smile

a smile is the best form of makeup. it's really really true.

if you dun smile, people dun bother with you , you feel sadder, and you will look uglier.. so. ernest.. pls start smiling.. or bettter still con't to smile.. pls

ops room

yes yes yes!!! i am on duty again.. !! feel so sian... so many things to do, no time in office to do.. argh.. it's time to ORD.

ops room duty

yeah.. on duty again.. normal routine. blog to tell myself that i am on duty again!

when will i get pay rise!!!!! argh

birthdayS

oh no.. i forgot yuwei's birthday is coming! hm.. felt quite guity bout it.. anyway.

ya.. next one is wah wah. in nov.. better remember.

new layout

yeah.. finally, a new layout.. erm.. not sayin that this is better but i think i am sick of the previous one.. that one seems so cluttered. this is better.. hehe..

but, sad to say,.. my whole webpage isn't up and so does the church and shomerim page.. sigh.. dun know when then i can finish them. maybe i need expertise which i dun have...yet! hehe.

wish to get a printer. wish to print out my blog and archive them. rev phillip heng tells us bout his diary dated back all the way to 1955.. wow..

it's good to write down.. and see how God has dealt with me thru my life.. =)

thoughts.

i think the above is one of my most commonly used title..

a few days ago.. on a tuesday.

went to tekong to collect docket and of cos.. will visit wah wah.. finally get to see him on tekong island. 2 times he's out field/out of camp(wits course) and 1 time he's sleeping! he says he's too lazy to walk out.. of his watever.. block,office etc.. erm.. wondering what kind of life is he having..

i will say, yuwei has the best life among us all.. taking into consideration, stay in/out, pay, jobscope, distance from camp and all the shit work we are having.. weilun has the worst of all.. i think.. for me and huawei? erm.. hard to determine.. diff cat altogether, i stay out, he more pay, mine is far from house, his is offshore(but he stay in and can wake up damn late, assuming no parents call to scold him lah.. =)))

if i have cliques, weiming etc.. is one. and they are the 2nd one.. can't think of other cliques i have in school...

back to office at bout 1300hrs.. and i talk to mrs seet bout wong's job, problems.. etc..
sigh.. kind of disappointed with her. i think my impression of her is quite shaken. and of cos, i know she is not takin in my views. i think she even think that i am crossin my line to talk bout such issues.. but can't she see that the only reason why i even bother to talk to her, is that i think she's avail/willing to listen. i am tryin to be nice to tell her what's the ground opinion about her, that maybe she can do something.. or maybe it can be a 2-way thing. but i guess she's not compromising her stand..i dun know, may be management level is as such that you cannot be too soft in case you are being taken advantage of...

i really dun know what i am doing is right or wrong. i dun know what's my role.. maybe i should jus shut up and do my stuffs.. but yet..

i help ken to talk to maj wee bout reducing his duties cos he's helping my side for mob. (i nv tot i will dare to do such thing) help wong to air his prob (at least bring up or tryin to help) dun know lah..

oh yes.. i am going for EX HN! meaning i can clear my leave 2 weeks earlier. come back for ex, then ORD.....~ yeah..

ops room duty

yes.. on duty again..

actually i am not an effective/efficient worker at all.. just a country bumpkin who is more willing to work. in the land of slackers, i stand... so what? doens't mean that i am good. just that i choose not to be the bad guy.. argh.. so pissed with myself... why am i nv going to be capable.. but always tagging upon others... or being made to appear as if.. when i am not..

argh.. lousy.

ord mood

happy one year soldier

time flies.. and i am waiting for the opportunity to write happy 2-year soldier email to all..

double_o

After months of not partying. It was no wonder I
was the first to arrive.

It was also strange to the younger ones in the
group that I have never visited this joint.

When all the kakis arrived, we headed for the
queue. Kanny was the latest but he led the charge
and soon disappeared into the crowds.

Tequila, bourbon, vodka or beer? We picked 2
bottles of Tequila and were offered a seat.

Phone rang and Steph arrived. So did the rest of
the crowd.

Drink dance. Dance drink. Smoke talk. Before u
know it, dizziness sets in. Are the people and
dance floor moving and turning or is it my head
spinning. People look lovelier in this lighting and
smoke.

Nothing lasts forever, time to go. Super night.
Supper time. Live for another night to double o.
--written by the prose-prone Carey..

was supposed to be there.. but gave up the idea.. since i am not drinkin and i dun want to be a sore thumb there.. let it be.. but i am definitely honoured to be invited to join. thanks Carey, Desmond and Kenny~

why blog

-My Xanga-: "well aniwae i'm qt sick of u noe... updating wad happens in my life everyday in my blog... "

i think blogging, maybe it's to update your friends or your readers about your life or the happenings.. but i think most importantly, thru the type of content/style/language etc.. you are letting others know what kind of person you are..

hm.. so, what kind of person have i shown myself to be? i guess.. erm.. whiner~

don't quit

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you are trudging seems uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile but you have to sigh,
Rest if you must but don’t you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns.
And many a fellow turns about,
When he might have won tad he struck it out.
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than it seems to a faint and faltering man.
Often the struggler had given up when he might have captured the victor’s cup.
And he learnt too late when the night came down
How close was he to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the cloud of doubt
And you can never tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar.
So stick to the sight when you are hit the hardest,
It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit!

Bible Gateway : JOHN 12;

Bible Gateway : JOHN 12;: "26 If any man serve me, let him follow me; and where I am, there shall also my servant be: if any man serve me, him will my Father honour."

verse shared to me by a.mee mee.. yes.. this verse has been one of my impt verse noted since young..

i need to set God's place right in my life.. meanwhile.. let me try harder..

why?

publishing a web is so damn easy..

www.multiply.com and it will provide everythign i wanted to have.. damn it..

why am i so lousy. argh..

i am still not well.. dun talk to me

still have gotten over thigns..

how business is done

Jack: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : 'I will choose my own bride'.
Jack: 'But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter.'
Son : 'Well, in that case...'

Next Jack approaches Bill Gates.
Jack: 'I have a husband for your daughter.'
Bill Gates : 'But my daughter is too young to marry.'
Jack: 'But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank.' Bill
Gates : 'Ah, in that case...'

Finally Jack goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Jack: 'I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.'
President : 'But I already have more vice-presidents than I need.'
Jack: 'But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law.'
President : 'Ah,in that case.....'"

if the above is true.. i have to get ready.. to NOT survive in the real world

a 3rd time required

disappointed, though expected.

now, utterly regretful. yet unrepented.

i am lost.. lack of focus.. lack of confidence.. it's right to say that you cannot get things right if your heart is not right with God..

my room is in a mess.. it can be in a mess cos i dun neeed it to be productive.. now.. i think it's time to pack them.. time is running out.. 2005 is near..

dun know what to say.. let me go wild for this week..

2nd chance

time to go.. premonition? erm.. dun know.. it will be the best if God is with me.

blogger nav bar

i think the nav bar is really bring in visitors.. heem.. good or bad? erm.. dun knwo..

blog craze

hmnm.. it's really quite common for people to have blog nowadays. and i bet the initial intentions of having a blog varies for each individual. and i also think that the intentions will change over time. at least that's very true for me.

this blog started off as a secret blog.. just to vent/rant/complain... at the same time, hoping that one day my friends will STUMBLE across the blog and know my inner feelings. yes.. i am very 'one kind', refuse to tell people what am i feeling yet hope that they will understand me.. =(

then, after sharing my blgo with jevin, then ruyi etc.. etc.. and now, this blog is erm.. open for all liao.. so my style of writing does change over time as well..

liangkiang started a blog too.. and he says he wants it to be private. hm.. wonder how long will he keep it private, wonder how often will he update? =) but i am definitely very honoured to have his 'private' blog address.. really. erm.. i guess i should i have shown some signs of excitment when he tells me the address. but, as usual, i didn't. acting nonchalent when i am not again. =(

liang kiang, if you are readin this, thanks for sharing.~

ohana

Do you know what the word FAMILY means?
FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU

if you have the time... read on.. there's a reason why i would put the story in my blog. cos i felt something stirring in my heart after readin...

-----

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning disabled children,the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question. "When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?"

The audience was stilled by the query. The father continued. "I believe, that when a child like Shay comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes, in the way other people treat that child."

Then he told the following story:
Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, "Do you think they'll let me play?" Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging. Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked if Shay could play.

The boy looked around for guidance and, getting none, he took matters into his own hands and said, "We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning." In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the outfield. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat. At this juncture, let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?

Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible 'cause Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball. However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least be able to make contact.

The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game. Instead, the pitcher took the ball and turned and threw the ball on a high arc to right field, far beyond the reach of the first baseman. Everyone started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!" Never in his life had Shay ever made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second!" By the time Shay rounded first base, the right fielder had the ball. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions and intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head. Shay ran toward second base as the runners ahead of him deliriously circled the bases toward home. Shay reached second base, the opposing shortstop ran to him, turned him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third!"

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams were screaming, "Shay, run home!" Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the "grand slam" and won the game for his team. "That day," said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, "the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world."

----

but after pasting the above story in my blog.. i think bout myself. if i were Shay, i wouldn't be really happy. i dun like people to give in to me. this roots back to my problem of winning. when i win, i will think that the opponent is giving me chance, and i wun be happy. if i lose, of cos i will also be happy. what is the problem with me? pride! i have to solve this disgusting sinful nature of mine.. God help me.

met friend on street

met wanfen at citylink today. she's walking in my opp direction. i asked where is she going and she said that she's going home. then i wondered, "huh? isn't she supposed to be in my same direct? to go to the MRT?" upon further asking, she realised that she's walking towards the wrong direction for MRT. yes.. she's walking towards suntec, thinkin that that's the direction to bring her to the MRT.. haha..

cannot blame her also lah.. she's talking to her xin huan on the phone... so, which means, it's over between wayne and her. erm.. i probed further and ask bout her mother etc... seems that thigns are better now. without wayne, more time spent with mom. and her mom is also getting better.. =) glad for her..

i am glad that i asked. most of the time, i dun ask and i dun get to know wat happened and start to feel lousy for not knowing.. ernest, learn to ask and probe if you wish to know more about others..

wanfen says that her group of friends are trying to cut an album. presently doing the recording.. she asked if i want to help with their lyrics.. haha.. so glad that she thinks i can still write.. but can i ? i dun know.. maybe i will try.. maybe..

hope she will con't to be well.

outing at airport

had a nice time at the airport with the following people:

a.mee mee, shuping, shuhui, esther, rachel, jeshua, javan, lingqin, tengyan, edmund, jiannan, jianjun, baoyan, daniel, xiuyi, timothy, caleb and ernest(me). (pai ming bu fen xian hou)

i must say that the children had a good time running around like nobody's business. jeshua being forever active (guo dong er)
javan, always so 'slow' in actions, taking time as a luxury, doing things in his own pace, steadily~
esther, so seriously playing
rachel, so frivolously talking
jianjun, an adult among the kids.
baoyan, sigh.. chi ruan bu chi ying.

have a good time in the skytrain, moving to and fro T1 and T2.hehe.. talking and chatting. have a good time in the van, talking and cracking jokes.

something bout the kids... (as we all were when we were kids). they are thinking and learning individuals who will think and assess all the instructions given by adults. often, their logical feelings bout our instructions are valid. i remember how much i 'hate' my parents for making unreasonable/stupid instructions to me. so, let me/us be more cautious while talkin to children. let us not chide them jus becos they are children... of cos, as an adult (yes.. i am 20 liao) we all understand that some instructions will never be understood by children cos they are still young. jus as we dun comprehend God's will at times.

after a night of walking/strolling , sightseeing, playing in the airport we made our way back home. and my dear bro did something so unethical/inconsiderate. he actually played with the fire extinguisher. argh.. so frustrated cos he's so old and yet so careless/... also dun knwo what to say. shan't con't...

and then, we have a good time going home. thanks to the driver of the day (a. mee mee) and the veh comd (caleb). . .

occassionally, when the situation allows, ECA(extra-church-activity) is good, for fellowship and fun.

AVP

alien vs predator

watched the show with zixiang, alvin, james, wee, jason, etc.. (my 155 basc coursemates). thanks to zixiang, the organiser. =) it takes a lot of energy to organise. andi really wonder wat motivates me to organise stuffs in the past? the love for the people? the crave for popularity? to need to feel important? a way to score point? the consciousness of people's opinion? the urge to develop oneself? i dun know...

anyway, except for zixiang, the rest says that AVP isn't a good movie. erm.. for me? actually i also think that AVP is quite nice. but dint say much. let zixiang to be centre of attention for being the only one thinking that it;s nice.

it's plot isn't well-developed. and i agree that the characters died off too fast before/jus after we feel for their characters. but i think that the beginning of the movie is quite good. it gives me the thrill and i got quite scared, hehe... and the actions/communication between the predator and human is so erm.. lame/funnie/weird that i find it amusing.. and got a good laugh.

the movie ended with an explosion.. which constitute to the plotlessness of the story. after discovering that the aliens are too many or too diff to handle, they use a bomb to blow everything up..

but got a nice time going out with them.. =)

cinderalla story

watched the show at 1930 with jiwei. it's a happily-ever-after story. =) it's nice to watch light-hearted shows like that.

the girl is quite pretty and the guy is good-looking. prince charming and his princess. wonderful.

at the end of the show, the girl said, ".. and we lived happily ever after ... i am just a freshman.."

so.. happily ever after happens only when you are young?

this reminds me of shrek the movie. about what happens to the characters after the happily ever after...

army open house

went to aoh today... supposed to report at 0945hrs at jurong interchange to take attendane, but at that time, i just finsih my bath.. anyway, called wendy to tell her that i will go myself.. glad that she took my word for it. called u.alvin to go together.. and hence spending the day at the place with him.

met zhengheng there.. he's at one counter.. dun expect to see him so soon after course.
met chee tat, he's explaining some vehicle there.. but most of the time helping kids to climb into the vehicle and play with the watever.
met allan, he's in the same unit as chee tat.
dint get to see weilun.. though i made my way to the range.. but alas.. too bad lor.. haven't seen him for long time.. really would like to catch up with him. but still, get to fired m16.. yes.. i am pathetic.. it's my first time~

i am blessed with good weather. not sunny at all.. though it rained but it doesn't really matter~ it's just a short downpour.

i think AOH is quite something and i will say it's quite a success. it provides entertainment for the public and especially the Kids~ and i am impressed that the public get to fire... wow. and the logistic is really quite something.. enough buses and carparks.. and the queues, may be long, but fast-moving.

i should walk on...

U2- Walk On
from the album "All That You Can't Leave Behind"

And love
Is not the easy thing
The only baggage
That you can bring
Not the easy thing
The only baggage you can bring
Is all that you can't leave behind

And if the darkness is to keep us apart
And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off
And if your glass heart should crack
And for a second you turn back
Oh no, be strong

Walk on
Walk on
What you got, they can't steal it
No they can't even feel it
Walk on
Walk on
Stay safe tonight

You're packing a suitcase for a place
None of us has been
A place that has to be believed
To be seen

You could have flown away
A singing bird
In an open cage
Who will only fly
Only fly for freedom

Walk on
Walk on
What you got
You can't deny it
Can't sell it or buy it
Walk on
Walk on
You stay safe tonight

And I know it aches
How your heart it breaks
You can only take so much

Walk on
Walk on
Home
Hard to know what it is
If you never had one

Home
I can't say where it is
But I know I'm going

Home
That's where the hurt is

And I know it aches
And your heart it breaks
You can only take so much
Walk on

Leave it behind
You've got to leave it behind

All that you fashion
All that you make
All that you build
All that you break

All that you measure
All that you feel
All this you can leave behind

All that you reason
All that you care

It's only time
And I'll never fill up all my mind(???)

All that you sense
All that you scheme
All you dress up
And all that you see

All you create
All that you wreck
All that you hate
--------
copied from yuwei's blog. the above and his writings stirred me...

1st day back to work

back in the office, blogging using i-net. sigh.. really dun have the heart to work liao leh.. so diff to concentrate. so diff to remember the things. and so diff to know what's my purpose in the office liao.. start to think that erm.. maybe i should be evacuated. maybe i should be eliminated.

how? want to work also cannot cos wong is using my computer.

end of 155th basc

end of course. tmr have to go back offfice liao.. just hope that nothign will cock up tmr.. things will run smoothly.~

what have i gotten from the course/ erm.. i dun know .. dun seem to knwo anyone well enough to con't some friendship.. sad.. will like to knwo everyone better but as usual, my introvert nature is difficult for me to step out of my comfort zone`

best trainee is Alvin.. yes.. agreed.. he's truely positive, capping his results at a certain standard.. impt thing is his attitude lah.. quite positive.

2nd best is Nicholas!! huh>? out of the blue and i bet every one thinks alike as well. he's not paying attention in class.. not interested... only concern is to get A so that his chiefl clerk will not tekan him in office.. always talking to rahul~ haha.. he's surprised lor.. he himself also dun understand the situation..

anyway, 3/4 of the class gotten A grade. i am not surprised.. that's they results of having a class of 3As and above JC students . . . isn't it?

winston keep sayin that i am eyeing for best trainee~.. actually, not really. i am really not. i am more concern with what do i really want in life. 3 weeks with them left me thinkin that i am the only one without aim destination in life. some of them have definite goals in life. Jason, doing his MLM, and he is working on it still, trying to afford his own education. Dexter has his scholarship, Edwin has his money overseas. Winston, yucheng aiming for studies abroad. Zixiang workign on his non-profit arts organisation. suraj, knowing and tryin to strive for good results. so.. where am i heading to?

God help me.~