God's opinions is most impt.

saying is easy but how often can i seek His approval before i seek to please people. why do people want to please people? cos they want to feel popular among the people... they feel that with more people liking them, they can be a better and happier person.

how do i push for my agenda is a prob. when i tot this is the best for people, it may not be. judgements are flawed for me.. or maybe cos i cannot think like the majority. things that i think should be is not what it is. sigh.. the main thing is, do i ever have to, or need to, or should, push for my own agenda to be delivered.

i wish i can motivate people to work.. i wish.

how people do things

i rem during rag, when jk was shouting like crazy over the time and duration and the nubmer of people in the box.. i heard some people commenting over the mad cry and shouting. to some, it's a lack of composure, to others may be a means to get impt things done. who is to judge? whose opinions matter most? i think we all know the answer.. God's opinions is most impt.

saying is easy but how often can i seek His approval before i seek to please people. why do people want to please people? cos they want to feel popular among the people... they feel that with more people liking them, they can be a better and happier person.

how do i push for my agenda is a prob. when i tot this is the best for people, it may not be. judgements are flawed for me.. or maybe cos i cannot think like the majority. things that i think should be is not what it is. sigh.. the main thing is, do i ever have to, or need to, or should, push for my own agenda to be delivered.

i wish i can motivate people to work.. i wish.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

draw the line

i can still remember the time when i deliberately thought that being slow in thoughts and things is actually not bad. but i guess it's no longer. but i am still very lazy. lazy to react.. rather.. i choose to trust that people will not do things that require me to react fast in order to save my life.

am i naive?

devotion

路得记 3:16-18
[16] 路 得 回 到 婆 婆 那 里 , 婆 婆 说 : 女 儿 啊 , 怎 么 样 了 ? 路 得 就 将 那 人 向 他 所 行 的 述 说 了 一 遍 ,
[17] 又 说 : 那 人 给 了 我 六 簸 箕 大 麦 , 对 我 说 : 你 不 可 空 手 回 去 见 你 的 婆 婆 。
[18] 婆 婆 说 : 女 儿 啊 , 你 只 管 安 坐 等 候 , 看 这 事 怎 样 成 就 , 因 为 那 人 今 日 不 办 成 这 事 必 不 休 息 。


truly, there are times when we are supposed to do nothing but to wait. it's when we have done our part and we know that our worrying will not add a stature to His thoughts. if so, just leave it to Him and wait for Him to take care of us.

however.. it's when we hae done our part. often i have not done my utmost.. that's why i choose to worry.. esp when you know that you have not done enough and i am afraid that God will not be please with my little doings. so.. it's time to improve..

1. do the things without slacking.. with the utmost effort.. so that you can have the assurance and peace to rest after working!!!

jia you

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

johari window

was explaining to ivan what is johari's window. and i was even thinking in my mind and trying to explain what does the windows help in the EQ of the person. if eq is about knowing yourself and behaving in the way people will like you.. then..

crap.. dun know what am i talking....

skip skip

recently, i haerd bout this person being capable but not people oriented. i see for myself people who flare up during the heat or the peak of the event. i saw people that i really taken my hat off them. i also see people who was a nice guy but yet people dun like to listen to him.

it goes back to the same prob. that is only the choleric persons are heard. as much as they are hated or being commented, the fact is very true that they are being heard. so... if you wish to be heared.. are you willing to take upon that personality?

i am oversensitive.. i see a little of me in terms of thinking/behavior/emotions in everyone. i feel that i can emphathize with a lot a lot of people but i will never know if my feeling is accurate or not.

will talk next time.. blah! tired. need to sleep!!!

Monday, August 21, 2006

wallowing in the blog

that;s what ivan say about myself..

okie.. so? i sitll have to jot down what i have to say to myself. =)

2nd chance

i am still holding on to my second chance.. but there's this force that is sucking me back to my hole.. what is that force?

1. the self hallucination that i am not needed..
indeed, less me one no less.. but less me one == i lose many many.. so not worth it..

2. blhab lah

dun know lah.. just trying to blog.. something.

blog surf one of the nights.. and easily found ernnie and kenneth blog.. hav a little insights bout their life.. also found jianhui blog.. if i knew him trhu his blog.. i wil lhave a different opinions of him.. wat the hell.. why am i looking and knowing people thru this virutal realm..

get a life.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

3rd run this month

i had my 3rd run this month. thank God for new friends to ask me for run. as what i have told yunika today... i am asking myself why am i staying in hall for the 2nd year. i think i know the answer. that's to give myself a second chance. to catch up with the things that i nv get to experience in year 1.

back in year one, i think i am happier in sem 2, when my com started. i must say that i am dependent on others. and the people in my coms are good in making people feel at ease and home. francis said, "whenever i see you, you are doing CMB stuffs". i guess i dun wish to hide in my room all day.. but what can i do when people around me are just as such.. fuhua hang out with his smoke gang; zhihan busy with medicine; sumeet not understandable; sukiang and kai xiang busy with themselves; weiwei in his final year tho he entertained me the most. no big clique to allow me to hide in the confidence of crowd, and hence no reason for me to crawl out of my hole. even during runs.. erm.. i tot i am pretty much as good as running alone.. when they were passing their handball around. i am just not warmed up enough or open up enough.

this year is a second chance ba. i am a changed man or so i thought. i realise as much as i like to be funnie. i am tryin too hard
rule number one: dun ever repeat things that you meant it to be funnie unless it's very necessary.


back to what i want to say.. i want to thank God for people around me this year who somehow allows me a little chance to talk more. and to play more. however, i need to change one more thing about me. that's the look as if i am joking when i am joking. i guess people are afraid to joke with me or reciprocate jokes becos i am over tense and taking their joking comments too seriously.
learning pt: i guess i must learn to listen and accept and change but not giving a very sad serious reaction when i hear comments.


thank God for tech crew com treat today.. had a nice meal.. but talking bout chairing tech crew. i guess junxiong is the wanted choice.. for he's indeed a better people person. his percieved composure is added trust from people. if i going to take up chairperson role this year, i must make sure i learn along the way.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

lyrics

my friend asked me to scribble somethign for him.. so.. here it goes..



擦肩而过但总会回眸一眼
注意你生活上的点滴 但只是为了暗暗记在心里
以朋友的名义试着靠近 称兄道弟却是我最乐观的期望

这些你不会知道

相知到你心里有谁 不盼望自己有一席之位
只希望在你恋爱过程 有一军师的地位
问你明天的节目 不是为了参与
只想默默祝福你每天的一切

我不会让你知道 

三人电影 五人晚餐 七人游戏
独自幻想 一人发呆 单人壁球


我是

我是一个害羞内向的人。经常用无理头的谈话掩饰自己的无知;用大声地说话弥补自己的不存在;以在网上的活跃来充当现实生活的兴奋。


开始的时候我总能乐观面对,直到大家混熟了之后,我就过分自知自明的抽离现场。似乎等到大家都认识对方后,格外的突出我是那么的一怪胎。在无话题,无共识的情况下,我选择离开。

刚开学,我还能“兴奋”, “乐观参与” 多久,我不知道。but i am a changed new man. at least that's what i have been saying. i will change.

找出时间来玩dota, 跑步、踢球等。希望能激励我面对生活上不能避免的竞争。不怕输,勇往直前。

devotion

圣徒菲力普•布洛(Phillips Brooks 1835-1893)曾说过:“不要祈求舒适的生活,要祈求成为坚强的男人和女人;不要祈求工作適合自己的能力,要祈求有足够能力来完成工作;这样,完成你的工作就不再是件神迹,而是你本身变成那神迹。每一天你将为自己,以及神按恩典给你的丰盛生命感到惊叹。”

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Monday, August 14, 2006

rag, a dream

what have i done during the 3mth holiday? other than my part-time part-timing at bally. i must thank God for the many times with church pple. the chance to go out as and when and of cos rest at home. but my july is still used up for hall orientation and some days for chess camp.

chess camp has been fulfilling. it makes me realise that i can still try to be friendly. it's another event that i manage to be unable to convince people that i am an introvert. tho the OG outing stops.. i know it has left a small mark on me.

swoc camp is another orientation. and again, i struggle with the inability to make the group a winning group. yes.. games is about the process but whenever i heard them being discouraged bout not winning.. i wonder whose fault is it... it is me? yes.. i wish i am more game for games. but still.. i manage to make friends i hope.

rag... the end of orientation. i guess i am a person who feels for rag. that kind of person who will be willing to join if conditions allows. at this point of time, i want to reassure myself that i dint join rag for the purpose of more time with friends and family and church is being fulfilled. but still.. after losing rag this year, i feel that i wish to do something better next year. if God willing, i think i will plunge into it. maybe.

people in rag impressed me. the designers, and the meticulous work by every one. honestly, i do think that we have the best float in terms of quality work. every single scale that is on the train. when our float dint win, i look at the rag people. at that moment, i thought how blessed is it to have a team of people working towards a common goal, even if it fails, they stand together. pple cried... kathy, jung kiat, jung seong.. looking at them, i am kinda motivated.

i have one comn in hand. sndcc.. something that i should be fighting for right now. i shant make another regretful move. move on.



tmr start school. my resolution in progress.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

rag day~ a dream

back from rag. to some, it may be a tiring day. to some, it's inevitable to be sad cos we dint win the supposedly judges opinions. but i believe to all of us, the best float is what we have in sheares hall. the details, the scales, and the dream that accompanies it is what our rag is all about.

i am not in rag and i will never be able to empathesize the pain of the 3 months' hard work but i guess this rag is again another event for block d to go thru together. =)


rag involves almost everyone... as major as the main comn or as silent as the logistics. and well.. logistics has also played a part. =) also must take photo lor.~ =)

and i have heared this many times and i agree..
rag is a dream. will i make it mine one day. ?