dear diary

was reading my interpersonal communication textbook and there's a picture that they use to illustrate a person with low self esteem:

a guy was writing with a sad face : "dear diary, sorry to bother you again... "

so? what does that mean bout bloggers who whine. nope.. nothing is absolute.

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what's the main highlight of today that i can talk about? i dun know. nothing. and that's precisely why i am here blogging. sudden change of atmosphere. the corridor is empty and quiet. it's the time of the year. yesh. have to study.

at the same time, here to remind myself about the things to do:
1. finish up projector, get quotes for mics (doing)
2. finish up filing for church events
3. study
4. keep positive, make the choice.

things that i am happy about...
1. the availablity of people talking to me. i guess it's right to give myself the 2nd chance to stay hall again.
2. nice classmates and lecture partners who helped me so much. one day i shall be as motivated.

however, trying not to neglect..
my family. my friends.

when you cheong together

someone out there, dun like to commit
dun like to cheong
dun like to be exhasted.

someone out there, slacking one corner
wishing to be involved
wishing that he's part of the blood and sweat

someone out there, lament for not putting in effort
complain for not being in the group
sadden over the lack of common experience

it's a tough job, and you dun wish to take it up.
however, when you see people enduring it thru
you wish you were part of them.

that's the irony

自闭

有些人喜欢以伤害自己来报复，来传达信息。可惜别人往往只会讶异/惊奇的看待你的举动。所以，就算大家是真心对你，使你的朋友，如果你不把新们敞开，小动作/明示或是暗示也都不可能对方“正确”的对待你。因为，你太难以捉摸了。
所以，尽量不要自闭。因为虽是求救的信号，但不是每个人能察觉到的。何必然自己处在一个可能窒息的情况下等待支援，不如敞开胸襟，带着微笑，迎接一切。

你，不要太执著了。

love actually

watched love acutally in the middle of the night. a wonderful movie which encompass many forms of love. cross culture and wiling to bridge the difference by learning the language; puppy love which buds with the encouragement of a father; love developed over comfortable conversation; loving family above bf, a miss in romance but the family ties bond; love of a prime minister; love of a commoner; love forgives and forbear when the other party strays from the marriage; loving your friend's wife and one day making his love known and being acknowledge with a little kiss is enough.

i wonder how nice it is to be like the movie, where you shows your love and get reciprocated. it seems that if you put in your heart into it, you will be appreciated. the prob is, some people in life just couldnt put his whole heart into it. he has other agenda in mind and things to account for. i guess he will fall under that girl who loves responsibility above romance... and of cos, for her, love dint bloom.

and so it seems... that love is being portrayed in a free expression. i am kinda shaken by my own definition of love. i have nv experienced my own version before for too long a time that i start to wonder if it will appear.

level 6 supper

i used to post such pictures now and then in my blog and other group blogs.. such as shom blog. however, shom blog has evolved into another purpose and i guess my original motive and intention of a group blog can be found else where. the question is, how long will it take to find its own meaning of a group blog? until it's the people who matters and not the content.

satire

i dun even know how to spell that high-brow word but if you are reading this, you get what it supposed to mean..

quoting a friend who says that blogs are for fags. it seems indeed that it's not dignified for a grown-up man to be whining to no avail but should be rightful in his fight and pursue for ideals. which leads to many exciting blogs we see online.

mr brown is well known by all for his guts and opinions made public. however, it was much a concern for garmen (quoting rockson.blogspoot, which incidentally is another opinionated blog) that one person's opinion made public may influence and sway innocents minds to a skewed perspective. maybe i can justify which a theory i have learnt in school, NUS, the self-proclaim world class university, that sometimes when a person is confused, another person's interpretation could hav given him the convenient platform to board and assume his thoughts. so maybe the garmen's concern is not unfounded.

then it goes to people who gives insightful writings about religion. it's especially to gain appluase from general public when you are writing from a "objective" view and commenting on the religions which are, in the eyes of many, causing trouble. the clever and wise (if you think they are) people seemed to hav objectively found the root problems of conflicting interests. as what my DM in sch school hav said, 宗教是用来谋人类的福利的， 不是吗？历史上有的是君王用宗教和思想来控制人们。千万不要反过来被宗教控制。however is it true? it's a matter of your worldview. (if little ark pple are reading, wonder if you can relate to your lessons)

does it only takes famous bloggers to give satire and remarks about situations? nope. there are natural writers who engaged people to keep up with their blog entries becos of their views on things happening around, e.g. hall. and that is what SHAM set forth to do. to be a voice for shearites. www.sheares.nus.edu.sg/shamnet to be a voice to speak about things unsaid. good intention but i guess more gutsy opinions are needed.

things have been said about life in hall bout no one has said much about JCRC. isnt' that what sham is supposed to do? people hav been talking about the order of comms opening is wrecking plans of year ones who tries to accumulate enough points to stay for next year. seniors do comment that publicity is up by a notch this year. and all these are left talking in the rooms only.. sham sham. live up your name.

till now, i have failed to achieve my aim. that is to write about things and comment about happenings. reason for failing? i am not aware of what's going on. i am stucked with things i am not very interested at this moment and yet not engaging myself in things that really interests me. a frog in the well i am becoming.

感情

一直迟迟不想blog. 也许因为自己也不知道要怎么面对自己。

最近生活波折重重，不论学业，人际，经济 等 都碰钉子。当然，我与神的关系也在往下滑。问题的根源我当然清楚， 但要忍痛断根绝非容易。

感情是一个烦人的东西。没有的时候就在怀疑自己为何那么的“无情”。但如果命中出现了心仪的人，就如杨过吃了情花果--有苦难言,难以自拔. 如果自己偏偏又是一个毫无自信的人,往往就会被一坛又一坛的醋淹没窒息.

抽身看看状况,不难发现,自己不过是在扑风捉影. 一切会是昙花一现般的过去, 我又在执著什么呢?说得容易...
我也希望能兼顾学业,可是,当一切都不顺意,自己还真得很想放弃.

one prob to another

problems arising and compounded. i dun know how to move on... i also dun know how to put into words for i dun want all the people to know about it.
i am tired of trying to match up to someone i cannot be. when you are young, you emulate your older brothers, when you get old, sometimes you try to be a good example. i tot i can, but i realise often i dun. i dun know how to draw the line between being high up there or being trodded down to the same or even lower level. friendships are often exchanged, to me, in terms of joy and jokes. okie,i am just superficial.

back to my prob.. that's is.. i kinda solved one big prob by encountering another big prob. i feel like i can identify with all the people i can think of who are CMI..

aregh

lack of focus

the root cause of prob is that i dun get what i want and i dun go and try to get what i want. being a slacker too much.

today a lot of pple cut their hair.. js, kel, acutlaly only a few but it feels like a lot. i want to cut my hair too...

jianguo says that i am ostracising myself.. and i am almost a phamtom. well.. i dun know.. have i really done that? js also say the same thing and i wonder why... which is the specific actions?

can anyone tell me: do your clinque includes pple who wish to be in your grp or do you exclude pple whom you dun like them to be in the group. subconsciouly u will just move on to the destination when you see your friends have reached. for those whom no one is looking out for.. too bad lor... is whining a choice? or is it a cry for help?

dint blog a lot.. recently.. cos ... a guess there are things recently that i wish to tell and not to disclose.. recently tired of disclosing myself thru the blog and blog only. i need to be a physical being out there and not here..

tests on the way.. i know the results cannot be that good.. but please.. somehow good pls..