of comms and ability

it's time of the near when the people all around are trying to secure people do production, chairmanship and all...

i was at first thinking of organising vbs.. but later, i kinda feel it weird to do so cos my heart attitude is erm.. i dun know if i am right to organise it. if i cannot even organise camps, why can i do vbs? somehow, i think i am not a good person to work with.

sndcc has been to a close.. thinking about myself, i guess i am not a good person to work with too. as usual it's my expression. in the end, my counterpart finds it hard to relate to me or maybe he dint even try to lah.. but the fact is, it shows that i am not an encouraging co-worker whom pple will find to talk to.

but yingying tries to find me for smb. according to her is becos of IT skills. i wonder how much am i over-rated.

tris asked me if i am interested in production. he's trying to find a producer. if he's going to be a producer, he says that he's confident in me to be one of his managing pple personnel. i wonder, how true.

cos back to sndcc, i nv get to convince pple. i dint get to push yip to do the lift upgrading project cos i tot it's too hard on him. i dint get to paint a nice colourful with shading banner cos they just simply dun believe that i can work with colours. or i just cant push them to higher standards. even my balloons decor was highly worried and doubted by paulene. yip was easily and conveniently saying that the number of balloons i have was not enough. it's not easy to do. and things like that.

sk was trying to find pple to chair flag. can see that he thinks ivan is of a calibre to do so.. he asked me bout it too but i guess he's not pinning much hope on me. =) pros and cons. it could be that i have rejected very plainly or i am just a side and peripheral.

back to vbs. in the sight of the Lord, it's when you think you are of nobody, then you are somebody to God. the humble spirit is necessary. i rethink bout my experience with the past few church stuffs. i am involved, as a convenient manpower i would think. that shouldn't be a wrong thing. why should i care about how pple see as long as i am willing to be of use to God. but the number of people in church, and the pool of people working together has kinda marginalised the type of things i am doing. just as chairing a com in hall, being the coordinator for vbs to me, the first and foremost impt thing is the people who will straightway support you and join you in the team.

when sndcc has ended... is there going to be a new comn to join? should i? oh ya.. sham radio, i forgot. i am supposed to be in it. okie.. i shall stay with it.

talking bout sham radio, i start o feel lousy bout my publicity. recent comns have kinda demolish my ideals about publicity. or maybe i should venture out for newer fields. maybe. so what's next? where does my abilities lies?