yeah.. blogging from office during office hour.. hmm. seldom do this but.. haha.. well.. i cannot work even if i want to. the whole camp busy with Ex Goldensand. no one cares about active.. my 11B not avail and the SA is so slow in helping. so, no OA, cannot work also..
slacking for 2 days liao.. so be it. as long as i know i have finish my stuff.
just finish eating weiwen's bdae cake.. chocolate cake. quite nice.. not bad. =) he's nineteen.
get to know nicholas.. he's also another guy, got downgraded to pes E for dunnoe what reason.. and yes.. i emphatize him. so talk to him for a while. seems like a good guy. for the past 1 year plus.... i have been finding nice guys to befriend.. but ernest!! how you define a good guy? ya.. really dun know what is considered a good guy. just hope to find someone to befriend just like school days.. just like school days.
oh ya.. one more person who pass her driving with one try.. Jingyu..
Friday, April 30, 2004
Thursday, April 29, 2004
a new guy came to my office today. apparently, he's not the smart studious type. he seemed to be willing to work, and willing to learn. to early to judge. hope he's a good co-worker. yeah..
benjamin says he like Maj Goh, cos she honour every of her clerk. she make them felt their worth, irregardless how good / not so good they are. that's the best a leader should do. to bring the best out from your team members and allow them to contribute.
ben talked to me bout MP Br. .. he gave me a new insights about MP Br and the regulars there.. like Mdm Lim, Adrian etc.. one point that he brought up is that MP Br likes people to be there, physically present even if they have nothing to do. cos they like people to be there to receive their arrows... marcus is beling disliked by mdm lim cos he's always not around and not cos he cock up his work. !#@@./???
thinking bout this point and reflecting back to cco. erm.. So is it also wrong of mrs seet to keep naggin bout fred's and etc presense in office. to justify for mrs seet.. they din't finish their work.. but on the other hand, it seems that all the bosses have this mentality that only if you are in office, you are hard-working and productive.
thinking back again, it just shows that i am not that productive in absolute terms afterall. haha....
when one is working when i am around, i am not impressed. if he is not around, and yet i can see his job done, i am impressed. ---SM LEE
yes.. i believe in the a/m sentence.. that's why i used to make sure my homework is handed up even if i am on MC. and i make sure my absense is justified.. am i still keeping up with the behavior? hope so...
still, pray for my wallet to be found, or at least my 11B etc..
benjamin says he like Maj Goh, cos she honour every of her clerk. she make them felt their worth, irregardless how good / not so good they are. that's the best a leader should do. to bring the best out from your team members and allow them to contribute.
ben talked to me bout MP Br. .. he gave me a new insights about MP Br and the regulars there.. like Mdm Lim, Adrian etc.. one point that he brought up is that MP Br likes people to be there, physically present even if they have nothing to do. cos they like people to be there to receive their arrows... marcus is beling disliked by mdm lim cos he's always not around and not cos he cock up his work. !#@@./???
thinking bout this point and reflecting back to cco. erm.. So is it also wrong of mrs seet to keep naggin bout fred's and etc presense in office. to justify for mrs seet.. they din't finish their work.. but on the other hand, it seems that all the bosses have this mentality that only if you are in office, you are hard-working and productive.
thinking back again, it just shows that i am not that productive in absolute terms afterall. haha....
when one is working when i am around, i am not impressed. if he is not around, and yet i can see his job done, i am impressed. ---SM LEE
yes.. i believe in the a/m sentence.. that's why i used to make sure my homework is handed up even if i am on MC. and i make sure my absense is justified.. am i still keeping up with the behavior? hope so...
still, pray for my wallet to be found, or at least my 11B etc..
FLOP KING strikes again.
if i were an employer, i will not employ someone who lost his wallet. which means i will not employ myself.
i see such act as a total disgrace and poor reflection of one's ability. if he cannot take care of his stuff, how sure am i that he will take care of my stuff.. that's why.. mrs seet haven't know bout the things i lost.. haha.. cos i always make the effort to make up for it.. e.g. the camp pass, i secretly return to CCO neesoon.. haha.. as well as sandy's interview booklet.
jerry says ernest, stop blaming yourself for things happening to you. i was thinking.. really? i shouldn't blame myself? i always think that the best person to blame is myself as who am i to blame others when i am not faultless. for i have flaws, i am not fit to judge others.. so blame myself.. that's the only thing i should do.
i still hope: Wallet, please come back to me!!!
i see such act as a total disgrace and poor reflection of one's ability. if he cannot take care of his stuff, how sure am i that he will take care of my stuff.. that's why.. mrs seet haven't know bout the things i lost.. haha.. cos i always make the effort to make up for it.. e.g. the camp pass, i secretly return to CCO neesoon.. haha.. as well as sandy's interview booklet.
jerry says ernest, stop blaming yourself for things happening to you. i was thinking.. really? i shouldn't blame myself? i always think that the best person to blame is myself as who am i to blame others when i am not faultless. for i have flaws, i am not fit to judge others.. so blame myself.. that's the only thing i should do.
i still hope: Wallet, please come back to me!!!
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
productivity
Galvin a site with lotsa his production.
not long ago, i was actively meddling with photoshop, dreamweaver. that's how i got this site, pacrew website etc.. but, as ususal, my perserverance din't last. i wish i were like "galvin" to persist on.. to create and to produce.
but he's one dare soul. he's from hwa chong jc. then to nus/ntu for computing.. and guess what.. he's applying for lasalle sia now. well.. it;s one move that i nv thought i will be daring enough to take. i dun even dare to take Art as A level subject. hm. maybe cos i am not good enough to make production my means of living.
still, i still take my hat off him. for he really dares to dream and "fly" his dream. after going to uni, then change his course to lasalle.. he's the man!.
not long ago, i was actively meddling with photoshop, dreamweaver. that's how i got this site, pacrew website etc.. but, as ususal, my perserverance din't last. i wish i were like "galvin" to persist on.. to create and to produce.
but he's one dare soul. he's from hwa chong jc. then to nus/ntu for computing.. and guess what.. he's applying for lasalle sia now. well.. it;s one move that i nv thought i will be daring enough to take. i dun even dare to take Art as A level subject. hm. maybe cos i am not good enough to make production my means of living.
still, i still take my hat off him. for he really dares to dream and "fly" his dream. after going to uni, then change his course to lasalle.. he's the man!.
Monday, April 26, 2004
Sunday, April 25, 2004
it's greener over the other side
they say we are having good lives.. i guess most clerks have good lives.. but not all. really...
i tried to do more, but as an nsf, it's seemed to be wrong of me. is it more fun to slack?
saw meng at my niece' one-mth bdae cele. he's in commando. thru out the conversation, can sense that he keeps talkin bout me having good life.. yes yes.. commando is siong ... but he admit he has his part of fun.. where as for me? given a choice, i rather have prob-free body and made to chiong.
of cos, i know if i were in combat, i will think otherwise. so let's dun complain.
however, i do think the pes system is cocked up..
w in my office, has a unbendable leg, uneven lengths of legs, deafness in one year, missing finger and toes.. etc.. and he's pes e. difficult in typing, and he's a clerk. difficult in walking, how to despatch as a registry..
a from logbr, with serious spine injury, but he's still playing soccer, running, gym etc etc... he's damn fit and he's pes E.
????????
as i always say, i have learnt 2 things since enlistment..
1. we dun get what we want.. (e.g. those who wan to chiong are clerks and vice versa)
2. life is not fair (e.g. the more you do, doesn't mean you are paid more... and vice versa)
okie, enuff..
tmr is my PAT, really hope it will be good. i mean real good.. it's my only chance to earn OFFs.. i neeed offs... !
i tried to do more, but as an nsf, it's seemed to be wrong of me. is it more fun to slack?
saw meng at my niece' one-mth bdae cele. he's in commando. thru out the conversation, can sense that he keeps talkin bout me having good life.. yes yes.. commando is siong ... but he admit he has his part of fun.. where as for me? given a choice, i rather have prob-free body and made to chiong.
of cos, i know if i were in combat, i will think otherwise. so let's dun complain.
however, i do think the pes system is cocked up..
w in my office, has a unbendable leg, uneven lengths of legs, deafness in one year, missing finger and toes.. etc.. and he's pes e. difficult in typing, and he's a clerk. difficult in walking, how to despatch as a registry..
a from logbr, with serious spine injury, but he's still playing soccer, running, gym etc etc... he's damn fit and he's pes E.
????????
as i always say, i have learnt 2 things since enlistment..
1. we dun get what we want.. (e.g. those who wan to chiong are clerks and vice versa)
2. life is not fair (e.g. the more you do, doesn't mean you are paid more... and vice versa)
okie, enuff..
tmr is my PAT, really hope it will be good. i mean real good.. it's my only chance to earn OFFs.. i neeed offs... !
wat makes a man a man...
"what makes a man a man.. is it his beginning or the way he end... it's the choice he made and the humane choice made him man..."
so, what makes an officer an officer, is it his commissioning parade, his 10 mth training, his sch results, his physcomatric test at cmpb or watever.. i dun know. maybe they are just a separate entity/department of the SAF, the departments which do the signing and endorsing of matters..
or, to put in nicer words.. people who conceptualise... (but let the rest carried out the plans)..
actually all in all, it's hard for me now to write good things bout officers. officers alone dun command respect. only LEADERS command respect. hence, officers will command as much respect as they can LEAD.
and it's not easy to lead. in fact, gathering from the Bible, a leader is a servant. To lead is to serve. and it's not an easy task.. you cannot expect the rewards to come from your men... it has to come from yourself.. it's a calling and it's a responsibilty.
moses lead his people out from egypt. but when they reach the red sea, and they thought they have no way to go... they blame moses for bring them out from egypt cos it's better to be slaves than to die in the wilderness..
hence, if we are called to be leaders.. i guess we will have our part to fulfil and the rest is up to God.
so, what makes an officer an officer, is it his commissioning parade, his 10 mth training, his sch results, his physcomatric test at cmpb or watever.. i dun know. maybe they are just a separate entity/department of the SAF, the departments which do the signing and endorsing of matters..
or, to put in nicer words.. people who conceptualise... (but let the rest carried out the plans)..
actually all in all, it's hard for me now to write good things bout officers. officers alone dun command respect. only LEADERS command respect. hence, officers will command as much respect as they can LEAD.
and it's not easy to lead. in fact, gathering from the Bible, a leader is a servant. To lead is to serve. and it's not an easy task.. you cannot expect the rewards to come from your men... it has to come from yourself.. it's a calling and it's a responsibilty.
moses lead his people out from egypt. but when they reach the red sea, and they thought they have no way to go... they blame moses for bring them out from egypt cos it's better to be slaves than to die in the wilderness..
hence, if we are called to be leaders.. i guess we will have our part to fulfil and the rest is up to God.
Thursday, April 22, 2004
hey!! i got a new email account.. ernest.wong@gmail.com and it has 1000MB! wonder if it's true!! ahah..
actually.. impt thing is .. i was wondering what should be my email address.. should it be blurdreamer@gmail.com.. but i decide to change. not even ernieb. why? i dun know.. just though of having somehting more mature. haha.. just an attempt. it's time for me to have an email to erm.. for proper business.
i really miss the days where by my mails are filled with real emails.. from ru etc.. is it a good email address? argh.. i dun noe.. but no regrets anymore.
actually.. impt thing is .. i was wondering what should be my email address.. should it be blurdreamer@gmail.com.. but i decide to change. not even ernieb. why? i dun know.. just though of having somehting more mature. haha.. just an attempt. it's time for me to have an email to erm.. for proper business.
i really miss the days where by my mails are filled with real emails.. from ru etc.. is it a good email address? argh.. i dun noe.. but no regrets anymore.
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
without fail, i've failed.
(0939h) Mr Lee: Driving at 12n
(1245h) Lingqin: Jia you for ur driving test! stay calm and pray before u start ya? :) will pray for you and do keep me updated !
before the test: i prayed..
".. i know it's most likely your will for me to fail, so that the roads will be safer.. but, if possible, please let me pass.."
(1345h): balloting, i got the best tester and good route.
in the circuit.. tester: do no 12, the slope..
...
"eh.. sorry, i drove past it.. can i try later?" &^@*i#)
enough said....
34 points.. 2 immediate failures..
after the test..
ernest's sms to all: "sorry people, no treat.. cos i fail... though expected..sigh.."
teckbeng: nvm you can try again.
dixon: nvm, i think i will fail for my 1st try too..
wilfred: how many pts? ..34.. wah.. you bang people izzit.!
shuhui: it's ok.. only first time.. still got 3changes.. =P **cos i have said my instructor's has an average of 4 times before passing..
and so be it.. ... ...
i am sad now.. there's only 1 chance... to pass at 1st try.. and i have lost it...
(1245h) Lingqin: Jia you for ur driving test! stay calm and pray before u start ya? :) will pray for you and do keep me updated !
before the test: i prayed..
".. i know it's most likely your will for me to fail, so that the roads will be safer.. but, if possible, please let me pass.."
(1345h): balloting, i got the best tester and good route.
in the circuit.. tester: do no 12, the slope..
...
"eh.. sorry, i drove past it.. can i try later?" &^@*i#)
enough said....
34 points.. 2 immediate failures..
after the test..
ernest's sms to all: "sorry people, no treat.. cos i fail... though expected..sigh.."
teckbeng: nvm you can try again.
dixon: nvm, i think i will fail for my 1st try too..
wilfred: how many pts? ..34.. wah.. you bang people izzit.!
shuhui: it's ok.. only first time.. still got 3changes.. =P **cos i have said my instructor's has an average of 4 times before passing..
and so be it.. ... ...
i am sad now.. there's only 1 chance... to pass at 1st try.. and i have lost it...
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
"all who lead must lead by example"... easier said.
in every situation, a leader emerges.. be it an indian chief or a true leader. i dun why but i have put myself into a situation to lead (in a sense0.. why.. i guess i am just askin for trouble. i should have slack like the rest right?! saf din pay me enough to do all the crap.
but i still MUST NOT slack. though i may not be commanding attention.. but, let's be a good guy nonetheless.. maybe one day they will follow.. maybe..
it's not for my good. i jus wish for a hormonious environment... why things dun cock up and everyone is happy..
-------------------
tmr is the day.. DIRVING TEST. i dun know what to say. just trying to comfort myself that it's normal to fail.. but somehow, i still feel that my instructor is reserving things from me.. i nv get enough practice to check my blind spot and do filtering
still, i pray hard.. to PASS. to save my money.. my assets is draining.. i mean drained.
----- rest well and hope for the best...
in every situation, a leader emerges.. be it an indian chief or a true leader. i dun why but i have put myself into a situation to lead (in a sense0.. why.. i guess i am just askin for trouble. i should have slack like the rest right?! saf din pay me enough to do all the crap.
but i still MUST NOT slack. though i may not be commanding attention.. but, let's be a good guy nonetheless.. maybe one day they will follow.. maybe..
it's not for my good. i jus wish for a hormonious environment... why things dun cock up and everyone is happy..
-------------------
tmr is the day.. DIRVING TEST. i dun know what to say. just trying to comfort myself that it's normal to fail.. but somehow, i still feel that my instructor is reserving things from me.. i nv get enough practice to check my blind spot and do filtering
still, i pray hard.. to PASS. to save my money.. my assets is draining.. i mean drained.
----- rest well and hope for the best...
Saturday, April 17, 2004
Your wings are BROKEN and tattered. You are
an angelic spirit who has fallen from grace for
one reason or another - possibly, you made one
tragic mistake that cost you everything. Or
maybe you were blamed for a crime you didn't
commit. In any case, you are faithless and
joyless. You find no happiness, love, or
acceptance in your love or in yourself. Most
days are a burden and you wonder when the
hurting will end. Sweet, beautiful and
sorrowful, you paint a tragic and touching
picture. You are the one that few understand.
Those that do know you are likely to love you
deeply and wish that they could do something to
ease your pain. You are constantly living in
memories of better times and a better world.
You are hard on yourself and self-critical or
self-loathing. Feeling rejected and unloved,
you are sensitive, caring, deep, and despite
your tainted nature, your soul is
breathtakingly beautiful.
Image is a painting by Natalya Nesterova,
source:ca80.lehman.cuny.edu/.../
images/fallen_angel.jpg
*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla
and somehow... i think it hit right at the point...
Friday, April 16, 2004
Thursday, April 15, 2004
tekong trip.. quite smooth.. my stuff din cock up.. ~ tks.
call wah wah and realise he's sleeping !! (wah lao.. so nice, sleeping in broad daylight.. hm.. okok.. maybe, maybe it's also tough on him in some ways.. or another.. )
call william, dental? ~@/? huh? din get it but.. well.. no meet also.
had cheese egg roti prata at sch 2 canteen.. then go off lioa.. go tamp, look around for ben's fish.. din find it. take 969 go nee soon camp to cover my loophole.. --sending the interview booklet which i left out the other time.
in office, dint bother to change also .. and no one (less Ms To) commented bout me..so stay in CV till end of day..
driving.. sigh.. realy dun think i can pass.. so why should i still go for the test?? i dun know.. i know i sux but well.. i am used to. praying for miracle.. but then again. even with license.. i also dun dare to drive on the road.. haha..
before my driving, receive sms from ww rgding unable to meet me in tekong.. : " ... dun doubt urself or watever crap k.. " haha.. knows me well. but not valid for this instance.. ermm.. maybe he's right also. haha. crapz!~
and i am on duty today again. ~
call wah wah and realise he's sleeping !! (wah lao.. so nice, sleeping in broad daylight.. hm.. okok.. maybe, maybe it's also tough on him in some ways.. or another.. )
call william, dental? ~@/? huh? din get it but.. well.. no meet also.
had cheese egg roti prata at sch 2 canteen.. then go off lioa.. go tamp, look around for ben's fish.. din find it. take 969 go nee soon camp to cover my loophole.. --sending the interview booklet which i left out the other time.
in office, dint bother to change also .. and no one (less Ms To) commented bout me..so stay in CV till end of day..
driving.. sigh.. realy dun think i can pass.. so why should i still go for the test?? i dun know.. i know i sux but well.. i am used to. praying for miracle.. but then again. even with license.. i also dun dare to drive on the road.. haha..
before my driving, receive sms from ww rgding unable to meet me in tekong.. : " ... dun doubt urself or watever crap k.. " haha.. knows me well. but not valid for this instance.. ermm.. maybe he's right also. haha. crapz!~
and i am on duty today again. ~
tekong trip.. quite smooth.. my stuff din cock up.. ~ tks.
call wah wah and realise he's sleeping !! (wah lao.. so nice, sleeping in broad daylight.. hm.. okok.. maybe, maybe it's also tough on him in some ways.. or another.. )
call william, dental? ~@/? huh? din get it but.. well.. no meet also.
had cheese egg roti prata at sch 2 canteen.. then go off lioa.. go tamp, look around for ben's fish.. din find it. take 969 go nee soon camp to cover my loophole.. --sending the interview booklet which i left out the other time.
in office, dint bother to change also .. and no one (less Ms To) commented bout me..so stay in CV till end of day..
driving.. sigh.. realy dun think i can pass.. so why should i still go for the test?? i dun know.. i know i sux but well.. i am used to. praying for miracle.. but then again. even with license.. i also dun dare to drive on the road.. haha..
before my driving, receive sms from ww rgding unable to meet me in tekong.. : " ... dun doubt urself or watever crap k.. " haha.. knows me well. but not valid for this instance.. ermm.. maybe he's right also. haha. crapz!~
and i am on duty today again. ~
call wah wah and realise he's sleeping !! (wah lao.. so nice, sleeping in broad daylight.. hm.. okok.. maybe, maybe it's also tough on him in some ways.. or another.. )
call william, dental? ~@/? huh? din get it but.. well.. no meet also.
had cheese egg roti prata at sch 2 canteen.. then go off lioa.. go tamp, look around for ben's fish.. din find it. take 969 go nee soon camp to cover my loophole.. --sending the interview booklet which i left out the other time.
in office, dint bother to change also .. and no one (less Ms To) commented bout me..so stay in CV till end of day..
driving.. sigh.. realy dun think i can pass.. so why should i still go for the test?? i dun know.. i know i sux but well.. i am used to. praying for miracle.. but then again. even with license.. i also dun dare to drive on the road.. haha..
before my driving, receive sms from ww rgding unable to meet me in tekong.. : " ... dun doubt urself or watever crap k.. " haha.. knows me well. but not valid for this instance.. ermm.. maybe he's right also. haha. crapz!~
and i am on duty today again. ~
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
who says a clerk is slack!!! i am still working in office.. well.. i guess not many in hqguards are like me.. hah.. am i hardworkin or stupid? am i over enthu or doing my part? do i ask for it or i cannot help it? up to you to decide lor...
only 1 drawer done out of 4. actually i have done it 2 months ago. but erm.. din rectify them and after so long, i have forgotten my indication and i have to relook into them all over again.. so this is a case of wrong method which leads to more work.. lesson learnt.!
okay.. getting on with my work.. and visiting tekong tmr..dun know if wah^2 be round for me.. haha..
only 1 drawer done out of 4. actually i have done it 2 months ago. but erm.. din rectify them and after so long, i have forgotten my indication and i have to relook into them all over again.. so this is a case of wrong method which leads to more work.. lesson learnt.!
okay.. getting on with my work.. and visiting tekong tmr..dun know if wah^2 be round for me.. haha..
Monday, April 12, 2004
shao4 nian2 zao3 zhi1 chou2 zi1 wei4
okie.. it's really my fault. my fault for undermining him. i can simply be patient and tell him, go to the key press.. take out key 22 and open the drawer and search in it. okie.. it's me.
i am really not a good leader. i am always put in a situation for me to take control of situation.. and in the situation where they are really listening to me.. but, due to my inferiority, low esteem, or wrong attitude, i din't lead them to the right direction. feel bad.. i think it's better to be a winning member than a losing leader? erm.. crap..
ok.. yesterday.
i am baptized. finally. my mother was there. eugene is there too. =) and my baptism name is still ERNEST. there's no name better than that for me.. haha.. feel affirmed. and felt God's hand in my life. as well as His grace upon me. Praise the Lord.
then, go parkway with eugene. nice to see him. and talk to him.. it's really good to know that after long time of non-contacting, we can still talk. it isn't always the case for all..
jianfeng, he is also another OCS guy.. erm.. i mean officer. posted to 5SIR. he sounds weird. i mean it. althought that is my first time talking to him but he is really weird! he seems to be too, erm.. gentle to speak of. dun know lah. he gave me these passion of christ flyers from his church FCBC...! ^^?! oh i see. he's from FCBC... ..
shao4 nian2 zao3 zhi1 chou2 zi1 wei4. ~ last year.. i was workin hard. had 3 tuitions, 4 days a week. on top of my work in office. almost all of days i left home at 6 and return at 11.. these went on for 6 months, bout there.. i tot it was fine. i got the money and i tot i am helping with my family. until i realise that my mother was admitted into hospital, three days after her admission. !what kind of son am i? i knew things were out of balance and i start to gave my my tuitions.. though now i feel the pinch, esp when i am payin for my driving as well.. i think it was fortunate that i gave up some tuition. thinkin of taking up 1 more tuition to make it 2. i need it , need more income.. well. leave it to God.
what am i driving at? i thank God that at least my busy days is only for 6 months. heard from fen her experience.. and i concure with the phrase shao4 nian2 zao3 zhi1 chou2 zi1 wei4.her mum admitted to woodbridge. the yoke of family falls solely on her father. tution fee for uni? borrowed, yes SHE borrowed from relative, if not her friend. yes.. she borrowed it. impt thing is the lack of harmony in family. a family broken but held by ties. quarrels in family.. her deliberate attempt to stay away from home.. and maybe this kind of situation, is also erm... still acceptable? cos there are worse examples..
heard that yv family has a prob as well.! on the verge of a divorce.. nv expected that as well.. or maybe i am the pampered guy after all..
dix, burden by a debt to saf cos of his bond breakin.. he has to survive with meagre sum every month.. i often wonder how.. and i still dun know..
but i guess the a/m are still acceptable cases.. when i think of NKF stories. how life goes on for them..?
jf, born in yr 83, an excellent student, in studies and in sports, a eligible bachalor.. suffered from a stroke. and now is, erm.. no longer sporty.. is a tough change and tough thing to accept.
keeping all the a/m in mind, how much should i thank God. my health is fine, if i disregard my skin.. my physical uncomfort with my skin is better than Chris' debatics, jason's kidney damage, pj's serious ezcyma and of cos wong's deformities..
things in life.. nv certain..
i am really not a good leader. i am always put in a situation for me to take control of situation.. and in the situation where they are really listening to me.. but, due to my inferiority, low esteem, or wrong attitude, i din't lead them to the right direction. feel bad.. i think it's better to be a winning member than a losing leader? erm.. crap..
ok.. yesterday.
i am baptized. finally. my mother was there. eugene is there too. =) and my baptism name is still ERNEST. there's no name better than that for me.. haha.. feel affirmed. and felt God's hand in my life. as well as His grace upon me. Praise the Lord.
then, go parkway with eugene. nice to see him. and talk to him.. it's really good to know that after long time of non-contacting, we can still talk. it isn't always the case for all..
jianfeng, he is also another OCS guy.. erm.. i mean officer. posted to 5SIR. he sounds weird. i mean it. althought that is my first time talking to him but he is really weird! he seems to be too, erm.. gentle to speak of. dun know lah. he gave me these passion of christ flyers from his church FCBC...! ^^?! oh i see. he's from FCBC... ..
shao4 nian2 zao3 zhi1 chou2 zi1 wei4. ~ last year.. i was workin hard. had 3 tuitions, 4 days a week. on top of my work in office. almost all of days i left home at 6 and return at 11.. these went on for 6 months, bout there.. i tot it was fine. i got the money and i tot i am helping with my family. until i realise that my mother was admitted into hospital, three days after her admission. !what kind of son am i? i knew things were out of balance and i start to gave my my tuitions.. though now i feel the pinch, esp when i am payin for my driving as well.. i think it was fortunate that i gave up some tuition. thinkin of taking up 1 more tuition to make it 2. i need it , need more income.. well. leave it to God.
what am i driving at? i thank God that at least my busy days is only for 6 months. heard from fen her experience.. and i concure with the phrase shao4 nian2 zao3 zhi1 chou2 zi1 wei4.her mum admitted to woodbridge. the yoke of family falls solely on her father. tution fee for uni? borrowed, yes SHE borrowed from relative, if not her friend. yes.. she borrowed it. impt thing is the lack of harmony in family. a family broken but held by ties. quarrels in family.. her deliberate attempt to stay away from home.. and maybe this kind of situation, is also erm... still acceptable? cos there are worse examples..
heard that yv family has a prob as well.! on the verge of a divorce.. nv expected that as well.. or maybe i am the pampered guy after all..
dix, burden by a debt to saf cos of his bond breakin.. he has to survive with meagre sum every month.. i often wonder how.. and i still dun know..
but i guess the a/m are still acceptable cases.. when i think of NKF stories. how life goes on for them..?
jf, born in yr 83, an excellent student, in studies and in sports, a eligible bachalor.. suffered from a stroke. and now is, erm.. no longer sporty.. is a tough change and tough thing to accept.
keeping all the a/m in mind, how much should i thank God. my health is fine, if i disregard my skin.. my physical uncomfort with my skin is better than Chris' debatics, jason's kidney damage, pj's serious ezcyma and of cos wong's deformities..
things in life.. nv certain..
..
i feel guity. but together with are also anger... and erm... helplessness. God has bestowed me with a little higher intelligence? maybe yes.. assuming capablity to study a little better than average is higher intelligence.
it's my fault that i cannot deny. but i just wish that the fault can be rectified easily.. and not allowing me, taking a cab back from mrt station to office now.. !
i did not return the keys! my fault. but he told me that he cannot find the keys, when i have pointed out the fact that it's in my drawer. "i cannot open your drawer, it's locked" okiA~~~ ! he has a whole bunch of keys to every one of our bcupboards in the key press.. and he has the access to it.. and he tells me that it is lock..
cool down.. and be patience.. for it;s my fault. and it;s my fault. but i do wish that the fault can be rectified in a simplier way.. like someone will open the drawer for me.. and take out the keys.. okok.. all in all.. it's my fault and i deserve it.!
anyway, i got tonnes to say after yesterday. my baptism day. and with my encounters with jianfeng, wanfen.. and the pes e guys.. hah..
it's my fault that i cannot deny. but i just wish that the fault can be rectified easily.. and not allowing me, taking a cab back from mrt station to office now.. !
i did not return the keys! my fault. but he told me that he cannot find the keys, when i have pointed out the fact that it's in my drawer. "i cannot open your drawer, it's locked" okiA~~~ ! he has a whole bunch of keys to every one of our bcupboards in the key press.. and he has the access to it.. and he tells me that it is lock..
cool down.. and be patience.. for it;s my fault. and it;s my fault. but i do wish that the fault can be rectified in a simplier way.. like someone will open the drawer for me.. and take out the keys.. okok.. all in all.. it's my fault and i deserve it.!
anyway, i got tonnes to say after yesterday. my baptism day. and with my encounters with jianfeng, wanfen.. and the pes e guys.. hah..
Sunday, April 11, 2004
first started blogging after reading Matthew's... and i emulate him.. writing excerpts, quotes, stories, as if i am sharing a column article.
then Jevin's. and start to bring each other down with our plights.. afterwhich uplifting one another.
saw another guy's blog, full of lamentations and i decide to let this be my vent also.
well.. i just keep changing my type of content, or so i thought.
yeah.. saying downside of things sometimes is for uplifting myself and to track my progress.. in a way.
then Jevin's. and start to bring each other down with our plights.. afterwhich uplifting one another.
saw another guy's blog, full of lamentations and i decide to let this be my vent also.
well.. i just keep changing my type of content, or so i thought.
yeah.. saying downside of things sometimes is for uplifting myself and to track my progress.. in a way.
Friday, April 09, 2004
think i wan to change my blog page.. change my blog provider.. erm.. maybe i shouldn't register for domain name.. cos there's webspace provider giving you decent web address also.
Good Friday. Went church in the morning.. then go eat.. and eat and eat.. shiok.. back at home now.. hoping to get enough rest. hoping i can have the energy to do whatever i need to do in office next week!
maybe i should include music in my page.. not going to use powerhouse.co etc.. will think of ways to erm.. ya.. upload mp3.. erm. think too big a file.. flash.. em.. maybe thatwill settle.. see first..
and ernest: please be firm and righteous and stop doing wrong things.. thank you
Good Friday. Went church in the morning.. then go eat.. and eat and eat.. shiok.. back at home now.. hoping to get enough rest. hoping i can have the energy to do whatever i need to do in office next week!
maybe i should include music in my page.. not going to use powerhouse.co etc.. will think of ways to erm.. ya.. upload mp3.. erm. think too big a file.. flash.. em.. maybe thatwill settle.. see first..
and ernest: please be firm and righteous and stop doing wrong things.. thank you
Thursday, April 08, 2004
i am tired
i am damn tired today. and i din do anything today in office. i feel so lost, so inadequate.
i wonder if i am impt afterall... what i am doing seems to be redundant. what's the pt of trying to monitor their promotion and encourage/asking/approaching their bosses for green light? am i really that great.. or as waht felix was saying, i am over-rating myself.
felix keep saying that he wants to be a spec.. ya.. what bout me.. i should have been one.. but i also realise that it may be for my good. i guess i am just temporarily stuck with my trough.. felt unheard. felt mis-used. felt erronous.
but i am really tired. while my journy home on bus.. it's like a black out to me. total switch off ..
super long weekend... does it mean rest or more work next week? okay.. a rest is for a longer journy.. so, they win again..
joses..
i wonder if i am impt afterall... what i am doing seems to be redundant. what's the pt of trying to monitor their promotion and encourage/asking/approaching their bosses for green light? am i really that great.. or as waht felix was saying, i am over-rating myself.
felix keep saying that he wants to be a spec.. ya.. what bout me.. i should have been one.. but i also realise that it may be for my good. i guess i am just temporarily stuck with my trough.. felt unheard. felt mis-used. felt erronous.
but i am really tired. while my journy home on bus.. it's like a black out to me. total switch off ..
super long weekend... does it mean rest or more work next week? okay.. a rest is for a longer journy.. so, they win again..
joses..
Monday, April 05, 2004
thoughts.. ramdom thoughts again.
true love dun exists.. read from somewhere, some blog.
yes.. i think true love dun exisit on earth but there is a true love in heaven. that's the failure of human language.. it's not perfect. cos the definition of love is not correct.
they say love is not about receiving/but bout giving... actually that's charity **charity as in the old english, shakespherean english..
they say love is not possessing, acutally that love is just.. "love thy neighbours" kind of love..
they say love is forever, till death do we part kind.. that's agape love.. that the love which the mind rules over the heart ~!! yesh,... the mind rules over the heart. cos of agape love, we know that we have to love(agape) our spouse till death.. in times of woes and joy.. let's face it.. men being wicked in nature, will not love in times of woes/joy (*sometimes.. it's more diff to love in times of happiness **) so, it's agape love that keeps couples/family/friends/brethren.. together...
===>there are too many things the world cannot provide an answer...
PAT inspection.. it's tiring.. really tiring.. dun knwo wht to do with my dockets and drawerS!! of dockets and files.. argh.. i tink i am erm.. obsessive? i just cannot trust others to do it for me.. i just cannot trust them to file for me.. argh.. !! must change must change..
Driving.. so many people pass at their 1st try.. edmund, ms to, wilfred, see too, jason, yuwei, colin... !!!.. am i one of them>?
tmr we are having dinner out with mrs seet.. political dinner to some.. i felt it's courtesy to turn up...
asked jevin for spontaneous dinner one day.. well,...really think that i have little to talk to him.. dun knwo what to start one.. but.. he's my friend..
i haven't ask weixiong out for dinner.. not even once.. am i really that bad? but.. erm.. as what i have said.. i am really lost with what weiming etc. are interested in nowadays. soccer, betting, what they have. i dun know..
freak.. i just feel like talking the world night thru.. there's just too many thigns in life.. and place and in office and in my world that's can be commented.. i am a critque.. a bad one.. how hwo hwo..
rsm ask me bout computers today.. and to think that i actually talk cock with him regarding computers!! wah.. what willhappen if he realise that i was crapping all over..
and i forgot to go for my course today.. it's a course planned by me... nominated by myself.. argh.. and to think i am a course clerk.. i am also a leave clerk, how come i didn't forget to go for my leave??! and i am ord clerk also.. hope i dun forget to ord.. what talkin i..
my back is especially dry.. must think of ways to moisturise it intensively. . haha.
and erm.. is Joses a nice name? i dun know llhah.. jaahallahlkfjasoiwenckjkasdg
nuff for today.. i mean for now..
yes.. i think true love dun exisit on earth but there is a true love in heaven. that's the failure of human language.. it's not perfect. cos the definition of love is not correct.
they say love is not about receiving/but bout giving... actually that's charity **charity as in the old english, shakespherean english..
they say love is not possessing, acutally that love is just.. "love thy neighbours" kind of love..
they say love is forever, till death do we part kind.. that's agape love.. that the love which the mind rules over the heart ~!! yesh,... the mind rules over the heart. cos of agape love, we know that we have to love(agape) our spouse till death.. in times of woes and joy.. let's face it.. men being wicked in nature, will not love in times of woes/joy (*sometimes.. it's more diff to love in times of happiness **) so, it's agape love that keeps couples/family/friends/brethren.. together...
===>there are too many things the world cannot provide an answer...
PAT inspection.. it's tiring.. really tiring.. dun knwo wht to do with my dockets and drawerS!! of dockets and files.. argh.. i tink i am erm.. obsessive? i just cannot trust others to do it for me.. i just cannot trust them to file for me.. argh.. !! must change must change..
Driving.. so many people pass at their 1st try.. edmund, ms to, wilfred, see too, jason, yuwei, colin... !!!.. am i one of them>?
tmr we are having dinner out with mrs seet.. political dinner to some.. i felt it's courtesy to turn up...
asked jevin for spontaneous dinner one day.. well,...really think that i have little to talk to him.. dun knwo what to start one.. but.. he's my friend..
i haven't ask weixiong out for dinner.. not even once.. am i really that bad? but.. erm.. as what i have said.. i am really lost with what weiming etc. are interested in nowadays. soccer, betting, what they have. i dun know..
freak.. i just feel like talking the world night thru.. there's just too many thigns in life.. and place and in office and in my world that's can be commented.. i am a critque.. a bad one.. how hwo hwo..
rsm ask me bout computers today.. and to think that i actually talk cock with him regarding computers!! wah.. what willhappen if he realise that i was crapping all over..
and i forgot to go for my course today.. it's a course planned by me... nominated by myself.. argh.. and to think i am a course clerk.. i am also a leave clerk, how come i didn't forget to go for my leave??! and i am ord clerk also.. hope i dun forget to ord.. what talkin i..
my back is especially dry.. must think of ways to moisturise it intensively. . haha.
and erm.. is Joses a nice name? i dun know llhah.. jaahallahlkfjasoiwenckjkasdg
nuff for today.. i mean for now..
Friday, April 02, 2004
doing duty now... yes.. in the ops room.. but today got u/s. so more company.. today was supposed to be a nice day, with all the right elements to enjoy my duty.. but the urine regime cock up.. argh.. i dun wish it to happen lor.. why>>!! ok.. dun bother bout it......
i am here just becuase i feel like blogging.. nth to do also.. feell like scribbling something.. jus to tell people that ia m alive... am i really that free and that;s why..
feel so sian,,,... life can b better. i wish i were a good guy... i wish i am a nice guy.. i wish.., maybe ui shouild start a wish list in my blog ok.. here you go.. my wish list...
i am here just becuase i feel like blogging.. nth to do also.. feell like scribbling something.. jus to tell people that ia m alive... am i really that free and that;s why..
feel so sian,,,... life can b better. i wish i were a good guy... i wish i am a nice guy.. i wish.., maybe ui shouild start a wish list in my blog ok.. here you go.. my wish list...
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