the return of people

Eugene is back. he bought some clothes for us.. think it's jerseys for them.. but not for me. i guess, if i would think that someone had tried to choose something that's more ernest for me.. i should be glad. =) yeap.. learning to appreaciate the precious thots.




simone returns for good, since she has graduated. nv meet up with simone, or should i say the whole sec 3h4h classmates at all.. in my memories, those two years were a blankslate for me.. in total depression maybe. hha.a.a ~

it's holidays for uk people.. now till sep.~=) see them around.

神雕

记得前阵子我说我不喜欢笑傲的故事. 现在娱家正在播<神雕>. 看着看着,我也因为有一些情节而感到不开心. 现在正播 杨过在襄阳城想杀郭靖. 我就想到不久后黄容与杨过的误会,误解,不对头. 两个聪明的人, 也可以说是亲人, 但却选择互相猜疑, 互相怀疑. 悲剧.

我们也是这样吧, 常常本来可以因为彼此投契可以深交,却又反而喜欢鸡蛋里挑骨头. 能看对眼,情投意合德有几个.
能相知,相识,相惜 的又有几个? 能成为朋友的. . . 我心里真的是由珍惜的.我想我欠缺行动.

青春期

我想我再也找不回我的青春期了。为何如此的感慨？ 因为最近周围的朋友，或应该说小弟弟小妹妹们都逐步进入teens的阶段了。看着他们进入甜甜的暧昧，似有非无的“喜欢”，那总感觉是那么的熟悉。多回味ah!

我呢？似乎应该进入我该进入的阶段了ba ? 可是事与愿违...只能希望上帝眷顾我了.

pictures. ~

a card given to me by javan during children's camp. thank God for a card. i wish i have appeared happier when he gave me the card. =)

me and fel... at bally~>

enjoying

hh come my hse ytd to study... tho he din't really did much.. then off for movie with bh des xy. cars. a wonderful movie.

"should let the church kidz watch this show. and teach them winning is not the thing", bh.

yeap.. we all know that winning is not everything but how many adults practice.. in fact, some people thinks, with their so called mature mindset and socially adapted wisdom that winning is the thing.

looking around me, i kinda realise that i roughly knows what am i supposed to do. alongside, the minor roles i need to play are also very clear. that's to study and study well. my results arent good for sure, but am i really meant for poor results.. . i know i can do better.. i think i am more motivated to do better now.. now that des and nick are going to ntu next year. =)

studying with hh and bh makes me feel that education is really going haywire. okay.. haywire is not the word, it's just that hci's syllabus is hard to grasp. it's good and bad in both sense.
i realise i like to teach people how to tackle exams. why dunt i derive a way to teach myself? why why why?

and yesh.. confirmed that i am acting not manly enough.. too act cute. haha.. changing is not an option now.. but maybe improving myself is a good way.

so what am i supposed to say about enjoying? erm.. friends and company i guess. able to find people to go out.. yea. thank God. at this moment, i am reminded of my dear sec sch friends. i guess i nv forget them, it's jsut that, have less time together...

next phase of life dawning upon all of us..
xy... o levels and being pressed to make of choice between mammon ....
hh bh... growing up and grown up. a time, almost, to choose too... to stay, to hold fast, to lose track, to give up/in.
sh, working...
des... studying...
bro... next thing coming up is ns.. tho is still quite 1 year away..

my peers around..? either study hard or date hard. still.. it's a direction taken and chosen.

i know where i am going. the prob is how to get there..

day out for movie Cars~

haha.. wanted to take a grp photo but then.. cant seem to fit everyone into the picture..

so here's a 2 into 1 pic,.. but someone have to sacrifice to make this pic possible. . . and the person is.. erm.. see for yourself. lor~

youth camp part 2

i am dead tired but i think i need to finish my entry.. so that i can more accurately remembers what am i thinking...

someone commented to me "stop thinking that you are left out, cos you are not" or something to that effect. well.. i must say that i am left out in my own ways.. people tend to hide their thoughts sometimes from others cos they are too bad/evil/unatural blah.. and i guess i am just hiding too much.. or should i say, ya.. i exclude myself from others and left myself out. and ya.. i am getting used to this kind of evil, idiotic me, okok.. i am not, but i think i am gettting use.. tryin to convince myself..~

something happen during the last night of the camp.. again. yeap.. for a moment, i kinda think that i am totally not the cut for camps. the more i get into it, i more i think i should get out of it before someone intentionally excludes me out of it. i guess i just cant behave the right way in front of others. instead of trying to convince others that i want to be friendly, i must check how come i am not appearing what i am thinking. or maybe i am really not thinking right. 相由心生。 it's correct often to an extent. .

acutally now when i reflect back... i think the truth said isn't the whole truth. someone may be intentionally protecting someone's feelings and someone else got hurt in the end. unlikely i will say but it's just another possibility.

till the next camp.. let me improve on my eq ba>~

little ark dinner.

it's nice to bring the children out for dinner. they chose mac at airport. =)

children camp and youth camp part 1

TBPC Children’s Camp

Teaching lower primary and upper primary
Being a teacher does not only entails the delivery of lessons. Much effort is put into the teaching materials and aids like the ppt for my case. Yes, the ppt can be done quite easily you may think, but the organization of materials aren’t. and I have not mentioned about sourcing for the information. So am I a good teacher recently? I dun know. Apparently I dun feel it from the looks of the student.

Science and Bible
Started off with the Sunday school lesson with the upper primary. When I delivering information that seems to be new or difficult, I feel bad about pitching it at too high a level. But whenever someone give me that “ ya I know, can you please move on look”, I feel down. My abilities are in doubt.

My Lesson 2 with Upper primary
It’s a lesson which I like the most. Because I think I did not run of out things to talk about. In fact, I have too many things to say. Teaching bible stories is sometimes difficult, too much narration is boring but too little elaboration and examples is without application. I find it difficult. But as I said, I like my lesson, as I draw a parallel on how God was preparing Gideon for the battle just as how He prepares a Christian to do something great for him. Conversion -> tear down idols -> worship -> persecution -> doing great things.

However, I problem and sadness comes when I realize that I dun have enough time to elaborate on how Joash save Gideon and how he got his second name. and the children cannot answer shuhui’s qn during bible quiz.

I asked Je, and he says that it’s just nice. Not too hard and not too difficult. I do think he can be candid at times but I still take his comments with a pinch of salt, thinking that he might just trying to be nice to me or being tactful. No matter what, I must say that, I have grown a little bit more from preparing the lesson.

Teaching lower primary
It’s an experience teaching there are many pple issues to settle. I find it a bother that I cannot carry on my lesson well. Often, I have to spend time settle disputes about he beat me… he scold me.. how am I supposed to spend the right about of time.

Thank You Card
My one thank you card is from ja, which is from lower pri. I was glad to receive. Needless to say. Des was saying, “ernest, for this card, it’s worth it.” Ya.. I know. Thank God for this one card.

VBS Science Experiment
I was glad when I heard from Kezia that Gideon said, “ernest kor kor very clever, he can make the mini rocket fly very high…” being able to fascinate him at least, I guess the gladness is there.

During vbs I was glad that I was handling activities which I may be a little better. But back then, I wonder will it be good to have the chance to teach God’s word.

However, when I see ty handling matyrs stories, I wonder will it be better if I can have that sit down and talk lessons with the children. I am just so not contented.

I dun wish to doubt on my abilities, but as I often asked, what if one day you find out that you are really just not there, how to accept it? Or more proactively, how to change it?

The children
Jeshua
He’s often liked. All of us know. His childlike faith, childlike maturity, his cute behavior and amiable cuddling habit. Will he remain as 10yo-jeshua-like… unlikely, but how much will he be different.

Javan
Being so sweet to give me a thank you card. What can I say? he’s always sweet. But I dun know how to treat him nice leh. =)

Botao and Sarah
Ji tong ya jiang. A tones of problems. One of them knows that they have a prob but unable to resolve. The other party’s prob is that they think they have no prob.

Xiangyuan
常常因为感到不被了解，不能了解而感到困惑。似乎映射了我的处境。

Jun’en and Joseph
A struggle between my choice of the best student. Jun’en is the more enthu but joseph seemed to be more amiable… with one more vote for jun’en , he got it.

Laziness, that I din’t play or take care of the children as what I did in the first day. I wish to have more interaction with the kids.. Or maybe it’s a wish that I can sleep normally in aircon room. I dun wish to sleep the children cos I know I have prob sleeping in aircon room. I rather sleep with youths as I can be more of myself.

i am trying too hard to be things that I am not, and neglecting the things I should be doing. Trying too hard to be group leaders when I should concentrate to be a teacher.

Dhs primary school kidz camp
Suddenly I recall those days when I was the instructor for the camps. I was one of the lecturer and also the instructor. Looking back, I really think that I am trying to be things that I am not. I guess I am more of that kind of instructor type of person but somehow, maybe age is catching up on me.. no more life and vigor to follow the young kidz everything..

Honghao bohao
Really glad to see them in this youth camp. I do easily pay attention to them as they were about the youngest when I first join shomerim. Now I know that they are not longer kidz but it’s just nice to see yourself and your past with their current experience. After listening to bo 1st night of sharing, I said to the group, “ I wish I was better”. Of cos I cannot turn back time but I know I must strive for my current situation, a young adult, almost settled to find real settlement.

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Youth Camp Day 1

I am sad to say but I began the camp with a personal low note. Not that I am spiritually down but the first encounter with the first programme makes me feel a bit unhappy. It is really partially my fault, for I see that it’s my ego, self-recognition that’s hindering a happy afternoon. However, it’s both ways too, for my part I wish that the other people will be more EQ and hence making me feel better but one the other hand, it’s also me who is not having enough EQ to handle situation well.

There are some pple whom i dun really want to be like. Do you ever met those people before? Yes. I am talking about those who you cannot see eye to eye and the way they handle things you will disagree and think that almost everything they do is not what you think should be happening. Of cos when I say everything, it’s an exaggeration but almost everything.

How? Yes.. this is my personal barrier and it’s my fault. And this is the first day of the camp and I wish to find some reasonable improvement in me. May the Lord help me.

Ra and es joining us for the youth camp. I think it’s quite nice in a way for it really injects some youth into our midst. And at least there are more people within jianjun’s category. Ya.. so that I think less people will be left out.. being left out is what I least wanted to happen to me. And to others too.

Day 2

I was saying that the twins were young when I first came to church.. but now, I think there’s es and ra who are going into sec sch… it’s an old man syndrome to share experience. But I just like to do it…

Soon, all the children will grow and be more mature than me while I con’t to choose to live in my world now.

Things seems to get better for the things that I am unhappy about yesterday. Surely it’s God.

I must say that this youth camp is much more adult like without the children. We dun have to take care of them and can fully concentrate with our sharing and our supper talk. I wish we have more time for group sharing but well.. it’s enough. I guess we just like to sidetrack and chat a little sometimes.

Also, there’s this thing about writing a note to campers. It’s hard to write for some but I know it’s certainly for a good cause.
And also, meijiea ask the children to make cards at the end of children camp. I am so glad to receive one card too. Yeah.. it’s just nice. Once again, thank you Javan.

Shomerim is so adult now. That we have 4 people able to drive a car and 3 of them have something to drive during this period of time. “Next phase of life” is what it’s all about. It’s an exciting phase to some but to many it’s also a scary phase for we dun know what’s on tmr. But as Christian, we all know that He who controls tmr is the one holding our hand.

Being left out. I guess I am facing it gradually. It’s a fact that I need to either embrace or change. Changing can be in the form of changing mentality or changing my personality. Certain facts of life are just cruel.
Just like botao cannot fit in cause people can nv understand his language. Because of communication prob, he cannot learn the language. Catch 22 situation.
Some kid cannot relate to the rest cos the rest are cleverer. One cannot make oneself cleverer. So how? LLST lor. Catch 22 again.
Some cliques chat and talk about others, the things others do provide the platform of communication for the clique. If the other join the clique, the clique have nth to talk and hence nth exciting happens hence. But the excitement when the other leave. Whose fault?
In this world, there are loners, some by default, some by problems. Will there be one by choice..

want to blog a lot but..

bought a new hp. feel very happy. now i can take better pictures. =)

really have many things to say.. but dun know how to start with little time.
till then.. i will keep them in my mind.

uploaded some photos to show off to myself my 2.0 megapix phone. i know it's so common and it's quite an old phone leh. . but i can only buy it recently with a trade in and 2year contract. =)

the shoes, i think are nice. but very ex.~

children~ =p

kids in my church. =p ya.. can see how much i will like to dote them.

birthday photos

birthday dinner photos. ~ in my photo gallery ~

http://www.dreamerize.com/myphotos/thumbnails.php?album=9

bdae cele