i ask my mother... what will i be?

when i was a little a boy, i asked my mother what will i be? will i be handsome? will i be rich? this's what she said to me...

what ever will be, will be.

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back in dhs we spend time learning how to be leaders and even to understand pple. yeap for a period of time i tot that there are indeed different type of leaders around and i belong to this type and he belongs to that. and we have different kind of pple around us and hence we motivate and 'lure' them differently..

ideally, i will be the one who works with the rest, and use subtle words, to let opinions and suggestions be carried out (even if that's not my success formula), and to blend in with the team, gently leading them to the direction required. to accept the burden and shoulder the blame for the rest of the team to grow and learn, to experience and to understand. that i will still be in background, be that insignificant helm, small and out of sight, yet contributing to the journey.
or so i thought.

somehow i think those are just rubbish. cos it seems that human beings are just creatures that only respond to choleric approach. and they will rather run with the choleric into the deep waters than to float with the gentle flow to the harbour. felt that being insertive is the only ways to get heard. felt so unfulfilling.
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i have this prob. that is to covet for all the stages of life. wish to be a kid that the kids will look up to. to be an adult that is taken care of. i crave over the situation pple are in which i have experienced it when i was much younger than they are. i have this problem of being attention seeking. bad bad bad.

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i have this problem of stagnant knowledge.. and i need to acquire more to keep myself entertained. argh!!!

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i have a prob, which is having too many problems.