whining

for all who thinks that i am whining too much.. well. this is the place for me to whine~.,, i need to.

flop with my interpretation today. actually i knew i would, it's my preparation and also the state of mind. more importantly, i really din't commit myself and my work to the Lord. i must strive to serve Him with the right heart.

it brings me to a deeper state of self-belittling. or should i say a further realisation/ expression that i am really quite a bum. nth worthy, little capability. i am just a fortunate person blessed by the Lord, not really with talents/abilities, but with the situation/surroundings to bring me to what i am today. i always appear to be, but i am not. i tend to be what i am not too. i am just a facade, a false impression. i am such a bum.

and i agree, i am too self-conscious. always thinking that pple are saying/commenting/criticising me. shux. this is not good. it just shows that i am after men's assessment and not God. Lord, please help me to live for Thee and not any men on earth.

Lord, even if i will con't to be a bum, teach me to be concerned about being useful to You. this is diff, but, .. . .nvm.