random thoughts

我也许注定不成气候。一生中午一长处。本来我自己以为每有长处就是我的优点，因为我虽不精，但我可以广，可以对许多事物都少有知识。可是我似乎已停止吸收新知识，成天讲的都是老生常谈，陈闻旧事。如今我停滞不前，心里一点喜悦也没有。为什么？？ 也许是因为我不曾在任何事，人，处逗留太久吧。总是在椅子没坐热就离开。我已打算明年离开guitar com。为什么？我想是因为我仍然在找自己。是不是因为我没给自己学吉他的机会？还是我天性懒散？我最不希望知道是我没什么天分，“六艺”全都不行。 sigh...

jeshua 今天因为去jaslyn的家的希望几乎破灭而闷闷不乐，但后来希望有出现的时候，仍然不高兴，我问他为什么，他说，"i dun know what i am thinking and feeling, just feel not happy."

boon how 在圣诞卡写着："dun worry about you being childish". 我读了,不知道该怎么想.一方面,证明我还能有童真,另一方面,我在向,我是否超龄了呢?明年我就会教little ark, 我是否能胜任? 我有能力于权力教rachel , esther 等等的大孩子吗?? 我是否应该从tabertots 开始呢?? 回想一下为什么我当初选择little ark... 记得了,是因为我认为他们分班后会需要更多的老师.. hmm.. 对. 我想因该不会出错..

christmas eve

at home waiting little ark teachers to come over for meeting. after which, the church will come for christmas eve service (1st stop of the day). i know God has been so gracious to me. if i have to list:

He gave me friends when i was alone.
gave me a place to worship Him when i was in NS.
gave me time to think and serve in church even when i am not capable.
gave me kind parents, willing to welcome my church friends, attend my brother's baptism and open up our house for christmas when they are not christians.
gave me the freedom to handle my studies.
gave me enough to spend
when i tot i was alone in hall, God gave christian friends as my neighbours to talk at times, when i tot i have no activities to join, gave Jingwen to open up doors for me.
what more can i say? if tmr comes and all things are taken away from me, may i learn to cont to trust in Him.

the time has come that i cannot produce good school results.. wat else can i do? i am still searching.

deep down in my heart, i know what God's approval and disapproval of the things that i can may will do.. it all goes down to me and my obedience.

----

it's christmas. do you know what does Christmas mean? let me tell you.

有一件礼物
你收到没有
眼睛看不到
你心会知道

这一件礼物
心门外等候
是为了你准备别人不能收

亲爱的朋友
你是否想到
马槽的婴孩
是为你而来
亲爱的朋友
你是否了解
最好的礼物是人子主耶稣

out

no A, 1 C, time to get used to it.

funnie..

My dear Jaggit, I am in a well here and hope u are in a well there too. I am writing this letter slowly cause i know u cannot read fast. We dont live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper the most accidents happen twenty miles from home, so we moved twenty miles. I wont be able to send the address as the last person who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so that they wouldnt have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address plate here so that our address will remain the same. This place is really nice, it even has a washing machine, situated right above the toilet. Im not too sure it works well. Last week i put in three shirts, pulled the chain and havent seen them since. The weather here is not too bad. it only rained twice. The first time it rained for three days and the second time it rained for four days.The coat you wanted me to send you, your aunt said that it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons... so we cut them off and put them in the pocket. Your father has a new job,he has 500 men under him. He cuts grass at a cemetery. By the way, I took yr sister Bahhu to our clubs poolside. The manager is Badmash. He told her that her two piece swimming suit was not allowed in his club.We were confused as to which piece we should remove.Your sister had a baby this morning, i havent found out if it is a girl or a boy so, I dont know if your an aunt or an uncle. By the way, your uncle, jetinder fell in the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them of bravely and drowned. We cremated him and burned him for three days.Now its the end of the year, your best friend Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fufil his father's last wishes.His father wished to be burried under the sea when he died and your friend died in the process of digging the grave. There is not much more news this time, NOTHING MUCH has happened. This year, your uncle, dad and best freind died. Nothing much though.
Love, mom
Ps: i was about to send you some money but by the time i realised,i had already sealed off this letter.

Blessed Christmas

http://www.syfc.org.sg/christmas05/index.swf

scarily true

i dun like this quote, esp when i realise that i find it to be true to much extent. it's especially true in an imperfect world we have..

"violence can solve everything. if it can't, it means you are not violent enough"

often, people who get their way are loud, the rest drowned in their voices. people who are getting attention are big (in actions, movement and comments) but people enjoy such dramatic acts.

okie.. i am critical. how??

kemaman mission trip

back from mission trip. what touches me this time is Pr Joshua Koo.. being able to trust in the Lord and continue to work for Him when he doesn't even have a congregation to have a sunday service. the christmas gospel rally started off with only a few youths. while i was so worried that that will be the whole crowd, i prayed to God and asked Him to bring more pple to the rally. meanwhile, the wife moved the primary school children in the midst from the scantuary to the side room, fearing that there will not be enough seats for the adults. O what great faith she has. N.B. it has been raining heavily for the past 24 hours. in singapore, we will most probably expect no one to step out of house with this kind of weather. so, the point is taken, that we just have to work for the Lord, and not for men. only when we keep our eyes on the Lord that we can continue to do what we are called to do.

so, am i keeping my eyes on the Lord only? i think not. i am too distracted with too many eyes around me. when i was interpreting for uj, whenever i start to feel that people are looking at me, i will say a silent prayer and ask the Lord to help me to focus on Him only. it works! however, men are so depraved. even when we know that one way or method is better than the other, we wil still stray from the only right path that is good for us. i just can't keep myself from noticing others.

recently, i have been too critical, which is making me very unhappy. i am unhappy with a critical me, at the same time, unhappy with people around me, about the things they do and think. why am i putting myself in such misery?
A guy is always too emotion-free and oblivious bout others, which hurts me.
B guy is always too sure of himself which irritates me
C guy is always too full of himself which bothers me.
D guy is always too talking and not doing much and it puzzles me.
are you having such kind of thoughts? i am eliminating, trying to. may God helps me.

getting philosophical

once in a while, as usual, i will revisit this topic again, that is why am i blogging. the original intention of blogging like a columnist is not attained cos i am too personal with person and myself - i talked about myself more than any thing. haha.. but i guess i will still continue, to make sure i can recollect my thoughts next time.

just watched 前线追踪 . it's about taxi drivers loitering around the town waiting for "on call". for that 4 dollars, tourists are having a bad impressions of singapore for they can't get a cab for 30 to 50 min. and of cos singaporeans suffered as they are forced to call cab. however, somehow, i jus think that the big bad guys are not the taxi drivers (they are just trying to survive, "survive" is the key word. i really think that they are just earning just enough. ) so who is the big bad guy? of cos it's the taxi companies, they are charging too too much for the rental. anyone who knows economics will know that this the price /cost will eventually be transferred to the consumers when the demand elasticity is low.

hence, of cos the drivers cannot afford to take the cost upon themselves and hence they will naturally choose a place whereby the demand is inelastic (city). economics explained it all. who benefited? the taxi companies!!

i am so disgusted.

anyway, just came back from church camp. quite relaxing this time. =)