vjc 01S46

::far away from the main crowd again.. tho efforts been made to move closer..

long time ago, i thought i was a class person... like to have a class. that's why i like dhssec2h so much. later.. in year 1 jc, i guess i am more or less bout the same. jc2 start to withdraw a bit.. now in uni.. i have a class too.. haha.. dun know what kind of friendship will be forged this time.

still.. have to thank jevon for organising a class outing on 28th aug. he's going to france.. quite cool hor. it seemed to be greener on the other side but yesh.. still telling myself that God is good to me.

miracle change

i need it.. soon, i will take my bath and finsih my tutorial early and start my Friday with a bubbly ernest. yeah.. (Proverbs 18:24: A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.) start to step our of my self fulfilling prophecy.. start to get happening. make a choice. this is the day.=)

relying on God.

i really thank God for my A levels results.. the As are really so erm.. unimaginable. it must be Him. but also because that i really believe that the As comes from God, i have little faith and truly think that my results and abilities cannot match up to my classmates..

but wait.. that's very wrong.. if i know that God is so good to me and will be with me.. why do i even doubt my ability to complete and do well enough??

Romans 8:31 What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?

taiwan trip sending off

acutally, i should be grateful to the Lord, for giving me so many friends. and the following are the pple who came to send me off before my Ex Highnoon in taiwan. =) yeap, finally gotten the photos from lime.. =)




in all things, thank God

my room..

that's my room...

..i ask myself, what will i be?

ernest: i still feel very sian about myself. for not knowing what i want in hall.. involvement for just a place to stay..

ernest: well.. in the end, my half-heartedness cause me not gettig it i guess..

ernest: i am glad, at the same time, wondering what's next for me..

finally settling down..i hope says:
i understand wat u feel

finally settling down..i hope says:
i am prob feelin the same thing, rrealli

deprived of bloggin..

ernest: http://msncheck.41m.com change your msn nick... anyway, it's reallie surprising to know who have deleted me!! says:
i still feel very sian about myself. for not knowing what i want in hall.. involvement for just a place to stay..
ernest: http://msncheck.41m.com change your msn nick... anyway, it's reallie surprising to know who have deleted me!! says:
well.. in the end, my half-heartedness cause me not gettig it i guess..
ernest: http://msncheck.41m.com change your msn nick... anyway, it's reallie surprising to know who have deleted me!! says:
i am glad, at the same time, wondering what's next for me..
finally settling down..i hope says:
i understand wat u feel
finally settling down..i hope says:
i am prob feelin the same thing, rrealli

good and bad things so far..

which do you prefer? to ask someone for a date but being turned down? or being declined gently? or accepted your invite quite not enthusiatically? well.. asking someone out has been quite a difficult thing for me.. tho it's for standard stuffs and nth more than platonic is involved but kinda sad when you realise that you cannot get a date. anyway, asked faith and erm.. yeap got it.. in the 3rd manner.

which do you prefer? during a mass truth session, when the girls are asked about the most cute/yandao blah freshie guys... you name isn't called? your name is called out as the majority (which means it's a template decided by them to save the trouble to saying the truth.. )? clement is the choice for the seniors.. he's really quite enthu, funky and humourous.. so.. would you like to be called out as the template for juniors? i dun know..

initiation was fun.. with all the gross stuffs and water and ice.. guess i am just deprived of such experience in sec sch.. cos i din't join those kind of cca. =) right at this moment, they are playing touch rugby and soccer in the mpsh.. which obviously i find it difficult to join..

the following is the list of things "complained".. not becos i am not satisfied with God's arrangement for me but a list to note so that next time (hopefully soon enough) i can know and realise His ways are indeed higher and His plan is the best..

my room is at level 4 (ground floor) and it;s along the corridor which everyone from block E (not my block, my block is block D) will walk pass.. so, when i practice the open-door policy, i cannot help it but being irritated by the passing by block E-kers.. so, dun open door, appear to be anti..

hmm.. actually, not much to write about complainings.. let me share some testimony..

kent ridge is my first choice and i got shears .. now, feedback tells me that kentridge has more politics and the points are not transparent. and also, same level of activity in kentridge will earn half the points as compared to shears (according to eunice)

i am in block D (which has no chem engin pple, pple whom i know like zeming, joel, leonard eunice are all not in this block). then i realise that this block is a cultural block (not very sports type.. so, i guess i am more comfy in this block as compared to other blocks..

no friends in sheares from the start.. but now.. i guess, erm.. i am being trained to make friends. tho i think i have made any, but i know God will bring some to me (cos i've prayed bout it)

chem engin is siong.. not only the workload but the competition.. the whole year 1 are limited to take 20 MC in this sem.. but somehow, chem engin pple can take 25.! so... almost all took 6 modules this sem.. almost.. and of cos i followed suit. hah..

actually, i just wish to have more companions, friends, and of cos, ability to study well enough.. =)

why can't i be more firm!!!!!!!

gabriel says take 6 is right.. then i want to take 6
when i see pple have 4 day week, i also want to have 4 day week..
when i see weilun taking 5, i advise him take 6..
senior class advise 6, i try to bid for my 6th..
when i am bidding, i din't monitor.. trying to leave it for God to decide.
when i din't get the module, i take it as God's will..
but now weilun has his 6th module and i start to gabra-ah..
jeff taking 5? bernard dun know what..
so,?? am i supposed to take 6 or 5?? i think i am quite slack this sem.. wat shux.. slack also cannot, siong also cannot.. wat am i doing??

take special term lah.. wat the..

the joy and confidence...

i was playing sepak takraw with gabriel, mark, william/julian (dun know what's his name), zhihan (he's good), lip hon, matthew..

well, my legs were tired, not from playing but from standing around being a vase.. yesh.. typical ernest in a sports game and wonder why did i join them in the first place.. i guess i am tryin hard to try playing.. the problem with most pple is that they dun even try.. okie.. i am referring to myself.. i dun even try to play sports..

i dun want and dun wish to present a super low confidence ernest in this blog but i just cant feel confident about things.. and about myself.. that's wrong.. there's smth that gives me joy and confidence cos the Lord is with me.

Romans 8:31 What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?

there's should be nth to fear when God is with me.. isn't it?

confidence

anyway, i have a problem.. well.. i always say that..

but i guess i just cannot appear to be confident enough.. as a result, not suitable to do the thigns that i like best.. influencing pple. and i am always so not confident that i cannot perform till the end..

well. that me i guess.

nus, sheares hall

here's an update about myself after reading lingqin's. erm.. i know going back to school is quite normal to many but definitely not to me for i go back to school with a lot of uncertainties, questions and blurness.. haha..

i am taking 5 modules this sem. (cos i dun dare to try 6 on my first attempt and too many uncertainties.. ) tho i wish to take 6 modules, i dun know which is the 6th module i should be taking.. have to spend more time praying before making decision..

1. EG1413
2. MA1505
3. PC1431
4. FN1001
5. GEM????

okie.. shant talk in language unknnown haaha. (1 Cor 14.. hehehe) they are critical thinkning and writing (ENglish) maths (i am worried for my maths sux now.. hh and bh can testify for that) and physics (!! ) Chemical perspective of our atmosphere, and Financial Accounting.! (wow.. it's my personal choice.. so i better like it.. =)

realise that time is really not enough.. and i seriously need to think about what are my invariable meetings and priorities.. mon night class, tue pm, or fri fcm? i really dun know if i can go for all 3.. okie.. actually fri fcm is out cos my lesson ends at 8 that day.. maybe will go after 8.. so.. what about cca? i dun know.. pple are talking about resume and doing the most in nus cos you wun have that chance next time.. talking having exciting experience with productions and all.. so.. what do i want/? make a difference? or to be different? playing sports in hall? how sports can i play maN?? nth.. ! so join committees? was helping with rag (float making) and i realise i kinda get pretty useless at times.. wish i am a designer, but i dun seem to be doing well.. so? dun know.. pretty sad to remain amatuerish all the while.. drama? skin is holding me back.. in fact, i guess i am inactive most of the time with skin as my convenient excuse .. talking bout sports and stuffs..

so.. what am i worrying bout? erm.. i hope that i know what's for me and what do i really want in uni.. exciting hostel life, how involved should i be in the hostel? good grades? know friends? i dun know.. you know.. i feel very guilty whenever i feel lost or sad or not cheery or become worrisome.. cos i should be a happy guy whose trust is in the Lord, who has created heaven and earth.. why should i worry!! When i can drill that fact into me and stop worrying..???

so.. school is starting this coming monday.. wow.. how exciting.. oh ya.. my mon ends at 9.. i mean 9 am. so.. hhaahha. wonder if it's good or bad..

may God help me and help us to know His will for us.. =)

bidding...

okie.. got a lot of problems including dun know what modules to take.. it's about managerial economics or my gem (chemical atmosphere)...

why am i so concerned? becos i can only take one science gem.. i am treasuring it.!! i dun wish to rush into it.. where as i can take more biz modules next time since i am going to minor in ba.. ya.. so.. dun know lah..

now, i hope that i can bid the gem with ONE point.. have to monitor to make sure it's one point... if not i wun not be willing to drop and try for my managerial econs with will be open for bidding only in the next round..

so.. it's bout ONE point..

weiliang was saying.. we are so concerned to bid with ONE point.. so.. just one point.. !

diff pple diff styles

i guess i have to argue about it and pen it down (which is typical of type A).

yes, often type A is referred to the not street-smart, full of brain-knowledge and unable to cut corners at appropriate times. was in the van with amos and nick and they were talking about how this type of pple can't make good officers in army or have weird inappropriate handling techniques.

so what's their arguement? often type P are the one who can arrive at the final stage, skipping the intermediate steps (which deemed unnecessary to them) and achieving the same end-product. a far-fetch example and typical illustration: on the way back from marina in bp's car, ty (a typical type P), as usual, not wearing seatbelt, but hurried to put on one when a QX appear from behind.

end-result: not caught by QX. (achieved)
intermediate steps: wearing seatbelt (not done)

apparently, it's a well-done action, complimented by the alertness (typical of type P) and tactical actions (demostrated by type P), and the end result is still attained. but so what? yes, the intermediate steps aren't impt and can be skipped but is it true? and it can only be proven untrue when it's all too late.

so, what's going on in army? losing of equipments.. SAF1206? is that a bad choice and rigid manner to solve the loss? or G219, eliminating the cost burdened by the poor soldier but taxing the overall accounting dept and qm? being-people oriented may use G219, and hence, solving issues with human techniques, but imposing SAF1206 doesn't mean that it's not right.. there's so called responsibilty instilling process involved. okay.. this is still not a good example. but the idea is.. watever methods of solving, it's not about Can make it or Cannot make it.. it's just different.

leaving for hostel

will be checking in tonight.. that cause me to skip the first day of orientation. well. i hope i will not miss too much.

you know. in a sense, i feel that i have become stronger in the Lord. many 'solo' decisions i have made (skipping ice-breaking for orientation cos it's on Sun), leaving it to God when it comes to friends and companions and boldly staying into hostel when there's none i know in sheares. have this comfort that my Lord, God will take care of me. maybe thigns will turn out bad and awful but due to this worry prompt me to pray harder. and yes, i covet for prayers from friends now.

great reminder from amos, that is to believe..

where am i heading to?

我很在意自己是否一直的作为都是一厢情愿的。我们的小报刊就要出版了.这时,据说,我们的共同杰作,所以应该,可以,动员上下参与制作.这么说来,如果有个制作,从头到尾都不被考虑需要全体的贡献,那...会是某些人的一厢情愿吗? 可能有些人会说我想太多，不过，曾发生过的是让我无法不怀疑自己的存在/认可. 如果再一次发生争议性的事件,在我未能辩解说明之前,是否会有人主动地站在我的立场相呢?

one more task

one more to go. .. . W.A.T.C.H..

acutally .. 1.5 to go.. cos alan's is half-done.

actually, 2 more to go.. cos need to prepare tabernaclebpc.com.. ya.. completing.. haha

5 people you meet in heaven.

finished reading the book yesterday. and yes.. this will add on to my list of completed things before the start of my NUS term. set myself to read it before the end of my hols so that i can move on to Da Vinci Code.. but i guess i have to postpone my Da Vinci until much later. =)

dun find this book as edifying as the previous one (tuesday with Morie).. but have the following to share.

in the book, God appear quite a few times, mainly appearing as a Being in control in His own time allow the things to happen for some reason or another. So, this author has this idea of God and supreme Being... but as it is with a lot of other pple, the characteristics of God in the book is humanized and not reveled by God Himself. there's a revelation from God Himself thru the Bible, wun you believe?

the book is still overall quite simply written with adequate engaging factors (finding out who are the 5 pple).. but the ending is surprising more inspiring than the content. it finishes wiht a good note, somehow. =)

checked in to sheares.. it's a small place. =) thank lime and mee2 for accompanying me.. i guess i will be much less entertained without them..

giving myself in to questions again

i am feeling very guilty. and i am not happy with the following yet unable to get myself out of the situation.

i think i am asking too much from others about me. too self-centred. i wish there's more that pple can see in me. vain glory and vanity in action.

sometimes i just dun understand (okie, i understand but cannot accept). why do people like pple who are a little bad. like jokes that are a little dirty. like to pass remarks that are a bit cynical. hanging out with pple conversing with witty quotes (sarcastic quotes to be exact). more often than not, it's the choleric type of pple which gets things. like hitler and pol pot. but why>? arent they considered to be bad pple and yet they can have influence. FJ. really FJ.

opinions shared are always more valuable than hidden thoughts. even when the thoughts are worthy ideas.

felt envious when pple shared bout the "henious" and yet exciting things they do as friends, with their gang/clique. 君子之交淡如水. that's what i will use to delude myself. (Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; 1Cor 13:8)

friends, playing impt role in our lives. but they come and go. can i identify anyone coming in my direction? (Proverbs 18:24: A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.)

talking to josiah

after talking to him, i realised that we are sharing similar trouble. it's thru God's restraining love that i am still in church. it's my bro that is keeping me in church. how ironical.

doubts about us being able to be tennis players.. maybe it's not the game for us in the very first place. had that struggle. shared with one one person so far.. cannot bring myself to talk bout it..