shao4 nian2 zao3 zhi1 chou2 zi1 wei4

okie.. it's really my fault. my fault for undermining him. i can simply be patient and tell him, go to the key press.. take out key 22 and open the drawer and search in it. okie.. it's me.
i am really not a good leader. i am always put in a situation for me to take control of situation.. and in the situation where they are really listening to me.. but, due to my inferiority, low esteem, or wrong attitude, i din't lead them to the right direction. feel bad.. i think it's better to be a winning member than a losing leader? erm.. crap..

ok.. yesterday.

i am baptized. finally. my mother was there. eugene is there too. =) and my baptism name is still ERNEST. there's no name better than that for me.. haha.. feel affirmed. and felt God's hand in my life. as well as His grace upon me. Praise the Lord.

then, go parkway with eugene. nice to see him. and talk to him.. it's really good to know that after long time of non-contacting, we can still talk. it isn't always the case for all..

jianfeng, he is also another OCS guy.. erm.. i mean officer. posted to 5SIR. he sounds weird. i mean it. althought that is my first time talking to him but he is really weird! he seems to be too, erm.. gentle to speak of. dun know lah. he gave me these passion of christ flyers from his church FCBC...! ^^?! oh i see. he's from FCBC... ..

shao4 nian2 zao3 zhi1 chou2 zi1 wei4. ~ last year.. i was workin hard. had 3 tuitions, 4 days a week. on top of my work in office. almost all of days i left home at 6 and return at 11.. these went on for 6 months, bout there.. i tot it was fine. i got the money and i tot i am helping with my family. until i realise that my mother was admitted into hospital, three days after her admission. !what kind of son am i? i knew things were out of balance and i start to gave my my tuitions.. though now i feel the pinch, esp when i am payin for my driving as well.. i think it was fortunate that i gave up some tuition. thinkin of taking up 1 more tuition to make it 2. i need it , need more income.. well. leave it to God.
what am i driving at? i thank God that at least my busy days is only for 6 months. heard from fen her experience.. and i concure with the phrase shao4 nian2 zao3 zhi1 chou2 zi1 wei4.her mum admitted to woodbridge. the yoke of family falls solely on her father. tution fee for uni? borrowed, yes SHE borrowed from relative, if not her friend. yes.. she borrowed it. impt thing is the lack of harmony in family. a family broken but held by ties. quarrels in family.. her deliberate attempt to stay away from home.. and maybe this kind of situation, is also erm... still acceptable? cos there are worse examples..

heard that yv family has a prob as well.! on the verge of a divorce.. nv expected that as well.. or maybe i am the pampered guy after all..

dix, burden by a debt to saf cos of his bond breakin.. he has to survive with meagre sum every month.. i often wonder how.. and i still dun know..

but i guess the a/m are still acceptable cases.. when i think of NKF stories. how life goes on for them..?

jf, born in yr 83, an excellent student, in studies and in sports, a eligible bachalor.. suffered from a stroke. and now is, erm.. no longer sporty.. is a tough change and tough thing to accept.

keeping all the a/m in mind, how much should i thank God. my health is fine, if i disregard my skin.. my physical uncomfort with my skin is better than Chris' debatics, jason's kidney damage, pj's serious ezcyma and of cos wong's deformities..

things in life.. nv certain..