back at 1

i want to go back.. to the days of my childhood. not because i am carefree. but back then, at least i know what i want. 

goals are so easy to set. simply getting the results or knowing friends etc...

now, i hesitate to pursue. 

i am taught not to pursue things transient. 

i am also taught to pursue things that are attractive. 

so much so that i am not deciding. i cannot even decide who to call or sms regularly. i cannot also decide where my allegiance should be. 

i need to decide.