totally philosophical

i am totally philosophical today. once, someone said this to me, "ernest, you do think and i am worried. because either you will cling strong to God or you will depart one day... "

doubts assail, and often we wonder if we are still on the strait and narrow road. it was easy to keep to the strait road when you haven gotten on the highway. however the times comes you are walking on the strait road with the broad way just beside you... it's difficult.

when you realise that the narrow road has so few companions, you wonder if you are leading to 'destruction' alone.. it is again difficult when you see people leaving path you are taking, and worse still, the companions you have along this small path seemed to be in another world.

sometimes i wonder, if i am switching paths too often. somehow, unable to lay roots into the ground that i tread on. through the years, being quiet and introvert, concealing behind a veil, somehow has not allowed me to be comfortable with a zone. yesh, i think it's a mistake made. i have change my playground too often. seeking consolences in new group every too often. leaving a group when it gets too comfortably close or when i 'think and feel' that that group is too impregnable. from an outsider perspective, i really term it as a loser mentality.

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went to pasar malam and nowadays, there's always a person sitting at the table telling pple about fortune telling using a mic. things like if your forefinger is longer than your ring finger, you are what what what... and many will crowd around. it's like listening to gospel truth. why? why do they easily , or me even, easily drawn to such teaching?

sometimes, deejays will console their callers with wise quotations from the books of ancient wisdom e.g. sun tze bing fa, buddha says and pple listen as tho they are precious pearls of wisdom. but i wonder if bible quotes are used to console pple over the radio, uproar will occur.. maybe.

it's all foretold, that His Name is despised by people... sadly.

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there's a five year challenge by u.john.. in five years' time, will you still find yourself in church. by God's grace i am in the 3rd year.. will i made it?

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this entry is so grey... i felt it too.. feeling it right at this moment.

if there's one thing i wish to be right now, is to be able to play hard and work harder.