Busy Ops

haven't been so busy, erm.. occupied is a better word. ya.. havent been so occupied in the ops room before. it's really like, erm.. okay, there is really an operation going on! called from indonesia and back, using statelites and comms.. complicated. really dun think i can sleep tonight.. and that's new year eve.~ =)

but actually, even if i am not on duty tonight, will still be called back for stuffs, likely. so, no complaints.. it's the best situation for me to be in, i guess...

New Year Resolution

-----Original Message-----
From: blurdreamer@yahoo.com [mailto:blurdreamer@yahoo.com]
Sent: December 31, 2004 1:07 AM
To: Caleb Yee
Subject: new year resolution

Caleb,
thanks for helping me. erm.. there's no sharing, then,
just read the last few para fo rme .thannk!

I have been looking forward to this year end meeting,
also the 1st anniversary meeting for Shomerim. indeed,
i think the Lord has been very kind to us and thank
God that it has been 1 year since Shomerim started.

I can still remember the message last year by u.john
we we were talking bout Demas, who had forsaken Paul
cos he had loved the present world. And U.J urged us,
to con't be on the Lord's side, not only now, but
years later. and he asked if we will still be in
church 5 years later. I am so glad that 1 year as
passed and many of us are still around. we will con;'t
to pray and bring them back, aren't we?

I truly thank God for the past year. it has been a
year of blessings. i've taken the step of faith n
courage to be baptized and i was very glad when my mom
was there to witness it. God also opened a way for me
to bring my brother to church. More imptly, God has
kept Edmund with us since then.

My resolution made was generally fulfilled but i din't
manage to keep to the OT readings, sad to say.

Actually i am quite worried about the coming year.
pray that God will lead me on.
So, what's for next year?
1. to be a Christian Student and do well in school.
2. to bring at least 1 friend to church.
3. to learn God's Word and study it, seriously! no
more nominal christian for me.
4. to con't being in church.

singapore could have sink..

can you see it! it's singapore is so blessed by God. we ought to thank God!

shomerim christmas condo

so glad that weixiong came and has actually expressed interests to know more bout the Lord. i better do some following up

it's another night of tonning.. and this time, with chats and discussion. learnt a lot about them. and also start to fall into my dark pit of sadness and insecurity. again, and yes, again, having that kind of feeling that i am transforming into a good for nothing. it's a known fact to me but just reinforced. i know i am fortunate already, and yes i truly thank God for helping me all these years. He is indeed so gracious to allow me to been thru years. reflecting back, i really din't do much.. and wouldn't have deserved anythign at all. aiayh.. nvm..

talking crap

to blog or not to blog

as mentioned to huishi some time ago.. it's really weird to blog my entries online and let everyone seeing what am i writing or thinking. it's like an exposed diary. but i guess, so often when i write something in my diary, they are just contents which i wish i can tell someone but couldn;t find one who may be interested or have to time to spare for me or watever.. so, if someone is free enough and kay-po enough about me, just let them know me lor. haha.. okay, i am exposing myself too much and it seemed to have undermined my esteem.. but.. well... that's the way it is now lor (till i change my blog to something more confi)

but there's still many things that i cannot say in this blog. it doesn't happen often, but today is one such case.

blogcraze dtd 120904

why-blog dtd 190904

i cant blog like this anymore dtd 210504


blogging dtd 080204

not blogging dtd 130104

king of flop

not sure if i will strike again~ i dun know. maybe i am just bad at it.

Christmas Eve

the eve of our Savior's birth
the time of fulfilment
the night when the wise men seek
to seek for the One True King.

two thousand years later
things seemed to get better
lights on streets shine brighter
and goods sold at a price much dearer

it's so quiet in the office today
all of them seeking fun out there
i dun wish to be part if this silence
neither do i wish to part of the busy fair

so much time in hand
also so much things on hand
so many people to think of
so little capital to spare

never have been crappier than this
never wish to be pseudo poetic
just that i feel quite lost and lonely
in this festive season of joy

bad 'omen'

you know, many times i will somehow still do things against God even there's this little voice telling me that NO! you cannot do this!. after which, there's always immense regrets and followed by a series of events which make me feel that God is not happy and in ways chastening me. really. it's a very bad feeling and you just think that all things planned will not work out.

i hate myself whenever i gave in.

Firefox

busy dec

december is such a busy month, both in activities and work.

of cos i am glad to have friends and activities. birthdays, treats, christmas.

i am at home now. haven taken 0.5(am) off cos yesterday night was celebrating nicole's birthday. before i sleep, i even set the alarm clock at 1015 incase i couldn't wake up in time. but then? i woke up at 720! sian!~ tot can nuah in the bed.

work has been really disastrously. really. i seemed to have so much to do. or is it me only? i know all in the office have a lot to do but it seems that for the month of dec, i have really a lot. despite have 2 helpers but seems that erm... not much of a help. the main reason, i think, is that i am not letting them to do things independantly. have been giving specific instructions. also, have to find time to teach ryan. handing over is much more difficult than i think. God help me.

think i am getting more mrs seet's nerve recently. sigh.. dun know how to rectify also. the rest are always disturbing me when i need to work. and they dun disturb me when i want to play.

really feel like spending OT for a day. to clear ALL the crap. maybe i will feel happier.

yesterday RO has problem, (cos wendy called me in the mornign) sigh.. why !

NO TIME~!

whining

for all who thinks that i am whining too much.. well. this is the place for me to whine~.,, i need to.

flop with my interpretation today. actually i knew i would, it's my preparation and also the state of mind. more importantly, i really din't commit myself and my work to the Lord. i must strive to serve Him with the right heart.

it brings me to a deeper state of self-belittling. or should i say a further realisation/ expression that i am really quite a bum. nth worthy, little capability. i am just a fortunate person blessed by the Lord, not really with talents/abilities, but with the situation/surroundings to bring me to what i am today. i always appear to be, but i am not. i tend to be what i am not too. i am just a facade, a false impression. i am such a bum.

and i agree, i am too self-conscious. always thinking that pple are saying/commenting/criticising me. shux. this is not good. it just shows that i am after men's assessment and not God. Lord, please help me to live for Thee and not any men on earth.

Lord, even if i will con't to be a bum, teach me to be concerned about being useful to You. this is diff, but, .. . .nvm.

ocean's twelve

Blog?: "Hmm watched 'Ocean's Twelve' during nights off... Didn't really understand the show... Probably because i never watched 'Ocean's Eleven'... Somemore some of the words they said wasn't really audible an there were no subtitles as well... Needed a AAR among us before we get a rough idea of what actually happened in the movie... But those are only guesses and deductions... No one really knew what was going on... Haha... Worst still one of us fell asleep throughout the show... " --what weilun thinks of O12. =)

concert under the sky

went to this concert at bluemoo@ymca by the a capella group - budak pantai (beach boys). we paid 10 bucks each for entrance, 2 cups of drinks and a snack, and not forgeting the wonderful performance put up by them.

it's indeed a performance driven and powered by passion alone. yes.. only passion can bring them this far, to give their time for practice outside their dayjob. the way they enjoy on the stage brings joy to all the audience. =)

linqin seemed to like them a lot. well, it's understandable as she loves singing as much as they do. =) she's trying to start her own a cappella grp. all the best to her. this reminds of me the bands they have in JC/sch school.. "elements of sound" etc.. haha.. guess this is part of growing up. to dabble with exciting things that thrill us~

there's humour in the concert, the things they said and implied. humour is a quality so captivating. =)

all in all, enjoy my night on the roof top of ymca building, under the blue sky, cool weather, nice music and romantic ambience. =)

Corgito ergo sum the one

Corgito ergo sum the one

have been reading his blog for some time. but i tot it's not nice/no need to put his link in my blog..

nv did i believe that i am actually still reading his blog now and then.. =) wel... just blabbering..

chris, take care~

Ocean's Twelve

i din't watch ocean's eleven. and i must say i was quite lost during the first part of the movie. it seems that they assume most of the audience will have watched it's prequel. =) nvm.. i guess i have another feeling watching. i have more to guess and more to find out.~

as usual, it's a movie with missing parts thruout the movie until the last part. it is always the case for this kind of movie. they have to hide things from all of us, and reveal them only at the ending. it creates a false impression that there's much plot and ingenius idea going on.. but, erm.. in fact, not exactly.

buti guess this kind of movie appeals to me (an intellect wannabe). haha.. jiwei says that the movie sux cos he dun understand it. well, i guess i dun understand some parts of it.. but i like it. i like to be triggered to think. well, i have mentioned, i am just an intellect wannabe.

everytime after watching such shows, i just like to read more and wish that i can be informed and well-versed. i am such a wannabe. =(

frustration

i am seriously very very pissed. and i seriously think that i am a noob~ an ultimate bloody stupid guy...

www.dreamerize.com.. all can go in. except for ME!~!!!!!!!!

freakign!!!!!
sux..

dec hols - church camp

I ought to have written this post some time ago but was procrasinating. Hope i can still remember what i wanted to say previously~

This is my 2nd church camp in Tabernacle. I must say that the feeling is totally different. Last year, i am in the "try to know you guys" stage. This year, i am glad that it's "wish to know you guys better" stage.

As much as i wish to enjoy the camp, i must say that the swelling on my right hand did affect my enjoyment. feel rather restricted. especially during the 1st night and 2nd day, when i am running a fever. Hence couldn't enjoy the messages the way i should. =(
but also because of the swell, i have the "care and concern" from many pple. hehhe.. as what josiah will say, i'm back to my "honeymoon period" in tab. haha.. Thanks GuyS!~

was appointed to be the Log IC but i felt that i din't do much in the end. in fact, i do think a number of miscalculation and poor planning took place.. sigh.. but felt very supportive from all the help that i receive.~ hehe. =) thanks again.

revival? erm.. i guess not much for this camp. but it's a camp of self-discovery and resolution setting for me. the serene and away-from-the-world environment set me into much thoughts about the life thus far as a christian and the years to come. also, it's the 2nd camp where my bro is with me. I can still remember the recent Jun Camp when i first brought him to our midst. I was praying hard that he will accept the Lord. Indeed, thank God for touching his heart. This time, it's the first time having a Christian brother with me in the camp. .. hm.. this time i pray that both of us will con't to grow in the Lord and...

Be Strong, Be Strong, Be Strong in the Lord....

it's a blessing from God that we/i can participate in the camp and i truly thank God for it.~

down...

things seemed to get a little out of hand for the past 1 week. it all started even before the church camp. the last few days before the church camp. after it, and erm.. hopefully things will get to to normal (comfortable arrangement) again. . .

time to rattle..

after of thinking and examples in life, i start to think that i am quite a unteacheable person. really.. in fact, my confidence is rock-bottomed when i realise this truth about myself. i have terribly short learning concentration and little interests in things. yes.. i mean things.. all things,.. all things that take more than a while to learn i stopped. no wonder i haven't learnt any. i tot things that aren't learnt in short time meaning that it's not meant for me. but little did i realise that it's because i didn't put in effort. it's really sukky to know that after many years, i have not kicked this idiotic habit - quitting.

so, how? do i still have time to catch up with the things that i ought to learn. yes, i should start to,.. ya.. redeem my time. also to redeem money (cos i think i am spending too much too.~ sian)

okay... am i feeling better>? no i dun think so. i start to imagine what's it is like to be in prison. it;s the ordeal of being trapped. being trapped in place and time such that thigns go on without you in the picture. and you are literally robbed of time. you feel so empty and start to feel lost.. no one can help. NO ONE. and,.. for me.. well, my SIM isn't getting signal yet..

partly, it's because i have made poor planning. i have failed to make time for God. jay chou's concert on the 27 Nov (it;s good, but shall comment next time).. is so close to 29-3Dec. how can i actually agreed to watch it!! it's terribly frustrating to realise that you dun have your saturday night for preparation. erm.. actually, this is very minor. one sat cannot do a lot but i just feel that it's a wrong decision made.

so, why am i still feeling lousy? maybe it's the swollen during the camp.. sian~ cannot play the things or enjoy as much. but again~!! i realise that it's also becuase of my attitude. in fact, it becomes a reason for me to deceive myself...
one reason why God gave me a brother. that is to give me a mirror. and i am everything that he
is.. the behaviours, attitude, characters, all that i disliked have the actual characteristic that i am having. unable to express myself well, unable to speak at the right time, unable to speak up, unable to stay calm, attention seeking, persistance in learning, the urge to learn. i stammer in front of doctors, stop playing things just because i am not winning, stop learning things that is outside textbooks, dun speak according to occasions, no dress sense, sigh...

dun know.. acutally my depression is coming back.. dun know why? all of a sudden. maybe cos of the mediciene. haha. dun know lah.. well.. it's time, it happens once every stage of life.. i know it's God asking me to turn to Him. yes.. been relyin on myself and full of myself for too long. too egoistic. too self conscious.

yes, this is just a complain. i dun know who can help... i dun expect any too..maybe only i can help myself, with God's help of cos.

edmund shares with a.ke that he has communicaiton problem wiht me. erm.. is it true? i ans yes initially, and start to think and pray that it will improve. after some time, i start to think that it isn't a prob. it's just the way it is. everyone will wish to be like meijie-nick, honghao-bohao. but can it be? i will have a brother so close too.. it's definitely something to be worked on. but let's tell myself that it's not something that is very bad. it's jsut okay.. maybe.. . . or maybe it's because that 2 people of the same problemS as listed above coming together will produce such results lor..

very sian liao.. happier entry later i hope

ops room again

yes.. ops room again, and my next ops room duty is on the 4th Dec. and! it's with 1WO Kalai! wah lau!~

doing duty with a newbie 2LT, who came back from disruption. hm.. well, leaving him alone with his work. not going to volunteer myself unless he requested for it. =)

he's quite okay lah. . speak like a potato but also speak like a china chinese.. then, i realised, it's becos he spent 8 years in UK. and also becos he got a china girlfriend. ~ hmm.. so, effectively bilingual siah~

and that eugene from QM Br, is on SOL again, by lta fabian again. and he's now in the ops room again, talking to the DO as well, and interacting with him. he's quite a weird guy.

recently, have been rather judgemental. in fact, sometimes, i actually thank God for letting me be someone normal (at least i think i am). Thanks God for his kind bestowments upon me. but then again, whenever i feel this way, i feel like a pharisee. argh.. oh no. i ought to come humbly before Him to ask Him to forgive me, a sinner. yes..

church camp is this coming monday. and my work in office are still not done!! argh. feeling very worried. how how how? hope kenneth can take charge and do things well. =) maybe tmr will work a while in the office.

anyway, leonard is not going to be my understudy. GS Br kept him. so, LEE BING CAI aka Ryan is now in my office, and goign to be my understudy, most likely`

no matter what, i must make sure that once after my leave, i will come back and straighten my accounts, and prepare my handover. ~ yeah'

feeling busy and worried for next week, seriously! God help me.

calvin's bdae

20th nov: calvin birthday
china black
3rd time clubbing
1st: zouk with jevin
2nd: nus biz bash
3rd: read above.

feelings: okay lah. guess wun be clubbing in the near future
drink: fruit punch. feel damn expensive and redundant
time: 0930 - 0400hrs
reach home: 0530hrs

next time maybe go to pub, not club. but a pub wish sells cheaper fruit juice. hah~

still, glad to see calvin enjoying himself. well, it's his BIRTHDAY! and he's now 20. wow....

time passes by.. soon.. and faster..

weixiong has this ORD countdown. i also have. but din't put in in this page.
http://www.geocities.com/blurdreamer

yeah~

haven't been blogging.. well. as usual, let's back track..

yesterday had a supper with daniel, till quite late into the morning. not sure if it's right but, well, it's an opportunity to know another person better. as previously thought, i really think i can understand what he is thinking. reallie. i had that kind of feeling that these are the ways things should be and how come no one is doing it. and i am the only one thinking this way, okay, nvm, let's dun join the mainstream. actually, i think i know that the mainstream also knows wat's going on but there's no need/difficult/thye dun bother to change back to the so called correct way. it's absolutely abstract and all the ideas are very subjective.

also, he trigger my thoughts, some thoughts that i tried to keep and maintain previously but have failed. yes, i really agree that i have talking too much. too eager to say things and share knowledge. too prideful to say i dun know. hm.. ought to review~

leonard leo.darrell wee. one of them will be my understudy. i dun know why but i am also very worried to have understudy. it means the long and difficult process to tidy up my stuffs and write all the SOPs and the meticulous stocktaking to ensure proper handing over. well, i guess i will set a date to officially hand over and henceforce slack/be a project clerk~ haha. pray for God's help in having a good handover. it's not my wish to be a bad upperstudy. i want to be a nice upperstudy.

jia'en talked something about the striving / battling with sin. yes.. it's indeed a diff life walking with Jesus yet sinning along the way. if i dun sin, i feel uncomforatble. if i sin, i feel ultimatly regretful and guilty. it's really a battle with sin every day and my personal walk with God. dun know how to illustrate the idea to francis..

francis,
Jesus Christ has died for ALL our sins. if He hasn't why should He come in the first place. To say that man can actually pay for part of their sins thru purgatory, it's saying that we are playing a part in getting our sins forgiven. NO, we have no part in our salvation but thru God's grace.

if you say, wat bout the sins that we commited after receiving Christ? we too, have a Judgement day. the great white throne judgement. heard of it? christians will be judged according to our life on earth as a pilgrim and His servants. but salvation is there.

dominic says that if Christian faith is so easy, why should you all follow the strict catholic faith? exactly! why you rather believe in something that is more difficlut to do? and why do you choose to believe somethign that is logical to men. God is an infinite Being and He has this salvation plan for us. why must we twist it to make it more convincing to ourselves? it's is def more logical and easier for pple to believe that we can pay for our sins, by doing some penance, or going thru some good works in atonement. but, if such, how diff is God's way of salvation from the rest of the world.

and be very sure that Christian walk is never easy. truely converted Christians will not want to have the plans the sin, and plan to repent at a later stage. if that's the case, only God knows if the person is saved. it's nv an easy road. we are all trying to be more Christlike and to live for Him everyday.

just one day, read the Bible. and try to re-understand the wordings.

(believe it or not, but my heart aches.. )

if only..

.. everyone thinks positively of himself
.. everyone thinks positively of others
.. everyone thinks positively of comments
.. everyone thinks positively of situation
.. everyone thinks positively of explanations
.. everyone thinks positively of intentions
.. everyone thinks positively of tone
.. everyone thinks positively of words
.. everyone thinks positive.

ops room

yes.. ops room duty again~ since it's a public hol, will make up my off on wed.

i tot only honghao will feel kong xu cos it's hols but somehow... today, i feel likewise.

something is missing.. should be reading God's Word.. but i aren't.

things just often dun happen the way we think it should.. and life is so often apparently unfair..

i am tired and yet cant sleep. wish to plan things but aren't energetic to do so..

something is wrong

sunday~

let's go backwards narrating my thoughts.

had eca again. this is is at airport, and with the ladies too. basically threee groups of people, the ladies, the youths and the children. jianjun actually leave the children's table and sat in front of me. haha.. he says that the rest of them are on a diff freq with him. actually i think it's true. in fact, it's the same case for baoyan. but the diff is that jianjun is not seeking to be belonged. he's fine to be himself. or maybe it's just plainly, he's grown up. i told him that he can join shomerim starting from next year. =) actually maybe it's not a bad idea afterall. haha.

meanwhile, had a disscussion with a.mee regarding the camp booklet. erm.. out of some reasons i start to talk to her in a very formal tone. . . erm.. dun know why actually. "are you upset regarding anything? " she asked. erm. the ans is of cos NO. okay.. let me try to reason with myself.

1. it's definitely that i am unhappy with the commments witht the campbooklet. there's absolute no reason for that to happen. her job is to proof read.. if i have done the disastrous circling in camp regarding the letters written by them in camp, why will i be upset with her comments. ? actually, a lot of her comments coincide with me. just that i haven't or din't change them as i was trying to complete the soft copy. it's more tedious to edit and proof read the soft copy, cos the monitor is very glaring and publisher isn't exactly very proofreading friendly.

2. so, why? erm.. erm.. it's just a lost of idea regarding in wat aspect and manner should i converse with a.mee lor.. and she's often so sensitive, so, erm.. not sure if my too casual tone and speech will invoke any comments. well, i guess the too formal tone also isnt' right.

3. actually, this is also somethign i am trying to work out. the tone and the manner i should talk to shuping isaac and the rest of the adults. cos i really dun consider myself young anymore (though i wish i were)..

okay.. back in church after service was the christmas item practice. erm.. disastrous. i am just not musical i guess. actually i still dun know where my forte lies.. well. will practice lah.. i am sure it can be done..~ haha..

then it was the guitar com. erm.. we learnt the church theme song. sigh.. diff song to learn. it's not the first time comtemplating the idea of quitting guitar com. i believe service and be in many forms and forms which God has arranged for you. maybe music is just one area i shouldn't dabble with.. ~ welll review that end of year.. meanwhile, anyone who reads this, just read for info~

church service.. it's Pr Kian Sing who speaked today. "be watchful" erm.. beginning part is quite boring and mono. but the later part it gets more personl and evoking. i think that is what a sermon should be like. it is to speak with passion and feelings. if not, it's going to be a lesson and not a sermon. sadly to say, and also ashamed to say, one reason i left berean then was becos i dun find him engaging. it start to get very mono with him. i was the bad guy, cos i din't give him chance to learn. he was learning then i guess and i wasn't giving him the patience and grace i will like the others to give me. (argh.. so ashamed now)

des and liangkiang left for dinner themselves. erm... guess they have a friendship traced way back...

tengyan joined us for eca today.. erm.. surprising~ finally. but he's also quite impressive for being so determined and perservering in his plans and financial control.
walked home with him from bus 27 busstop.. talked along the way... erm.. thank God that he's quite a chatter. =)

joelson finally heeded someone's advice to stop working and to concentrate with his studies. thank God that a.lili and u.john have influence over him. actually i have tried to persuade him on the same matters too.. but i guess he filtered my words and input. most people says that he needs help and guidance. actually wat he's doing is just being very diff from the rest. is that wrong? he is holding to some personal and different 'doctrines' and 'etiquettes". how should approach? in the first place, is majority the correct way to behave in the frist place. he always tell people that, he's capable to handle his situation. he always wish to appear to be self-sufficent and independant. always givng me the smile as if he's thinking "heehe.. really appreciate your words but i am have my thoughts which aren't worse than your advice. anyway, thank you for telling me still. hehe..."

anyway, in the airport, tengyan was sayin that if i wait with lingqin, i can take the tpt home and also have to chance to meet my prospective relatives. |||! duh..~ he better joking, if not, my assessment of his 'wisdom' is going down. hahah~

d r e a m e r i z e .c o m

d r e a m e r i z e .c o m
when will it be done~? sigh...

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small jc outing

i dun expect 2 b e
most impt person in
UR lyf. Dats 2 much
2 ask 4. wat wld make
MI hapi is tt 1 dae if
eva U hear MY name,
U'll smile & sae,
"ah..Tt's MY fren"

like this sms frm weilun. erm.. why? just think it's very real a appropriate and it's also what i will like to say to all my friends. it will be really nice that some years down the road when you talk about me, you will say, "my friend ernest ... " it will be very sad if it's "my classmate/my schoolmate etc ernest ... ." dun you think so? =)

anyway, met up yuwei, weilun, huawei for dinner at pastamania at parkway. it's so nice to meet up with friends when no one is late. =) though we appear at different timings and loiter at diff places, upon a sms, all of us gather within short time.
"has anyone reached?" --my sms to them..
then, wahwei walking from the shops opp mph..
then, yuwei walking out from mph..
soon after, weilun came down the escalator.

erm.. i just have a good feeling bout this, it's so.. erm.. gathering.

anyway, it's dinner at pastamania and 9 rounds of pool. same(?) old conversation over the dinner table and same(?) old jokes.

all in all, nice dinner after so long.. and the next time to meet? well.. give it a few months bah~

dinner with chenxi

chenxi had a dinner gathering at billy bombers today and caleb invited me to join them. well, i should have hasitated but i din't and straighway made plans in my heart to join them.

who turned up? xiangxuan and rachel, weiming, lily, mark and peiqi, edmund, caleb, zion. honestly, i do actually think i am out of place. fortunately caleb swop the seats such that i am in between caleb's table and mark's table. hence, i 'in' their conversation. caleb did a good job trying to make me feel comfortable. he's good. tks.

xiangxuan rachel edmund - only get to talk to them often in chriswell...
weiming - nv got to know him better. in fact, i dun knwo what's he doing and where is her now.
lily - yes, i still remember her very well, she's the one to tell me about pre-mil etc.. and she gave me a bdae present when i was in berean (kiansing's time). wah..
zion - erm.. he's chatty, known him, and esp time when berean (kiansing's time) is trying to set up the youth fellowship group.
mark and peiqi, erm.. only talk to them a few times lor. really very mo sheng. but, well, they are friendly.. hehe. =)

after dinner, we went to pasir ris park to climb the spider web. erm.. it's actully my first time climbing to the top. hahhah~! maybe if i am combat, will experience more? erm.. but okok, be happy with your situation now ernest, you are very fortuante.!

had lotsa fun, while trying to mingle with them. . .

and at the end of the day, this thing strikes me: i dun have friends whom i grown up with. not chenxi, i din't commit myself then. shomerim? sorry, i am already 19+ when i join them. weiming etc> erm.. well in a sense, but i cannot remember the growing up phase with them. the phase of self-discovery, and character molding.

other than eugene who i talked to a lot in sec sch, i grew up erm... with? dun know who....

Claymarble's Blog

Weixiong starts to blog liao.. .

ops room duty

yes.. as a routine, need to blog..

actually, i learnt something today. erm.. i should say, i have understand the learning today.

to have respect from people, you must first respect them.

also,
to have respect from your subordinates, you should respect your superiors first.

erm..

okay, main thing is: i have to remember that God has placed leaders to govern us according to His Will. and we should listen to them and give them due respect.

insincerity

i think i sux. i tot i will remember but i din't. sigh

anyway, happy belated birthday wahwei.

clean

just watch the movie clean by maggie cheung. well, it's a movie where even if i tell you the plot, you will still watch if you want to. it's not about the story, it's just the cinematography, the style and acting skills of maggie and so on. in fact, it's a boring movie to some as , ironically, there's aren't a clean beginning and ending to the story.

i think the story is bout:

emily wang (played by maggie), was a artiste but was being put down by the media and hence losing her fame. her husband (though not offically married) was a musician. emily had been waiting for him to produce good music for her to perform but he had reached the bottle-neck. both of their careers were at jeopardy and they turned to drugs. one fine night, emily's husband, lee, after taking the drugs bought by emily, died. emily was caught and imprisoned for drug adiction, and was locked up for 6 mths. Jay(their son) was taken care by lee's parents.

... blah, kinda tiring and boring to narrate the story. all in all, emily tried hard to clean herself from her past lifestyle. she tried hard to quit her addiction and to start afresh. she tried to rebuilt her life , career and her position in jay's heart as a mother.

i think maggie cheung acted well. and she's good, to be able to speak english, french, canto fluently (i assume). cool.. wish i can do the same.~

Fabian's Wedding

First of all, well wishes to Mr and Mrs Fabian Tan. May their entrance into matrimonial covenant be a blessed and fruitful one. =)

met up with nigel and ms to to go to the church together. actually, they din't know that i am meetin them until i call them up in the morning. well, shows how insignificant am i? sigh.. who ask me to be the only nsf in blk 8 going. feel quite out of place also. thank God that logpa, edmund, eddie was there. well the whole qm pl is there too..

reach the place quite early. anyway, it's a catholic church. nice scantuary, with the nice scupltures around(as usual for them) and the erm.. the deco.

it's also a military wedding. the sword bearers (e.g. hann lin, mto aaron , ivan du, richard, etc..) it's really quite shuai and impressive to be in no.1 with their swords. guess that's why there's this certain element attractive for officers. well, the selection process and the criteria by human beings is very erm.. apparent. (okay.. stop my blabbering)

then, comes the little girls dancing ballet, path-ing the way for the ring bearer (which is this cute little boy, hahaa.) he accompanied by the ban niang. a few times he stopped and was somehow overwhelmed by the attention given to him. then the ban niang had to nudge him a little to get him con't walking.

and after that, the bride walked down the isle, slowly, with her father. it's really a very touching moment. =)

finally, she reached fabian and they hold hands and sat in the 2 seats in front. the service then began, with hymns, scripture readings etc.. then come the exchange of vows.

" Yes, I will. "

Then, it's the exchange of the rings,.. " .. this ring signifies my love and fidelity, by the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.."

then the priest pronounced them husband and wife. "can i kiss her now?" ask fabian to his father-in-law. =)

------

after that was the signing of the marriage cert etc.. and is the eucharist. it's quite an eye opener to see how is it being carried out. beside me was WO Mabel explaining to ms to the difference between catholic and chirstian. and she said something very similar to francis.

Chirstians/Protestants are basically people who dun like the teachings of the Church and break off. For example the ANGLICAN Church is initiated by the King of England because he wished to remarry and this is not allowed by the catholic faith. well, i know of such thing. but how come they dun talk bout the beliefs and practices which are not and no longer according to the Word of God. the many traditions and rituals are what the protestants are protesting about. wat the protestants are doing is to purify the church, to stand up for the correct doctrines as indicated in the Bible, where indicates no purgatory, no penence etc.. . well.. shant go into this...

anyway, the church wedding ends Mr and Mrs Fabian Tan walking down the isle together. halfway, the sword bearers refuse to let them pass until Fabian carried Angeline in his arms. =) and well, he did and .... =)

after that is the lunch at somewhere at habourfront..
---

actually, it's really sweet.. . .

singapore idol judges

i think positioning does matter. the first person to give an honest comment is good, the 2nd person to second that opinion is nice. but to have the third person to talk bout the same thing is yucky.

well.. i think i am definitely not the first to criticise douglas o. so, i am as yucky as he is.

actually, it's also largely attributed to his lack speciality in judging, i guess.
dick lee is a musician, he assess in terms of voice, music etc..
florence assesses the image, style, feel
ken assesses the market-power of the singer.. so somewat..
and douglas.. erm.. i dun know. not sure yet. you can tell me.

condolences to amos and beepheng

amos' grandma passed away yesterday. and amos is booking out today. as much as he wishes to be around at the wake, he also dun wish to participate in the rituals. it is a testing. and i am so sad and shameful to say that i have failed last time.

beepheng says she will 'zhao' amos. so nice to have a elder sis or bro. but i am the elder, when can i ever be close enough to my bro.. and to 'zhao' him.

realise that i have little patience with people, similarly, i see and foresee pple to have little patience with me. i am such a bad person.

francis is now at his guardrest, wilfred in tekong, ken was mc for past 2 days. in the end, the person i talk to the most is the nsman.. in fact, he's good, he is able to maintain neutrality of the subject well..

on the other hand, i need to improve. i guess and deduce that whenever we talk bout Creation, Science and God, i tend to appear to be very agitated. well.. wondering if i was, but i tot i was composed and subjective enough. maybe it's not only when we are discussing bout God, it happens whenever i engage in a discussion. i am always in an aggressive mode(or so i seem to be). i need to show the composure that i wish to portray.

i kinda understand why power and authority is important to pple. it's the thing other than money to keep someone satisfied. i feel good when i can have the decision and say regarding things. and it feels good to arrow pple and reap the products. but this is definitely not good. i will not want to keep this going. argh.

meek. blessed are those who are meek, for they shall inherit the earth this is the new thing that i aim for. yes, i wish to be meek. it seems to be the best quality i need so far. to be meek~

friends... . they come and go.

prayer meeting in camp

nic invited me for a prayer meeting in camp, with lta barry, joshua, mervyn. well, i hesitated upon the invite as i know there bound to be people who will be praying in tongues, in spirit and feeling. but, in the end, decided to attend the meeting with them.

 

i was right, immediately, barry pray in tongues, and later when mervyn came, he spoke in another 'dialect' of tongues. well,we did not get into a discussion regarding tongues, i just briefing state my stand.

 

anyway, wanted to talk bout the sharing... barry (the one who spearheaded this prayer mtg) was talkin bout his burden bout the camp. he felt the purpose for God to place him in this camp. so, he prayed about it during lunch, alone in the training shed, with cries and passion. in the end he said he felt uplifted, and God answered his prayers, so much so that the aura in his office also changed. according to him, he can feel that very presense of the Holy Spirit in the whole office.

 

mervyn shared bout his practice back in JC where he will prayed at HDB void deck alone and feel so uplifted with the Spirit after the prayer. and how he crave for that now, that he's lookin for a place in camp to pray during lunch.

 

the thing is, let aside the issue about tongues and charismatism etc, they are indeed prayerful!. not sure of the motivation behind, or the pushing factor for them, but tot we should be, if not more, at least as prayful?

 

i was quite put to shame about the little burden i have for the unsaved souls in my office. there was this time where i spend hours for days explaining to them creation, about things to come and Jesus. i tot it was difficult and slowly stop talking bout it since they stop asking me as well. and that time, i set a resolution that when i give the Pink IC to ORD personnel, i should give them a tract as well! but, sad and shameful to say, i did not. i have only 3 mths more to do this. hope i will have the courage and diligence to do so..

 

anyway, just want to say, all of us should do our part for Christ. let us, who have the priviledge to worship in a fundamental church, also be passionate bout the lost souls.

 

just thoughts to share....

on leave:: 191004

hope i can settle outstanding issues today. i hope. not sure if i can.. sian..

going to tekong on thurs but wahwei in sittest. sian.. then how? dun know to visit who leh. it seems i have little friends.

101 1st degree friend in friendster. haha. like real~!

blog terminated

"..signing off here..bye bloggie..."

another blog terminated.

supper at tampines on 151004

meet them(lk, des, lq, nicole, xiuyi) for a drink at starbucks on friday. it has been a long time since i hang out in the streets so late in the night..

lk called around 7 to see if i want to join them(lk and des) for dinnner. well i had mine, so din't go. at 2230, he called as ask "eh.. can you come out to tamp central area at this hour" of cos i can right? i feel so weird for him to pose them question. as if he's much older than me. in fact he's 2 yrs younger lor..

actually JC pple seems to be very young/immature etc.. isn't it? i feel that joelson is somehow younger than LK, cos joelson is in jc but LK is not. similarly, joedan seems much older than joelson. well.. sterotyping.. nvm bout that..
met them up at starbucks, talk a bit, trying to snatch the sofa seat. then, the hundred and one game started. truth or dare. duh.. it's the most boring game lor.. but it's also a common game. in fact, it's a diff game to play. have to think of dares and questions. then, there bound to be thoughts going thru minds when the questions are posed. truth may be truth but not the whole truth, sometimes. it's complicated. but, thankfully there's LK, who has a bags of idea and curiosity.

so, in the end, my camp booklet wasn't done that night. have to slog a few nights during the weekdays liao.. sigh..

anyway, the supper did not end just like that. we con't to walk in streets, going to nicole house, ate tidbits, play arshhole daidi(surprisely a new game to them). we had fun. most imptly, i got to knwo them better. it will take a long time for me to know their past and to bridge the gap. i must not repeat my mistake of "they will tell me if they want to" let me be proactive and befriend with them.

flash

http://www.miluku.com/chn/archive/lovesong/index.jsp

the flash is so detailed, even the guitars chords are correct~ wow

stopping to read

i am stopping to read blogs..

esp when i realise that we are way too different. when there's no concensus.

when i know that our lives aren't inter-connecting, i asked, "for what?"

ops room duty

it's a norm for me to tell myself that i am on duty again~ but today not bad lah.. can sleep cos very peaceful the DO is discom as1.. hah..

social life.. church..

it is always like that isn't it. familarity brings
more fun, joy and laughter, with common jokes, along
with it comes comtempt.

i havne't been out with weiming etc for a loooong
time. in fact, i have been with shomerim for most of
my weekends and even weekdays at times. it's good. at
least people of common interests come together and
edify one another. but i cannot let weiming and the
rest think that Christians are people who are
anti-social.

acutually, for the first time ever, i asked weiming
over the msn. "so what happen to you and vivian". feel
quite good. finally i take the initiative to ask. but
he din't answer / respond. so, i guess it's right for
me not to ask for the past 7 years.

i will not want to make the same mistake. if possible,
i will want to get make good friends with des dan ty
josiah lq sh etc etc etc.. even haos.. if i am
interested and concerned bout them, just ask. yes..

but then hor, it's also quite hard lah. it's hard for
me to 'infiltrate' into their group also.. as hard as
infiltrating into weixiong etc..

long time haven't called eugene up for chat or dinner.
should try to arrange. hope he's not too lazy to come
out. haha. . .

acutally, i am very pissed with my driving. too little
resources to do watever i want to. furthermore time is
running out.



__________________________________
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changes in office

today, it's definitely a good day to be in the office. suddenly i run out of things to do. more appropriately, things have reached a stage where by procrasination can take place.

ms to wanted to get francis from our office to be dixon's understudy. but her approach is far from being friendly. according to what i heard. she requested for help from our office since our strength is rather healthy. so mrs seet offered francis to run her errands. in the end, ms to wanted francis to be her understudy. and furtherday more, she 'skipped' the discussion with mrs seet and approach maj lim straightway. the approach is jus not friendly.. but that's what i see from mrs seet pt of view. on the other hand, ms to, did discuss with mrs seet, but mrs seet refuses to give francis. ms to thinks that it's unfair cos our strength is healthy and can do without francis. so mrs seet is being selfish and ms to is reasonable to make the request. i dun know. all i know is, yes.. yi shan bu ke chang er hu.

with kenneth around is really of some help to me. at least, i have someone to run around when i can't. as i have always said, mtl, though is only 30 percent of my strength is more than 50% of my work. so.. with a mtldocu(kenneth) is definitely good. although he far from being independant but is definitely sufficient. cos docu is not a diff thing.

yes.. honestly docu isn't diff at all, esp in my unit. so what have i been busy with!!?? minutes? meetings.. boi, investigation.. wth....

i think it's also ego boosting to have kenneth booasting. at least i feel like an ic.. okok, it's jus my illusion. he doesn't ans to me. but the feeling of having someone to let your officially arrow is quite shoik. no wonder there's so many f up specs and offrs around.

i start to think that i am a mediocre. and i am suited to be a mediocre. but yet i have been in the system for so long thinking that i will be somebody. i feel sad when i am not given responsibility though i am fully aware of the blissfulness of being a commoner. fan jian right.. ..

forgot to con't bout ms to francis and mrs seet. in the end, wilfred goes over to finance office. it's a win-win situation for all.. erm. except for ms to ?

between francis and wilfred, francis is can definitely contribute more. ms to get a new person for dixon, for the meantime. wilfred got himself a slack post. ms to? she got herself a slacker. but well.. that's enough for her i guess.. wilfred is technically Kenny's understudy. they are the same kind aren't they. all day long playing computer on their standalone computer.

indeed, life is unfair. there's posts around slack enough. haha.. but then again, it's really a choice. jeremy chooses to be not very bright and hence less work. kevin chooses to be more garung and helpful with the offrs. wilfred choose to be slacker, since the consequence isn't great in cco. i choose to be busy and see how much can i cope. i could have chosen to be blur(my forte) and useless..

wat for?

I haven't had time to give much thought to this, but I have come to the decision to let this site go.

These couple of months, I have never quite desired to blog. I updated because friends wanted to know what I've been up to. I blogged because there was an audience to account to. I wasn't blogging because I wanted to, or enjoyed blogging. That made me realised it was probably time to take a break.

Having gone through two weeks of grad school, 4 weeks of coping with a long-distance relationship, I don't think I can find the time, nor the effort to continue maintaining things here the way I would have wanted to (and to the extent that it would make my USD60 subscription worthwhile). Together with all that, I was also dealing with large amount of spam mail coming from the site.

I'm not closing out the possibility of returning to the blogging circle through one of those free blogging sites, but there are no plans for that at the moment. Not for the next couple of weeks. I just want to get ahead of schedule (on my work) so that I can spend quality and quantity time with Eric when he comes over for the Columbus weekend.

Life's simple when you have your priorities. Loved ones, friends and then work. That's what I live by, and so what's yours?

Thanks for being a great audience, for being there to share my days with me. And for those who have also stood by me through the years that have passed, words cannot represent how grateful I am for your presence in my life. -- copied from my bags aren't packed but i am ready to go

ex hn

i will like to go! but then again, things may not turn out to be the way i want. there's too much i in my plannin.. but how? can i write my proposal to God and let him approve it?

so i have decided, not to force my way thru. if i cannot go, let it be.

erm.. i have said the same thing some time ago. i said if i cannot get my pay rise, so be it. but in the end, cant remember if it's God who allowed it to happen or i was the one insisting on my way. argh.. wat should i do this time?

okay.. as usual, will send my proposal to Him and let him decide. meanwhile, will try to hope that the best things will happen.

EX HN from mid mar to ORd
clear leave from mid Feb to Mid mar
Mob manning from Feb to mid Feb
clear leave from mid jan to end Jan.
which means my understudy should be around alreadY!! but it's not!!!!

rants

sometimes it is nice to write in verses and beautiful proses. u feel great. you feel good and you feel that you are capable of writing. i wish i can.

 

sometimes, i would just write as if i am chatting. esp when i have so much to tell and so few to listen.

 

i havne't keep my friends around well

 

i am nv satisfied. when i see that someone has changed, i wish i have changed. but when i see that someone is capable of being so consistent and true to himself, i wish i were like him. i wish i were everything. i wish i can be good in all things.

 

overly ambitious. crap!

celebrating Children's day at Sentosa

I must really thank Shuping for inviting us to spend Children’s in Sentosa recent Friday and Caleb for providing logging. =) Thanks to these Da Ge Da Jie that we/I had a wonderful and economical playtime. Hehe.. =)

I was the first to reach among the rest and I thought I was very proud of it. Until I realize that the rest took a FREE bus into Sentosa and need not have to pay the entrance fee even. =( that’s not all. I soon realize that I dun packet chicken rice for dinner (which was the case for the rest). Thankfully, Shuping kindly gave me some rice. But I still end up eating burger king still. .. that’s not the point..

Then we visited the famous Sentosa musical fountain. Hmm.. before then, I have visited the musical fountain once back in JC 1 I think… so I thought I will be seeing the same thing and I was prepared to be bored. However, it turns out that it’s a new show.

There was a gradual built up in the performance of the fountain. it started off with gentle shots of water into the air responding to “do re me fa so la ..” after which, a piece of fast-paced music. The warm lights shone upon the waters, the rhythmic shots of the water impressed me a bit.

Then, there’s a switch in the mood. Cool, romantic blue lights came on and the waters swayed together with a piece of romantic classical music. ……… soothing..

Then, orchestra music took over and the fountain water sprung up into the air. Fountains of water shooting into the skies, like the pipe of a church organ (not our church). All of a sudden.. it stopped, as part of the plot. KIKI, the sentosa monkey appeared and con’t by a stretch of boring laser shows.. blah blah. Blah..

and the rest.. cannot remember much.. heh.. but it’s quite interesting. At the story line for the laser show is better now. I remember it was about the spirits of temesak guarding the island and merlion spirit saving the island from some disaster crap.. it’s jus that vain effort to mystify the merlion and coining their own myths and legends.. ridiculous.

After the musical fountain, we took the monorail around sentosa, and enjoyed ourselves talking on the monorail.. stopover at the 7-eleven to buy drinks and mash potatoes. Then we took the last monorail back to the visitor’s centre to take a “feeder” back to chalet.

AND THEN, there’s a series of blackouts. Yes, not one but a series of it. And while the series of blackouts was happening, Xiuyi (aka Hao Yi) was showering in the toilet. LOL..

Some guys(des, lk, ty) went back and the rest (caleb, amos, dan, me) stayed over at the kampong tuas room a. erm.. I have a good nite sleep. And I guess Caleb did too.. but I cannot say the same thing for Amos, who was sleeping beside dan. Haha…. I din’t say anything.. I just say that amos din’t sleep well, due to the noisy air-con, and his willingness/kindness to sleep on the floor, and any other factor. =)

The next day, we checked out at 1200nn and traveled all the way to Changi Airport to eat Sakae Sushi, IN THE VIP ROOM. Shoik!! It’s really nice to dine with a square/round table. It allows every one at the table to talk to each other. And to have the whole room to ourselves, we can talk and joke all we want. Believe it or not, we ended out lunch in the room at 1540hrs and left the airport only at 1600hrs. =) wonderful day spent.

Well… it’s justifiable to dote ourselves once in a while. Hehe.=)

smile

a smile is the best form of makeup. it's really really true.

if you dun smile, people dun bother with you , you feel sadder, and you will look uglier.. so. ernest.. pls start smiling.. or bettter still con't to smile.. pls

ops room

yes yes yes!!! i am on duty again.. !! feel so sian... so many things to do, no time in office to do.. argh.. it's time to ORD.

ops room duty

yeah.. on duty again.. normal routine. blog to tell myself that i am on duty again!

when will i get pay rise!!!!! argh

birthdayS

oh no.. i forgot yuwei's birthday is coming! hm.. felt quite guity bout it.. anyway.

ya.. next one is wah wah. in nov.. better remember.

new layout

yeah.. finally, a new layout.. erm.. not sayin that this is better but i think i am sick of the previous one.. that one seems so cluttered. this is better.. hehe..

but, sad to say,.. my whole webpage isn't up and so does the church and shomerim page.. sigh.. dun know when then i can finish them. maybe i need expertise which i dun have...yet! hehe.

wish to get a printer. wish to print out my blog and archive them. rev phillip heng tells us bout his diary dated back all the way to 1955.. wow..

it's good to write down.. and see how God has dealt with me thru my life.. =)

thoughts.

i think the above is one of my most commonly used title..

a few days ago.. on a tuesday.

went to tekong to collect docket and of cos.. will visit wah wah.. finally get to see him on tekong island. 2 times he's out field/out of camp(wits course) and 1 time he's sleeping! he says he's too lazy to walk out.. of his watever.. block,office etc.. erm.. wondering what kind of life is he having..

i will say, yuwei has the best life among us all.. taking into consideration, stay in/out, pay, jobscope, distance from camp and all the shit work we are having.. weilun has the worst of all.. i think.. for me and huawei? erm.. hard to determine.. diff cat altogether, i stay out, he more pay, mine is far from house, his is offshore(but he stay in and can wake up damn late, assuming no parents call to scold him lah.. =)))

if i have cliques, weiming etc.. is one. and they are the 2nd one.. can't think of other cliques i have in school...

back to office at bout 1300hrs.. and i talk to mrs seet bout wong's job, problems.. etc..
sigh.. kind of disappointed with her. i think my impression of her is quite shaken. and of cos, i know she is not takin in my views. i think she even think that i am crossin my line to talk bout such issues.. but can't she see that the only reason why i even bother to talk to her, is that i think she's avail/willing to listen. i am tryin to be nice to tell her what's the ground opinion about her, that maybe she can do something.. or maybe it can be a 2-way thing. but i guess she's not compromising her stand..i dun know, may be management level is as such that you cannot be too soft in case you are being taken advantage of...

i really dun know what i am doing is right or wrong. i dun know what's my role.. maybe i should jus shut up and do my stuffs.. but yet..

i help ken to talk to maj wee bout reducing his duties cos he's helping my side for mob. (i nv tot i will dare to do such thing) help wong to air his prob (at least bring up or tryin to help) dun know lah..

oh yes.. i am going for EX HN! meaning i can clear my leave 2 weeks earlier. come back for ex, then ORD.....~ yeah..

ops room duty

yes.. on duty again..

actually i am not an effective/efficient worker at all.. just a country bumpkin who is more willing to work. in the land of slackers, i stand... so what? doens't mean that i am good. just that i choose not to be the bad guy.. argh.. so pissed with myself... why am i nv going to be capable.. but always tagging upon others... or being made to appear as if.. when i am not..

argh.. lousy.

ord mood

happy one year soldier

time flies.. and i am waiting for the opportunity to write happy 2-year soldier email to all..

double_o

After months of not partying. It was no wonder I
was the first to arrive.

It was also strange to the younger ones in the
group that I have never visited this joint.

When all the kakis arrived, we headed for the
queue. Kanny was the latest but he led the charge
and soon disappeared into the crowds.

Tequila, bourbon, vodka or beer? We picked 2
bottles of Tequila and were offered a seat.

Phone rang and Steph arrived. So did the rest of
the crowd.

Drink dance. Dance drink. Smoke talk. Before u
know it, dizziness sets in. Are the people and
dance floor moving and turning or is it my head
spinning. People look lovelier in this lighting and
smoke.

Nothing lasts forever, time to go. Super night.
Supper time. Live for another night to double o.
--written by the prose-prone Carey..

was supposed to be there.. but gave up the idea.. since i am not drinkin and i dun want to be a sore thumb there.. let it be.. but i am definitely honoured to be invited to join. thanks Carey, Desmond and Kenny~

why blog

-My Xanga-: "well aniwae i'm qt sick of u noe... updating wad happens in my life everyday in my blog... "

i think blogging, maybe it's to update your friends or your readers about your life or the happenings.. but i think most importantly, thru the type of content/style/language etc.. you are letting others know what kind of person you are..

hm.. so, what kind of person have i shown myself to be? i guess.. erm.. whiner~

don't quit

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you are trudging seems uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile but you have to sigh,
Rest if you must but don’t you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns.
And many a fellow turns about,
When he might have won tad he struck it out.
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than it seems to a faint and faltering man.
Often the struggler had given up when he might have captured the victor’s cup.
And he learnt too late when the night came down
How close was he to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the cloud of doubt
And you can never tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar.
So stick to the sight when you are hit the hardest,
It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit!

Bible Gateway : JOHN 12;

Bible Gateway : JOHN 12;: "26 If any man serve me, let him follow me; and where I am, there shall also my servant be: if any man serve me, him will my Father honour."

verse shared to me by a.mee mee.. yes.. this verse has been one of my impt verse noted since young..

i need to set God's place right in my life.. meanwhile.. let me try harder..

why?

publishing a web is so damn easy..

www.multiply.com and it will provide everythign i wanted to have.. damn it..

why am i so lousy. argh..

i am still not well.. dun talk to me

still have gotten over thigns..

how business is done

Jack: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : 'I will choose my own bride'.
Jack: 'But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter.'
Son : 'Well, in that case...'

Next Jack approaches Bill Gates.
Jack: 'I have a husband for your daughter.'
Bill Gates : 'But my daughter is too young to marry.'
Jack: 'But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank.' Bill
Gates : 'Ah, in that case...'

Finally Jack goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Jack: 'I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.'
President : 'But I already have more vice-presidents than I need.'
Jack: 'But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law.'
President : 'Ah,in that case.....'"

if the above is true.. i have to get ready.. to NOT survive in the real world

a 3rd time required

disappointed, though expected.

now, utterly regretful. yet unrepented.

i am lost.. lack of focus.. lack of confidence.. it's right to say that you cannot get things right if your heart is not right with God..

my room is in a mess.. it can be in a mess cos i dun neeed it to be productive.. now.. i think it's time to pack them.. time is running out.. 2005 is near..

dun know what to say.. let me go wild for this week..

2nd chance

time to go.. premonition? erm.. dun know.. it will be the best if God is with me.

blogger nav bar

i think the nav bar is really bring in visitors.. heem.. good or bad? erm.. dun knwo..

blog craze

hmnm.. it's really quite common for people to have blog nowadays. and i bet the initial intentions of having a blog varies for each individual. and i also think that the intentions will change over time. at least that's very true for me.

this blog started off as a secret blog.. just to vent/rant/complain... at the same time, hoping that one day my friends will STUMBLE across the blog and know my inner feelings. yes.. i am very 'one kind', refuse to tell people what am i feeling yet hope that they will understand me.. =(

then, after sharing my blgo with jevin, then ruyi etc.. etc.. and now, this blog is erm.. open for all liao.. so my style of writing does change over time as well..

liangkiang started a blog too.. and he says he wants it to be private. hm.. wonder how long will he keep it private, wonder how often will he update? =) but i am definitely very honoured to have his 'private' blog address.. really. erm.. i guess i should i have shown some signs of excitment when he tells me the address. but, as usual, i didn't. acting nonchalent when i am not again. =(

liang kiang, if you are readin this, thanks for sharing.~

ohana

Do you know what the word FAMILY means?
FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU

if you have the time... read on.. there's a reason why i would put the story in my blog. cos i felt something stirring in my heart after readin...

-----

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning disabled children,the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question. "When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?"

The audience was stilled by the query. The father continued. "I believe, that when a child like Shay comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes, in the way other people treat that child."

Then he told the following story:
Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, "Do you think they'll let me play?" Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging. Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked if Shay could play.

The boy looked around for guidance and, getting none, he took matters into his own hands and said, "We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning." In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the outfield. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat. At this juncture, let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?

Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible 'cause Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball. However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least be able to make contact.

The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game. Instead, the pitcher took the ball and turned and threw the ball on a high arc to right field, far beyond the reach of the first baseman. Everyone started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!" Never in his life had Shay ever made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second!" By the time Shay rounded first base, the right fielder had the ball. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions and intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head. Shay ran toward second base as the runners ahead of him deliriously circled the bases toward home. Shay reached second base, the opposing shortstop ran to him, turned him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third!"

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams were screaming, "Shay, run home!" Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the "grand slam" and won the game for his team. "That day," said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, "the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world."

----

but after pasting the above story in my blog.. i think bout myself. if i were Shay, i wouldn't be really happy. i dun like people to give in to me. this roots back to my problem of winning. when i win, i will think that the opponent is giving me chance, and i wun be happy. if i lose, of cos i will also be happy. what is the problem with me? pride! i have to solve this disgusting sinful nature of mine.. God help me.

met friend on street

met wanfen at citylink today. she's walking in my opp direction. i asked where is she going and she said that she's going home. then i wondered, "huh? isn't she supposed to be in my same direct? to go to the MRT?" upon further asking, she realised that she's walking towards the wrong direction for MRT. yes.. she's walking towards suntec, thinkin that that's the direction to bring her to the MRT.. haha..

cannot blame her also lah.. she's talking to her xin huan on the phone... so, which means, it's over between wayne and her. erm.. i probed further and ask bout her mother etc... seems that thigns are better now. without wayne, more time spent with mom. and her mom is also getting better.. =) glad for her..

i am glad that i asked. most of the time, i dun ask and i dun get to know wat happened and start to feel lousy for not knowing.. ernest, learn to ask and probe if you wish to know more about others..

wanfen says that her group of friends are trying to cut an album. presently doing the recording.. she asked if i want to help with their lyrics.. haha.. so glad that she thinks i can still write.. but can i ? i dun know.. maybe i will try.. maybe..

hope she will con't to be well.

outing at airport

had a nice time at the airport with the following people:

a.mee mee, shuping, shuhui, esther, rachel, jeshua, javan, lingqin, tengyan, edmund, jiannan, jianjun, baoyan, daniel, xiuyi, timothy, caleb and ernest(me). (pai ming bu fen xian hou)

i must say that the children had a good time running around like nobody's business. jeshua being forever active (guo dong er)
javan, always so 'slow' in actions, taking time as a luxury, doing things in his own pace, steadily~
esther, so seriously playing
rachel, so frivolously talking
jianjun, an adult among the kids.
baoyan, sigh.. chi ruan bu chi ying.

have a good time in the skytrain, moving to and fro T1 and T2.hehe.. talking and chatting. have a good time in the van, talking and cracking jokes.

something bout the kids... (as we all were when we were kids). they are thinking and learning individuals who will think and assess all the instructions given by adults. often, their logical feelings bout our instructions are valid. i remember how much i 'hate' my parents for making unreasonable/stupid instructions to me. so, let me/us be more cautious while talkin to children. let us not chide them jus becos they are children... of cos, as an adult (yes.. i am 20 liao) we all understand that some instructions will never be understood by children cos they are still young. jus as we dun comprehend God's will at times.

after a night of walking/strolling , sightseeing, playing in the airport we made our way back home. and my dear bro did something so unethical/inconsiderate. he actually played with the fire extinguisher. argh.. so frustrated cos he's so old and yet so careless/... also dun knwo what to say. shan't con't...

and then, we have a good time going home. thanks to the driver of the day (a. mee mee) and the veh comd (caleb). . .

occassionally, when the situation allows, ECA(extra-church-activity) is good, for fellowship and fun.

AVP

alien vs predator

watched the show with zixiang, alvin, james, wee, jason, etc.. (my 155 basc coursemates). thanks to zixiang, the organiser. =) it takes a lot of energy to organise. andi really wonder wat motivates me to organise stuffs in the past? the love for the people? the crave for popularity? to need to feel important? a way to score point? the consciousness of people's opinion? the urge to develop oneself? i dun know...

anyway, except for zixiang, the rest says that AVP isn't a good movie. erm.. for me? actually i also think that AVP is quite nice. but dint say much. let zixiang to be centre of attention for being the only one thinking that it;s nice.

it's plot isn't well-developed. and i agree that the characters died off too fast before/jus after we feel for their characters. but i think that the beginning of the movie is quite good. it gives me the thrill and i got quite scared, hehe... and the actions/communication between the predator and human is so erm.. lame/funnie/weird that i find it amusing.. and got a good laugh.

the movie ended with an explosion.. which constitute to the plotlessness of the story. after discovering that the aliens are too many or too diff to handle, they use a bomb to blow everything up..

but got a nice time going out with them.. =)

cinderalla story

watched the show at 1930 with jiwei. it's a happily-ever-after story. =) it's nice to watch light-hearted shows like that.

the girl is quite pretty and the guy is good-looking. prince charming and his princess. wonderful.

at the end of the show, the girl said, ".. and we lived happily ever after ... i am just a freshman.."

so.. happily ever after happens only when you are young?

this reminds me of shrek the movie. about what happens to the characters after the happily ever after...

army open house

went to aoh today... supposed to report at 0945hrs at jurong interchange to take attendane, but at that time, i just finsih my bath.. anyway, called wendy to tell her that i will go myself.. glad that she took my word for it. called u.alvin to go together.. and hence spending the day at the place with him.

met zhengheng there.. he's at one counter.. dun expect to see him so soon after course.
met chee tat, he's explaining some vehicle there.. but most of the time helping kids to climb into the vehicle and play with the watever.
met allan, he's in the same unit as chee tat.
dint get to see weilun.. though i made my way to the range.. but alas.. too bad lor.. haven't seen him for long time.. really would like to catch up with him. but still, get to fired m16.. yes.. i am pathetic.. it's my first time~

i am blessed with good weather. not sunny at all.. though it rained but it doesn't really matter~ it's just a short downpour.

i think AOH is quite something and i will say it's quite a success. it provides entertainment for the public and especially the Kids~ and i am impressed that the public get to fire... wow. and the logistic is really quite something.. enough buses and carparks.. and the queues, may be long, but fast-moving.

i should walk on...

U2- Walk On
from the album "All That You Can't Leave Behind"

And love
Is not the easy thing
The only baggage
That you can bring
Not the easy thing
The only baggage you can bring
Is all that you can't leave behind

And if the darkness is to keep us apart
And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off
And if your glass heart should crack
And for a second you turn back
Oh no, be strong

Walk on
Walk on
What you got, they can't steal it
No they can't even feel it
Walk on
Walk on
Stay safe tonight

You're packing a suitcase for a place
None of us has been
A place that has to be believed
To be seen

You could have flown away
A singing bird
In an open cage
Who will only fly
Only fly for freedom

Walk on
Walk on
What you got
You can't deny it
Can't sell it or buy it
Walk on
Walk on
You stay safe tonight

And I know it aches
How your heart it breaks
You can only take so much

Walk on
Walk on
Home
Hard to know what it is
If you never had one

Home
I can't say where it is
But I know I'm going

Home
That's where the hurt is

And I know it aches
And your heart it breaks
You can only take so much
Walk on

Leave it behind
You've got to leave it behind

All that you fashion
All that you make
All that you build
All that you break

All that you measure
All that you feel
All this you can leave behind

All that you reason
All that you care

It's only time
And I'll never fill up all my mind(???)

All that you sense
All that you scheme
All you dress up
And all that you see

All you create
All that you wreck
All that you hate
--------
copied from yuwei's blog. the above and his writings stirred me...

1st day back to work

back in the office, blogging using i-net. sigh.. really dun have the heart to work liao leh.. so diff to concentrate. so diff to remember the things. and so diff to know what's my purpose in the office liao.. start to think that erm.. maybe i should be evacuated. maybe i should be eliminated.

how? want to work also cannot cos wong is using my computer.

end of 155th basc

end of course. tmr have to go back offfice liao.. just hope that nothign will cock up tmr.. things will run smoothly.~

what have i gotten from the course/ erm.. i dun know .. dun seem to knwo anyone well enough to con't some friendship.. sad.. will like to knwo everyone better but as usual, my introvert nature is difficult for me to step out of my comfort zone`

best trainee is Alvin.. yes.. agreed.. he's truely positive, capping his results at a certain standard.. impt thing is his attitude lah.. quite positive.

2nd best is Nicholas!! huh>? out of the blue and i bet every one thinks alike as well. he's not paying attention in class.. not interested... only concern is to get A so that his chiefl clerk will not tekan him in office.. always talking to rahul~ haha.. he's surprised lor.. he himself also dun understand the situation..

anyway, 3/4 of the class gotten A grade. i am not surprised.. that's they results of having a class of 3As and above JC students . . . isn't it?

winston keep sayin that i am eyeing for best trainee~.. actually, not really. i am really not. i am more concern with what do i really want in life. 3 weeks with them left me thinkin that i am the only one without aim destination in life. some of them have definite goals in life. Jason, doing his MLM, and he is working on it still, trying to afford his own education. Dexter has his scholarship, Edwin has his money overseas. Winston, yucheng aiming for studies abroad. Zixiang workign on his non-profit arts organisation. suraj, knowing and tryin to strive for good results. so.. where am i heading to?

God help me.~

happie teachers' day

tmr is a long forgotten school holiday. =) but here, will like to wish all teachers happy teachers day. all the sunday school teachers~

 

also, to my teachers.. ms leow, mdm gan(my chn teacher), mrs margaret lee(my first form teacher), ms nor (my kindergarden teacher).

 

honestly, qi meng lao shi are very impt. they have shaped my life and attitude, much.

yvonne chan::dhssec2h

yap! met her on bus no 38 today. as usual, i am delighted. it's always nice to meet friends on the streets and to know that they are still willing to talk to me.

 

after getting off the bus. i start to think of the times when she was attending berean with me. but now? when i ask her if she still believes in God, she says yes. when being asked if she has any intentions to attend church, she said no. wanfen is even worse, she starts to question the need of God. at times, i am quite disheartened. i felt even sadder when they said that they were buffled, 'stumbled' by the berean/berith thing.. 

 

what i thought had work well for me isn't working the same way to them.. i know God has a plan but i dun know His plan..

thoughts

backdated entry...

 

there's always so many things opinions in my mind during the day. however, i find it hard to capture them all in my blog. too many, and too, erm.. difficult to write them in words. unless i can type as fast as i talk.

 

my feelings after recent saturday(210804), when i met up with pri sch friends as well as weiming etc.

http://shomerim.blogspot.com/2004/08/frens-gathering-today.html

 

ru's thoughts after her 2 friends gathering on saturday as well.

Sunday, August 22, 2004's entry from http://little-angel-finding-herself.blogspot.com

 

yuwei's blog regarding sat's gathering, which both of us weren't there.

http://www.xanga.com/item.aspx?user=SaNoSuKe_9&tab=weblogs&uid=124495981

 

diff people, diff sentiments...

 

and now let me begin my super long entry. an entry to settle my mind and to keep me sane. i am on the verge of erm.. going back into a hermit retreat.

---------

 

saturday morning starts off with my BASC ops test, which i did not study at all except for the flips while i was in the taxi to work. (yes, in the taxi again, which i felt very bad bout it also. will talk bout it later). when i reach the lecture room, i see them all in positions, all ready to take the test. obviously, many did not study like me. but there are some people who did flipped thru, flipping in a slower manner than mem, i gathered. argh.. got this feeling that i am back to jc. a place whereby marks does matter a bit, at least to the esteem. it's not only in jc, it's everywhere. competition in the slightest form takes place. the test is definitely not difficult. no problem passing at all..

155th BASC

on course... and i am late today. guess my 10% for attitude is going to be deducted.

all of a sudden, i feel like going back to school again. back to a tutorial class of 21, surrounding by somewhat competitive JC people/ or the environment. being force to attend some lessons to listen to come lecturers. the only reason to be attentive is to, as usual, draw hints regarding the test on saturday. also, to get some 'attitude' points. argh.. am i the only one or it is the environment. all of them are some high scorers in RJ, HCJC, AC and you name it..

keeping the balance between being a responsible clerk and yet not trying to seems xiaochang, hao lian is quite diff... been back to unit yesterday and today to clear my mail.. erm.. at least i keep it low. dun wish to let people think i siao on.

saw nicholas from 01S36. get to know alvin from AC, zixiang from NJ, selwin from VJS2, lewis from HC, erm.. hope to know more people.

i think i am used to be around non-jc people already. i find it hard to cope with the idea that there are competitors.. (what am i talkin? argh...)

anyway, been learning ops this week. training me to be Bn Chief Clerk.. duh.. they expect me to be the 'pl sgt' for HQ Coy to take charge of the ASAs there.. to check their field pack, teach them to dig shellscrape etc.. and make sure and keep to field discipline and norms etc.. haha.. they expect me to be in battle order, in the modular tent, ? ????/?? it's just part of the syllubus.

next week will be more farmiliar to me, or may be not. since there are so many muggers around. i am sure they dun need more than a day to catch up with what i already know..
----------
weiming is in tekong today. he asked for wahwah's coy... dun know if there's anythign exciting...
--------
francis trying to downgrade due to stress... huh? dun know lah.. all i know is that he's not going for BMT now.. or should i say, for now.
--------
hope things will be better...

updates

francis says that i haven't been blogging.. erm.. well.. i blog in shomerim.blogspot.com sometimes.. so, ya..

thigns to update? erm.. my driving sux.. and yes he sux too.

oh yes.. went to mindef, and finally managed to visit the G4 people and yue'en(ALD) and get to talk to Junyang, Alvin, Zhaosheng.. it's just nice to meet people you know and talk to them..

alvin and zhaosheng havne't change in terms of apprearance at least. but junyang like become very pale or fair.. dun know which.. nvm.. haha..

thank God i am not posted to mindef. it's very very very far from tampines~ i will need to take 1.5 hour or more lor~ ridiculous.

finally going for course on 16 Aug. coming monday.. erm..dun knwo what to expect and dun knwo what attitude should i have as well.. ?? dun know..
---------

today attend court martial for rizal. along with his were 4 other accused. 3 awol and 1 drug.

think s'pore is too hard on drugs. erm.. there's should be a degree of severity. not all people deserve 18mths in db for drugs. really.. argh..

and i think, maybe national service is aggrevating the vicious circle of poverty for some.. really.. already poor, then go ns, then go db (becos some will awol to work outsite), then, family get into more trouble. when release, no income, pay activates late etc.. and awol again. hence no chance to go further studies. etc..
life is really unfair.. (of cos tere's a reason for the unfairness..)

i cannot be a judge. i am too compassionate. the judge today(LTC) is very erm.. firm in his grounds. and i think there's a deep-seated mentality that some people are jsut born criminals.

maybe he's right? maybe not.. dun know lah

anyway, rizal got 7mths. which means, i have to process his release as well.. *yawn..

There are 3 types of people in this world. One makes things happen, one sees things happen and the other one wondered what happen.

 

i wish to be the one making things happen, but i enjoy seeing things happening, and i think it's innocent and bliss to be the one wondering what has happened.

 

contradiction, irony, paradox, oxymoron.

不要错过你的现在

有个女孩，个性比较男性化。
据她解释，自小她都在男生中长，所以爬树、官兵捉贼等等游戏她都参与，倒是家家酒、洋娃娃之类的，她就不曾玩过。
二十一岁生日前夕，妈妈问她希望收到什么礼物，这个女孩带着期盼的眼神说：“我要一个洋娃娃。”
生日当天，妈妈的确从家乡寄来一份礼物。她打开看，里头不是一个洋娃娃，是一瓶香水。
失望之余，女孩打开妈妈在礼物附上的一封信，妈妈写着：“如果你曾经错过了你的童年，那么不要再错过你的现在。”

driving..

i think it is my retribution. but retribution for being a sucky tutor, hence giving me a sucky instructor.

i always teach my tutee to relay on themselves.. often not giving them specific instruction to go about the question but telling them how will i be sloving it. expecting them to get the feel of solving questions and hence learn. and now!! i am at the receiving end of my practice. argh..

dun like him.. wish that i can change now. i want to know exactly how to drive. formulas!! i need formulas first. i need to know how to drive before i get the feel to drive.!! i neeed to know how to interpret the situation, the mirrors etc.. and not you trying to guide my steering wheel..

he says that i dun even have my fundamental (cannot hold the starter for too long, will spoil it) hellO!~ you are my only instructor. if my foundation is weak? who to blame? me?

but i have this major fault, in life. that is to allow past mistake to be carried forward. erm.. explain a little. when i am pointed out regarding my mistake. my brain will thinking of the mistkae and hence unable to cope with the new incoming situation. it's like interpreting. once you have interpret wrongly, leave it and move on. stiffen up to prepare for the next step.

table tennis - my coach has been telling me: "prepare for your next ball!!!!!" yes.. most of the time after a stroke, i will be watching the ball hit out and thinking bout the stroke i have made. results? i have no time to react for the incoming ball!! argh...

driving - "eh.. you have do this and thsis.. " then i will start to think in my mind/grumble in my mind... leaving not enough brain cell to drive properly!! resulting in further wrong moves.. ~

i flop.

However, you don't have too much patience with those who are less intelligent than you.

it seems very true.. but, i dun want myself to be like that. cos i know, many times i am the 'less intelligent' person.. if i wan to be treated with dignity and intergrity, i should do likewise to others.

i appear to be aloof, and erm.. ya1 ya1.

i will need help from others.. let me be helpful. please.

found timothy and titus blog. there must be some fun in writing. but somehow, it seems that the depressed writes more.. why?

ops room duty, again~

yes.. it's me in the ops room again! saturday was for Jul and today is for Aug. Wonderful planning~ haha..

wondering if the number of viewers of this blog does increase by ONE? =)

back to topic.. erm.. okay.. just bloggin to remember this ops duty. gtg since i sitll have quite a number of thigns to do.. sian..

and my email file get corrupted!! argh.. it's a big problem! so my outstanding issues still in the inbox.. (who doesn't) but.. just hope that the SA can salvage the situation tmr.

hope for the best~

ops room

found a place to offer free webspace.. but felix haven't handed over my domain.. argh. sian.. wish to start fast. but then again. i think i cannot come up with my web design. unlimited wants to incoparate. ad or no ad.?? html or pictures? scroll or no scroll..? so many things to consider. argh.. wish there's someone to teachme.. but then again, reason why i am into this becos i have been teachign myself, to this stage.

what do i really want from the web? maybe i am wasting too much time. maybe i am not? only He knows. right now, i wish to have my blog page. my start page, and shomerimpage. that's all..

churchwebsite, erm.. i just wan to come up with design, hosting matters, dun really wish to think bout it first... not for me to decide also. too many things to do and too many thigns that i wan to accomplish. but yet my knowledge is so limited, and i dun hve the prerequisits to many things also..

oh yes., church camp booklet. .what am i supposed to do. have an idea already, but is that really what i want?

anyway, i feel damn sick in the ops room now. very cold. forgot to brign my sweater,.. think i am going to be dried up to night. maybe i will wear watever i can find later.. dun know lah..

tired. sick, feverish,.. and guilty. yet.. i'm still falling into it.

house of daggers

北方有佳人，绝世而独立；
一故倾人城，再故倾人国；
宁不知，佳人难再寻

monday @ bugis

it has really been a long time i have gone for some loitering.

went to sim lim to buy power supply but erm.. din'tmanage to find the correct one. nvm.. at least bought a a: drive for u.jiaen..

then, i walked thru bugis.. the emr.. forever pasarmalam there/. yap.. walk thru the streets n look at the variety of bags and clothes sold. wow.. i am such a noob.

taking my time, walking slowly.. then to bugis junction..erm. nothing much to do there.. so visited kinokuniya. browse thru a book. "chinese maxims" interesting book. and i actually try to memorise as much as i can. if only i try to memorise the Bible as hard.

but honestly, chinese is something that i do not want to forget, therefore i have to cont to read and keep myself updated. and i must not forget, i want to be a proficient interpreter. =)

yes.. i spent the night alone. but it's kinda interested and erm.. happy. should do this once in a blue moon. ~