if you dun hear from me anymore

one day, if you realise that i hav stop talking to this space. i have shifted to another place to talk to myself. you should know what's the next address... if you can infer enough. or you can ask from me, that's only if the past 3 and a half years of whining hasn't put you away. =)

dear diary

was reading my interpersonal communication textbook and there's a picture that they use to illustrate a person with low self esteem:

a guy was writing with a sad face : "dear diary, sorry to bother you again... "

so? what does that mean bout bloggers who whine. nope.. nothing is absolute.

---

what's the main highlight of today that i can talk about? i dun know. nothing. and that's precisely why i am here blogging. sudden change of atmosphere. the corridor is empty and quiet. it's the time of the year. yesh. have to study.

at the same time, here to remind myself about the things to do:
1. finish up projector, get quotes for mics (doing)
2. finish up filing for church events
3. study
4. keep positive, make the choice.

things that i am happy about...
1. the availablity of people talking to me. i guess it's right to give myself the 2nd chance to stay hall again.
2. nice classmates and lecture partners who helped me so much. one day i shall be as motivated.

however, trying not to neglect..
my family. my friends.

when you cheong together

someone out there, dun like to commit
dun like to cheong
dun like to be exhasted.

someone out there, slacking one corner
wishing to be involved
wishing that he's part of the blood and sweat

someone out there, lament for not putting in effort
complain for not being in the group
sadden over the lack of common experience

it's a tough job, and you dun wish to take it up.
however, when you see people enduring it thru
you wish you were part of them.

that's the irony

自闭

有些人喜欢以伤害自己来报复，来传达信息。可惜别人往往只会讶异/惊奇的看待你的举动。所以，就算大家是真心对你，使你的朋友，如果你不把新们敞开，小动作/明示或是暗示也都不可能对方“正确”的对待你。因为，你太难以捉摸了。
所以，尽量不要自闭。因为虽是求救的信号，但不是每个人能察觉到的。何必然自己处在一个可能窒息的情况下等待支援，不如敞开胸襟，带着微笑，迎接一切。

你，不要太执著了。

love actually

watched love acutally in the middle of the night. a wonderful movie which encompass many forms of love. cross culture and wiling to bridge the difference by learning the language; puppy love which buds with the encouragement of a father; love developed over comfortable conversation; loving family above bf, a miss in romance but the family ties bond; love of a prime minister; love of a commoner; love forgives and forbear when the other party strays from the marriage; loving your friend's wife and one day making his love known and being acknowledge with a little kiss is enough.

i wonder how nice it is to be like the movie, where you shows your love and get reciprocated. it seems that if you put in your heart into it, you will be appreciated. the prob is, some people in life just couldnt put his whole heart into it. he has other agenda in mind and things to account for. i guess he will fall under that girl who loves responsibility above romance... and of cos, for her, love dint bloom.

and so it seems... that love is being portrayed in a free expression. i am kinda shaken by my own definition of love. i have nv experienced my own version before for too long a time that i start to wonder if it will appear.

level 6 supper

i used to post such pictures now and then in my blog and other group blogs.. such as shom blog. however, shom blog has evolved into another purpose and i guess my original motive and intention of a group blog can be found else where. the question is, how long will it take to find its own meaning of a group blog? until it's the people who matters and not the content.

satire

i dun even know how to spell that high-brow word but if you are reading this, you get what it supposed to mean..

quoting a friend who says that blogs are for fags. it seems indeed that it's not dignified for a grown-up man to be whining to no avail but should be rightful in his fight and pursue for ideals. which leads to many exciting blogs we see online.

mr brown is well known by all for his guts and opinions made public. however, it was much a concern for garmen (quoting rockson.blogspoot, which incidentally is another opinionated blog) that one person's opinion made public may influence and sway innocents minds to a skewed perspective. maybe i can justify which a theory i have learnt in school, NUS, the self-proclaim world class university, that sometimes when a person is confused, another person's interpretation could hav given him the convenient platform to board and assume his thoughts. so maybe the garmen's concern is not unfounded.

then it goes to people who gives insightful writings about religion. it's especially to gain appluase from general public when you are writing from a "objective" view and commenting on the religions which are, in the eyes of many, causing trouble. the clever and wise (if you think they are) people seemed to hav objectively found the root problems of conflicting interests. as what my DM in sch school hav said, 宗教是用来谋人类的福利的， 不是吗？历史上有的是君王用宗教和思想来控制人们。千万不要反过来被宗教控制。however is it true? it's a matter of your worldview. (if little ark pple are reading, wonder if you can relate to your lessons)

does it only takes famous bloggers to give satire and remarks about situations? nope. there are natural writers who engaged people to keep up with their blog entries becos of their views on things happening around, e.g. hall. and that is what SHAM set forth to do. to be a voice for shearites. www.sheares.nus.edu.sg/shamnet to be a voice to speak about things unsaid. good intention but i guess more gutsy opinions are needed.

things have been said about life in hall bout no one has said much about JCRC. isnt' that what sham is supposed to do? people hav been talking about the order of comms opening is wrecking plans of year ones who tries to accumulate enough points to stay for next year. seniors do comment that publicity is up by a notch this year. and all these are left talking in the rooms only.. sham sham. live up your name.

till now, i have failed to achieve my aim. that is to write about things and comment about happenings. reason for failing? i am not aware of what's going on. i am stucked with things i am not very interested at this moment and yet not engaging myself in things that really interests me. a frog in the well i am becoming.

感情

一直迟迟不想blog. 也许因为自己也不知道要怎么面对自己。

最近生活波折重重，不论学业，人际，经济 等 都碰钉子。当然，我与神的关系也在往下滑。问题的根源我当然清楚， 但要忍痛断根绝非容易。

感情是一个烦人的东西。没有的时候就在怀疑自己为何那么的“无情”。但如果命中出现了心仪的人，就如杨过吃了情花果--有苦难言,难以自拔. 如果自己偏偏又是一个毫无自信的人,往往就会被一坛又一坛的醋淹没窒息.

抽身看看状况,不难发现,自己不过是在扑风捉影. 一切会是昙花一现般的过去, 我又在执著什么呢?说得容易...
我也希望能兼顾学业,可是,当一切都不顺意,自己还真得很想放弃.

one prob to another

problems arising and compounded. i dun know how to move on... i also dun know how to put into words for i dun want all the people to know about it.
i am tired of trying to match up to someone i cannot be. when you are young, you emulate your older brothers, when you get old, sometimes you try to be a good example. i tot i can, but i realise often i dun. i dun know how to draw the line between being high up there or being trodded down to the same or even lower level. friendships are often exchanged, to me, in terms of joy and jokes. okie,i am just superficial.

back to my prob.. that's is.. i kinda solved one big prob by encountering another big prob. i feel like i can identify with all the people i can think of who are CMI..

aregh

lack of focus

the root cause of prob is that i dun get what i want and i dun go and try to get what i want. being a slacker too much.

today a lot of pple cut their hair.. js, kel, acutlaly only a few but it feels like a lot. i want to cut my hair too...

jianguo says that i am ostracising myself.. and i am almost a phamtom. well.. i dun know.. have i really done that? js also say the same thing and i wonder why... which is the specific actions?

can anyone tell me: do your clinque includes pple who wish to be in your grp or do you exclude pple whom you dun like them to be in the group. subconsciouly u will just move on to the destination when you see your friends have reached. for those whom no one is looking out for.. too bad lor... is whining a choice? or is it a cry for help?

dint blog a lot.. recently.. cos ... a guess there are things recently that i wish to tell and not to disclose.. recently tired of disclosing myself thru the blog and blog only. i need to be a physical being out there and not here..

tests on the way.. i know the results cannot be that good.. but please.. somehow good pls..

信 :: it's my middle name

凡 你 们 祷 告 祈 求 的 ， 无 论 是 甚 么 ， 只 要 信 是 得 着 的 ， 就 必 得 着 。

我想很明显的, 我越来越不仰望 神. 每日的祷告, 没有确实的信. 今天, 我忽然想在这方面积极的努力. 从今天,开始观察,记录我所到到高的东西, 并且列出,好让大家(尤其是我) 知道, 信是能移山倒海的.

staying in hall still

currently, no doubt that time in hall has taken a part of me..
let me review what i set off to do in hall... to find a purpose in hall..
i guess.. i am not there...

unknowingly i am in sham tech crew and sp. but i kinda wanna give up sham.. dun know why.. need more incentive to work for sham..

friends, i guess plays a part. and that's also the next reason i am trying to acquire for me to stay on. the reason is not valid yet.. and yeah.. still finding..

it's the personality thing. i just cant get out of my box.

anyway.. i always dislike people whom i find them starkling similar to me. esp when i find that their behaviors are those that i hate most and yet i knwo i am behaving like them.. and i found a person whom i kinda dun like cos he is too much like me. or should i say, i am speaking and behaving like him which i dun like!!!

time to break free.

mid term break. ! jia you

just like to blog

just feel like writing something on my blog.. it's like.. erm.. i want to find some wall to talk to and here it is.. my blog..

a few things that i am trying to decide has been decided. vbs is on. erm.. guess it's a combination of factor.. like elder william, it's doign something that is for Him. to be committed. i have a cause to commit to. i guess this is right.

been thinking bout money matters.. guess i have to resort to erm.. the not very nice way.. to tide over for the time being.

my tests hasn't been good. i dun find the quesiton difficult. i know.. it's laziness. it's really quite easy.. sigh.. it's a combination of factors.. the lousy lab experience and i just feel that the whole results be it lab report and tests.. it just shux.. i want to get out of the cycle.

that's my last line. i have 7 more weekly tests to go and i cannot afford to flop in any one of them anymore. no more 2nd chance.

time to loook upon Him..
when i want to slack, tell meself, i cannot, for this is my duty to study
when i want to give up, tell myself, i cannot be failing cos He is my help
when i want to run away, tell myself, this is the path He has brought me thus far.

try harder!

1 Peter 5:7 (King James Version)

7Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

. test on this thurs

. test every monday morning

. able to do tutorial

. ability to spend time with family

. easily be a friendly person and people being a friend to me.

of comms and ability

it's time of the near when the people all around are trying to secure people do production, chairmanship and all...

i was at first thinking of organising vbs.. but later, i kinda feel it weird to do so cos my heart attitude is erm.. i dun know if i am right to organise it. if i cannot even organise camps, why can i do vbs? somehow, i think i am not a good person to work with.

sndcc has been to a close.. thinking about myself, i guess i am not a good person to work with too. as usual it's my expression. in the end, my counterpart finds it hard to relate to me or maybe he dint even try to lah.. but the fact is, it shows that i am not an encouraging co-worker whom pple will find to talk to.

but yingying tries to find me for smb. according to her is becos of IT skills. i wonder how much am i over-rated.

tris asked me if i am interested in production. he's trying to find a producer. if he's going to be a producer, he says that he's confident in me to be one of his managing pple personnel. i wonder, how true.

cos back to sndcc, i nv get to convince pple. i dint get to push yip to do the lift upgrading project cos i tot it's too hard on him. i dint get to paint a nice colourful with shading banner cos they just simply dun believe that i can work with colours. or i just cant push them to higher standards. even my balloons decor was highly worried and doubted by paulene. yip was easily and conveniently saying that the number of balloons i have was not enough. it's not easy to do. and things like that.

sk was trying to find pple to chair flag. can see that he thinks ivan is of a calibre to do so.. he asked me bout it too but i guess he's not pinning much hope on me. =) pros and cons. it could be that i have rejected very plainly or i am just a side and peripheral.

back to vbs. in the sight of the Lord, it's when you think you are of nobody, then you are somebody to God. the humble spirit is necessary. i rethink bout my experience with the past few church stuffs. i am involved, as a convenient manpower i would think. that shouldn't be a wrong thing. why should i care about how pple see as long as i am willing to be of use to God. but the number of people in church, and the pool of people working together has kinda marginalised the type of things i am doing. just as chairing a com in hall, being the coordinator for vbs to me, the first and foremost impt thing is the people who will straightway support you and join you in the team.

when sndcc has ended... is there going to be a new comn to join? should i? oh ya.. sham radio, i forgot. i am supposed to be in it. okie.. i shall stay with it.

talking bout sham radio, i start o feel lousy bout my publicity. recent comns have kinda demolish my ideals about publicity. or maybe i should venture out for newer fields. maybe. so what's next? where does my abilities lies?

时候时机

电视剧里常常说，不是任何人的错，错只错在时间。在我自怜说自己为何没有像今年这般新生一样，有那么多好玩，好（第4声）玩 的一群人 的时候。我也许要看看周围和我一样的人。

在我很想和其他人浑成一团的时候，我发现，我也不是很努力的把allan当成是自己这一届的朋友。下一步怎么走, 我就看下一群然我自然融入的那一群吧。

how people do things

i rem during rag, when jk was shouting like crazy over the time and duration and the nubmer of people in the box.. i heard some people commenting over the mad cry and shouting. to some, it's a lack of composure, to others may be a means to get impt things done. who is to judge? whose opinions matter most? i think we all know the answer.. God's opinions is most impt.

saying is easy but how often can i seek His approval before i seek to please people. why do people want to please people? cos they want to feel popular among the people... they feel that with more people liking them, they can be a better and happier person.

how do i push for my agenda is a prob. when i tot this is the best for people, it may not be. judgements are flawed for me.. or maybe cos i cannot think like the majority. things that i think should be is not what it is. sigh.. the main thing is, do i ever have to, or need to, or should, push for my own agenda to be delivered.

i wish i can motivate people to work.. i wish.

how people do things

i rem during rag, when jk was shouting like crazy over the time and duration and the nubmer of people in the box.. i heard some people commenting over the mad cry and shouting. to some, it's a lack of composure, to others may be a means to get impt things done. who is to judge? whose opinions matter most? i think we all know the answer.. God's opinions is most impt.

saying is easy but how often can i seek His approval before i seek to please people. why do people want to please people? cos they want to feel popular among the people... they feel that with more people liking them, they can be a better and happier person.

how do i push for my agenda is a prob. when i tot this is the best for people, it may not be. judgements are flawed for me.. or maybe cos i cannot think like the majority. things that i think should be is not what it is. sigh.. the main thing is, do i ever have to, or need to, or should, push for my own agenda to be delivered.

i wish i can motivate people to work.. i wish.

draw the line

i can still remember the time when i deliberately thought that being slow in thoughts and things is actually not bad. but i guess it's no longer. but i am still very lazy. lazy to react.. rather.. i choose to trust that people will not do things that require me to react fast in order to save my life.

am i naive?

devotion

路得记 3:16-18
[16] 路 得 回 到 婆 婆 那 里 ， 婆 婆 说 ： 女 儿 啊 ， 怎 么 样 了 ？ 路 得 就 将 那 人 向 他 所 行 的 述 说 了 一 遍 ，
[17] 又 说 ： 那 人 给 了 我 六 簸 箕 大 麦 ， 对 我 说 ： 你 不 可 空 手 回 去 见 你 的 婆 婆 。
[18] 婆 婆 说 ： 女 儿 啊 ， 你 只 管 安 坐 等 候 ， 看 这 事 怎 样 成 就 ， 因 为 那 人 今 日 不 办 成 这 事 必 不 休 息 。


truly, there are times when we are supposed to do nothing but to wait. it's when we have done our part and we know that our worrying will not add a stature to His thoughts. if so, just leave it to Him and wait for Him to take care of us.

however.. it's when we hae done our part. often i have not done my utmost.. that's why i choose to worry.. esp when you know that you have not done enough and i am afraid that God will not be please with my little doings. so.. it's time to improve..

1. do the things without slacking.. with the utmost effort.. so that you can have the assurance and peace to rest after working!!!

jia you

johari window

was explaining to ivan what is johari's window. and i was even thinking in my mind and trying to explain what does the windows help in the EQ of the person. if eq is about knowing yourself and behaving in the way people will like you.. then..

crap.. dun know what am i talking....

skip skip

recently, i haerd bout this person being capable but not people oriented. i see for myself people who flare up during the heat or the peak of the event. i saw people that i really taken my hat off them. i also see people who was a nice guy but yet people dun like to listen to him.

it goes back to the same prob. that is only the choleric persons are heard. as much as they are hated or being commented, the fact is very true that they are being heard. so... if you wish to be heared.. are you willing to take upon that personality?

i am oversensitive.. i see a little of me in terms of thinking/behavior/emotions in everyone. i feel that i can emphathize with a lot a lot of people but i will never know if my feeling is accurate or not.

will talk next time.. blah! tired. need to sleep!!!

wallowing in the blog

that;s what ivan say about myself..

okie.. so? i sitll have to jot down what i have to say to myself. =)

2nd chance

i am still holding on to my second chance.. but there's this force that is sucking me back to my hole.. what is that force?

1. the self hallucination that i am not needed..
indeed, less me one no less.. but less me one == i lose many many.. so not worth it..

2. blhab lah

dun know lah.. just trying to blog.. something.

blog surf one of the nights.. and easily found ernnie and kenneth blog.. hav a little insights bout their life.. also found jianhui blog.. if i knew him trhu his blog.. i wil lhave a different opinions of him.. wat the hell.. why am i looking and knowing people thru this virutal realm..

get a life.

3rd run this month

i had my 3rd run this month. thank God for new friends to ask me for run. as what i have told yunika today... i am asking myself why am i staying in hall for the 2nd year. i think i know the answer. that's to give myself a second chance. to catch up with the things that i nv get to experience in year 1.

back in year one, i think i am happier in sem 2, when my com started. i must say that i am dependent on others. and the people in my coms are good in making people feel at ease and home. francis said, "whenever i see you, you are doing CMB stuffs". i guess i dun wish to hide in my room all day.. but what can i do when people around me are just as such.. fuhua hang out with his smoke gang; zhihan busy with medicine; sumeet not understandable; sukiang and kai xiang busy with themselves; weiwei in his final year tho he entertained me the most. no big clique to allow me to hide in the confidence of crowd, and hence no reason for me to crawl out of my hole. even during runs.. erm.. i tot i am pretty much as good as running alone.. when they were passing their handball around. i am just not warmed up enough or open up enough.

this year is a second chance ba. i am a changed man or so i thought. i realise as much as i like to be funnie. i am tryin too hard

rule number one: dun ever repeat things that you meant it to be funnie unless it's very necessary.

back to what i want to say.. i want to thank God for people around me this year who somehow allows me a little chance to talk more. and to play more. however, i need to change one more thing about me. that's the look as if i am joking when i am joking. i guess people are afraid to joke with me or reciprocate jokes becos i am over tense and taking their joking comments too seriously.

learning pt: i guess i must learn to listen and accept and change but not giving a very sad serious reaction when i hear comments.

thank God for tech crew com treat today.. had a nice meal.. but talking bout chairing tech crew. i guess junxiong is the wanted choice.. for he's indeed a better people person. his percieved composure is added trust from people. if i going to take up chairperson role this year, i must make sure i learn along the way.

lyrics

my friend asked me to scribble somethign for him.. so.. here it goes..

擦肩而过但总会回眸一眼
注意你生活上的点滴　但只是为了暗暗记在心里
以朋友的名义试着靠近　称兄道弟却是我最乐观的期望

这些你不会知道

相知到你心里有谁　不盼望自己有一席之位
只希望在你恋爱过程　有一军师的地位
问你明天的节目　不是为了参与
只想默默祝福你每天的一切

我不会让你知道　

三人电影　五人晚餐　七人游戏
独自幻想　一人发呆　单人壁球

我是

我是一个害羞内向的人。经常用无理头的谈话掩饰自己的无知；用大声地说话弥补自己的不存在；以在网上的活跃来充当现实生活的兴奋。

开始的时候我总能乐观面对，直到大家混熟了之后，我就过分自知自明的抽离现场。似乎等到大家都认识对方后，格外的突出我是那么的一怪胎。在无话题，无共识的情况下，我选择离开。

刚开学，我还能“兴奋”， “乐观参与” 多久，我不知道。but i am a changed new man. at least that's what i have been saying. i will change.

找出时间来玩dota, 跑步、踢球等。希望能激励我面对生活上不能避免的竞争。不怕输，勇往直前。

devotion

圣徒菲力普•布洛（Phillips Brooks 1835-1893）曾说过：“不要祈求舒适的生活，要祈求成为坚强的男人和女人；不要祈求工作適合自己的能力，要祈求有足够能力来完成工作；这样，完成你的工作就不再是件神迹，而是你本身变成那神迹。每一天你将为自己，以及神按恩典给你的丰盛生命感到惊叹。”

weiming and yanhan's birthday

rag, a dream

what have i done during the 3mth holiday? other than my part-time part-timing at bally. i must thank God for the many times with church pple. the chance to go out as and when and of cos rest at home. but my july is still used up for hall orientation and some days for chess camp.

chess camp has been fulfilling. it makes me realise that i can still try to be friendly. it's another event that i manage to be unable to convince people that i am an introvert. tho the OG outing stops.. i know it has left a small mark on me.

swoc camp is another orientation. and again, i struggle with the inability to make the group a winning group. yes.. games is about the process but whenever i heard them being discouraged bout not winning.. i wonder whose fault is it... it is me? yes.. i wish i am more game for games. but still.. i manage to make friends i hope.

rag... the end of orientation. i guess i am a person who feels for rag. that kind of person who will be willing to join if conditions allows. at this point of time, i want to reassure myself that i dint join rag for the purpose of more time with friends and family and church is being fulfilled. but still.. after losing rag this year, i feel that i wish to do something better next year. if God willing, i think i will plunge into it. maybe.

people in rag impressed me. the designers, and the meticulous work by every one. honestly, i do think that we have the best float in terms of quality work. every single scale that is on the train. when our float dint win, i look at the rag people. at that moment, i thought how blessed is it to have a team of people working towards a common goal, even if it fails, they stand together. pple cried... kathy, jung kiat, jung seong.. looking at them, i am kinda motivated.

i have one comn in hand. sndcc.. something that i should be fighting for right now. i shant make another regretful move. move on.



tmr start school. my resolution in progress.

rag day~ a dream

back from rag. to some, it may be a tiring day. to some, it's inevitable to be sad cos we dint win the supposedly judges opinions. but i believe to all of us, the best float is what we have in sheares hall. the details, the scales, and the dream that accompanies it is what our rag is all about.

i am not in rag and i will never be able to empathesize the pain of the 3 months' hard work but i guess this rag is again another event for block d to go thru together. =)


rag involves almost everyone... as major as the main comn or as silent as the logistics. and well.. logistics has also played a part. =) also must take photo lor.~ =)

and i have heared this many times and i agree..
rag is a dream. will i make it mine one day. ?

people

i dun know how to start.. wheter to say from "i am in the wrong" perspective or should i just be just selfish bout myself... i shall try to push away my low-esteem self and really pour my criticism.. hm.. ifi can..

what is hall?? i think it has seriously evolved into a place for people just to live in.. no longer a hall culture or stuffs like that. we are just neighbours.. like HDB.. it's up to you whether you want to know your neighbours.. we have the block comm (HDB has their RCs) you can join the clubs to know more pple and blah..

no more ragging.. which is.. sigh.. i mean.. it's just for fun isn't it? it's just like no more tekan in army.. which you can say it's good that everyone is just the same like one big family.. but we know that sometimes people are just very nostelgic about traditions. pple feel that it's the tradition that is important.. instill the culture..

but sometimes, at this age people dun care bout seniority, age and generations.. as long as you can make it.. and you can push things thru, you can just do it..

---

adrain is one who has been in hall for years.. being in swoc and many other things gives him a lot of things to see and also a lot of things to say.. but how receptive are people to him? that's another thing.

if you have seen the show "玻璃之城"... the one with shuqi and leon lai.. about how they get to know each other in HK uni when they were staying in hall.. blah.. i think that's what hall life is.. maybe.

---

when the block get cliqish.. people are worried.. adrain was trying to help.. trying to keep the block as one.. (i seriously think it's difficult).. matt instead say, "let their own batch decide" and adrain actually reply, "ya.. maybe.. we shant become those 老不死." maybe.. at times should learn when to let go.... whether they sink or swim.. we are not in the sea with them.. so we cannot decide too..

---

cliqish.. actually.. isn't a bad idea.. sheares made up of 5 blocks.. and each block made up of cliques.. it's normal lor.. so what if the batch dun have clique.. chio's batch have those active pple like erm.. those MOE pple.. i think.. and the rest.. the freshies have pple who knows each other in JC already.. and those from SECC.. ..
my batch.. seriously.. i dun know.. i also dun know why am i cont to stay.. i am just trying to give myself another chance to have a little higher EQ.. if it can be developed.

---

i said that it will be more fun if i were not a councillor.. was thinking that.. erm.. well.. i feel like a freshie among them lor.. but if i am not councillor.. i really dun think i will come back... esp when i realise that when i come back.. i dun have pple to be with me.. chio back with gab. adrain with matt.. i dun think i will find some company..

seeing how the block comm trying to maintain block culture, keeping them together.. tring to bond people and bond the cliques are something quite interesting.. it's also the gossiping and discussion of things... and i wonder why am i not involved.. well.. i am jus a freshie senior ba.. or more imptly, i dun raise my opinions, or dun dare to raise them.. being a spectator too often has made me a bystander by default.

--

after talking for so long.. i have yet to bring in my main unhappiness...

there are some pple who are just unhappy with me.. maybe it's my tone of talking that irritates her but then.. i am stil pissed.. i am pissed cos i really think that a person can be so whiny and argh.. and yet.. making noises and yet complaining and discussing things at a high level as if she is able to relate to them but in actual fact it's just 事后孔明. if you are pouting your lips and and when.. it looks duh..>! and you dun listen.. maybe you choose not to listen to me only but then.. you stil dun listen.. and when things happen, you give that kind "i am not in fault" tone and sit back..

some people are just competitive.. maybe i am too layback but i really dun like that kind of smirk look. it's as if the world revolves around you.. esp when i think that your confidence comes from the way you package yourself on the outside. if you dun have your way, you will just sit out.. no giving in , no compromise.. disgusting..


--

confident look..
1. dun smile doesn't mean that you are serious
2. smile and dun giggle and give a firm yes is good.
3. when i give a bored look, i look like i am damn shag. so dun look bored.

---

what shaojie says during the game struck, he said "it all depends how much you want to open up in this game" ... and i have a difficult time in the game.. cos i simple have too much within myself.. i cant even be honest with myself often times.. no wonder i cannot let myself out.!!! AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wish list : to learn to read, and learn to know things.. know more information, trivia, read bout soccer, play DOTA!!!, run, dun be weak... the list goes on..

--

it's when all the unhappiness sets in that i seek God. i wonder why i cant be like this and that.. but during the midst of these.. really thank God that my dad and mom came to church today.. erm.. without persuasion.. i am seriously very happy. it's a sign for me to strive on.. if He is to be so nice to me.. why will he not give me more..

devotion..

i realise i haven been sharing on my devotion on blogs.. hence.. despite all the devotions and lessons each day.. i dint really register it. maybe i am not rehearsing the lessons in my life..

but today's lesson teach me treat everyone that comes my way with kindness...

what is kindness... i dun know.. i jus tneed to know that i have be very nice ..

i iwsh am those who can be siao on and yet seh and hence bringing about things within the OG. yeah.. =)

i must write this...
三人行必有我“失”。。 i think.. whenever there's 3 people.. i will be the odd one out.. or there bound to haver some mistake on my part and stop blaming people burning u..
some thoughts that i still cannot get away with..

blogging bout myself

it seems that my blog has been rather pictures centre for some time. althou they say that pictures speaks a thousand words.. but then.. some things are still necc to be said out.

maybe i am getting wary of what i am writing.. ya.. when i realise that my blog is so easily searched. i nv worry bout this but now.. i feel a little insecure. i dun mind pple knowing about me but i want to know that they know. somepple will chat with me about my recent post and stuffs and i am glad to have friends who wants to cont reading my rants but i dun like those pple whom i know but yet reading and yet i dun know if thye are really reading.., and readin the right tone of my post.. okay.. long prob.. dun care. leave aside

moved back into hall for some time... but it's recent days that i find life when the freshies move in and i hope to find some friends too.. when the seniors move in and the old block d feeling relives. when we have seniors meeting and we suddenly realise that one year has past. when the cleaning auntie start to complain to you about the inconsiderate occupants around.. you think God for her to be cleaning up the mess. when now as a senior you give talks to juniors bout module mapping and bidding just like adrian talking to me about planning for SEP nights ago. when tech crew start to work and concurrently wanting to do my part for SHAM and SNDCC.

and SWOC is going to start in 3 hours time, when i wish to take upon a siao-on attitude to have fun with them.. i know my sense of fun and humor is often not recognised, but i just wish and pray that the presense can be felt.. let's cross my fingers that i will be happy, with the freshies at least.. yeap.. honestly, this time round i dun think i can talk crap with fellow councillors like chess camp.. natural boundaries exists. but i am alright.. i am a self entertainer>~=)

now is the high time for hall events.. SWOC, Rag, SNDCC, Buaya week, IBG, coms starts, AGM, and what's more?? let's try to enjoy what's left for me.

new specs

erm.. somehow feel stupid posting my own pics.. haha. well.. once in a while..

what do i feel about the specs? i tot i will like it a lot until i finds it too big for my small face.. now my eyes look like it has tou ji yan cos the positions of the eyes are erm.. ya.. towards the centre with the frames on.. well.. hope pple will not think likewise.. at least it doesn't seem so from side angle. =)

dinner with weiliang

in the middle of the west part of singapore... with a broken spec, i was on my search for a pair to buy... trying to keep it low.. since it's an unexpected cost..

and fortunately there's a friend aroudn.. weiliang. =) so hence a dinner with him plus choosing of specs.. hehe.. was really unsure bout the colour of specs that i should buy.. i tot i look good in the black one.. but somehow i can imagine negative comments from pple due to the colour of my skin and blah blah blah.. finally bought something that the auntie selling likes and weiliang agree. for me? i like it but it's really kinda similar to craig's so.. erm. hope not to bum into him in school with specs. haha

the dinner ? i had a fish and chips..


it is nice.. but definitely not worth the 6 bucks it costs, despite there's zao bao, straits times blah blah recommendation.

broken specs

=( my specs broke when i was taking off my tshirt.. i was like.. har?/ !! okay. i know it's going to give way soon but it's still too suddden. . . and i was wearing it with one limb only.. thruout the day.. cos i lazy to put on contacts.. made a new pair.. feel the pinch but it's something that i cannot dun spend on.. so.. sigh.. okay lor..

the new specs? hmm.... wil post up. =)

photos reloaded

http://www.dreamerize.com/myphotos/thumbnails.php?album=10

humour

feugo outing~ 27th July 2006

hair cut

erm.. i always waited for long time to cut hair.. when i am at the chair i always dun know what to tell the person..

i have this hoping that he will do soemthign that i like mentality. not good. i am too lay back.. too lazy.. and too indecisive.. so what if i know.. i am still behaving like that. =(

nonetheless, the cut is done.~

clyde's and crayson's birthday

just a little trip.. to bring the children out. it's really nice to see how the children feel so at ease and fun in the sea. i tot i have seen all of children during children camp but this time, i really think i have seen the innoncene part of them. the excitment about the waves. chole automatically wanting to take photo. clyde going berserk at the sight of big waves. crayson playing with the deep part of the sea. =)

=)

pictures i like.. from andrew's camp

just received andrew's camera's picture for bangkok trip.. =) will find time to do a photoslide if possible. but recently gonna be real busy.. with upcoming orientation and national day celebration and blah blah and blah!!!

right now shall just share a few pic..


nice group photo=)


nice red light.~

feugo ~

almost dint go for it cos i tot i should be around for swoc councillor preparation but thank God for making it possible to go. being councillor in uni camps are different cos it's all about making friends and not being a facilitator or erm.. big kor kor like in children's camp. which is supposed to be what i like. cos i always like to be a friend in children camp. =)

seeing the games that they play and the friends they made, makes me regret not joining camps when i was in year 1. i dint go cos no one around me are going.. but i guess i was wrong. i could have gone myself? maybe.. but i am deinitely not very 'high-profile' even if i had went. and i tot i will be too tired to organize outing and contacting OG friends.. that's what i tot lah.. but now, as a councillor, i feel like knowing more of them and stuffs..

but i surely know my class pple better this time.. i wish lipchong were there and it would really complete my ideal councillor list. ~

being a year 2 with the freshies,
1. ya.. time pass fast.. real fast..
2. at times, i wonder what am i doing? i am like one year older than them but not as good as them.. =(

but i also have more motivation to study le. i really want to study harder during the coming sem. at least should attend all lectures, do all tutorials and stuffs. results is not everything but i think that's the bare min requirement for me to do as a student. ya.. i want to be good so that i can influence pple too. yeap.. trying to be better so that i am teach pple. little actions to raise esteem.

---

in all camps, it's always a competition between the groups. and somehow, thruout all my camps, i dun remember my group being one of the few top scoring group. i wonder if it's me or it's the group. i think i have a part to play. i am normally loud and active when i first know the people.. and naturally will have a say in the direction of play.. but i am not a winner in games as usual and normally lose motivation to play to win. i am saying this cos i really dun know how is it like to be in a winning team. and all along, i feel happy with a happy, friendly team. guess i am just a true plagmatic, sanguine persoN... choleric nature is diffinite not for me..

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bangkok trip 13-16 july 2006

http://dreamerize.com/misc/hp_photos_show.swf

there's really so much to talk about the trip.. but right at this moment, i am overwhelmed by a pre-school opening atmosphere and a state of lost in terms of hall coms and post camp (FWC, freshmen welcome camp for chem engin) syndrome. will jot down what i am feeling later..

this trip is a long postponed overseas trip with the guys.. we wanted to go overseas together after a levels and settle for genting. this time, it's a total experience, cos we get to walk on the streets and navigate around the city. more discussions and decision making during the trip this restaurant and time spent at each station or even which direction to take.. and all these just let me con't to know each of them better (even after 8 years)

weixiong, the coordinator. much thanks to him for booking the tickets, finding the empty time slot that can accomodate all of us.. telling us where to buy what and stuffs. our spokesman to the hotel manager trying to get as low priced stay as possible.

weiming, with gene, andrew, xiong will take up the map and navigate. to decide which station to stop, which direction the taxi is going and stuffs. most of the time, i just leave it to them and follow. calvin said, "eh.. why aren't you helping them?" "cos i am just like you. " =) yea.. not very good with directions. not that i cannot read a map but i just dun have the instant flare and instictive sense of direction.

(learning pt: if there's a discussion going on and you feel that you are too tired to discuss, then follow the conlusion made during the discussion and dun give you personal 2cents worth of opinions and raise little doubts about the decision made. yeap.. )

the thing i still dun know how to cope with is about gambling and drinking.. i have not been gambling for fun for some time.. and i guess they have kinda accepted my decision. and of cos i dun drink.. and cant drink. at this age, when all your guy friends are adults.. my idea of fun seemed to be childish compared to them. yeap.. as i have known myself, i really dun like to be different.

shopping, is definitely an important component of the trip. but i am as unhappy with my shopping as i am happy. i am glad to hav the luxury to spend on things. but on the other hand, i am worried about my purseline. i just dun have enough to spend i guess and i am trying to stop myself from spending. and i really tot i should spend less than any one of them.. cos i seemed to have the least to spend. for one, i dun hve the money, 2, i dun work, 3 i dun save up. so.. yea.. that pretty sums me up to be a bai jia zi. sigh~

calvin says, "不要为了买而买". yeah. it's true. but i dun know what do i really like to buy. or maybe i just want to buy things that people like.. which is the difficult thing for me. maybe next time i will heck care about everone and only buy things i relaly like. easier said than done.

buying clothes is fun to see that the tshirts there are cheap. but then again, it's not fun to get the size. if gettting for other people and friends, i dun know how to guage the size. and in bangkok, the waistline are all fake one.. not accurate at all. or at least different from what i know in singapore. seeing how good the rest of them fit the shirts and t-shirts they bought makes me feel like building up. yeap.. i am small. and i am not happy being small whenever it comes to wearing of clothes and loooking good. weiming say, "ernest, you should go gym" i am just damn lazy. but i will start.. arg!!!!!!!!!! at least with running and stuffs. arhg!

(will have more to say when i jot down my sentosa trip)

4 days in bangkok.. ended too shortly but it's definitely intensive with the shopping and walking around. =) maybe i am more suited for something not so shopping intensive but walking around and eating thigns. kinda like my taiwan trip back then, with jiaye and vincent.. =) or maybe cos we aren't really close and hence more willing to give in to each other.. =)

but this trip, as usual are the jokes and talking.. discussion after the carabet show, whether the shoes and shirts are worth it or not and stuffs... not much of personal sharing to anyone or late night talking this trip but it really does make us feel back in time again.

friends that i wish to keep, tho we may all be at different places now. i hope i am a friend they will want to keep too, i hope.

overseas live

Wong Sin Guan Ernest : 4 days leave : Overseas(Bangkok)

Contactable thru hp. =)

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if can, please pray for me... journey mercies. skin condition to be well during trip. safety in bangkok. fruitful shopping. =)

nice words help

http://www.clementsen.com/email/friendship.php

and thanks to fengjun/eddie for sending the above to me.. truly, nice words and encouragements, little or small, can make a person's day, or at least make him smile.

birthday present

yeap.. after quite some time, i am glad for some more gifts from friends!



one from weiliang jingyu jiapei~ it's a car key holder.. and yesh.. i dun have a car key.. so it's containing my house keys now.. quite cool huh!!




actually i wanted to change my key chain for some time cos my recent key chain is causing hurt to my pants and backside.. yeap.. cos it has jagged edges so it kinda cut thru my bag and my jeans stuffs.~ a nice present in deed.



and next is a wonderfully yellow water bottle which is perfectly nice for outing, studying and stuffs. it's boyish i think and yet yellow! and it's of the right size to bring out. and i have to thank BeePheng for this!!! =)

unteachable

i realise most of the time i feel angry with people is when i think they are not receptive to opinions. when some of the behaviors i see to be wrong, in the sight of Bible, or at times human emotions, and yet they can act them out righteously. . .

at times, i feel that they are not receptives to comments or even suggestions to improve.. or actually they are not willing to listen..

underlying all the above.. there's one important critical reason why it happens so many times.. i think , i suspect, it's the quality of the person giving the comments. yesh, i am talking bout myself. increasing my knowledge in the useful way.. oh.. i must really buck up!!!! so that even if i am right, i dun sound wrong.

sending my bro off

Latest TODAY column: S'poreans are fed, up with progress!

then..

S'porean blogger Mr Brown's column suspended by Today free newspaper

then..

Regarding TODAY

i wonder what can i say... disgusting

blog stumbled

not exactly stumbled upon.. it's more of, suddenly thought of a keyword to search for.

dxcloud.blogspot.com...

sometimes, after knowing the person, knowing as in understand the person.. and you realise that you understand his thinking and types of events that he has gone thru.. but yet you are not close.. and cannot be close..

indeed, close friends or friends are not only people you can identify with but it's the things that you go thru.. so what have i gone thru with who>?

of cos, there are also friends who are friends just because whenever you meet, you still feel that you know each other just like yesterday..

yeap.. they are just God given.

school motto

read this school motto off the singapore idol today while helping sheares rag.. the one that i was helping is very nice.. not saying that i made it nice but the idea and the design is very nice. .=) took some photos but shant put up in case .. erm.. ya.. just in case i am not supposed to reveal anything about rag.

oh ya.. the motto is:
men of genius are admired, men of power are feared, man of character are trusted.

wonder why is it a motto.. so is menof power good? or what??

if my school start in Cct

But the reward, to be part of the event of the year, promises to be well worth the effort.

The positions are listed at www.kellyservices.com.sg. - CNA /ct

i wish to work for IMF.. reallie.. best to be a driver.. tho it's not really posible liao.. hehe
nvm lor.. next time ba.. hopefully

youth day eve 2006

Happy Birthday to MICHELLE~


First of all... happy birthday to Michelle and thank you U.Eddie/A.Karen for the wonderful delicious durian cake!~~!!! =)


happy birthday!!~

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Children in church
after service went around taking photos with children.. as usual for me. =)
(for those who find the slide show below too slow, please note that there's a speed up button on the bottom left corner. the "plus" sign)

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Children's Camp Debrief @ sakae sushi
yeap.. we had the priviledge of having our debrief at the wonderful sakae airport vip room. and of cos, we must thank the person who made this dinner possible. THank YOU!!!

then we played the Big Fish small fish game~ @=) see for yourself.. sometimes, it's nice to have eca without the children. haha

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YOUTH DAY EVE blind cat session at west coast park

since we have the priledge of having YOUTH DAY holiday on monday.. we had a nice time at the west coast park playground.!~~



(people, you can see the caption of the photos, almost all, by mouseover-ing the pictures)


many times, i think shomerim blog content should appear here.. if not other pple readin my blog will think that i have no social activities or going out opportunites. ~

the return of people

Eugene is back. he bought some clothes for us.. think it's jerseys for them.. but not for me. i guess, if i would think that someone had tried to choose something that's more ernest for me.. i should be glad. =) yeap.. learning to appreaciate the precious thots.




simone returns for good, since she has graduated. nv meet up with simone, or should i say the whole sec 3h4h classmates at all.. in my memories, those two years were a blankslate for me.. in total depression maybe. hha.a.a ~

it's holidays for uk people.. now till sep.~=) see them around.

神雕

记得前阵子我说我不喜欢笑傲的故事. 现在娱家正在播<神雕>. 看着看着,我也因为有一些情节而感到不开心. 现在正播 杨过在襄阳城想杀郭靖. 我就想到不久后黄容与杨过的误会,误解,不对头. 两个聪明的人, 也可以说是亲人, 但却选择互相猜疑, 互相怀疑. 悲剧.

我们也是这样吧, 常常本来可以因为彼此投契可以深交,却又反而喜欢鸡蛋里挑骨头. 能看对眼,情投意合德有几个.
能相知,相识,相惜 的又有几个? 能成为朋友的. . . 我心里真的是由珍惜的.我想我欠缺行动.

青春期

我想我再也找不回我的青春期了。为何如此的感慨？ 因为最近周围的朋友，或应该说小弟弟小妹妹们都逐步进入teens的阶段了。看着他们进入甜甜的暧昧，似有非无的“喜欢”，那总感觉是那么的熟悉。多回味ah!

我呢？似乎应该进入我该进入的阶段了ba ? 可是事与愿违...只能希望上帝眷顾我了.

pictures. ~

a card given to me by javan during children's camp. thank God for a card. i wish i have appeared happier when he gave me the card. =)

me and fel... at bally~>

enjoying

hh come my hse ytd to study... tho he din't really did much.. then off for movie with bh des xy. cars. a wonderful movie.

"should let the church kidz watch this show. and teach them winning is not the thing", bh.

yeap.. we all know that winning is not everything but how many adults practice.. in fact, some people thinks, with their so called mature mindset and socially adapted wisdom that winning is the thing.

looking around me, i kinda realise that i roughly knows what am i supposed to do. alongside, the minor roles i need to play are also very clear. that's to study and study well. my results arent good for sure, but am i really meant for poor results.. . i know i can do better.. i think i am more motivated to do better now.. now that des and nick are going to ntu next year. =)

studying with hh and bh makes me feel that education is really going haywire. okay.. haywire is not the word, it's just that hci's syllabus is hard to grasp. it's good and bad in both sense.
i realise i like to teach people how to tackle exams. why dunt i derive a way to teach myself? why why why?

and yesh.. confirmed that i am acting not manly enough.. too act cute. haha.. changing is not an option now.. but maybe improving myself is a good way.

so what am i supposed to say about enjoying? erm.. friends and company i guess. able to find people to go out.. yea. thank God. at this moment, i am reminded of my dear sec sch friends. i guess i nv forget them, it's jsut that, have less time together...

next phase of life dawning upon all of us..
xy... o levels and being pressed to make of choice between mammon ....
hh bh... growing up and grown up. a time, almost, to choose too... to stay, to hold fast, to lose track, to give up/in.
sh, working...
des... studying...
bro... next thing coming up is ns.. tho is still quite 1 year away..

my peers around..? either study hard or date hard. still.. it's a direction taken and chosen.

i know where i am going. the prob is how to get there..

day out for movie Cars~

haha.. wanted to take a grp photo but then.. cant seem to fit everyone into the picture..

so here's a 2 into 1 pic,.. but someone have to sacrifice to make this pic possible. . . and the person is.. erm.. see for yourself. lor~

youth camp part 2

i am dead tired but i think i need to finish my entry.. so that i can more accurately remembers what am i thinking...

someone commented to me "stop thinking that you are left out, cos you are not" or something to that effect. well.. i must say that i am left out in my own ways.. people tend to hide their thoughts sometimes from others cos they are too bad/evil/unatural blah.. and i guess i am just hiding too much.. or should i say, ya.. i exclude myself from others and left myself out. and ya.. i am getting used to this kind of evil, idiotic me, okok.. i am not, but i think i am gettting use.. tryin to convince myself..~

something happen during the last night of the camp.. again. yeap.. for a moment, i kinda think that i am totally not the cut for camps. the more i get into it, i more i think i should get out of it before someone intentionally excludes me out of it. i guess i just cant behave the right way in front of others. instead of trying to convince others that i want to be friendly, i must check how come i am not appearing what i am thinking. or maybe i am really not thinking right. 相由心生。 it's correct often to an extent. .

acutally now when i reflect back... i think the truth said isn't the whole truth. someone may be intentionally protecting someone's feelings and someone else got hurt in the end. unlikely i will say but it's just another possibility.

till the next camp.. let me improve on my eq ba>~

little ark dinner.

it's nice to bring the children out for dinner. they chose mac at airport. =)

children camp and youth camp part 1

TBPC Children’s Camp

Teaching lower primary and upper primary
Being a teacher does not only entails the delivery of lessons. Much effort is put into the teaching materials and aids like the ppt for my case. Yes, the ppt can be done quite easily you may think, but the organization of materials aren’t. and I have not mentioned about sourcing for the information. So am I a good teacher recently? I dun know. Apparently I dun feel it from the looks of the student.

Science and Bible
Started off with the Sunday school lesson with the upper primary. When I delivering information that seems to be new or difficult, I feel bad about pitching it at too high a level. But whenever someone give me that “ ya I know, can you please move on look”, I feel down. My abilities are in doubt.

My Lesson 2 with Upper primary
It’s a lesson which I like the most. Because I think I did not run of out things to talk about. In fact, I have too many things to say. Teaching bible stories is sometimes difficult, too much narration is boring but too little elaboration and examples is without application. I find it difficult. But as I said, I like my lesson, as I draw a parallel on how God was preparing Gideon for the battle just as how He prepares a Christian to do something great for him. Conversion -> tear down idols -> worship -> persecution -> doing great things.

However, I problem and sadness comes when I realize that I dun have enough time to elaborate on how Joash save Gideon and how he got his second name. and the children cannot answer shuhui’s qn during bible quiz.

I asked Je, and he says that it’s just nice. Not too hard and not too difficult. I do think he can be candid at times but I still take his comments with a pinch of salt, thinking that he might just trying to be nice to me or being tactful. No matter what, I must say that, I have grown a little bit more from preparing the lesson.

Teaching lower primary
It’s an experience teaching there are many pple issues to settle. I find it a bother that I cannot carry on my lesson well. Often, I have to spend time settle disputes about he beat me… he scold me.. how am I supposed to spend the right about of time.

Thank You Card
My one thank you card is from ja, which is from lower pri. I was glad to receive. Needless to say. Des was saying, “ernest, for this card, it’s worth it.” Ya.. I know. Thank God for this one card.

VBS Science Experiment
I was glad when I heard from Kezia that Gideon said, “ernest kor kor very clever, he can make the mini rocket fly very high…” being able to fascinate him at least, I guess the gladness is there.

During vbs I was glad that I was handling activities which I may be a little better. But back then, I wonder will it be good to have the chance to teach God’s word.

However, when I see ty handling matyrs stories, I wonder will it be better if I can have that sit down and talk lessons with the children. I am just so not contented.

I dun wish to doubt on my abilities, but as I often asked, what if one day you find out that you are really just not there, how to accept it? Or more proactively, how to change it?

The children
Jeshua
He’s often liked. All of us know. His childlike faith, childlike maturity, his cute behavior and amiable cuddling habit. Will he remain as 10yo-jeshua-like… unlikely, but how much will he be different.

Javan
Being so sweet to give me a thank you card. What can I say? he’s always sweet. But I dun know how to treat him nice leh. =)

Botao and Sarah
Ji tong ya jiang. A tones of problems. One of them knows that they have a prob but unable to resolve. The other party’s prob is that they think they have no prob.

Xiangyuan
常常因为感到不被了解，不能了解而感到困惑。似乎映射了我的处境。

Jun’en and Joseph
A struggle between my choice of the best student. Jun’en is the more enthu but joseph seemed to be more amiable… with one more vote for jun’en , he got it.

Laziness, that I din’t play or take care of the children as what I did in the first day. I wish to have more interaction with the kids.. Or maybe it’s a wish that I can sleep normally in aircon room. I dun wish to sleep the children cos I know I have prob sleeping in aircon room. I rather sleep with youths as I can be more of myself.

i am trying too hard to be things that I am not, and neglecting the things I should be doing. Trying too hard to be group leaders when I should concentrate to be a teacher.

Dhs primary school kidz camp
Suddenly I recall those days when I was the instructor for the camps. I was one of the lecturer and also the instructor. Looking back, I really think that I am trying to be things that I am not. I guess I am more of that kind of instructor type of person but somehow, maybe age is catching up on me.. no more life and vigor to follow the young kidz everything..

Honghao bohao
Really glad to see them in this youth camp. I do easily pay attention to them as they were about the youngest when I first join shomerim. Now I know that they are not longer kidz but it’s just nice to see yourself and your past with their current experience. After listening to bo 1st night of sharing, I said to the group, “ I wish I was better”. Of cos I cannot turn back time but I know I must strive for my current situation, a young adult, almost settled to find real settlement.

---

Youth Camp Day 1

I am sad to say but I began the camp with a personal low note. Not that I am spiritually down but the first encounter with the first programme makes me feel a bit unhappy. It is really partially my fault, for I see that it’s my ego, self-recognition that’s hindering a happy afternoon. However, it’s both ways too, for my part I wish that the other people will be more EQ and hence making me feel better but one the other hand, it’s also me who is not having enough EQ to handle situation well.

There are some pple whom i dun really want to be like. Do you ever met those people before? Yes. I am talking about those who you cannot see eye to eye and the way they handle things you will disagree and think that almost everything they do is not what you think should be happening. Of cos when I say everything, it’s an exaggeration but almost everything.

How? Yes.. this is my personal barrier and it’s my fault. And this is the first day of the camp and I wish to find some reasonable improvement in me. May the Lord help me.

Ra and es joining us for the youth camp. I think it’s quite nice in a way for it really injects some youth into our midst. And at least there are more people within jianjun’s category. Ya.. so that I think less people will be left out.. being left out is what I least wanted to happen to me. And to others too.

Day 2

I was saying that the twins were young when I first came to church.. but now, I think there’s es and ra who are going into sec sch… it’s an old man syndrome to share experience. But I just like to do it…

Soon, all the children will grow and be more mature than me while I con’t to choose to live in my world now.

Things seems to get better for the things that I am unhappy about yesterday. Surely it’s God.

I must say that this youth camp is much more adult like without the children. We dun have to take care of them and can fully concentrate with our sharing and our supper talk. I wish we have more time for group sharing but well.. it’s enough. I guess we just like to sidetrack and chat a little sometimes.

Also, there’s this thing about writing a note to campers. It’s hard to write for some but I know it’s certainly for a good cause.
And also, meijiea ask the children to make cards at the end of children camp. I am so glad to receive one card too. Yeah.. it’s just nice. Once again, thank you Javan.

Shomerim is so adult now. That we have 4 people able to drive a car and 3 of them have something to drive during this period of time. “Next phase of life” is what it’s all about. It’s an exciting phase to some but to many it’s also a scary phase for we dun know what’s on tmr. But as Christian, we all know that He who controls tmr is the one holding our hand.

Being left out. I guess I am facing it gradually. It’s a fact that I need to either embrace or change. Changing can be in the form of changing mentality or changing my personality. Certain facts of life are just cruel.
Just like botao cannot fit in cause people can nv understand his language. Because of communication prob, he cannot learn the language. Catch 22 situation.
Some kid cannot relate to the rest cos the rest are cleverer. One cannot make oneself cleverer. So how? LLST lor. Catch 22 again.
Some cliques chat and talk about others, the things others do provide the platform of communication for the clique. If the other join the clique, the clique have nth to talk and hence nth exciting happens hence. But the excitement when the other leave. Whose fault?
In this world, there are loners, some by default, some by problems. Will there be one by choice..

want to blog a lot but..

bought a new hp. feel very happy. now i can take better pictures. =)

really have many things to say.. but dun know how to start with little time.
till then.. i will keep them in my mind.

uploaded some photos to show off to myself my 2.0 megapix phone. i know it's so common and it's quite an old phone leh. . but i can only buy it recently with a trade in and 2year contract. =)

the shoes, i think are nice. but very ex.~

children~ =p

kids in my church. =p ya.. can see how much i will like to dote them.

birthday photos

birthday dinner photos. ~ in my photo gallery ~

http://www.dreamerize.com/myphotos/thumbnails.php?album=9

bdae cele

below 18

today i bought cigarette for my father.

uncle: 你够岁吗？
me:够.
uncle: ic leh?

............

what is the truth?

http://www.syfc.org.sg/events/dvc/index.swf

birthday presents~

haha.. last year this time, i have a wishlist. but well.. that's cos i had a erm. 21st bdae celebration.. this year? i guess i will still list down. =) not to ask for it.. but just to blog about it. =)

1. 阿Q正传 (saw one at kino, about 13bucks plus.. will request as shomerim present =)
been hearing much about this classic, and i took a some time to read a few pages.. indeed it's by the 大文豪~ heheh..
2. eveready/energizer yellow colour meglite key chain. =) jus saw it.. it's yellow. and it's useful... haha..
3. i bought a wallet for myself on my last day of exam.. =)
4. think i will change my specs as mentioned previous.. the one i got last year got a chip in the lens and the nose pad came off liao.. okay.. i am rough.. sigh..
5. will be driving that day.. yeap.. that will come from my dad. =)

first day at work

yeap.. started working today. and it seems that my eyes tho red are fine to most pple. thank God. and thank God that it's recovering..

daniel, mild person but i think he does his work.

today the CEO came to visit. wow, my first day of work he come and shake hand with me. haha..

first person i talked to, wenhao. first qn is "are you local?" ..... i hate to answer but yah.. i am local. 100% he's quite a funnie guy.. typical tuangster.. he looks like 李克勤 and his behavior is like his role in that庙街show. haha.. maybe i long time nv watch tv.. but my vague impression is that.

derek, much less chatty then wenhao.. but well.. still can talk talk lah.. not that bad...

ellen, fulltimer switched to partimer. so she's like the semi-fulltimer. cos tho she's partime, she tends to costomers very often.

oh ya.. i have this bad habit of calling fulltimer as regulars.. !! too much of army lingo>! argh...

things sold are so expensive... so expensive. normal pple wouldn't want to spend there. when i look at the simple belt which cost over 200 dollars... i actually imagined this poor child being abused as child labour working under dim lights making the belt and paid for 1 centUS. and yet the good that he made is going to cost more than what he could earn in years. i feel a tint of sadness.. okay.. maybe i am imagining too much.. the goods are made in switzerland...

...
anyway, most prob will be shifting my blog next week. tho i must say blogger is very good but i guess i just like to erm.. try new things. i supposed. =) time to move to another kind of stuffs. yeap. time to do something more than html. yesh. but i will miss blogger flexibility with it's display output. maybe wordpress is as flex.. until i find out.

笑傲江湖

娱家播道正在播映《笑傲江湖》。一向来不是特别喜欢这个故事。 因为总觉得故事里的主角没有喜欢的神雕/射雕那么的出色。而且新传媒以前曾开拍《笑傲》而里头的令狐冲流着一头难看的maggi mee发型。而且，总觉得《笑傲》的剧情很不公平。除了我不喜欢的令狐冲之外，其他的角色都是悲剧人物，不然就是一个坏蛋。
岳凌珊，爱上文质彬彬的林平之，本可以幸福。但却因平之子宫，性情大变，嫁了等于没嫁。自己一向敬重的君子剑父亲竟然是个伪君子，自己甚至成为他的其中一个棋子。
林平之，无端端家破人亡。为了复仇，竟然自宫，搞得自己不能给凌珊幸福。自己也不快乐。
东方不败，不男不女。残死在任我行手下。
等等等。。。。　

没看完这个故事的时候，越看越不开心。看到一个个坏蛋自以为是，用江山／江湖／门派的尊严等为掩饰，作恶多端。

越写越不开心。我想我还是适合幸福篇。

doctors

normally doctors will be telling you this dun do , that dun do, then youwill be fine. ya.. prevention is better than cure.

but i just wonder, why do we always pay them for telling things that we know yet we still insist on doing.... if only doctors are people who make things happen, e.g. engineer a method to let diabetics to take sugar as and when they like. allow people with heart dieases to go for snow skiiing. blah blah..

ya.. i was trying to quote what my doctor said to me for my sore eyes, "no medication available. it's a viral infection, so have to let your body fight it out. "

sigh.. apparently, my body is quite weak in this battle

two days of MC

went to see doctor on sunday and it costs me 65 dollars.
the doctor say, "no, no more contact lens" the eye doctor say, "stay away from contact lens for one month or so". in any case, i need a pair of spectacles to go out gai gai.. yeah.. will try to stay away from lens from now. but i relaly like to wear contact lens, not only cos i think it's nice. it's really convenient and it feels real great to imagine oneself having perfect eyesight. think i will change my current stock to dailies.. if poss. cos i will still wear contact lens for some occasion, like visiting the barber (cos i want to see what's going on), play sports/running (okie, you may think i seldom exercise. but yeah, when i do exercise, i realy dun want to run with my specs wobbling around).

sore eyes doesn't allow me to work at bally for yesterday and today. it's really my wish to work at bally. somehow, i hav always wanted to work in retail/service section. it's a childhood dream. i guess most of our childhood dreams are some occupations you see on the road. cos a kid will not know what kind of jobs are there unless they see with their own eyes isn't it?

i wanted to be policeman, cos i see them walking around looking good. i want to be waiter last time cos i see them working in restaurants. i mean.. ya.. that's my logic.

so.. i really really hope to recover soon. sigh...

---

stranded at home supposed to help me clear some of my personal work. still struggling to create my own website. i guess the prob is that i wan to have a good design more than i want to hav a website. not only i want a good design, i want to have the 3 designs to be in sync with one another. (the main page, my blog page, my photo page). so.. i realy dun know can i finish it. furthermore, a good design is not sufficient, cos a good design must suit me. wanted to have a nice page with some mt ophir pictures but that is so not ernest.. so out. blah blaah blah.. in short, i am trying to settle my website.

but lime said that if the content is more impt, the dun bother too much about design. hm... well.. to me, the content is only impt to me, i think the design is more impt to the visitors.

conjunctivitis

yesh.. i am stuck at home. i wish i can go to work. was quite excited about working. reallie. has been my 'fantasy' to work in retail. sigh.. now i hope they dun give me the sack.

day out at town

thank God for an happy day out with weiliang, lipchong, andy and junda.
ktv from 2-5 and followed by me shopping at toysrus and andy finding his rosti at carefour, then lipchong shopping for album at Prints. of cos we had dinner. impt thing to highlight, it all went on smoothly, without erm.. at least that's what i think, anyone feeling left out.
with weiliang as my erm.. 'outside friend' lipchong and junda and andy are my chem eng classmates.
junda were from same sec sch and jc as me tho we nv really talked.
i knew andy vaguely from weiliang last time.
junda and lipchong were from the same medical centre as weiliang.
andy and weiliang were sec 1/2 classmates. and same jc.

interlinked. that's applies to almost a lot of other pple out there. but i am glad for this outing to be a rather happy experience for me. maybe cos i have always been a happier person initially. yeap.. cos i realise i was also happier last time at shomerim. and with fcm (since i jus joined them recently)

wish i can con't to be happy =) and learn to keep friends and make friends. =)

where am i going from here?

it has been a year in NUS and i am going to be a sophomore, a year 2 student next year. needless to exclaim that time flies for you should know this fact as well as me.

Chem Engin
==========
"it's a good course!"
"wow, you need good results to get in"
"got good prospects leh"
those are what people says. as for why am i in this course? largely due to the fact that it's CHEMICAL engineering. it goes as far back in Sec Three when i sudden feel worried about my future when i realise that my A Maths sux. i was worried cos my arts aren't good as well and if my maths cannot make it, where am i suppose to head? Science din't occur to me back then. then i suddenly think of Chemical Engineering sounds good. at least it has the word chemical in it. people told me it's not easy but i jsut keep it at the back of my mind until now.

i see it as God bringing me to the course. unknowingly acquainted with it and now i am in it. for prospects? not really? who knows what can happen in year 2009 when i grad. no course is definitely good for the industry. i just pray that GOd will bring me to the destination.

Sheares Hall
============
Staying in hall was in my mind all along. i din't realise that it will be so costly. But i am a person resistant to change. the notion of staying in hall was in me for too long and i decide to go for it. Kent Ridge was my first choice not for any reason but it was popular. Yuwei, Weixiong, Colin, Royston and other pple i heard about applied for Kent Ridge. I put Sheares Hall as my 2nd choice cos shuhui says that it's as new as kent ridge. before the results of hall stay was out, i told royston "I have a great hunch that we will not be in the same hall somehow. because we have always been ending up at different places alto we were so similar in choice and direction." true enough, we were close enough but still in different hall. it has been so since 1997. =p

i think the best thing i have done then was to pray and told God that i will leave the choice to Him. hence when i realised that i dun get my first choice, i feel that God is testing me and telling me that Sheares is the choice He made for me. i am glad. slowly i see the light. Praise the Lord.
1. in the end, yuwei and weixong not staying on in Kent Ridge for 2nd year afterall.
2. i realise the points system and the style of people in KR isn't for me and i realise my place in sheares is more appropriate.

Staying in hall is also impt in a sense cos i need external factors to make friends. i have been complaining about dun know which friends to hang around. most people have NS friends to fall on like yuwei. weilun got close to mike. christopher due to ns get to know wee kuok and stuffs.. the point is, i was quite lost. i tot stayin in hall will help me to make friends.

Where to go?
============
what is a hall? they will say Hall Spirit. they say you will find it fun and find true friends. but will they last? chio was talking about the 3 man clique isnt there soon.. some other people also disappear with bf and gf..
some people are active in faculty clubs. like andy and mingyi seems to know good friends thru PRU.
some people have close friends.
some people are busy with church. liwei, joel.

what about me? there's too many friends i wish to keep. who will be there when i have my wedding dinner next time?
weiming, weixong, eugene, andrew, calvin are my long friends
royston, and wanfen, yiwei if they are sitll avail then.
weiliang, jingyu and jiapei. tho without frequent going out, i know they are my friends.
church friends. actually, it hasn't been too long. only a few years. but the love of God constrain us. sure they will be there at my wedding will they?
i guess i hope all of them at my birthday last year will turn up for any major event next time =)

somehow, i guess it's time for me to find someone to devote my time.

what kind of girl i like?
=========================
weiming ask about the girls in my life. i dun know how to answer.
andrew also asked about it.
meijie also ask what kind of girl i like.
it seems that the kind of girl i like is a mystery. i guess it is, even to me.
炮制女朋友is often what i do ba.. i have the tendency to engineer people around me to be my ideal gf and give up as soon as i realise i can't. okay.. also, i think there's too few girls around me liao.
heard that weiming is chasing a girl, from scratch. meaning dun know the person, also give persent and finally get contact. wow.! can i ever do that?
now calvin attached, weiming chasing pple, xiong happily with andrea.. sigh....

heard the girls say, "how come all the spoilt girls got bf!! i dun understand"
one of them reply "cos guys like to dote girls, hence like those like of spoilt girls"

i also exclaim, "how come all the egoistic, bad guys have gf!"

so i guess it's viscious cycle......

so.. what's next? more work? or cont to be what i am trying to be? or let it be?

???

where am i going from here?

it has been a year in NUS and i am going to be a sophomore, a year 2 student next year. needless to exclaim that time flies for you should know this fact as well as me.

Chem Engin
==========
"it's a good course!"
"wow, you need good results to get in"
"got good prospects leh"
those are what people says. as for why am i in this course? largely due to the fact that it's CHEMICAL engineering. it goes as far back in Sec Three when i sudden feel worried about my future when i realise that my A Maths sux. i was worried cos my arts aren't good as well and if my maths cannot make it, where am i suppose to head? Science din't occur to me back then. then i suddenly think of Chemical Engineering sounds good. at least it has the word chemical in it. people told me it's not easy but i jsut keep it at the back of my mind until now.

i see it as God bringing me to the course. unknowingly acquainted with it and now i am in it. for prospects? not really? who knows what can happen in year 2009 when i grad. no course is definitely good for the industry. i just pray that GOd will bring me to the destination.

Sheares Hall
============
Staying in hall was in my mind all along. i din't realise that it will be so costly. But i am a person resistant to change. the notion of staying in hall was in me for too long and i decide to go for it. Kent Ridge was my first choice not for any reason but it was popular. Yuwei, Weixiong, Colin, Royston and other pple i heard about applied for Kent Ridge. I put Sheares Hall as my 2nd choice cos shuhui says that it's as new as kent ridge. before the results of hall stay was out, i told royston "I have a great hunch that we will not be in the same hall somehow. because we have always been ending up at different places alto we were so similar in choice and direction." true enough, we were close enough but still in different hall. it has been so since 1997. =p

i think the best thing i have done then was to pray and told God that i will leave the choice to Him. hence when i realised that i dun get my first choice, i feel that God is testing me and telling me that Sheares is the choice He made for me. i am glad. slowly i see the light. Praise the Lord.
1. in the end, yuwei and weixong not staying on in Kent Ridge for 2nd year afterall.
2. i realise the points system and the style of people in KR isn't for me and i realise my place in sheares is more appropriate.

Staying in hall is also impt in a sense cos i need external factors to make friends. i have been complaining about dun know which friends to hang around. most people have NS friends to fall on like yuwei. weilun got close to mike. christopher due to ns get to know wee kuok and stuffs.. the point is, i was quite lost. i tot stayin in hall will help me to make friends.

Where to go?
============
what is a hall? they will say Hall Spirit. they say you will find it fun and find true friends. but will they last? chio was talking about the 3 man clique isnt there soon.. some other people also disappear with bf and gf..
some people are active in faculty clubs. like andy and mingyi seems to know good friends thru PRU.
some people have close friends.
some people are busy with church. liwei, joel.

what about me? there's too many friends i wish to keep. who will be there when i have my wedding dinner next time?
weiming, weixong, eugene, andrew, calvin are my long friends
royston, and wanfen, yiwei if they are sitll avail then.
weiliang, jingyu and jiapei. tho without frequent going out, i know they are my friends.
church friends. actually, it hasn't been too long. only a few years. but the love of God constrain us. sure they will be there at my wedding will they?
i guess i hope all of them at my birthday last year will turn up for any major event next time =)

somehow, i guess it's time for me to find someone to devote my time.

what kind of girl i like?
=========================
weiming ask about the girls in my life. i dun know how to answer.
andrew also asked about it.
meijie also ask what kind of girl i like.
it seems that the kind of girl i like is a mystery. i guess it is, even to me.
炮制女朋友is often what i do ba.. i have the tendency to engineer people around me to be my ideal gf and give up as soon as i realise i can't. okay.. also, i think there's too few girls around me liao.
heard that weiming is chasing a girl, from scratch. meaning dun know the person, also give persent and finally get contact. wow.! can i ever do that?
now calvin attached, weiming chasing pple, xiong happily with andrea.. sigh....

heard the girls say, "how come all the spoilt girls got bf!! i dun understand"
one of them reply "cos guys like to dote girls, hence like those like of spoilt girls"

i also exclaim, "how come all the egoistic, bad guys have gf!"

so i guess it's viscious cycle......

so.. what's next? more work? or cont to be what i am trying to be? or let it be?

???

new born baby. outing with chloe, cryason, clyde

election 06

i have so much to say.. for election and post exams.. but i guess.. being out for too many days left me larthagic to blog..

but the following.. i must state:

PAP ask Singaporeans to give them a strong mandate. (fact)

PAP got 66.6% of Singaporean votes (fact)

AMK led by PM Lee won by 66.13% (fact)

(from CNA, about AMK being contested)
Calling many of his constituents his "old friends", Mr Lee (PM Lee) said yesterday: "I think the voters are supporting us. We've got our message across to voters that this election is about the future and I think voters understand the people they choose will help them to win, help Singapore to win, to move forward."

Said PAP MP Mr Inderjit Singh: "I think for each one of us, it's very important. We're fighting it as if it's the most important battle and the reason is because this is the Prime Minister's GRC and we want to score as high a percentage of the votes as possible. I think it's a very significant battle."

小猪模仿周杰伦

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ivSAouLNd0

献给所有周杰伦或小猪的fanz

MM Lee

it's exam time but i really have to say it before i forget.

http://clockinkspiel.net/eisen/1.htm
there's an entry about the "why my vote matters" forum with MM Lee.

to be honest, i am so surprised that so many people actually criticise that the youth are not respectful to MM Lee. and accused them of not giving him due recognition for what he has done and what he can still do now.

in the first place, i am always hearing about ADULTS, those who live thru the hard ages, complaining about MM Lee and saying that he is holding to power.!!!

as students from a normal formal education, we all know how impt is MM Lee to our natioN!!! but it's also the teachers giving us the idea that MM Lee may have to take a backseat!! realli.. not directly but indirectly. the education system want us to think out of the box and sometimes throw provoking quesiton such as the one my history teacher asked in sec1:" do you think blah blah is getting a bit senil*... and watever. "

in short! where are all those people who are thinking alike with the youth!!!??

you dun have to guess my stand. i respect MM Lee. and i think it's worth having him in the politics.

i am just wondering... where are all those people who are talking behind the govt's back?? or all of you are leaving the youth to die in your place!

voting

you know what? i am actually concerned about the upcoming election. the main reason is that i have to vote.

*(a paragraph deleted in case my opinions are too obvious or onesided or affect other voters )* just in case lah...

so... ya.. i am concerned. i have to vote. must exercise the vote with conscience.

2nd thing. i wonder what happen Ang Mo Kio falls into the hands of opposition? i mean, what if? if the majority of PAP has won but Ang Mo Kio has lost, it reflects a great deal isn't it?

secret

i am going to post something which i dun know why can it be found out. nt sure if there's anything wrong with posting or not.. but well.. if I can derive... what's the secret? haha.. okok.. if i can found the person to derive...

How are Singapore IC Numbers calculated and produced? No,
they do not come randomly. There is a system, and I am going to show it
to you now.

Let's take this IC number as an example:

S8706407G

Firstly, what does S stand for?

And why are the babies born in 2000 onwards have the prefix “T”


Contrary to common perception, S does not stand for "Singapore"
and T is not used because they ran out of "S"s to use.

S is the 19th character of the alphabet, so this person is born in the
1900s.

What does "87" stand for, then?

Obviously, Singaporeans can observe from their own IC numbers that 87
would stand for the year the person is born, so this person is born in
1987.

The last 5 digits "06407" means that this person is the 6047th
baby to be born in the year 1987.

Finally, how does the letter G come about? Here is the answer.

First, the numbers are put through a weightape, which is the same for
every number:

Number	8	7	0	6	4	0	7
Weightape	2	7	6	5	4	3	2
Result	16	49	0	30	16	0	14	Sum: 125

So we have the number 125.

Divide 125 by 11

Answer: 11r4

11-4=7

Put the number 7 throught the conversion table:

Number	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	10	11
Letter	A	B	C	D	E	F	G	H	I	Z	J

Conversion Table

So you get the letter "G".

Ta-da! This is how the IC number S8706407G comes about.

P.S. This information does not apply to new IC numbers starting with
anything other than the letter "S".