2.3-liners ~

really wish to get to know people better, but still holding on to my introvert self.

ask people to guess my age.. and their guess? one score, min. and they feel that there's a G-gap between us, when i am in my teens still.

comtemplating to take my steriods again. but yet unwilling to fall back on drugs.

~let's see how it goes.. hope tmr will be fine. All be well, please~. tks.

imagine2.5 :: shot through the monitor

   imagine2.5 :: shot through the monitor read matthew's blog.. most specifically, his achives. read a few entries and i got a picture of matt. his writing reveals him. that is what a blog should be, to let pple know him. wish that i get to know him earlier.

he is another person, behaving like a passing traveller in this strange world.

bike hike ii

...0030hrs... arrived at ang mo kio. had a supper blangah by amos. (tks amos~) and talk talk till erm.. near 0200hrs....

during the talk, heard from amos bout his job, his first and past few job experience. it's an eye-opener for me who has not worked at all. and they con't to talk about motorbikes. oh man, they are all 2/3 years younger than me lor. and yet they are talkin bout something that i am still blur about. we do have different childhood.

they just finished their Os. and they are find jobs. that's another thing that i have never done so far. nv have the chance to find jobs. all of them are the type of people i see in camp. the type of people i haven't associate with before in vj/dhs.

0200hrs... on our way back to tampines.. along the way, an event i tot only exists in enid blyton stories happened. a cute little puppy is trapped in the drain. Joel, tried to rescue it out. after much tries, it came out. and it start to sniff its way around. it is really tempting to adopt cos it is really cute and we dun wish to leave it alone. it might just dash across the road and get killed. ~ well.. in the end, we have to leave it alone..

along old tampines road... my tyre punctured! oh man.. it is so saddening.. it is in the middle of old tampines. how? left the bike locked at a bus stop lor. and daniel rode me back~ believe me.. i am really feeling very guilty. furthermore, cos my bike is locked and i cannot find the key, the bike i used was tengyan's father's bike.! double guilt

reached tampines at ~0330hrs.. AMos said,"aiyah. that's how a bike hike can possibly turn out lor.. that is the fun. if you have taken a cab to fetch the bike back, there will be one man down. then it is not a bike hike liao.. if it happens to any other people, someone else will also rode him back home.. " ya.. i guess i dun know behave in big group of guys. i guess this is boyhood and how we behave when we play together as big boys.

(my childhood friends are all gals.. playing gal games.. haha.. grew up in pri sch to be "si wen" so dun play soccer etc.. results? the ernest today)

bike hike... FUN>

bike hike

after the bike hike, i wonder ... wonder what was the fun that i had. am i missing out some possible fun in life.


2045hrs. jiannan called and say, "ernest, sorry leh, i will be late cos my dad took my bike and i dun know where is he. pls tell them later when they gather at your block." gather at my blk? ok... so, quickly packed and turn up for the bike hike. my bag has: 1. spanner 2. catlight 3. masking tape 4.water bottle.

2110hrs. at my life lobby. tengyan shew up. followed by liang kiang, billy, joel and daniel. moved off to meet amos at the esso station (he's pumping his tyre). joelson turned up. after some "gear polishing" at uncle teck beng. we embarked on our journey. our journey to AnG Mo KiO.

2230hrs... a line of 8 cyclists moved off.. to tampines ave 7 to old tampines road, to hougang, and then to ang mo kio.. up and down the slopes.. what i can say is.. it is FUN.. the kind of fun you derived from a game of bball, run, etc..

0030hrs... arrived at ang mo kio. had a supper blangah by amos. (tks amos~) and talk talk till erm.. near 0200hrs.

---- knocked out.. still need to work one hour later---

Care Bear

Grumpy Bear You are always complaining about something, especially about always having to do all the work, and make the easiest things difficult. Your grumbling can go too far and really hurt those around you. Even though you can be hard to deal with, others like you anyways because you are mysteriously charming and cute when you're mad. You are good at fixing things and are willing to take on large tasks...with a little grumbling of course!

Take the Which Care Bear Are You? Quiz!

i guess i am grumbling too much. i agree. ehy~ it's time to get off your grumpy mood. "please ernest, get back to your friends. stop being a loner. you know you need your friends" but then again, there's something that i cannot leave behind. i guess it is that worthless pride or erm.. more accurately, just simply my stubornness. when will i learn. time to move on. but how?

hobbes

"Calvin sees Hobbes one way, and everyone else sees Hobbes another way. I show two versions of reality, and each makes complete sense to the participant who sees it. I think that's how life works. None of us sees the world in exactly the same way , and I just draw that literally in the strip. Hobbes is more about the subjective nature of reality that about dolls coming to life." --bill watterson

neo and mr anderson

The Matrix Revolutions i have finally watch this big-time movie. This must-catch movie. Watch it cos it's an event movie, also to end the trilogy. but after the movie, i dun seem to get much conclusions about the matrix. say that i am stupid but i just link up the info. i still cannot make sense out of it, though i have link up some info, using my imagination.

unfortunately for matrix, after reading reviews online, i have somehow concurred with their criticism. but still.. let's give revolution a thumb up for nice actions and graphics. i do enjoy its matrixian action. hehe..
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enough bout revolution.. talk bout work.. hmm.. all my cock-ups being tolerated so far.. dun know how many cock-ups can mrs seet from me. hope i can improve. dun wish to be black-listed. hehe.. also, i must really make use of mark while he's around to establish my working system, filing system etc.. ya.. that will really make my job easier. hehe..
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i know exams are going to be over... soon enough. all the best to them.. who are taking exams. and ya, i have decided to go for m'sia trip with my church. taking my off and leaves from dec 15-19. hehe.. finally a break.
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aLL the BeST tmR~ ernest, less cock-ups pls.. tks.

change of font

as mentioned, changed the font to something more pleasing. cos i got a headache reading my own blog. haha.. news update

...

guy albert
19/m/175, good looking, smart, eligible. in a relationships for around 4 years. he's sad. he thinks that his life is revolving around his gf and feels bad neglecting his friends. no one ask bout his relationships. hence he feels that his friends are not interested in his life. so, he spends more time with his gf, since that's the way other people would expect him to do.


guy bertrum
19/m/165. a normal guy who dun make the initial approach. reserved and shy. he feels that no one will likes him. so, he tries hard to know more friends, to go out with them. all these to drive his boredom away, all these to hid his desires to be atttached. he treats albert to be his good/best friend, and expect him to tell him bout his relationships automatically. however, albert din. hence he felt that albert wasn't treating him as his good friend. he wish that fred will know that he had hurt his feelings but without telling, fred knows nothing.
he dun say hi to dennis until dennis says hi. cos he always feels that other pple are more busy than him. his any attempt to say hi will cause them to be irritated.

gal cherly
18/f/160. single and available. found her senior to be quite cute. dreams of a romantic relationship to happen to her. she wishes that the senior she likes will approach her and ask her out. she wishes.
she would like to know bertrum better. but he appears to be more interested in his friends than her. so, she gave up the idea.

guy dennis
19/f/176. single. good looking, eligible. he seems to have all it takes to be good catch for all gals. he talks to gals and makes them happy. however, he longs for a girl who will love him truely. but he dun know who is that girl. he wish that a girl will tell him that she likes him. however, most of the gals think that he's already attached so he's too good a catch.
one day, he feels that he's always the saying hi to pple first. he feels that he is not "highly demanded by his friends"

gal eunice
19/f/165. single. reserved. she wishes for someone to love her dearly. but pple thinks that she is too cold to approach.

guy fred
19/m/170. single. typical guy who is capable of playing games and games alone to spend the weekend. has friends. he feels that guy friendship is something like a brotherhood, once a friend, always a friend. one day, he said something which hurts his friend, bertrum, a lot. being a straightforth person, he thought that over time, those indeliberate comments will not hurt their friendship. however, bertrum is grudging against him.

not a good day.

bad day.. mistakes everywhere... wrong leave calculation, wrong budget planning, WRONG RO... (tat's the bad, cos the day ended with a mistake.)

when driving, engine stalls, frequently!

when playing gunbound, kanna whacked heavily and yet i have no means to fight back.. quite shi bai. sigh..

feel so useless. ~

PJ/now called Nelson, called me to watch movie. reallly quite surprised lor.. i mean i dun expect him to contact me after he ORD. maybe cos both of us got similar skin prob. mutual sympathy. tmr is friday, finally. not that i am lookin forward an exciting weekend(cos i dun think i will have one). but i am just happy that the week has ended.

the year is ending, it's kinda scary to me. cos i have yet to sit down and forecast what's coming. i dun like to cross the year unknowingly, without expectation/resolutions.

end of year also means more work. i haven't done much of my work lor, most of the time i am doing Maj Lim's stuffs... good or bad? i dun know. i need more time/ erm.. i think i need a better brain. haha.. okok..

enough of my pessimistic, self-pity, disappointing, bo liao mentality. let me, as usual, pray that tmr will be fine. ~ tks.

i dun know

i used to think that it is cool just to write to myself. now, i find it sad if no one is listening to me. it's so complicated. i dun know what to write. if this is meant to be read, i will have reservations. if this is meant to be private, (as mentioned) i will it pathetic to write. cos it means that i am really a loner.

i am so sian. finding something else to concentrate now. game. ya. see if it helps.
a game..

sidenote: i think i am too busy in office. causing me to lose friends like seetoo. should try to be gilat and yet friendly to all. sigh.. see how lah. hope all be well.!~

dee y dee x = 0, dee2y deex^2 >0

i hate it when my skin conditions get bad. really. i lose what it takes to even have the confidence to say hi, to acquantiance, to frens to fren-to-be, to pple i like, to people i am fond of, to people. i cannot help it but to tie my emotional quotient to my skin condition. if i look normal, i must say i can considered to be more or less extrovert, or at least proactive enough to INitiate a hi. but now, at this present moment, i feel so queer, so low to speak. i dun wish to scare people or shock my friends with my skin.

jus when i have this hype bout bike hiking and some talks about going overseas for a while, i am hitting my minimum curve of my emotional quotient. i cannot go out and have fun with my attitude problem self/hermit/sianz self.

i just feel that i have lost so many possible things in life. really. when i just got to know wanting, i dun dare to ask her out often, cos i also know that she's kinda scared of me.

i can stilll remember that day when eugene was commenting bout my flakes in his house. well, i know he doesn't mean it. but it just shuo zhong wo de si xue. .

haven been out with weiming etc, cos i have kinda avoid going out. i dun know. i seems to be self-pitying myself too much. i unintentionally turning down invitations to go out during weekends. i know i am putting a strain on our 7 years friendship.. but i just cannot get myself up. haven't met them for weeks.. i know this is not what i want but how am i going to get myself up??

s46? not going out with them as well. the gals are studying. and i am so called more close to them in class. so? that left me with no one to go out as well..

taking the effort to count, i seems to have few friends. argh..

i see myself falling into another pit hole. i am drowning myself with work. i am working so damn hard that i think if i dun stop, i will soon be grouchy and short tempered in office soon. freak.. what's becoming of me.!

"love thy job, not thy company. cos u knoweth not the time thy company loveth your not."
heard from 933 today that the more u worked overtime, the more mistakes you make, the more time you have to put in to rectify your mistakes. and that puts u in a more tiring enviornment. you will find fault in your colleagues cos you think you are working harder than all of them. i better take heed in the advise. i dun wan to be grouchy person. i dun wan.

i hope my gradient is positive. i wish that i am getting out of this trough..

network marketing

PJ, or should i call him Nelson now, brought me to a network marketing talk. well, it's an opportunity to know bout this long-talked about network market. yes, it does sound good. and to me, i do believe that it is not a fraud. it is definitely tempting to try. i also wan to drive a BM in my twenties. i also wish to draw a five-digit monthly salary it is a way to make ur way up, provided that you have what it takes and work hard in your initial stage. but i dun think i am suitable for the job. i cannot bring myself to introduce this scheme/product to my friends and family. i cannot bring myself to be positive, extrovert and sale-motivated. i cannot bring myself to break from the flow, the flow which tells me to get a stable-income job, 8 to 5. anyway, this is not the first time being introduced to NM. weixiong talked to me before. i just dun think that i can make it big in this NM.

yes, i know i can change my mindset. and i know they will say they can provide me with the training, the skills relevant and the help that i need. but i am resistant about the idea. i dun like them. they talk as if they are 100% right and that this is the way i am supposed to live my life. all the crap about studying and getting a normal job isn't a way to live, in fact that kind of life is being trapped in the matrix, unknowingly being tapped for energy by the society, govt etc. it seems that to take part of NM, is like taking the red pill which allows me to wake up and know what's going on actually. i don;t like that idea.

i dun like the idea to to be motivated by points. it will be an "idol". it will be against the commandmant that we should have God in top priority. of cos, with the correct adjustment to the mindset, there's nothing wrong participate in NM. however, i am not ready. not ready to be an extrovert. not ready to be active.

my skin condition is getting worse again. i am quite fed up. coincidentally, my med review is in this month. i am so tempted to take oral corticosteriods but that will simply masked my actualy conditions. and seriously i dun trust my MO to be empthatic about my condition. really hope that they can perm my pes status,.. it will take a bother off my mind. see how lor..

originally, i should be watching matrix revolution today. plan failed.

mrs seet will not be around for three days. oh, then i have to see wendy's take the feather and treat it like a authority sword.. haha.. cannot stand her.. gladfully, i am not taking any orders from her.. i will jus do my own thing. but i am more bothered about maj lim.. cos i think i lose, or misplaced his map. he's lookin for it in the morning and i am not in office. sigh.. lose points liao.. sigh. how to survive till 2005!

tmr is sunday. hope all be well..~

lwe

oooh. so glad that there is longweekend tmr. i am really quite tired. the moment i have the thoughts that there are things in office waiting for me, i really shrugged a bit. i guess i haven't have a proper system. will be more efficient soon. hope so lah..

now, that i have time to sleep, and money to spend (just got my pay, my last pay), i am looking forward to a weekend eventful. events can include sleeping, resting and talking. will be meeting PJ at eunos for his job search. seriously, i am quite surprised when he called. really no connections with him one lor.. why he call me har?? why? haha. see what happens tmr lor..

"when a man is single, he's incomplete; when he is married, he's finished."

work...

mrs seet is on leave soon, and i dun think i will be covering her like
wat maj lim is saying. i am just not zai enough act solo. that's good..
that's bad too. see how i look at it lor. honestly, the ideal scenerio is i am
busy, yet i can cope. that will be far better than, doing lotsa work and screwed
them up; or doing nothing and getting more useless. haha.

gilbert came back today to teach teach wilfred his jobscope.
everything taught in one day. haha.. i guess it is adequate. hands-on is the
best teacher.

one happy thing: i pass my advance theory. lookin forward
to my practical test. hehe. although my driving lessons have been progressing
slowly and unsteadily. i still wishfully, hopefully, pray tat i can pass my
driving ASAP. haha.. wait for miracle! :)

wilfred seems to be nice guy. at least he isn't a loner,
AP guy or watever. hopefully we can will work happily till 2005`! WOW..
that's so far.. and i am still counting down.

busy...

i am really getting busy. guess mainly becoz i dun have my system to work yet. i need more wisdom deriving my own monitoring charts, working procedures and calculation techniques. and since the year is ending, i am foreseeing many job coming up. how? must try to perform better. not for anyone, but mainly for myself. i need to assure myself that i am capable.

yes. i will wan to be chem engineer. i have no other available courses for me. i will make it thru uni.. ya. especially after knowing heng rui, that nsman who is a chem engineer.

my skin is flaking again... quite sad bout it. as i have always say, my skin condition does directly affect my emotions and confidence. i should be more discipline in my skin care and everything.

realised that i am always writing in bits and pieces. i am "scribbling" ramdom thoughts.

will target to learn dreamweaver and fireworks. think they are really cool tools. hehe.

left with biodata

except for my biodata, i guess my webpage ver 1.0 is almost done. i think i will con;t with my ver2.0 soon. cos i think ver1.0 really cannot make it.> !hha..a will try to create something more, erm.. attractive. ya.

today is another day in camp. raizal signed the RO today! haha.. can imagine the strength of the office today right?? a CPL signing for a MAJ. haah.. joke!~

that chem engineer is back for his ICT again! din expect to see him so soon. think he is quite a nice aim for me. i am kinda looking forward to be like him, he appears to be nice to me... chem engineer... will i be like him one day>? will i be a chem engineer ?

he's studying CFA, dunknow what's that. all i know is that he is readin this hateful, woeful econs text~~@. maybe i should have really put in more effort in my econs last time. ~

hopefully tmr will be feng ping lang jing. hopefully.~

wat 'm i like?

Your sign is that of witty Gemini, the third sign of the zodiac, the sign that is characterized by communication. Geminis are very intellectual individuals, and are forever interested in broadening their horizon - they are eternal students!

Mercury, the planet of communication, rules your sign, and makes you an articulate and versatile person. You are outgoing and sociable, and due to your lively attitude, you are the born entertainer. Clever and ingenious, you usually get what you want with your charm and wit.

First of the three air signs, you are a dexterous, multifaceted, and flexible individual. As the most diverse and eloquent sign of the zodiac, you crave mental stimulation above all. Your curiosity, combined with your ability to synthesize information, makes you the messenger of knowledge and information.

As a Gemini, you rule the third house, the sector of your chart that describes how you perceive, process, and communicate facts. It also has to do with short journeys, siblings, neighbors, and anything within arm's reach.

Your sign is a mutable sign, responsible for keeping information flowing. You are gifted in adapting to situations and making compromises. Of all the zodiac signs, you are the peacemaker and troubleshooter who actively finds solutions to tricky situations.

Your strengths, dear Gemini, lie in your cleverness, inquisitiveness, and openness to exploring new ideas. Once you have found something that interests you, you proceed with logic and scientific precision. However, as soon as you've consumed a subject, you are also able to switch your focus to a new topic. With your naturally practical and skilled approach, you excel in whatever you put your mind to.

One of your main weaknesses is that you can be shallow and hypocritical in your dealings with others. You can confuse people with your unpredictability and cynical attitude, and they might not trust you completely. Since your brain works so quickly, you tend to be nervous, restless, and anxious, which sometimes leaves you highly irritated.

gemini's personalilities also flatters me. and i do think it is very true, for all other geminis except me. why har?? i seems to be a wrong breed. a misfit in all catagories..

maybe what i can do now, is to psycho myself into believing the above description and behave as mentioned. hopefully i am really outgoing and sociable.

one sat Day

one whole sat at home. not too bad. at least i get to sleep a lot and stay away from the outside hostile environment. actually, the weather is not too bad. it's cooling and has been raining quite a bit. think the raining season is here.

i tot i will be going clubbing yesterday. but dun know why roy yiwei fen din call. dun know what's happening. i sense that i am much drifted from them, even royston. why?? am i really retreating into my own den too much. or is my attitude so bad that i am to be left out? no matter what.. it's my choice, i have to accept it.

i think i will take quite, erm.. i mean a long time before getting hold of flash programme. i will start my photo album soon using plain html. have to suit the circumstances dun we/? before i can start, i have to get back my photo cd ! have to arrange a time with jiwei to get back the cd.

i am moving into a state where by dee y dee x equals to zero. waiting for something in life to happen, something positive, and good. "_,) !!