ok.. there's just to many things...
to many things to blog
to many things to do
to many things to plan
to many things to learn
to many things to correct
to many things to keep
to many things to try
to complete
to let go
to perfect
to tell
to forgive
to forget ...................
ok.. i am not going crazy. but there's just too many things to say.
1. con't with my website.
ok.. i wan to learn more skills. i wan to use flash etc. i wan to create something better than this. but? erm.. can i?
2. driving!! i wan to pass my driving asap! CAN I?
3. i wan to be more organise
too many holidays. too many deadlines. too high expectation of myself, too much ego to satisfy. wan to be capable. yet. sigh.. what to do?
4. skin! eczyma
this is really my fault. too impatient with my skin. i bathe too fast. apply my cream too much./too little. expect it to heal too fast. peeling off un-healed areas too soon..... sigh...
5. too many things to read
thanks to wilfred~ there's so many comics to read. i love them.. it is always so exciting no matter how tired i am.. but, i am most of the time too tired. i keep newspapers clips, telling myself that i wan to read them, but in the end? they just keep piling up! to much things and knowledge to gain. to many things that i am interested in... how?? i am not a superman.. am i?!
ok.. this is really true.
i wan to forgive and forget. if i cannot forgive my friends, my Father in heaven will also not forgive me and i do agree as well. i am not happy bearing grudges.. i wan to let go.. there's this evil thing call pride. teach me to let go and let off.. i wan to befriend with people again..
threre's still to many... incompleted treasure hunt concept. unfinished photo albums, undone website... sigh!!!!!!!!]
Monday, December 29, 2003
Sunday, December 28, 2003
haven blog for some time.
jerry says that i am letting my work affecting me.. i guess it is true. but i just can't help but to put in my best in work. i wan to assure myself that i am capable of work. however, the freq med appt and holidays are disrupting my workflow and causing me to miss my deadlines.. how? the year is ending and i yet i still have so much undone.
today, there's a farewell dinner for pastor. see if i can draw out a card for him today. ..
.
.
and anyway, i have the following wishes:
1. reconcile with my friends, weiming etc.
2. forgive and let go, stop being so petty
3. be discipline in my skin care. stop being lazy with the medication!
4. baptize next year.
5. and more to go......
jerry says that i am letting my work affecting me.. i guess it is true. but i just can't help but to put in my best in work. i wan to assure myself that i am capable of work. however, the freq med appt and holidays are disrupting my workflow and causing me to miss my deadlines.. how? the year is ending and i yet i still have so much undone.
today, there's a farewell dinner for pastor. see if i can draw out a card for him today. ..
.
.
and anyway, i have the following wishes:
1. reconcile with my friends, weiming etc.
2. forgive and let go, stop being so petty
3. be discipline in my skin care. stop being lazy with the medication!
4. baptize next year.
5. and more to go......
Saturday, December 20, 2003
travelling light
5 days of church camp in malaysia. many thoughts ran thru my head but unable to write it all down. there is really too many to think about and too many prompting in my head. again, i am trying to do so many things at one go.
let's start with my impressions/opinions/lessons learnt from the people:
Shiang Shinn: a person who is worldly streetwise. he is knowledgeable with infomation of the world. he has great exposure to things and have tried many. Seen many people due to his line (service line in electronic engr), been to places and know bout the norms and ways of people. Has a wife and a son. (Ai Ping and Daniel)
Rev Quek: a man of faith and sensitive to God's calling. love the Lord and protect His word. seemingly undaunted by attacks in the Word and hold dearly in his faith in God.
Meijie: just get to know that she has a bf, erm.. named nick? not sure.
Jiannan: he is good. although he has the lack of the ability to express himself fluently, i can feel his strength in the Lord. (i have thought, if i am weak in my job e.g. studying etc, will i still find comfort in the Lord that he is actually giving me the best.) but now, i know, God really works in our hearts. and i am sure jiannan has found comfort in God. compared to him, i am weak. my excuses are no excuses compared to him.
Joel: a clean-shaven, funky looking guy. ya.. he looks cool, like the yappies. din get the chance to know him better. but i know he's a sporty, out-going person. i guess, athletic persons are normally more positive. (nowonder i am so pessimistic.. haha..)
Isaac/keturah: a couple. they have 2 sons, jeshua and javan. yet, it seems to me that their courtship times isn't very long ago. suddenly, i feel that i may be reaching his life stages very soon. haha.. dun know why. when i get to know that they were pri sch mates, and jc mates.. it sounds so familiar to me. it sound as if it is just a few years away only. not sure why is that so, just a feeling..
jeshua: a very pleasant kid. comparing him with javan, javan, being younger definitely looks cuter. but, when you talk to them, you see his "mature" behavior, you will see him to be so adorable. a fine gentleman to be.
javan: a menace to people, haven to me. hyperactive may be an understatement. but i can really understand him. i am justify for him that being talkative, over-inquisitive etc is nothing wrong. remembering that i was like him. (thinking back, i guess i was more happy to be that confident me who was willing to ask anything.)
amos: i guess he is definitely eligible to be my elder brother, yet he also behaves like teens.. dun really understand what is he like.
teck beng: (judging from the merger discussion) he's a person who also dun express himself well with words. but because he's so amiable, he is a big brother to the care-and-share members. a big brother to be identified with to learn from for some people. can see that he is stressful in his work. he shows to me that no matter how old do i start to commit my life to God, it's the same. same trials and testings....
-married to shufen, and behaves like a courting couple. haha.. and they definitely look young.
josiah: haha.. lookin at his attempts to assume leadership positions, his 2-cents worth of comments during discussions, tries to bring a group discussion to a conclusion, REMINDS me of my experience in sec sch days. those were the days that i also would be very willing to undertake leadership roles.. enjoying being nominated or just joked bout my appointments.. (well, again, it's years back since then)
tengyan: a typical sporty guy, who goes for sports and adventure and experiences. having confidence in his own psychomoto skills. likes to lead a group to attain goals. seems to be all geered to be in NS. haha.. erm.. maybe a typical poly guy. a typical poly guy supposed to be more streetwise and eq.
shuhui: emotional, subjective. . .
john: a person trying to live his life for the Lord in the difficulties of balancing with his normal (secular) activites. have a family to look after, daughters to teach and many items to take care of..
jhoon: erm.. aloof. (haha.. that's my subjective opinion). or maybe, it i who aren't humble enough to draw experience from adults.
alan: erm. dun know.
joelson: well.. it's a like a mirror for me NOT to be emulate. i may be bad to say this but i am trying to be ALL not like him. i am especially worried cos i do have his traits.. pessimistic, in his world, his own theology, most imptly, trying hard to get accepted yet worrisome bout people advances to know him better.
eddie: my buddy (supposedly) din get to know him well really. too bad
karen: eddie's wife, desmond's mother. ya.. same as above.
li mei: erm.. er.. ok lha.. haha.. surely, she talks like she is unhappy/ angry.
lingqin: erm.. she is on good terms with limei, kinda emulating her bahavior at times lor.. haha..
daniel: my room mate. impressed by his conviction in Christ. talk a bit during the nite. understand that he does have his own set of thinkings about the church e.g. the merging thing, pastor's leave. but he's so poor thing to suffer stomach upset for dayS.
nick: ---
honghao.bohao: a pair of interesting twins. i really think they, though differs in characters, converging in their preferences and common sense. it must be an eventful life for them to have a twin brother. haha.. they are sec 2 next year, in tchs. having attributes that i wish i have but i guess i shouldn't be thiking bout that. (reason: i have passed my time to be like them.) how is it nice to be in sec 1. to be like them,.. okok.. i am thinknin back my dhs days.
pastor: though i haven't know him long. his departure really touched me. his thanksgiving item, the song he sang, actually can caused me to tear. i see in him the tiredness labouring for Christ all the years. God bless him
miss leow.rachel.ezra: haven been talking to them. by right, miss leow should be my confidant and mentor when i struggle, but whenever i approaches her in the light of possible spiritual talk, the atmosphere, her speech seems to have caused me to turn away. i know that she is holding to God's word dearly, so much so that, she isn't erm.. much bothered by the human crowd. or the need to be in human crowd. One thing bout her: she thinks about things, and always hesitate to share to people, and yet there's a need for her to share in her heart. yu4 yan3 you4 zhi3. i should take note as well, i am behaving like that many times.. must correct myself.
let's start with my impressions/opinions/lessons learnt from the people:
Shiang Shinn: a person who is worldly streetwise. he is knowledgeable with infomation of the world. he has great exposure to things and have tried many. Seen many people due to his line (service line in electronic engr), been to places and know bout the norms and ways of people. Has a wife and a son. (Ai Ping and Daniel)
Rev Quek: a man of faith and sensitive to God's calling. love the Lord and protect His word. seemingly undaunted by attacks in the Word and hold dearly in his faith in God.
Meijie: just get to know that she has a bf, erm.. named nick? not sure.
Jiannan: he is good. although he has the lack of the ability to express himself fluently, i can feel his strength in the Lord. (i have thought, if i am weak in my job e.g. studying etc, will i still find comfort in the Lord that he is actually giving me the best.) but now, i know, God really works in our hearts. and i am sure jiannan has found comfort in God. compared to him, i am weak. my excuses are no excuses compared to him.
Joel: a clean-shaven, funky looking guy. ya.. he looks cool, like the yappies. din get the chance to know him better. but i know he's a sporty, out-going person. i guess, athletic persons are normally more positive. (nowonder i am so pessimistic.. haha..)
Isaac/keturah: a couple. they have 2 sons, jeshua and javan. yet, it seems to me that their courtship times isn't very long ago. suddenly, i feel that i may be reaching his life stages very soon. haha.. dun know why. when i get to know that they were pri sch mates, and jc mates.. it sounds so familiar to me. it sound as if it is just a few years away only. not sure why is that so, just a feeling..
jeshua: a very pleasant kid. comparing him with javan, javan, being younger definitely looks cuter. but, when you talk to them, you see his "mature" behavior, you will see him to be so adorable. a fine gentleman to be.
javan: a menace to people, haven to me. hyperactive may be an understatement. but i can really understand him. i am justify for him that being talkative, over-inquisitive etc is nothing wrong. remembering that i was like him. (thinking back, i guess i was more happy to be that confident me who was willing to ask anything.)
amos: i guess he is definitely eligible to be my elder brother, yet he also behaves like teens.. dun really understand what is he like.
teck beng: (judging from the merger discussion) he's a person who also dun express himself well with words. but because he's so amiable, he is a big brother to the care-and-share members. a big brother to be identified with to learn from for some people. can see that he is stressful in his work. he shows to me that no matter how old do i start to commit my life to God, it's the same. same trials and testings....
-married to shufen, and behaves like a courting couple. haha.. and they definitely look young.
josiah: haha.. lookin at his attempts to assume leadership positions, his 2-cents worth of comments during discussions, tries to bring a group discussion to a conclusion, REMINDS me of my experience in sec sch days. those were the days that i also would be very willing to undertake leadership roles.. enjoying being nominated or just joked bout my appointments.. (well, again, it's years back since then)
tengyan: a typical sporty guy, who goes for sports and adventure and experiences. having confidence in his own psychomoto skills. likes to lead a group to attain goals. seems to be all geered to be in NS. haha.. erm.. maybe a typical poly guy. a typical poly guy supposed to be more streetwise and eq.
shuhui: emotional, subjective. . .
john: a person trying to live his life for the Lord in the difficulties of balancing with his normal (secular) activites. have a family to look after, daughters to teach and many items to take care of..
jhoon: erm.. aloof. (haha.. that's my subjective opinion). or maybe, it i who aren't humble enough to draw experience from adults.
alan: erm. dun know.
joelson: well.. it's a like a mirror for me NOT to be emulate. i may be bad to say this but i am trying to be ALL not like him. i am especially worried cos i do have his traits.. pessimistic, in his world, his own theology, most imptly, trying hard to get accepted yet worrisome bout people advances to know him better.
eddie: my buddy (supposedly) din get to know him well really. too bad
karen: eddie's wife, desmond's mother. ya.. same as above.
li mei: erm.. er.. ok lha.. haha.. surely, she talks like she is unhappy/ angry.
lingqin: erm.. she is on good terms with limei, kinda emulating her bahavior at times lor.. haha..
daniel: my room mate. impressed by his conviction in Christ. talk a bit during the nite. understand that he does have his own set of thinkings about the church e.g. the merging thing, pastor's leave. but he's so poor thing to suffer stomach upset for dayS.
nick: ---
honghao.bohao: a pair of interesting twins. i really think they, though differs in characters, converging in their preferences and common sense. it must be an eventful life for them to have a twin brother. haha.. they are sec 2 next year, in tchs. having attributes that i wish i have but i guess i shouldn't be thiking bout that. (reason: i have passed my time to be like them.) how is it nice to be in sec 1. to be like them,.. okok.. i am thinknin back my dhs days.
pastor: though i haven't know him long. his departure really touched me. his thanksgiving item, the song he sang, actually can caused me to tear. i see in him the tiredness labouring for Christ all the years. God bless him
miss leow.rachel.ezra: haven been talking to them. by right, miss leow should be my confidant and mentor when i struggle, but whenever i approaches her in the light of possible spiritual talk, the atmosphere, her speech seems to have caused me to turn away. i know that she is holding to God's word dearly, so much so that, she isn't erm.. much bothered by the human crowd. or the need to be in human crowd. One thing bout her: she thinks about things, and always hesitate to share to people, and yet there's a need for her to share in her heart. yu4 yan3 you4 zhi3. i should take note as well, i am behaving like that many times.. must correct myself.
Monday, December 15, 2003
Wednesday, December 10, 2003
on a bus trip home, i saw gurmit tearing. and many artistes tearing with him. too bad i dun have my earpiece with me and tvmobile wasn't loud enough. all i now is that he must have sad something significant. many people cries for this event, but i am sure it is not plain over-excitment for gurmit.
http://www.ahleck.swissnikira.com/archives/000354.html
read the above, and i roughly realised what's really happeningl. and what is so invoking bout his speech is that 100% truth in what he said.
"If i don'e smile as much as i used to, would you weep along with me? Not really needed lar...but it's better than not understanding what i am going through at all. If i don't join you for outings...don't use emotional blackmail on me because it's not going to work."
some people just wan to be alone in times of despair... like gurmit.
but i think for me, i will appear as if i wan to be alone, but yet hoping for friends to approach. what is worse? when they approach, i will elude from concerns. i also dun understand myself.
http://www.ahleck.swissnikira.com/archives/000354.html
read the above, and i roughly realised what's really happeningl. and what is so invoking bout his speech is that 100% truth in what he said.
"If i don'e smile as much as i used to, would you weep along with me? Not really needed lar...but it's better than not understanding what i am going through at all. If i don't join you for outings...don't use emotional blackmail on me because it's not going to work."
some people just wan to be alone in times of despair... like gurmit.
but i think for me, i will appear as if i wan to be alone, but yet hoping for friends to approach. what is worse? when they approach, i will elude from concerns. i also dun understand myself.
Monday, December 08, 2003
Galvin
Galvin
http://www.swissnikira.com/
http://cannon.threeone.net/
"Perhaps that is why I've started keeping an online journal since my junior college days when technology enabled me to do so... such was the joy of writing: to look up new words... to mimic styles of writing that didn't spring forth from within... to conjure up seemingly incomprehensible sentences that sounded perfectly... incomprehensible. There was a time when I even tried venturing into script writing and serious expositories... in all these I found myself trying to match up to certain levels of writing... to people whom I deem are good writers." --quoted from somewhere(galvin)
wondering why am i keeping a blog. i guess i also enjoy the fun of writing, scribling thoughts which are running across my head hapzardly using my mediocre language and expressions, struggling and earnestly trying to make myself known and understood.
matthew's webpage led me to many homepages. got this feeling that i have missed out a lot of fun. regret not learning as much as i should in school, bout webpages. i wasn't actively involved in sports which most of my friends are. i thought i was out of place. maybe i should have found myself a place in the Net long ago. but now.. just trying to make up for my time lost.
yes. really made up my mind to learn more bout webpages. why am i not learning something which i am really interested in.
anyway, this version 2.0 of my webpage is too restrictive. hard to expand, hard to insert add-ons. better start my ver 3.0 sooon!. ya..
blogger.com seems to be down. cannot get to the page. so, here am i, blogger into my email temporary..
i guess i am addicted, addicted to the the joy of writing. DATED 071203(blog wan down yesterday)
http://www.swissnikira.com/
http://cannon.threeone.net/
"Perhaps that is why I've started keeping an online journal since my junior college days when technology enabled me to do so... such was the joy of writing: to look up new words... to mimic styles of writing that didn't spring forth from within... to conjure up seemingly incomprehensible sentences that sounded perfectly... incomprehensible. There was a time when I even tried venturing into script writing and serious expositories... in all these I found myself trying to match up to certain levels of writing... to people whom I deem are good writers." --quoted from somewhere(galvin)
wondering why am i keeping a blog. i guess i also enjoy the fun of writing, scribling thoughts which are running across my head hapzardly using my mediocre language and expressions, struggling and earnestly trying to make myself known and understood.
matthew's webpage led me to many homepages. got this feeling that i have missed out a lot of fun. regret not learning as much as i should in school, bout webpages. i wasn't actively involved in sports which most of my friends are. i thought i was out of place. maybe i should have found myself a place in the Net long ago. but now.. just trying to make up for my time lost.
yes. really made up my mind to learn more bout webpages. why am i not learning something which i am really interested in.
anyway, this version 2.0 of my webpage is too restrictive. hard to expand, hard to insert add-ons. better start my ver 3.0 sooon!. ya..
blogger.com seems to be down. cannot get to the page. so, here am i, blogger into my email temporary..
i guess i am addicted, addicted to the the joy of writing. DATED 071203(blog wan down yesterday)
Saturday, December 06, 2003
blurdream's 2nd den
blurdream's 2nd denif anyone is seeing this blog, please visit the link instead. thanks. cos that's my real page. not blurdream.blogspot.com ~
finally, i have embarked on my 2nd webpage. using the idiot-proof method of referring to instruction and step by step procedures. i din't even tried the shading and 3D creation. just trying to get a plain html this time.
results? = blurdream's 2nd den well, it's not fantastic, but i have started, and i will give myself a pat. will con't my learning, i hope. but somehow i dun think it will last. it's too hard for me to be proficient in it. i can, at most, reach erm.. intermediate. ya.
ok.. i am tired. time to work, working on my sec 4 a maths papers.. sigh..
i have an aim, that is to be a good boy from today onwards.. ya. ! :)
finally, i have embarked on my 2nd webpage. using the idiot-proof method of referring to instruction and step by step procedures. i din't even tried the shading and 3D creation. just trying to get a plain html this time.
results? = blurdream's 2nd den well, it's not fantastic, but i have started, and i will give myself a pat. will con't my learning, i hope. but somehow i dun think it will last. it's too hard for me to be proficient in it. i can, at most, reach erm.. intermediate. ya.
ok.. i am tired. time to work, working on my sec 4 a maths papers.. sigh..
i have an aim, that is to be a good boy from today onwards.. ya. ! :)
Friday, December 05, 2003
...
office is short of 3 GS tables.. thinking of ways to solve.. but in vain.
conduct sheet sent to NMTB kanna rejected again! sian
DyCGO email me again about RO suggestions, as if i am the RO clerk. sigh..
my OA account down again.. has been frequent recently! why>?
going to teach mrs seet's daughter soon, how to go bout it?
questions and problems.. i hope to solve them all before i go on leave! dun wish to have a burdened holiday. ya.. that's my prayer item now. ~
gtg.. going for that hari raya function now.. seeya
conduct sheet sent to NMTB kanna rejected again! sian
DyCGO email me again about RO suggestions, as if i am the RO clerk. sigh..
my OA account down again.. has been frequent recently! why>?
going to teach mrs seet's daughter soon, how to go bout it?
questions and problems.. i hope to solve them all before i go on leave! dun wish to have a burdened holiday. ya.. that's my prayer item now. ~
gtg.. going for that hari raya function now.. seeya
Tuesday, December 02, 2003
cmpb despatch...
long time ago, ermm.. i mean earlier this year. i tot cmpb trip will be fun cos can meet up with leonard, matt, situ, victor or whoever. but but but.. in the end, they are normally too busy or too "camoflaged" to meet me. end up with a hi-bye only, and to matt only(normally) :( well.. things aren't as expected, as usual.
will be really nice to know them better. ~
will be really nice to know them better. ~
busy/tired
today i have a lunch out with fong and tian. well, i must say it is a privilege. just hope that i will not lose favour lor.. (seeing the amt of cock up i may have.. haha..)
RO is done and sent out by me again, specially designed to suit DyCGO's taste today. Hopefully i will not received an email tmr being suaned or anything. presently, i feel that there's many errors in RO. i just cannot forget bout my work after knocking off lor.. ok, it's unhealthy and affects my performance. must improve.
indeed, it's end of the year.. a fresh year coming ahead. let's take time and effort to resolute bout next year and end this year with a sweet seal~
hope all may be well tmr, tks.
RO is done and sent out by me again, specially designed to suit DyCGO's taste today. Hopefully i will not received an email tmr being suaned or anything. presently, i feel that there's many errors in RO. i just cannot forget bout my work after knocking off lor.. ok, it's unhealthy and affects my performance. must improve.
indeed, it's end of the year.. a fresh year coming ahead. let's take time and effort to resolute bout next year and end this year with a sweet seal~
hope all may be well tmr, tks.
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