thoughts

"it is hard to let go of the Past if you have not learnt from the past.. as soon as you learn, and let go, you improve the present.."

it seemed to have cast some light to my thoughts and sadness.. but, it's still not easy to do..

today, so chatted with some pple on msn.. suddenly realised that i dun like pple who enforce their apparent understanding on thigns and insert comments when it's just opinions.. i dun like imposing people.. yeah.. guess i jus found out.. but then again.. am i one of them? erm.. i think i have been tryin to be courteous and modest in askin favours.. but have i changed? yeap.. a bit. i think i have caught the disease of having erm.. so called green eyes. i longed for the relationship and closeness whereby things can be taken for granted.. but i have failed to be firmed on what i have believed last time --"farmilarity breeds contempt"..

think i have been refraining myself from blogging randomly for a period of time.. but heck it.. shall con't to write my senseless thoughts even before i move this blog..

today's prayer mtg's sharing by uj is very good.. i felt it.. felt God's constant remainder to ask me to be fervent in Him and not to be the tares, the evil figs, the unprepared virgins.. i think tues' prayer mtg sharing are all very appropriate for me.. it's short and sufficient.. like a daily devotion with a radio help.. often push me to deep thoughts and ponder..

in a daze today.. thinkin bout things which i can't pt to them.. acutally i can lah.. but not going to count them.. it's all erm.. senseless tings.. thinkin that i am alwyas at the wrong place, at the wrong time, wnating the wrong things from wrong pple.. school is starting, and will i be having a group of freinds in school?? will i be involed in nus?/ can i? i can bear to distant myself from shomerim?? but in the first place, many shomerims are distancing themselves.. and am i even close enough to anyone? trying to.. i guess?/ xiuyi, having friends and valuing them above many.. nth wrong to have friends, but i guess one day she will find that secular friends can not provide for her spiritual needs... i guess that is what i am thinkin bout.. find pple edifying and keepin in the faith.. but realli ?/ am i lookin for such pple? or am i more bout fun and people/?

i am not breakin down.. i am jus havin a lot of thoughts, just that they are penned down in words and they are written in this haphazard manner..

anyway, nick commented that the twins are exceptionally stress for sch kids. sec school should be fun and enjoyable.. but somehow, i can and i always think that it's very normal for the twins to be like that.. maybe somewhat my sec sch experience are similar..

thinkin back, ..
filled with revolutions, with mr yue trying to pit against mr kiw's pt of view.. and the whole thing bout prefects moving in two directions (baisheng in the firm stand of doing things right. and some pple doing things rightfully.. ) caught in between many projects in sec 1 (having 1 project for each subject.. !) especially enjoyed the history project (requiring us to collect data and surverys and fieldtrip in sec 1.. fun=)~!! each hols are filled to the max, one week of prefects camp, one week of orientation, one week for pri sch leaders' camp, one week for NACLI? youth challenge? or OBS . blah.. numerous chalets and outings and performances to attend to ... 12 gold medals from the cca groups.. throughout the year attending the gold medalist concerts.. yeap,.. thinkin back, it;'s fun to attend concerts.. and my friends are up there.. and towards the last years.. school trying to shape , i mean to re-shape their values.. to compete with top schools.. duh.. so competitive and commericial. mr yue trying to change the values of the school, blah blah.. power to the students.. and in the end? he left dunman and be the principal for chung cheng.. felt that dhs became a sacrifice for his acoomplishment.. but well. well.. that's not true.. cos no one can say what is right?? to change or not to change.. perception is different..

and yes.. so, i think have been 'stressed' with projects.. results, streams, programmes and catogory.. watever, but i guess the stress are there not as stress but part of the programme.. all will survive.. it's just erm.. part of the spices for us to look back and will realise that the spices acutally don't hurt and maybe we din't even remember the taste of the spices.. but will instead, be content and satisfied with the marvelous dishes we have eaten..

back to what do i want?/ erm.. i want to know what's ahead of me.. but i know i can't, so i hope to be submissive and be comforted and can be comforted by the fact that , i can be in His will.. and He will take care of me.. not easy.. struggling..